Military

September 18, 2015

Be thankful that you aren’t living in a country in turmoil. A country that is in the midst of civil war. You wouldn’t be able to have a good night’s sleep without worrying if tomorrow your life will end by a single bullet or a deadly bomb blast will just end it all. Just be thankful. But it is not so for the case of our main character in Military. Ah, some fictional country is at wars together and yet this kid who lives far away from the conflict gets caught between the 2 opposing sides who are now living in his house in Japan. And they don’t hesitate to use firearms. Oh dear. What kind of slipup did he do to deserve this? Right here in the heart of Japan. Oh, did I mention those soldiers who are tasked in protecting or obliterating him are cute little military girls? What kind of countries send cute little military girls to the frontlines?!

Episode 1
Souhei Yano would have probably led a boring normal life if not for one day a tank comes crashing into his house!!! Lieutenant Lutgalnikov AKA Lut then tells him to stick ‘em up and frisks him for hidden weapons. Till she touches his crotch and fears ‘that’ is some hidden weapon! Take it out! Or she’ll blow it off! Once cleared, she calls second lieutenant Haruka to move him but she is more concerned that Souhei saw her rabbit panties when she was thrown out from the tank. She’s going to use a grenade to erase his memories! Luckily that won’t happen because unluckily somebody tries to snipe him out! After Lut deals with the assassin, they introduce themselves from the Krakozhia Army Special Forces. It seems their enemy, the Republic of Grania is after his life. Both nations were at war when they hired a mercenary that tilted the tides in their favour. That person is Souhei’s father! And he thought he was just an ordinary salaryman. There is even a letter as proof from his dad although he claimed he made a paperwork mistake that ended him up being drafted. He tried to convince them he is not a mercenary but they won’t listen. Thus he has to play this mercenary role till he can get home. Because of this, Souhei’s life will be in grave danger and has sent some guards to protect him. I suppose those lolis are them. Things are going to get worse if they’re staying with him. Because they shoot a bazooka as his morning wakeup call! That really woke him up.

Episode 2
Souhei receives a package. Hmm… A loli in a box… Did he order this? Apparently this loli, Sergeant Shachirov is an assassin sent to kill him. But she’s so clumsy and lazy, it makes you wonder if she can pull this off without showing her slip. Oops, she already did. So lazy to walk here, the reason why she delivered herself here. So where are Souhei’s bodyguards? They’re playing video games and want him to pipe down! Shachirov fires her chainguns at him so he runs and hides in the toilet. He didn’t know Haruka was using it. Now she’s going to kill him. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. If he isn’t in the toilet, he’ll be in the firing range of Shachirov. He hides in the hallway but slips. Haruka thinks she is trying to peek at her panties. Time to die. The commotion causes the house to shake and this makes Lut mad because it disrupted her game. She just cleared the level… Time for some gun action. But she chickens out seeing Shachirov’s chainguns. You can’t fight that with her pump gun, no? Shachirov wants Souhei handed over but the moment she sees Haruka on top of Souhei (beating him up), she shrivels in fear and returns to her box. Seems she can’t stand gross things. Well, Souhei’s face is so messed up that a mosaic blur is needed. Haruka then tosses the box away in which it lands at some shrine. The priestess must find this god given loli cute.

Episode 3
Despite today being a cold winter day and our loli soldiers teasing Souhei for being weak, why the heck are they enjoying the warmth of the kotatsu?! You know they’re lying through their teeth when they give all sorts of excuses that they can leave it anytime or not taking advantage of this. So happen that this kotatsu is also an impregnable fortress with great arsenal as they demonstrate. But they quickly abandon it when Shachirov suddenly pops up and occupies it. They try to fight back but they forgot how impregnable it was in the first place. No damage taken. Shachirov starts firing and blowing holes in the house so our duo return with another kotatsu designed to fight this one. Good thing she had a feeling this would happen and made it. Lut fires the main cannon and the entire house blows up!!!!!!!!!

Episode 4
In addition to Souhei’s house blowing up, a helicopter piloted by Ossan also crashed into it. Thankfully next door neighbour Yukari Mizuno lends her place for them to live. Too bad Ossan has to live in her garden shed… Because Shachirov arrived in a tank at Yukari’s doorstep, she gets an idea to see who can pick up Souhei from school first. And so Lut and Haruka barge into his school with their tank and force him inside. Don’t turn around or you’ll see Haruka’s panties… Too late… Ossan is selling his military magazine on the roadside but gets involve in the crossfire between the tanks. Poor dude gets owned and his body contorted in impossible ways when both rockets collide into him. No love lost too because nobody remembers a single person missing at dinner…

Episode 5
Wondering why Ossan is taking so long to complete Souhei’s house? The thought that he would have to leave Haruka after it completes is unthinkable! You don’t know how much she wants him to leave. Anyway it is completed and modified with traps. Oh look. Somebody just got entangled in it. Mmm… Doesn’t this look more like BDSM position? Colonel Aria Glassmann is proud of her subordinates and rewards them by smothering them in her big boobs. I guess Souhei doesn’t mind… Souhei accidentally sets off another trap. Will he meet his maker with all the guns firing at him? Fear not. Aria leaps into action… Yellow pantsu… She takes it all out with her knives. She’s a pro in using them. Then she gets entangled in the rope trap again… She’s so good with knives that she even cut her own clothes. Butt naked! Free fanservice for Souhei!!! But no free hentai for us!!! BOO HOO!!!

Episode 6
Shachirov seems to be hiding Corporal Grue in her closet. She thinks Yukari doesn’t know but she knows it very well because Shachirov’s nervousness is making her oh-so-cute. Shachirov sneaks food to him but his stomach doesn’t agree with it. He wants her to go buy medicine and then rub it but she thinks shooting him now will be much easier. After Shachirov goes to take a bath, Yukari peeks into the closet. It’s like a horror show seeing Grue contorting in pain. Yukari has Shachirov come clean and won’t allow this guy to stay here. However Grue thinks it would be okay if he is Shachirov’s dog. And so he becomes her dog, crawling on all fours and even having a leash over his neck. He lives in a kennel and is enjoying his new dog life. Damn masochist…

Episode 7
Beach episode! But our warring sides are still at each other’s throat. It stops when Yukari spanks Shachirov as she has warned her they are here to have fun and not fight. Aria has her subordinates change into their swimsuits. It looks pretty normal if you compare it to Aria’s more revealing and atrocious piece that borders porn. No wonder Souhei is bleeding to death. He is going to get another major nose bleed when Yukari reveals she isn’t wearing a swimsuit but actually her lingerie since they’re the same size. Time to play split the watermelon. While Lut hits the target, Shachirov hits everyone else. Grue must really like it being hit in the crotch, eh? Shachirov screws this and takes the easy way out by whipping out her chainguns. This causes Lut and Haruka to follow suit. But the battle won’t start because Yukari turns into an angry demon. What did she say about fighting? Holy cow! That aura! Is Japan destroyed?!

Episode 8
What’s this?! Military mixed with magical girl?! Lut and Haruka are watching this but the former is asleep. Haruka is being a tsundere claiming she isn’t into this magical girl thingy and just happened to stumble across it and thought of watching it till the end. With Souhei lying about magical girl as the in-thing today, Aria thinks of making such costumes for them. Haruka is against this but when Lut mentions they might be promoted if their mission succeeds, Haruka volunteers to be one. Meanwhile Shachirov is also taken in by this magical girl genre and acts it out. She is embarrassed when Yukari sees this. And later on, a magical girl battle between both sides begins. As part of the transformation process, Haruka has to endure being naked just to change into a magical girl outfit. Better do it quick while the flash bomb is still in effect. But Haruka isn’t going to use her magic to defeat the enemy. There are missiles inside her magic wand! Magical Star Buster? I suppose those explosions are not just magical girl explosion effects. A mercenary who came to Japan to kill Souhei starts feeling scared because nobody told him he had to fight magical girl weirdoes!

Episode 9
Souhei must be really enjoying Aria’s company. Yeah. Those big boobs too close for comfort. However Aria receives a letter from Souhei’s dad that she must return to her country as she is needed in the battlefield. They decide to hold a farewell party for her but deep down in her heart, Aria really doesn’t want to go. Top orders are always absolute. During the party, Yukari barges in after learning tonight is Aria’s last night. She starts fondling her boobs for some memories. For some reason, Aria strips naked and hugs Souhei all over. Is this his farewell present? She sneaks into his bed that night to ‘take home’ some warmth. Next day, only a letter from Aria is left behind. She couldn’t’ bear saying goodbye to everyone in the morning and not let it waver her decision. The letter writes how touched she is with everybody and loves them all. She would love to return here once the war is over. The rest start crying over this touching letter but hey, how come Aria is hiding in the bushes in the yard?! After she wrote the letter and left, she got notice her order to return was revoked. Don’t have the heart to tell them that, eh?

Episode 10
Grue narrates he has become Shachirov’s dog for a month. Then he rants how he doesn’t understand women putting up makeup and lately little girls are following that trend. He waxes lyrical about those pure innocent little girls and despite calling himself as a child master but that is just a fancy way of saying he is a lolicon!!! Then he sees Shachirov eating with Yukari instead of taking him out for a walk. Is he being abandoned? He loves it! We see Grue trying to use the toilet. Yukari tricks him of needing to be naked. Using the washlet, he gets stimulated but the girls won’t allow it and give him pain. I think he likes that too. As he soaks in the tub, he notices the girls are coming in so he runs out the window. He’s naked and it’s raining like hell. He becomes sick but is being taken care of. What a great day, eh?

Episode 11
Souhei sees a girl walking in the rain without an umbrella. She then takes him hostage! Lut and Haruka are in an intense video game battle when suddenly that girl kicks away the console! Cecile is mad that they have not read the notice. She is a VIP from Grania and is fleeing to Krakozhia. She is temporarily seeking refuge in Japan and they need to guard her before sending her back. Cecile irks Souhei that she doesn’t like his measly cooking and it’s too bad that we couldn’t see how angry his face contorted. Lut is not happy they have to treat her like a VIP despite being a refugee. Lut then sees a good gun she is possessing and Cecile says if she wants it, she must put on a collar and act like a dog. Oh no. You must not do it, Lut! Resist the urge! Well… Lut is now a dog… She’s resonating with Grue! Cecile may not have the last laugh since Lut bites her! After Cecile departs, she writes a thank you note for them but ends on an insulting note. Woof! Woof!

Episode 12
Lut receives an order letter from Souhei’s dad to return for court martial. As she was tasked to protect his son, she put him in constant danger instead. Of course Lut doesn’t want to go. This means no more video games, kotatsu or convenience stores! She tries to drag Haruka and Aria that they’ll be court martial too but looks like she’s going down herself. Of course this means good news for Shachirov and Grue. Suddenly Souhei’s dad returns. OMG! He is so buffed up! And all the while we thought he is some scrawny guy. Lut is scared sh*t as daddy points his gun at her for disobeying orders. Souhei jumps to her defence. Although Lut is a handful and brings trouble more than anything, she really does try her best to protect him. Seeing the tears in Souhei’s eyes, everyone realizes he is the one most upset to see Lut leave. Daddy revokes the order to let her stay. That easy? He is the hero so he can do whatever he wants! He makes his way back to the helicopter and hopes the guys will hang in there because from what he can see, the path of peace is possible. Besides, girls there dig heroes! Grue then suggests if they take him out, wouldn’t it give their nation a big advantage? They whip out their bazookas but the missiles make a u-turn halfway. BOOM! Oh no. Homeless people again…

S.N.A.F.U.
Ah well, with every episode just lasting 3.5 minutes, there is nothing to complain. Everything is fast and spontaneous, which is a good and bad thing. You don’t have to sacrifice lots of your time to enjoy something funny and short but because of that, you can get nothing much more out of it be it the plot or character development. You take everything at face value and that’s it. You watch, you laugh and then you go back to your mundane peaceful life. It doesn’t even matter if you forget this short in the long run but at least for that time spent watching this, you’ll be guaranteed to laugh. Therefore it is bad news if you are a super great fan of the series and it could leave you wanting for more. A lot more.

The slapstick humour as said is fast and spontaneous so sometimes you might find yourself bursting into short fits of laughter. Well, if you get the joke that is. Everything is just nonsensical (especially the exaggerated violence) for the sake of comedy and the point here is to laugh instead of cracking your heads to think about the logic of everything. I mean, when you have cute little military girls living in your house to protect you but look more like freeloaders, what else is there to say? And then you have an equally cute enemy but as inefficient as a girl her age, is there anything more that you can say? Just sit back and laugh at all the stupidity and nonsense. It won’t be that outrageously silly and having you rolling on the floor and laughing till your tummy hurts but at least it’ll make you laugh. Unless you’re one of those serious people who can’t take any kind of joke.

What else more can I say about the characters? They are both lovable and annoying in their own way. Like Lut who is a gun maniac and trigger happy girl who has gotten used to the comfortable life as a bodyguard while Haruka is the ditzy and clumsy one who accidentally gets into fanservice situation with Souhei. If Haruka provides the pantsu fanservice, then Aria is the one providing boobs fanservice. I don’t know if it is part of her military training or bad habit since she is fond of hugging people. Especially Souhei. Don’t take it the wrong way, buddy. Speaking of that guy, I know his life is screwed ever since the loli military came into his life. Despite he is still the most normal guy in the series, I feel that he lacks screen time as the main character. Yeah, like he didn’t really matter in the first place. Ironically after all that has happened to him, he still roots for Lut. I guess this is what happens when you have weirdoes living with you for a while. And I am sure if Shachirov gets the same order from her side, he’ll be there to defend her too. Because you know, where will all the fun of firing at each other go? Yeah, this kid might be a sadist and masochist altogether…

Grania should have sent a better assassin to kill Souhei because Shachirov is just slow and lazy, equivalent to an airhead. Sometimes I feel that Souhei’s life is not threatened by Shachirov but rather the violent manner of Lut and Haruka. Ironic, isn’t it? Then there is Grue whose role is to be the masochistic pervert and Ossan, uhm, who is just some old senior guy. But I think the biggest threat to them all is Yukari and despite her gentle exterior, you do not want to make her mad. She is the scariest of them all when she is in that mode. Another lolicon but a more dangerous one. There is a character called Mamo-chan at the end of every episode who explains to us some of the guns, weaponry and military stuffs that appeared in that episode. However I don’t understand what she is talking about since thanks to the very short segment, it feels like she is out of time trying to squeeze all those words into her sentence with her fast talking. And usually to add to the dramatic effect, she’ll make explosions, crash boom bang sound effects to end it all. Blown away?

With such a short duration, I suppose you’re not supposed to put a lot of quality effort into it. So I suppose if the girls look chibi and cute enough, everything will be fine. Yeah, who could argue about girls with guns, right? This anime could be classified as girls with guns genre, could it? So cute and lovable that you might want to have them as your loli bodyguards. Then again, child soldiers aren’t really that attractive either now that I think about it.

Voice acting feels okay with Nao Touyama identifiable as Lut since she is in her usual exuberant style something like Chitoge in Nisekoi and Yui in Yahari Ore No Seishun Love Comedy Wa Machigatteiru. Ayane Sakura as Haruka too as she reminds me of some of her livelier characters such as Kokoa in Gochuumon Wa Usagi Desu Ka and Akane in Vividred Operation. In addition to veteran seiyuus like Takahiro Sakurai as Grue (Suzaku in Code Geass), Takaya Kuroda as Ossan (Renjou in Kurenai) and Satomi Arai as Mamo-chan (Shirai in To Aru Kagaku No Railgun), the rest of the other main casts are newbies like Yoshitaka Yamaya as Souhei (Hase in Isshuukan Friends), Inori Minase as Shachirov (Eddelrittuo in Aldnoah.Zero), Misaki Suzuki as Aria (Chaco Ishibashi in Shiba Inuko-san) and Ayano Terasaki as Yukari (Kiyoko in Strange+). The ending theme is Militarism and there are handful versions of it. Whether it is Lut (M870 version), Haruka (M700 version) or Shachirov (Microgun version), you can’t deny the fact that it is a crazy fast paced rock song that gets you into the pace of this anime.

Overall, this show may not be standing out in the long run and if you have free time to kill, this is the perfect little anime to gather some laughs after having a hard and tiring day. Even if you’re not having a tiring day, it is still a good tonic to extend your meagre life for an extra few seconds. Yeah, laughter extends your lifespan. Besides, setting aside 40 over minutes to watch this won’t kill you compared to everything else around that can. You are more likely to be killed by a vending machine than watching anime.

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