Ore No Nounai Sentakushi Ga Gakuen Love Comedy Wo Zenryoku De Jama Shiteru

July 6, 2014

Before proceeding to do anything, please choose: 1) Continue reading this blog; 2) Strip naked and run down the street while yelling out loud you are a perverted paedophile. Haha! So what will it be? Ah yes. Life is a series of choices. That is the main motto and subject of what NouKome is about. Or if you rather know its ridiculously long name, Ore No Nounai Sentakushi Ga Gakuen Love Comedy Wo Zenryoku De Jama Shiteru. Feels like a joke, right? Every day whether we know it or not, we make decisions and choices. It is those decisions that lead to certain results and outcomes. Some dully normal and some totally ridiculous. But the important thing is, we made our decision. Yes, we have chosen out of all the probably choices we thought there is to be. I’m sure that many of us will experience times when we are forced to make a decision in less than desirable situations. Now, what happens if you have to do that many times and there are no two ways about it? This is what this comedy series is about. A boy who is forced to make silly to the point of embarrassing choices thanks to some unexplained curse. Otherwise, his brain will start to hurt so bad that burning in the flames of hell would look like child’s play. Serious. Because he is not a masochist, he is forced to choose. Either way, he is screwed. How can he go on living like that? So if you love to see how his life gets screwed up every moment while maintaining his sanity, 1) Continue watching his absurd anime; 2) Write a complain to the producers but in the mean time you have to strip naked and run down the street while yelling out you are a perverted paedophile.

Episode 1
Kanade Amakusa sees a porn magazine at the park and tries to restrain himself to pick it up. The wind blows the pages so it’s a ‘victory’ for him. Suddenly he is forced to make a choice of either press the magazine against his face and smell it or eat it. If he does neither, the pain in his head will not go away. And so he chooses the first option. A couple of kids see this and label him a virgin pervert. As he explains to us, he has this strange phenomenon called Absolute Choices whereby he is forced to pick one of the two choices. We are glimpsed a few examples of history makers and famous people that the choice they made led them to something successful or as we know it like Edison’s light bulb and Einstein’s E=mc2 . Life is a series of choices so it’s no different for Kanade who has to put up with Furano Yukihira’s bug jokes because she read her forecast she is going to have a disaster with bugs and thought she would do some reverse psychology making a joke out of it. Then it’s Absolute Choices again. Touch her boobs or let her touch his. WTF. The second one. Everyone heard. I think Furano just wants to keep talking about boobies. All the other girls start guarding theirs. Kanade is glad Furano is a weirdo because he would never have made it out alive if it was others. The choices continue… Touch her boobies or let her touch his. The second one. Furano loses interest and doesn’t want to talk to someone who uses obscene words. Ouka Yuouji jumps into class through the window. How did she? This is the second floor! Seems she has to sneak in because she brought lots of prohibited stuffs. As the daughter of the UOG conglomerate’s CEO, she brings their products to let others test so as to have their opinions. Like one which is a Viagra for women. She tested it on her mom, Kyouka during breakfast and she started masturbating asking her daughter if she wanted a sister!!! By the way, her mom was a former idol and now a news commentator. Then there’s a device that makes money too. Isn’t that illegal.

Ouka shows Furano a maggot flavoured candy. So this is the bug nightmare? What does it tastes like? Horrible! It’s made with real maggots?! Well, it says the ingredients cannot be revealed… Absolute Choices works up again. Take off his top like a true Japanese guy or strip his bottom and be an Amazon warrior. Huh? He goes for the first, attracting stares from his classmates. They are used to his behaviour despite being transferred in only a month. They consider him as part of the weirdo group called Reject Five (Furano and Ouka are also part of). So as he runs around topless, loli teacher, Utage Douraku (looks small enough to be your little sister!) is not amused and takes him away. Although she knows this problem of his, there is a limit how much she can cover for him. I suppose she loves to tease him too because she really wanted him to take the second choice to expose his bottom and get expelled. More woes for him because he needs to rush back to class or Furano will burn his shirt! If you think his bad day is over, wait till he comes back because his fat ugly neighbour, Daiko a divorcee starts to hit on him! He is forced to make a choice to let her hold her or let her hold her and let his primal instincts take over. WTF. Go for the first one. He’s dead either way, no? Daiko thanks him for the ‘refuel’ when Absolute Choices returns. Wish for a beautiful girl or Daiko falling out from the sky. This is a no brainer so you can guess which one he will take. A blond bombshell falls out from the sky. Can I say, Sora No Otoshimono? She lands on him and claims she is here to save him. Lastly this is what we see if Kanade chose to touch Furano’s boobs… Kyouka is seen interviewing a lady about super popular musician, Kanaderu Kanade and his hit debut single all about touching boobs… Yeah. That sexual harassment moment gave birth to this moment…

Episode 2
This girl now is living in Kanade’s house like her own. She doesn’t remember anything. She doesn’t even know her name. But since she thinks Kanade likes chocolates, she will call herself Chocolat (to make it sound more sophisticated). Seems she is here to alleviate him from this curse but how, what, when and why, he has to ask God. Yes, God. And God really calls Kanade! Hmm… Sounds like a carefree high school senior? Since Kanade doesn’t believe, God turns him into a girl! Now you believe? He is made to do a handstand or else the other choice means he will remain a girl for the rest of his life! Apparently Kanade must complete some sort of missions if he wants to curse to be gone. God isn’t pretty sure about the missions too since they are random and is reading it from some manual he barely understands. WTF. That’s why he sent Chocolat. The only thing he knows is that if he fails just once, he will forever be stuck with the curse. And because Chocolat doesn’t know anything (except for the fact he cooks great breakfast), Kanade views her as useless and will kick this freeloader out but he has to make another choice: She stays or he moves out! I guess this one is obvious. At school, he received his first mission: Make Furano smile from her heart! There is a deadline too! Tomorrow! Looking at her sadistic smile, this is going to be tough, if not impossible.

We see Kanade squealing like a pig in front of class thanks to his Absolute Choices. This has Furano confronting him and since she thinks he is copying her ‘trademark’ she made this morning, she wants to sue him and appoints Ouka as the judge! Verdict? Guilty! Punishment? Death sentence! So it’s either guilty or be a pig. Thankfully he is ‘saved’ by Utage. When he mentions about a girl falling out from the sky and those missions he needs to accomplish, Utage sounds pretty serious. I suppose Kanade can’t brush it off as a joke now. Back home, Chocolat tickles him like hell. She got a call to help him complete his mission and thus has bought a thick book on how to tickle. F*ck that! Next day, Kanade tries all sorts of stupid to embarrassing jokes just to make her laugh. Even if I did laugh despite not understanding those puns (because he looks so silly), Furano isn’t. Oh sh*t… Not even a grin… The day is drawing to a close as he is desperate to try the tickling trick. He follows her up to the rooftop and to his surprise sees her crying! He hears her lamenting that she always has to end up like this and fears he must think her as a weirdo. Then she sees him… Oh Kanade, you didn’t make her laugh. You made her cry! And seeing it for the first time too. Meanwhile we see that what-if situation had Kanade chose to remain a girl… Hmm… Pretty got a nice boyfriend… Peaceful life… Oh sh*t. Could it really have been that way?

Episode 3
Furano laments all the weird things Kanade did and when she realizes Kanade has seen her, she turns into a violent b*tch! Apparently he wakes up from some gay dream and thanks to Furano repetitively slamming his head into the concrete wall while he’s out (it still hurts by the way), he forgot what he saw. Kanade gets desperate to make her laugh. He pulls out a rotten banana. Curses. Even more desperate, he tries to take out the book when Absolute Choices makes its move. Something about humour and surrealism. As Kanade tries to stop Furano from leaving, he slips on the banana. Furano laughs her ass off! She can’t stop! He gets a congratulatory message from God of his mission accomplished. Next day, Kanade gets a rude awakening as Chocolat is sleeping on top of him and dreaming some yaoi fantasy of him. So it’s her fault? And then Kanade gets another mission: Look at the panties of Konagi Yawakaze. Oh sh*t… In school, he notices Furano back to her normal deadpan sarcastic self. When he is about to remember then, he got his head slammed again. Wow. What a good way to make somebody forget. But here comes clumsy and klutz Konagi. Moe? She is Ouka’s best friend. Suddenly those damn choices: Order her to show her panties or trade his! Choosing the first one means her ‘bodyguards’ beat the crap out of him. So Ouka learns of his need to look at Konagi’s panties and would like to help him out. That can’t be good. Kanade is surprised that Konagi called to see him. She wants to apologize for earlier. She nails it when she says she would only show her panties to the one she likes. Kanade can’t violate this pure girl ever but then the stupid choices had to work up. Ask to show her panties or turn into an underwear himself. He’s crying blood… And since he has to make that option, I guess it’s back to more beating up by her bodyguards. Uh huh. One of them thinks he’s got a nice ass… Oh sh*t!!!

Ouka suggests that they go out together as Konagi is a klutz, the more she walks, the more she trips and this increases his chance of looking at her panties. Chocolat has even got a book on how to do it. Just throw it away! Kanade must be in a dilemma as he can’t possibly violate this pure girl. Ouka gets naughty trying to show her panties to Kanade. This is to help Konagi grow more confident in guys. By making her ask what kind of panties he likes? He prefers garter belt! This made everyone around think he is a pervert. And then… Absolute Choices… Whatever it was, the policeman was there… As they go around, there are many chances for Kanade to see Konagi’s panties. However… Unnatural beam of light! Steam! Objects blocking! Laws of gravity defied! I wonder if these will be gone in the DVDs. At the cafe, tired Konagi sleeps. She’s unguarded, right? Absolute Choices: To flip or not to flip. Kanade is about to become a demon but the wind almost blew it and made him back out. He thinks at this point he is already a horrible guy no matter what so if he is going to do it, he will do it straight up. A robber runs by so Kanade tries to protect Konagi. But here comes Ouka giving him a flying kick. In that instance, he sees Ouka’s panties. She’s wearing garter belt? Kanade gets a congratulatory message from God. Wait a minute. Didn’t he see Ouka’s? A call from God himself confirms that Ouka was wearing Konagi’s panties so it counts. They’re BFFs so they sometimes exchange stuffs. Oh, Konagi’s panties were a gift sent by her bodyguards. Freaking perverts! The girls are going to thank how cool Kanade is when the gust of wind blows up their skirt. But surprisingly it is Ouka who screams and runs away in embarrassment. She had no idea how embarrassing this is. Really. Meanwhile we see what happens had Kanade chose to become an underwear. It’s unsightly… Everyone is an underwear! He wants to be a garter belt???!!! Don’t even ask…

Episode 4
Chocolat becomes a new transfer student in Kanade’s class as the studies assistance pet. Don’t ask… She’s already popular with the boys… And then, Absolute Choices: Harem time or feel something good. Wait a minute. Good choices for once?! First one FTW! Chocolat shows off to Kanade that everyone loves giving her sweets. Furano thinks Chocolat is his sexual desires treatment pet and fondles her boobs. Kanade is shocked when his twin enters class! Oh wait. That is Ouka in a mask. When he unmasks her, he remembers about that flustering incident then. Could it be she still feels upset about it? Not anymore. She shows off the spats she is wearing underneath. Kanade thinks deep in the toilet when his harem time is going to start. Furthermore, it is odd that Absolute Choices were good. Suddenly a girl comes knocking on his door and wants to go out with him! Can this be true? Actually, turns out to be a girly guy. And a popular one! Kanade is chased by him throughout school and sends fujoshi ecstasy to all those sick girls. Including Chocolat. There are more macho guys gunning for his ass. Yeah. There is his harem. I don’t know how he got out of it but in a talk with Utage, we learn that those affected by Absolute Choices will lose their memories erased once it is done. She just laments that none of them screwed him. Although Utage has completed her missions and rid of her curse, there are still some limitations like when she tries to tell him things, she is ‘blocked’. She suggests asking that freeloader for help but since he describes her as a lazy, snack eating dog, Utage is appalled that he let someone like that live with him. So when he goes back, God calls him. He can prove he has the powers of God to stop an apple falling from his tree or change all his porn pictures in his computer into tapeworms. However there are some things he cannot do due to some rules, blah, blah, blah. Such as called in his world, curses. In short, he has no idea about the missions and can’t interfere with it. God leaves him hanging for a while like as though he has discovered some super revelation. But it turns out he needs to intervene or else some super bomb will destroy the universe in some world.

Kanade talks to Chocolat and when she says she feels like she is liking him more and more every day, he starts to hesitate but since he can’t fully bring himself to accept that, he continues treating her like a dog, in which she obliges. The class is supposed to do something in a party to welcome the first years. Everyone puts in their decent ideas. But not so decent ones from Furano and Ouka. A Where’s Wally spoof guessing game? Using some x-ray visions to see one’s innards? Oh, here’s Chocolat’s idea: Put all the boys in swimsuit and make them wrestle each other. Think the guys will shoot it down? Because it’s a request from cutie Chocolat, they don’t think it’s a bad idea! Seriously, they’re really considering these sick ideas. The popular student council vice president, Souga Shishimori comes in to look for Kanade. No, no harem time. But he is interrupted by Furano and Ouka’s dumb jokes about his name. Then popular student council president, Seira Kokubyakuin comes in to have Kanade, Furano and Ouka join in a stage battle. Popular versus unpopular. Needless to say, Popular Five versus the Reject Five. However she leaves one spot open in the unpopular side for them to choose. Maybe she doesn’t know who the other one is? Because the fourth participant in the Reject Five is Karasu Yumeshima. The weirdest of the weirdest. Seira notices Chocolat and also notes she is so cute that she is not human. Things couldn’t get worse for Kanade because it’s mission time. Have all the girls who participate in the battle to say they like him. F*ck this sh*t… Lastly, this is what happens if Kanade chose to feel good. He is indeed feeling good surrounded by busty harem girls. Too bad that is his delusion as he lies on his death bed. Even the doctor and nurse think his expression is creepy. Just die already…

Episode 5
Based on Chocolat’s statement that she likes lots of things, this gives Kanade the idea of the difference of love and like. So he goes up to Ouka to ask if she likes him as a human. Yes. That’s one girl clear! Then he goes to Furano to ask the same thing. She is surprised that he is human… Anyway she hates him. This one isn’t going to be easy. Kanade is dismayed with the return of his little sister, Yuragi Hakoniwa. She is his childhood friend who treats him (and everyone else) like a big brother or acts like a little sister. She was supposedly to be in America but due to changes she ended up in Africa. And since the place didn’t have decent school facilities, she came back here. Chocolat and Yuragi introduce each other and the latter wants the former to be her big sister. Only thing is, she is treating her like a pet… Absolute Choices: Ditch her the cold way or forever follow her like a geek. Kanade acts like the heartless guy who dumps her but Yuragi loves his super sadistic side and doesn’t mind becoming a super masochist. It just got worse… Yuragi is also introduced to Ouka and Furano. Want them to be her big sisters too? The rest think Yuragi should be part of their group. Kanade thinks that with her around, it will be easier for him to clear his mission. And so Yuragi becomes the fifth member. As the girls take turns mocking Kanade’s smell and hugging him all over, this strikes a nerve with Furano. Kanade could sense a deadly aura from her and when she walks up to him, she gives him a powerful punch in the gut!

All the members of the battle except Yumeshima are here in the briefing committee. The match will be one on one and the side that gets the most victories, wins. Popular Five’s line-up as follows: Souga, Konagi, Ayame Reikadou, Touya Yoshiwara and finally Seira. Because Kanade can’t help stare at Ayame’s huge boobs, this made Yuragi allow him to stare at her flat chest all she wants. As Ayame becomes arrogant and comparing hers to Furano, they enter into some boobs showdown. Kanade is forced to stop their fight thanks to Absolute Choices either telling them to end it right now or that but pinching his nipples. No brainer… When he chooses the first, they give him this f*ck-off stare. Yuragi asserts she will always be by his side and loves him. Thanks to that, Kanade got another girl clear for his mission. But Souga is not so happy. Because he has 5 younger sisters, he is sick of this archetype. So Yuragi acts like a badass sister before turning into a tsundere. WTF?! When Chocolat enters, Touya falls in love with her. Although he doesn’t want to rush into marriage, he wants to make babies first! And then Absolute Choices: Proclaim he is going to make all the girls here say they like him or have them love him but their memories won’t be erased. Damn it… First option… Now it gets harder to clear the mission. So as he laments about that back home, Chocolat has just got a book on how to get girls to say he likes him… Don’t need it! So in class, Furano asserts she’ll never say that word no matter what reason. However she gets disturbed to learn Ouka has already said it. And she says it again. She leaves the room. Something feels wrong. Meanwhile, this is what happens if Kanade picked pinching his nipples. It has become a greeting norm in the future! And those people who do their research on the origins of this think people in the past are really stupid…

Episode 6
Furano feels jealous… Kanade makes his move to complete his mission. First he calls out to Konagi to meet him. Though he feels bad to make a pure girls say that, under the pretence that girls hate him and thought having a cute girl like her saying she likes him even if it’s a lie to give him the will to go on, just when Konagi is about to say it, those bodyguards show up to take him away and beat him up. Konagi returns to apologize for what has happened. She thinks he is a nice person and says she likes him just to answer his question. Though, she’s quite flustering about it. When she runs away, the bodyguards return to give him round 2. Seriously, somebody should stop that gay guy who wants to screw Kanade’s ass! Kanade targets Ayame next but this one might be tough since she is the S&M type. Using a topless guy as her chair? He gets straight with her but she wants him to go on his knees and beg. But when he does so, she couldn’t believe he did it and won’t keep her end of the promise. Then Absolute Choices: Reveal her fake boobs are made of silicon and threaten her or change his name to Kanade And I Will Always Love You! Since he blurts the first option in disbelief, Ayame is worried her secret may be exposed and takes him away. She takes off her top just to prove a point and then forces herself to say she likes him. Well, another girl cleared. Ayame wants an explanation of this pointless thing he is doing. It’s hard to explain. Like her harsh behaviour. He needlessly finds out she acts this way because her childhood friend likes moody girls… Because she is so pissed that she said that, her anger causes her bra to break… Wooo… Fanservice! It’s like her boobs just wanted to bust out and break free, eh? Furano seems to drop a flyer, whereby White Piggy, a famous toy character that UOG is pushing is having an event. Behind the flyer is Furano’s handwriting that she loves it. Furano screams in embarrassment upon knowing Kanade has seen it and gives him a knockout neck chop. And so Kanade is made to wear White Piggy mascot suit and entertain the kids. This is part of Chocolat’s idea that since Furano likes this, she will turn up at the event and confess she likes the piggy. The indirect confession counts, right? Too bad she was so excited that she had a fever…

As Kanade makes his rounds throughout town, he sees Furano stealing glances and secretly taking photos. He lets her get closer and touch her which brings her squealing with delight. She loses control and hugs the mascot. So different her character that it makes you wonder if this is really the Furano you know. Yuragi, who is on a big brother or big sister hunt (trying to add more to her list? No wonder people are fleeing her), could have spoilt everything so Kanade distracts her and then carries Furano away to run. It’s funny to see a girl dating the pig mascot. At the end of the day, Furano hopes he could listen to her little request. She talks about her strange behaviour that odd words come out from her mouth whenever she tries to speak. Because of that she can’t speak normally and thinks everyone has this weird image of her. Kanade is giving sarcastic comments to himself till he hears she feels sorry about this boy who always talked to her and she always beat him up. She feels she can’t find a way to apologize. She also fears because of her weak self, if she shows her true self he might hate her. Kanade pats her head and Furano feels glad White Piggy is trying to cheer her up. She hugs him, thanks him and confesses she likes him. Technically it counts so that’s another girl cleared for Kanade. However… Absolute Choices time: Get out of the costume now or have his memories of Furano’s natural state deleted along to his porn collection he has worked so hard in collecting. As Kanade can’t let Furano know he is eavesdropping behind this mascot, I guess it’s option 2. And so he doesn’t know how he got Furano cleared but what the heck. He thinks of going back to enjoy some of his porn and to his dismay, it’s all gone!!! Furano is happy she got to talk and be with White Piggy. She hopes one day she’ll be able to talk this openly to Kanade. Then she’ll be happy. Lastly, this is what awaits Kanade had he opted for that name change option. In an interview, he is made to repeat his full name again and again. The interviewer turns out to be love-starved Daiko and he is accepted! Yeah. She will always love you too.

Episode 7
Trying to organize who goes first, here comes Yumeshima! We see why he is the weirdest of the weirdest. Bandages fully wrapped around his head. Maniacal laughter. Doesn’t want to be leader of this group and quickly writes who he wants to fight with and runs away. Kanade tries to go after him but bumps into Seira. Noting she is the last person on the list, he asks the question but she only phrases it that she doesn’t hate him. This is going to be tough. She makes a deal with him. If Reject Five wins the battle, she’ll say those words he wants. Otherwise… He’ll find out. Kanade returns and is serious to be the team’s captain. But the rest don’t give a damn and continue their antics. So here is battle day and we have broadcasting club president, Taichi Miyazumi as the host as well as Utage the co-host and picking a number on the screen that corresponds with the type of battle.

Match 1: Acting – Souga vs Yuragi
The girls are screaming over the hotness of Souga. The guys find total moe in having Yuragi be their little sister. Souga starts off well. So good his acting that everyone can see the non-existent fish he is holding! But Yuragi is better… She can ‘smell’ the ‘other woman’. She turns yandere and stabs him with a non-existent knife! So good you can even see and feel the horror! Due to the extreme graphic of non-existent blood flying everywhere and extreme superb acting, Yuragi wins the first round.

Match 2: Wrestling – Konagi vs Ouka
Ouka seems to be the aggressive one having fun doing all the submission moves on timid Konagi. When it’s time to do the finishing move, Konagi slips and this causes Ouka to slide out of the ring and onto Kanade. Because somehow her bloomers are down and revealing her panties in his face, she runs away in embarrassment. Now that she is in depression and unable to continue, the round goes to Konagi.

Match 3: Nicknames – Ayame vs Furano
Both sides need to come up with appropriate nicknames and the best one wins. Yeah. They’re squaring off with boobs. However I feel Furano’s insults are better due to sarcasm while Ayame feels a lot plain. Furano’s nicknames which contain ‘truthful information’ about Ayame’s boobs send the crowd puzzling. Furano nails with the nickname “Silicone Boobs” and starts fondling it to prove her point. But it’s natural…  Ayame’s “Boob Fondling Woman” ends the match and receives the highest score so it is Popular Five’s win. However Furano feels the real victory belongs to her… I agree… Also, she lied about Ayame’s natural boobs so in this sense she owes her one.

Match 4: Insults – Touya vs Yumeshima Chocolat
Insults? WTF?! It’s time for Yumeshima’s debut but it turns out he is just a dummy as he has to go back as his ‘crows are calling’. Reject Five will lose the overall battle if they forfeit this match. Touya thinks it won’t be fun and so he is allowed to choose his battle partner: Chocolat! But Chocolat doesn’t know what insult means! When she is briefed the gist of it, she gives the lamest insults to him. Touya forfeits because he can never insult a girl. I guess for this ‘sacrifice’, he scored lots of points with the screaming girls.

Match 5: Rock-scissors-paper – Seira vs Kanade
The final battle of the captains. Seira is so popular that both sides of the gender are screaming in support. Kanade on the other hand is so unpopular that not even a cricket chirp is heard. Deafening silence… Suddenly! Absolute Choices! Make a lame pun or become a drain! Another no brainer. Picking the first one since he must complete this mission. So when the rock-scissors-paper begin, Kanade beats Seira! Oh my! He won! Reject Five won! Eh? The last battle was easily over? Not pretty exciting, huh?

With that, Seira is going to keep her end of the promise now and to make things more exciting. She goes up to the microphone and confesses she loves Kanade as a man! Then she hugs him! Most shocking and scandalous scene ever! But Kanade is dumbfounded that he should have cleared the mission but no congratulation message. Then it hit him: new entry Chocolat is left. Because Kanade is in the monkey grasp of Seira, he cannot leave and is forced to yell to Chocolat at the stands if he loves him. She does. Now he gets the congratulatory message but also earns the scorn of all the kids in school. They’re throwing everything they’ve got! But for Kanade’s ‘harem girls’, they’re not looking so thrilled about hearing that. Lastly, this is what happened if Kanade chose to be a drain… Hot water gushing down his ‘throat’!!!!!!!!!

Episode 8
Kanade has to sneak in to school because everybody wants to kill him! There is only how far he can run before getting caught and beaten up. In class, Furano continues her sarcasm, Ouka is acting uncomfortable and Seira makes it worse by hugging her lover. He takes her away to ask the meaning of this. She asks if he has fallen in love with someone. He remembers being quite popular in middle school till this Absolute Choices ruined his life. As for why Seira is doing this, she feels frustrated and in actuality, a certain person should be fulfilling this role. As he heads back to class, Absolute Choices forces him to: 1) Hug Chocolat; 2) Hug Furano; 3) Hug Ouka! Oh man, 3 choices!!! He has to go with Chocolat since it would be dangerous to choose the rest. Then it’s like something struck her. Before everybody could get upset and throw things, Chocolat tells them off not to blame Kanade. It’s not his fault. Hey wait a minute. Chocolat is cool and composed? Is this the real Chocolat? Taking her up to the rooftop, it seems Chocolat has regained her memory. It happened this morning when she fell off the bed and hit her head hard. Although her memories weren’t completely returned, it took his warm hug to revert everything back. She apologizes for him having to see her pathetic side. That’s when Furano walks in to give her sarcasm about this new role play. Chocolat guesses this is the way they express their love. Furano stops short of poking Kanade’s eyes and leaves. Chocolat notes she is envious of their relationship. Even back home, Chocolat becomes a useful person and cooks for him! This is making him worried? Shy and bashful Chocolat… So cute? But causing such awkward situation. As she is not a glutton as before, she can’t finish all the extra food she cooked so Kanade takes it upon himself not to waste. To take responsibility, she even wants to feed him! And during bath she also wants to scrub his back… And front! Don’t get your hopes up this is going to turn into an ecchi episode…

Once Kanade has composed himself, he wants her to explain the situation. From what I understand, she is a servant of God. She was a hard worker till one day she lost her memory and become a lazy oaf. As she spent her days goofing around, she got an order from ex-God to go to Kanade. Right after that, this ex-God got into an affair and became pregnant. The shock made her a shut-in with a baby insider her and thus another God (the current one) is assigned to that position. That’s when Chocolat fell out of the sky, lived a gluttonous carefree life till she regained her memories. Kanade remembers that God told him the ex-God wasn’t responsible for his Absolute Choices so there must be another God before her. As Chocolat doesn’t know much, the best she can do is take care of him. Kanade almost choke when Chocolat genuinely says she loves him. It’s not joke. Then it’s like she gets a little horny (the desperate kind) and goes on top of him. She wants him to kiss her if he wants to rid of this curse. If he doesn’t, she’ll kiss him. Kanade is in a dilemma whether to do it or not when a tin can falls on Chocolat’s head and knocks her out. Next day… She’s back to the gluttonous freeloader we know… Disappointed? Yeah well, Kanade says he prefers to watch her eating. Oh God, don’t tell me you prefer this stupid Chocolat… And I guess it’s not only him because the rest of the class prefers this version as she devours all their snacks. Seira gives Kanade a ticket to Aqua Galaxy, an indoor pool. This is reward for Reject Five for winning the battle and all are invited. Everyone rejoice except for Furano because it means swimsuits and she doesn’t have the boobs for it… It gets worst when Kanade receives another mission: Take a picture of Ouka’s crying face at Aqua Galaxy! F*CK! Lastly, we see Kanade pretty comfortable thinking he has not received Absolute Choices for a while. He even gets cocky thinking God has run out of ideas. And then here it comes… Get pervy with a rock or a daikon? Either way, he’s screwed. And the girls are watching this disgusting act…

Episode 9
Furano rejects Kanade’s invite to the pool. He is really going to give up and she wishes he would try harder. So she has no choice but to take it but with excuse that she’ll feed the ticket to her goat. So Utage drives the gang to Aqua Galaxy and she’s drifting all the way! Wait a minute. A short loli driving? How the hell can she see?! Kanade remembers last night Chocolat gave him a book on how to make girls cry. He didn’t want it initially but saw a method using onion extracts. So he’s keeping the book as last resort. His hell begins when Absolute Choices makes him choose about his trunks. So he opted for ‘smallest in the history of mankind’. Those words are written on his trunks. Also, he has to lift Utage up like a kid instead of running to her as his mom. She understands his Absolute Choices is acting up but when he is forced to mention her flat boobs, she beats him up. There has got to be a limit for all this. Yuragi is on an onii-chan hunt but is scaring little boys. Furthermore, they call her onee-chan and it’s making her depressed… As for Chocolat, she’s admiring all those muscle man and dreaming of some gay pairing with Kanade… Furano is also secretly at the pool. She regrets turning him down but feels uncomfortable to show herself with the other girls who are big boobs. Kanade is looking for Ouka to complete his mission when he bumps into Seira, Konagi and Ayame. Seira has her friends help out to look for his separated girls. Seira advices him not to just concentrate on Ouka and not forget Chocolat and Furano too. Slow and steady wins the race. Kanade later sees a pile of men. Yuragi and Ayame in a showdown. Yuragi’s big brothers versus Ayame’s masochist pigs! Once all the guys are wiped out, the girls continue with their water pistol fight. Because of Ayame’s humongous boobs, she cannot balance well and falls down. Yuragi thinks she has the upper hand when Ayame turns the tables on her. Yuragi fires her pistol. She gets knocked out when her boobs hit her own face. And then she falls flat on Yuragi, suffocating her. Double KO.

Kanade sees Chocolat as the judge of Mr Aqua Galaxy. Yeah, she’s having lots of yaoi comments. I think everybody there is gay because they agree with her. Since Seira is around, Kanade wonders why she is helping her although she dismisses that she just wants him to have a good time. She also hints to be nice to a ‘white kitten’ who can’t be honest with herself and warns he’ll regret it if he tries to cheat. Kanade eventually bumps into Furano and is surprised to see her here. Although she puts up a tough front to act all high and mighty when in her heart she is embarrassed as hell. When Kanade finally finds Ouka and Konagi, the former is fresh finishing a ride and wants more so she drags Kanade along. As they ride the roller coaster, Kanade tries to act tough that she better not cry. Is Kanade on the verge of crying? Ouka mentions she hasn’t cried for years. Because mommy told her that girls will show their tears when they are happy and to the person they love. Just like how daddy got rough with mummy and hit her with enough force. Isn’t that wife abuse?! When the roller coaster ride starts, Kanade screams like a little girl and unknowingly grabs Ouka’s boobs. That ruined her fun so she too starts screaming. In the end, Kanade passes out and has no memories. Ouka seems relieved that he doesn’t remember but when Kanade’s Absolute Choices has him say he wants to touch those soft things (her hand), she flusters and runs away. Time is running out so Kanade is forced to do his onion extract move. He confronts Ouka as she learns it wasn’t her boobs but her hands he was talking about. Kanade is dead serious and seeks her forgiveness. He’ll accept whatever punishment comes later. As he is about to fire his pistol, Absolute Choices makes him: 1) Shoot 10 times up his own ass; 2) Shoot twice into his nose. Knowing he is screwed and that he can’t cheat, he points the gun up his nose, much to Ouka’s horror.

Episode 10
Actually Ouka is laughing her ass off because of Kanade’s stupid facial expression. Chocolat and Yuragi decide to go to the haunted house but Ouka seems reluctant. Aha. Kanade is going to bet on this last stake to make Ouka cry out of fear. This haunted house… Looks like an alien specimen experiment museum…  They get chased around by weird aliens. Ouka is crying and Kanade is about to whip out his camera. But she takes it and throws it at the monster. Damn it broke. When Kanade finds her alone, she starts acting like a child and wants him to carry her and call her by her first name. A big monster starts chasing them and the path branches. Absolute Choices has him choose the path that exits quickly but Ouka will stop crying or the path that doesn’t and she will cry longer. He could accomplish his mission if he opts for the second one but seeing her pitiful state, he chooses the first one. As they exit, Furano sees Kanade carrying Ouka and her heart starts breaking. Chocolat and Yuragi are planning what to do next when Seira interrupts them. She tells Chocolat that her duty may be ending very soon. When Ouka wants Kanade to carry her like a princess, he slips and falls on top of her. Seems she has no memory since entering the haunted house. She starts crying not because she is sad but feels happy because he was with her. Seira interrupts them to remind Kanade this is his last chance and hands him a camera. With Ouka’s permission, he snaps a shot of her happy crying face. Chocolat sees this and doesn’t feel good. She tries to hint to Kanade but that guy is so oblivious that Seira had to put it bluntly to his face. His curse will disappear if he falls in love with someone. He remembers why Chocolat was trying to kiss him then. Chocolat, Furano and Ouka accidentally meet. Chocolat comments how Kanade is always kind and having fun with them. It makes her feel jealous.

She goes to find Kanade again and asserts she loves him. No, not the kind of love she has for chocolates but the kind she wants to get married with. She holds him so tight that it could break his back. Furano tries to control herself when she sees this. Absolute Choices forces Kanade to confess to either one of the three. But there’s a fourth choice too. Something will happen to Aqua Galaxy. Because there is no way he can pick a choice and trample on someone else’s feelings, he picks the fourth option. Kanade asks Utage what that option means and suddenly the loli teacher starts trembling in fear! Oh sh*t. He might just be in the deepest trouble ever. Thinking this place will explode and that his selfishness caused everyone to be involved, he makes his way to the announcer room to tell everyone to get out. Along the way, he has to put up with resistant groups like Yuragi and her onii-chan members, Daiko, Konagi’ bodyguards, Ayame and her masochist pig guys, Kyouka still drinking bottles load of Viagra and White Piggy mascot blocking their way. Once Kanade switches the loud speaker on, Chocolat bugs him for his answer. Now? Yes because it matters. Asking if he hates her, he denies it and likes her but not in the way she thinks. As she is important to him, he can’t reply half-heartedly. Although heartbroken, Chocolat says she still loves him. And then she reminds him the microphone is on. Oh no… Everyone heard this drama? Then it starts snowing. In the pool? Furano flusters when Kanade calls her by her first name. He never knew she had this side. Then Kanade gets involved in a snowball fight crossfire between Yuragi and Ayame’s side. Little sister versus the queen. And Utage seems passionate in taking bets about this ultimate battle in swimsuits. So this was what she was ‘trembling’ about? Then all the other factions including ordinary folks get involved in this big battle. Kanade is running for his life from Daiko and her ugly manly ladies. Hey, he chose this himself, right? You get what you deserve.

Choose Your Destiny!
1) Do not continue reading this blog… And DIE NOW!!!
2) Continue reading this long winded blog and risk sleep deprivation…

And so… Kanade is probably a masochist because it seems he has chosen to continue living with Absolute Choices as opposed to getting rid of it. Probably he has done a cost-benefit analysis of this. Imagine this. Had he chose to fall in love with one of them, he would have hurt the feelings of the other 2. It might have freed him from this curse forever but knowing the fact that he has hurt them will hurt him more and this would scar everyone forever for the rest of their lives. So by choosing nobody and continue to live with the curse, he will still have to face more silly options to come. Therefore don’t you think Kanade is such a masochist? Oh wait… Maybe there is a reason why he cannot choose… He wants a harem!!! Oh, if only that choice would appear. But as we know, having Absolute Choices means no walk in the park or life is never going to be a bed of roses.

The funniest part of the series has always been the kind of options that Absolute Choices lays out for him. Both of them are equally bad. Both of them are equally screwed up. And certainly it is like between the devil and the deep blue sea. I happen to notice that the first option is already bad enough but the second one is usually worse off than the first and thus Kanade’s tendency to pick the first on in a hopes that it is the one that would leave the least regrets or at least do not hurt others. If a choice that forces him to decide something that has something happen over him and something that will happen to others, he is very likely to pick the former. But like I said, in the end he himself gets screwed up. Once a popular guy before, eh? Yeah, now his popularity has even skyrocketed but for all the wrong reasons. But you have to respect this Kanade guy for carrying out all the choices he has made. It is no easy feat and it causes the rest to just give him that stare. But must he do so out loud and let everyone notice? Like when he decided to touch his boobs instead of Furano’s, shouldn’t he have done it quietly or go somewhere else alone and do it? Because as I see some of the options and missions feel like there is a trick to them like looking at Konagi’s panties or snapping of picture of crying Ouka. You know, the option didn’t spell out word for word that he needs to do it right this instant or say it out loud. Maybe Kanade is just panicking to get it over with so he gets it done right now, down and dirty with it. At the expense of losing respect from other people. Whenever he gets a congatulatory message from God for completing his mission, his handphone will ring and shake. The vibration is so ‘big’ that it makes him look like he is doing some sort of indecent belly dancing. Funny, actually. I thought he should get rid of his handphone and get a new one but I remembered that God will contact him no matter what. Even if his handphone is off…

This series has a great potential in terms of the storyline and romance in addition to the funny moments (which is of course the best part of the series). However I felt that there are things that baffled and prevented me from enjoying this series 100% (which means I enjoyed it 99% Haha!). I can understand if they don’t really want to give an explanation how Kanade got this curse. Maybe the Gods were just randomly picking which kid to amuse them and so happen they decide to make Kanade even more popular. From the way I see Furano act, something tells me that she has Absolute Choices too. I know this is a very big speculation but this is the only reason why I can think she puts up this split personality. Words get twisted once they leave her mouth seems like a convenient excuse. We see her very shy personality in the shadows and regrets putting that sadistic act to Kanade. If so, why does she continue to spout sadistic remarks to him every time? I’m sure that wanting to maintain such an image to him isn’t the real reason. Unless she is afraid that he will change after he finds out that she truly likes him or will just be left heartbroken as what Chocolat did in her bid to confess. But I still think that Furano is bound by her own Absolute Choices and I am guessing that she chose sadistic comebacks instead of the other which I feel is something that makes her go lovey-dovey.

The biggest mystery goes to Seira and because she acts and hints like she knows about Kanade’s curse, it could mean one thing: She is the former God! Hah. I know that this is just a very big rumour but think about this. How does she know what to do and even give him hints and gentle reminders? With her ever smiling face, it just makes everything too suspicious about this student council president. Speaking about God, the way they are portrayed here seems like they are carefree and whimsical beings that only exist to see us in torment. In this anime, that would be Kanade. The one sending Absolute Choices to Kanade seems to be enjoying pretty much the decisions he make and we can sometime hear this Absolute Choices narrator voice snickering in the background, like as though knowing he’ll be screwed whatever choice he makes. I won’t be surprised if Kanade’s search for who this God is leads him to a former God, which leads him to a former God, which leads him to a former God, which leads him to a former God, which leads him to a former God… A wild goose chase. Yeah, that’s like screwing around with everything again.

The characters are quirky and weird and that is what makes them likeable. Or loath them if you do not like such weirdoes. But hey, everybody is a weirdo in his/her own way. So for Kanade who has been caught between a rock and a hard place, it is amazing he is still holding on to his sanity. After all, if he loses it I think that is when he will really lose so hang in there brother and good luck. Hah. Easier to watch other people suffer than to go through it yourself. Although this anime is romance genre, the way Kanade makes clear his stand on not hurting anyone (or that he wants a harem) shows that there isn’t going to be any love developments in this department. So be disappointed or be relieved because with this ‘postponement’ of who he loves, we get to see more silly antics from them. Which of the main girls in this series doesn’t like him? Chocolat has got a black hole stomach because who knows where everything goes when she devours all those fatty snacks and still could look sexy and busty. Personally, I love the kind and polite Chocolat instead of the clown one. It was just silly that she switches personality when something falls on her head. Hmm… Maybe that could be the catalyst. Either way, both Chocolat love Kanade not because he feeds and takes care of her good but because of his kindness. Despite him being a weirdo but that is thanks to Absolute Choices. Oddly for Chocolat, she has this fujoshi tendency too… And where does she get those thick books that is supposedly to help Kanade in completing his mission? Because it feels like the writer (whom I believe is God) is making a big joke with all of his ‘solutions’.

Furano’s deadpan sarcasms and wry sense of humour never cease to amuse me and it’s like she has this talent for it. Her shy split personality makes her even more interesting and just like Kanade, I feel she is also caught between a rock and a hard place. The cold side of hers will never allow her to admit she likes him but each time she sees Kanade with other girls, it just breaks her heart. So how long can she endure this torture? It happens so often lately that it’s getting annoying. You just want to scream out and yell to her and to confess her true feelings right now. Oh, she has this inferior boobs complex too… Ouka on the other hand is always lively and cheerful so it’s rare to see her in other emotions. She’s so carefree that you think she lacks any sort of decency to be a girl but oddly gets so flustered when she gets her panties seen. But then again just like Furano, she may be putting up such an act to hide her love for Kanade. For the time being, it seems there isn’t going to be any cat fight whatsoever seeing that everybody is calm after Chocolat’s public confession to Kanade. Maybe it’s the fact that they know he isn’t going to choose one of them now and still have a chance.

The rest of the girls don’t feel like part of the harem although they may have future potential. Yuragi will always love Kanade as her onii-chan and nothing more. Because she is so obsessed in amassing her own group of onii-chan guys, I guess you can forget her about being the front runner in getting Kanade’s heart. Ayame the queen also feels the same thing. Her showdown with Kanade shows that she might have a thing for him. But it could be me just over thinking because she would prefer her men to be masochist pigs. I think this will be some sort of a running gag in the series if it had more episodes. Little sister versus the queen. When Seira confesses to Kanade, you don’t know whether she put up a very good act or likes him for real. She is so cool and mysterious that you can never tell. Konagi may have something for Kanade but I figure she is so shy and her bodyguards are always by her side, it is unlikely she will make any sort of move. Speaking of her bodyguards, they’re just weirdoes. Although there is a delinquent, a hot guy and an otaku, the fourth one looks like a gay and is always gunning for Kanade’s ass! It makes you think how the hell did he end up as Konagi’s bodyguard if he is so much interested in Kanade’s ass? And the bodyguards are so infatuated in beating him up that they are oblivious to other more dangerous people hitting on Konagi at the same time. Fail!

Then there’s Utage the ‘legal loli’ who seems like she is just bored with everything. Maybe as an ex-victim of Absolute Choices, it zapped out her energy and is just tired of life. It’s like she worries about Kanade’s predicament but also doesn’t care about it. Yumeshima’s brief appearance in the anime didn’t do much except screw things up for Kanade’s plan. But it could have been double mayhem if he sticks around. So it’s better for him to be absent? I later learn that there is another member of Reject Five. Because if you really count, there are only four who appeared, right? I found out from Wikipedia she is Himeru Hisoka and does not appear in the anime. Yet. Imagine all hell will break loose if all the rejects were to show up. But why aren’t Yuragi and Chocolat added to the Reject Five? They could have become the Magnificent Reject Seven. I think it’s because they both have their own set of admirers unlike Furano and Ouka who have none.

There are fanservice elements in this series but mostly it is to add for the comedy effect. Like Ayame’s ridiculously over-sized boobs. And bouncy too. Even if those are fakes and all those dumb boys believe it is real, what else reason could it serve for us as fanservice? Of course if you like flat ones, there are Utage, Yuragi and Furano. The best part of the ‘fanservice’ goes to the one whereby Konagi ‘demonstrates’ the various typical censors. It was really funny just to think how true all those are. But I’m just thinking why the dark black hole censor wasn’t really added to the list. I suppose it falls under the blinding light category. Still, I thought it wouldn’t hurt to demonstrate it. So, 1) Thanks for the boobs; 2) Thanks for the pantsu. Diomedea is the production studio for this anime and if their cute character designs feel familiar, it’s because they’ve produced similar animes with such cute looking characters like Nogizaka Haruka No Himtsu, Kodomo No Jikan, Astarotte No Omocha, Chokotto Sister and even Shinryaku! Ika Musume.

The casts used for this series seems to be relatively unknowns. At least I’m not really familiar with all of them. The only one that I am familiar with is Jouji Nakata as the narrator for the series and Kanade’s pain-in-the-ass Absolute Choices. The way he narrates reminds me of that creepy narrator style he did in Amagami SS for Sae’s arc. The line-up for this series are Toshiyuki Toyonaga as Kanade (Shun in Kimi To Boku), Yui Kondou as Furano (Satomi in Level E), Kaori Sadohara as Chocolat (Tamae in Date A Live), Ayumi Tsuji as Ouka (Hatsumi in Saki Zenkoku-hen), Naomi Oozora as Yuragi (Suzy in Genshiken Nidaime), Hiromi Igarashi as Seira (Hina in Papa No Iukoto Wo Kikinasai), Rei Matsuzaki as Ayame (Nagahide in Oda Nobuna No Yabou), Misato as Konagi (Mana in Date A Live), Akiko Yajima as Utage (titular character in Crayon Shin-chan), Shinnosuke Tachibana as God (Nanamine in Bakuman S3) and Shiho Kokido as Daiko (Sai Lin in Magi – The Kingdom Of Magic).

The opening theme is S.M.L. by Afilia Saga, an all-female group associated with maid cafes and restaurants. Ooohh… Maids… The song sounds like a typical all-girls group. The odd and amusing thing about the opening credits animation is the handstand all the characters are trying to do. Again, it demonstrates the laws of gravity defied… Why can’t those skirts fall down if they go upside down and do a handstand? To add to the craziness of it all, you can see the characters wrestle, ride a UFO and even a cow getting abducted by aliens! I know it’s crazy but I don’t see how this is associated with choices. Or maybe everybody decided to do everything crazy. The ending theme is Taiyou to Tsuki No Cross by Two Formula and sounds like an anime rock pop. Afilia Saga takes the chance to narrate the next episode preview but it is actually some of them ranting on their views about the episode and some other funny antics before presenting the title of the next episode. Which happens to be also in the form of choices. I happen to notice that the first one is always picked. And it always ends with a cheeky choice of 1) Continue to watch this show; 2) Definitely continue to watch this show!

After watching this show, it proves and explains why there are lots of mad people in this world doing mad things. It may seem ridiculous to many and with this anime, people like me will start thinking if they are under the influence of Absolute Choices. You can’t explain the rational of them doing those embarrassing things, right? Right. So it must be Absolute Choices to blame. Maybe that is the reason why the world is so screwed up. But whatever the decisions we make, the options we decide, the path we choose, it boils down to us that decides. Other factors may influence us on our choice but it is ultimately you who made that decision. So whenever things go wrong, you can only blame yourself at least 50% and outside and other factors the most 50%. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So if you’re feeling bored and not sure what to do or have too many free time or tough choices to make, watch this anime series and remember to laugh out loud. I guarantee you won’t regret it unlike the Absolute Choices our main guy has to make here. So make a decision today, 1) Start watching this anime; 2) Re-watch this anime; 3) Turn your back on this anime. I must warn you if you pick the third choice, you won’t be laughing along with everyone but everyone will be laughing at you! Oh, you might need to strip naked and run down the street while yelling out loud you are a perverted paedophile. Are you ready to decide?

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