Conception

February 24, 2019

With a name like that, I’m sure that you must be curious and suspicious. Yes, people. Conception might be adapted from the video game of the same name and if you guess that you are supposed to date and charm women and have them bear your child, you are correct. But wait. This is not an eroge! Not even close. Hence those anticipating sex scenes would surely be disappointed. Yeah, I warn you first. Sounds mind boggling that you can conceive a child (for the purpose of fighting baddies in this world) without procreating and conceiving the normal way. So hey, this isn’t even close to porn so it’s safe for everyone, right? I wonder if this was how Virgin Mary bore Jesus of Nazareth.

Episode 1
Every guy’s worst nightmare to hear from their girl: I’m pregnant! That is what Itsuki Yuge hears from Mahiru Konatsuki. However they have not been doing naughty things together so rest assured Itsuki is not the father. Then who? Great timing for them to be sucked up into a portal. Inside a strange labyrinth, Itsuki continues what she was saying. There is no father! Holy mother! You mean she is like Virgin Mary?! However she took pregnancy kits and looked up online and she did show some symptoms of pregnancy. But she has yet to see a doctor as she is scared. Suddenly her body feels pain as she throws up a monster. Good thing Itsuki somehow manages to materialize a sword and kill it. Breaking out of this dark place, they stumble into this bear tanuki creature, Mana. Along with court scholar Narcisstes, they welcome them to this parallel magic world called Granvania. They are taken to see the king, Shangri La who immediately tells them Granvania is in danger and hence they are summoned for their help. Itsuki and Mahiru have marks on their body and they are called Visitors. They have powers that can only save Granvania. Itsuki is taken to see the court doctor. Next thing he knows, he is tied up in his underwear! Our sexy nurse Reone explains his body contains all 12 emblems of the zodiac constellations. At this time of year, Impurities fill the labyrinth and it is a Visitor’s job to purify the monsters they have turned into. Of course there is the big boss to deal with. Itsuki won’t be dealing with this alone as he has the 12 priestesses (each representing a zodiac) to aid him. Reone is one of them (Scorpio) and so is Mahiru (Virgo). Mahiru isn’t pregnant but rather Impurities build up in her body and she expelled them. That’s why she felt like she had pregnant symptoms. Phew. Now comes the best part. Itsuki must perform a Love Ritual with any of the priestesses to give birth to a Star Child since the priestesses cannot stand directly against Impurities. In short, sex! Oh yeah, Mana is really excited about this part, isn’t she? I guess this is where we say action speaks louder than words! So cut the explanation and let’s get it on! Reone suggests doing it with someone familiar. So first potential Star Child from Itsuki x Mahiru. Well, the duo don’t seem that all surprised and embarrassed. Just a bit. But nothing that would already shock them. Yeah, they’ve come to this crazy world, sex seems so normal compared to it all. Since they’re starting off slow, Mana tries to be pushy but isn’t she just wanting to grope Mahiru? So okay, let’s start. You’ve got your ‘reason’ that sex is necessary so that you can go home. So what are you waiting for?!

Episode 2
Suddenly! A Star Child is born! WTF?! No penetration was made. As explained, Love Ritual isn’t a sexual act and the mere emotional bonding and physical contact is enough to bear one. F*CK!!! SO DISAPPOINTED!!! And so the first Star Child is born, Virgo (Kingdom Hearts’ Sora rip-off?). But off Virgo goes to a foster home to be trained. Because Itsuki has a more important mission to f*ck, I mean to create other Star Children. So they are brought to meet other maidens: Arie (Aries – duh), Tarua (Taurus – double duh), Lilith (Gemini – wait, you mean this split personality is not Libra?!), Ruka (Cancer – you mean not Cancerina or something?), Femiruna (Leo – you mean not even Leona?), Mirei (Libra – I give up), Sue (Sagittarius – it’s so random now), Falun (Capricorn – yup, totally pulling it out of the air now), Collete (Aquarius – sighs…) and Yuzuha (Pisces – wow, so random it sounds fishy). But the best one is Mana retorting herself as the constellation of lewdness! All celebrate a huge welcome party and we can guess the next Star Child because we see Itsuki and Ruka spending some time together. Though, the latter is like tsundere and claims she can read minds. So she won’t bear his child if he has dirty thoughts? You mean your pride is more important than saving the world? Good news. She can’t read his mind! Not being from Granvania must be the greatest excuse. Then we see Mahiru getting a bit drunk so she can flirt a little with Itsuki. Also, an excuse to prop up some promise they made 10 years ago. As usual, guys don’t remember… More Mana mischief as we see her rubbing Itsuki’s dick just to turn him on! But this is a lesson for him not to underestimate the labyrinth as it will be the most dangerous place. WTF?! Yeah, I think Mana is the most dangerous one. Visiting the foster home, Itsuki sees Virgo being trained by Alfie. Nice boobs. So he can’t cheat on anybody else except for the maidens? Boring. Later seeing Ruka being nice to children somewhat has Itsuki now asking her to f*ck him. Oops, I mean do the Love Ritual. You mean that is enough to get in her pants? Yeah, some more talking about what they want in their future for their Star Child so it doesn’t look like outright sex. So are they going to troll us with no sex?! Damn, Itsuki taking off her clothes! WHY YOU TROLL US AGAIN???!!! And hence Cancer is born. Soon Shangri La gives Itsuki the Star Wards to seal the Impurities as well as conveniently open the door to the labyrinth. Does Itsuki think he is strong enough to fight an Impurity with just 2 Star Children?! They easily get owned and the young ones get turned into dolls. They retreat and I suppose this lessons only serves to motivate Itsuki to go f*ck the other maidens. Oops, I mean make more Star Children.

Episode 3
Once out of the labyrinth, the Star Children are fine and healed. Wait a minute. Why is Itsuki and co going back to the labyrinth if he thought he needed more Star Children and training?! Of course they lose again! So seeing Narcisstes for advice, he says the only chance now is for a Double Love Ritual. You mean an orgy?! Yeah, let Mana explain the juicy details. To help heal Itsuki’s wounds, Mana sets him up to go with Mahiru to the hotspring. So this guy is shy to get into the water with her when he has already been up close and personal with her body?! Anyway, I suppose this scene is supposed to play up some little doll thing she keeps, something related to the promise. I guess it isn’t important now. Mana then tries to set them up to make love in some transparent carriage and Itsuki only rebukes because of his different view it should be seen from the inside and not from the outside. Mahiru is not impressed. Did he just make her mad? So no sex? Besides, can she have another Star Child? Virgo II? So Itsuki sees Reone to heal some of the harder wounds. She learns about the Double Love Ritual and because of one single line Itsuki said that reminded her of her late younger brother, so she is willing to be his partner?! Got to speed things up. Hence Itsuki goes to find another ‘participant’ and lucky him he sees professional dancer Falun doing her hot moves. A little talk here and there and since she is the kind who can’t stay at one place or else she’ll suffocate, Itsuki turns on his seductive cheesy one liner charms (thanks to the guidebook Mana provided him) that he’ll take her to a better place and see things she has never seen before. OMG! She bought it! I guess we’re desperate. And so our Double Love Ritual begins with Reone and Falun. Naked ladies so sexy that Itsuki climaxed before even starting?! WTF?! Thank goodness sex isn’t the prerequisite so we can still get it on. And we welcome Scorpi and Capri to the family. Man, Itsuki must be so good that Reone and Falun are so tired out and can’t move! With this new party, Itsuki and the Star Children enter the labyrinth and manage to defeat the level boss. Finally! As a sign that this level is clear, Itsuki offers a Star Ward to the altar. I guess back to the surface to make more babies for now. Better hurry because an ominous roar is heard coming from the labyrinth’s depths.

Episode 4
So this weird hentai-like simulation opener (all the females have Mana’s face!) is so that Mana could set up Itsuki with Arie? Too bad it’s not her episode. Instead, Itsuki notices shy Yuzuha unable to get some bread. Because Japanese crowd is notorious for fighting over limited bread. So Itsuki goes to see her at her home as he learns she is a painter and this disturbing fact she feels safe sleeping in a coffin! That’s right. A coffin. They agree to eat lunch at the park tomorrow and what do you know? Yuzuha brought her coffin! Hitsugi No Yuzuha? Of course inside are painting materials. However this somewhat attracts some unwarranted comments from by-passers. This disheartens Yuzuha as she runs home in tears. The actual fault lies with Mana because she is doing some weird bird fornication thingy. WTF, MANA???!!! Lost, Itsuki seeks Arie for help as he learns more about Yuzuha being born with a frail body and hence this sleep illness (WTF?!) that she has (that has also no cure) means she hasn’t long to live. You serious?! That is why she feels safe sleeping in a coffin so when she dies, she won’t bother anyone. :’(. Oh Itsuki, can you give your support now? Itsuki then sees repentant Mana trying to make a coffin. But is this just an ulterior motive so they can get it on in coffins? But Itsuki approves this idea! So he goes back to talk with Yuzuha and his sincere words to hang out together with their coffins give her some confidence back. So they have fun together and she feels so relaxed that she sleeps on his thighs instead of her coffin. I guess with this flag cleared and ‘permission’ obtained, Yuzuha feels the need to give him something in return. What better way for him to have another Star Child, right? Yeah. Not so shy anymore, eh? Later Mana gives Itsuki a gift for Arie. He hands it to her as thanks but it contains some BDSM equipment that is to Arie’s fetish. So now the holy woman’s true colours have shown.

Episode 5
Wow. Just another Star Child allows Itsuki to defeat another Impurity. In fact, this is the third one already! Since he is so busy fighting in the labyrinth and haven’t had time to see his maidens, an excuse for Mana to organize a beach outing! Beach episode! On their way there, they see this playboy guy, Seiya trying to hit on the maidens. It seems the maidens noticed he has been stalking them one by one. At the beach, Itsuki and Lilith notice Seiya’s narcissist attitude. Making her fear him is that her fortune telling shows he is her destined lover. Because Lilith’s fortune telling is accurate and Itsuki doesn’t somewhat believe in it, this hurts Lilith as her other personality pops out, Lillie. She berates Itsuki but even so he still won’t believe. Nevertheless he gives it a try but Lilith sees something fearful and won’t tell him. Lillie is the one who discloses the fortune telling reveals Itsuki’s death. Itsuki isn’t shocked or anything. Hey, it’s not like he believes fortune telling, no? As fortune telling can also be used to prevent misfortunes, Lilith tries to change fate. Not sure what she did but Mana gave Seiya some climatic lotion rub and thus she is no longer targeted by him? With Itsuki believing in fortune telling now, so that is just the prerequisite needed for him to f*ck?! Oh my. Can a person with split personality split physical just for sex?! Is this considered Double Love Ritual or single? Damn my libido so confused! Later Itsuki visits the foster home to check on his kids only to see Seiya stalking Arie who is spying on him. When Itsuki materializes his sword to go after Seiya, Arie swoons. Then she goes to buy a naginata she ordered. We see her hidden secret: A room filled with weapons! Later Seiya comes to seek refuge in the church. She hears out his problem and after learning his secret, she also tell hers. So this sex trolling scene is actually Arie making topless Seiya pose while holding weapons? So this is her fetish? Of course he falls over her and Itsuki comes in to misinterpret everything. Luckily Arie clears the misunderstanding and this means showing her hidden weapon collection room. Fearing Itsuki would find her weird, he is impressed with it instead. So now she makes him pose with the weapons? Since he is amazed with her hobby, he now wants to have her Star Child?! Damn, that came out of nowhere! But this make out will be different because if you remember Arie is a sadist… Whipping time!!! I guess it’s sometimes good to have a different sexual experience. Later we see Seiya’s secret that even horrifies Mana: His target is Itsuki!!! Didn’t see this gay stuff coming!!! Yeah, it’s sometimes good to have different sexual experience… Say, if they make out, will they have a (gay) Star Child?! NO WAY!!!

Episode 6
I guess eventually this will come sooner or later: Can Itsuki f*ck a loli?! Don’t worry. Anime allows it! But Itsuki feels he can’t taint the pure Shoujo Alps girl of Collete. Yeah, even Collete has a feeling he helps her out in her bakery so that he could f*ck her! She’s not stupid! Anyway, this aside, her bakery has no customers and she believes she is talentless in baking bread unlike her grandpa. But there is another reason why her business is not so good. After Alfie brings the Star Children here for some much needed business, a couple of mean demons enter to harass Collete. They are workers of Lunch Pack, packed lunches that are currently popular in Granvania and putting many bakery out of business. They want this location and threaten Collete to give it up. However the Star Children tell them off and this really hurts their feelings as they run away?! WTF???!!! Mana reveals that Femiruna’s family runs Lunch Pack and if Itsuki talks to her, maybe she will help. Unfortunately there is nothing she could do but since he is so desperate, he accidentally causes her to slip as she knocks her head on the table! Oh dear! So the best solution? WTF Itsuki kidnaps her and puts her in a storeroom at Collete’s place?! I know hurting a maiden is a crime but didn’t he make it worse? So he wears a paper bag over his face while he leaves Collete’s bread for her to eat?! He can’t speak clearly, no wonder confused Femiruna is afraid of him. Oddly, Collete continues to bake more and Itsuki should have at least suspect something when she doesn’t eat any (she fears it is poisoned and he will do something to her body). I wonder how long she can last. Not long. Soon Itsuki takes off his paper bag (finally!) and tells her how much she needs to take care of herself. Well, if you dropped this charade and explained it properly… Because Itsuki cared about her, Femiruna starts falling for him! WTF logic is this?! Stockholm Syndrome?! Because she notes all men who get close to her are only after her father’s money and power. So the first guy to really pay attention to her? Oh yeah. He lets her feed her. In this storeroom? Couldn’t they change the place? Heck, he even bathes her here! WTF?! So are they going to do it here? Luckily, sex is sacred so they get a better room. Does Itsuki need to ruin it with this paper bag act? See how the lioness pounce on this guy! Meanwhile Collete’s grandpa gives her his recipes for her school festival. Aim for the ace! Yeah, he should’ve passed down his wisdom a long time ago.

Episode 7
Tarua seeks Mana’s advice because as a delivery girl, she can’t delivery all her letters in time. What’s the problem? Because she is so fast, she is slow. WTF?! Read that again… Meanwhile, Collete tells Itsuki that somebody tore the last page of her grandpa’s happy bread recipe. Old geezer doesn’t remember it and at this rate their bakery will close. Don’t worry. There’s always trial and error. Ironically we see Collete making lots of bread sexual innuendoes. Like how she wants him to tell her which body part he likes the best and he thought of getting away with (bread) ears and when she makes an ear out of bread but isn’t good enough, care to bite the real one? Oh Collete, don’t complain if he starts raping you! She goes on to make breads that look like certain reproductive anatomy and even eats them suggestively! It’s a wonder Itsuki hasn’t raped her yet. After more weird bread combos, she realizes the ultimate happy bread is made via coupling. You know, putting a sausage in a bun hole… WTF?! There you have it. Your Happy Chikuwa Sausage Bread! Although their bread is a sell-out at the festival, it seems Lunch Pack has appointed Mahiru and Yuzuha to represent them to sell theirs. And when theirs is not enough, guess what Femiruna gives for free? Panties! The more you can grab, the more pantsu you get. WTF?! Collete is so thankful to Itsuki that she wants to f*ck him?! Gee, that really escalated quickly. Yeah, the coupling just turned real. But this strange chikuwa dress as foreplay? Whatever. Happy coupling. Later Tarua hands Itsuki a letter. It’s obviously shady and by Mana as it leads him to some shady room where he is forced to train to become a delivery man. Yeah, unbelievable training methods I wonder how he can master it all in a short time. So once he passed, he is tasked to deliver a letter to Tarua. He finds her trying to find a lost letter in the mud. He helps out and realizes they’re looking in the wrong place. Yeah, how the heck did it end up the tree? Tarua is happy but first she has to finish deliver the letters. Many hands make light work as Itsuki helps her. Somehow Tarua wrote a letter for Itsuki. A thankful letter for his help and also stating how much she likes him. In turn, he writes back that he wants to have her Star Child. Straight to the point. Yeah… I hope this session won’t zoom by quickly. On a trivial note: Colette holds the record of most pantsu grabbed: 99! You mean it’s not 69 for this cheeky horny loli?

Episode 8
Mana hosts The Bachelor! Only one of the 12 maidens will win Itsuki’s heart and get to do the ultimate Love Ritual with him! Yeah, I somewhat had a feeling this series was resembling that reality TV one anyway… As you know, there are a couple of maidens not doing it with Itsuki yet and hence the first contestant to date him in this reality TV is Sue. She loves animals and we hear her sad background how her parents died while protecting her from Impurities. She still feels sad and can’t accept that they’re gone and that’s why she has all these animals as company. Damn, so sad can we even get to a make out scene? Stupid Mana letting the animals feed on her body with food isn’t turning anyone on… So if Itsuki feeds you his sushi, it means you are a candidate for his love making? Oh well, at least Sue got it. Mana then has the other contestants climb up slippery stairs while covered with suspicious white sticky substance. In the end, Mirei wins. Her reward is that she gets to bathe with Itsuki. Because she cannot see without her glasses, this increases her reliance to Itsuki as well as her sensitivity. Also meaning more suggestive flirting and she’s bold with it because she thinks it will help in her research. Whatever. And hence she gets the sushi too. He also dates other contestants but since he already done it with them, I guess we’re not going to have a repeat. Itsuki prepares to make out with Sue. Cat girl is lonely and wants his company to survive. This foreplay is borderline kinky and sad. Can they even make out? With Itsuki promising to stay by her side, blah, blah, blah, the mood is good enough for them to get going but wait! Mana suggests doing a Double Love Ritual with Mirei! Sue is embarrassed in having a threesome but don’t worry, Mirei has a potion that will make you bolder and hornier! And now let the orgy begin! This also means all of Sue’s animals start outraging Mana’s modesty. Yeah, this is so f*cked up… With a full set of Star Children, but why does Alfie feel sad once Itsuki’s mission is over, he’ll have to go home? Oh, it’s that roar again. Everyone assembles at the palace. Narcisstes’ research indicates there’s a 13th phantom. Too bad they haven’t found the entrance to it yet and the big bad Impurity will still revive. I guess this means Itsuki is a lucky guy that he gets to f*ck a 13th girl, right? Well… Mana points out it doesn’t necessarily needs to be female and suggests the 13th could be Narcisstes or Seiya! BL to increase female viewership! Is Itsuki serious accepting it or is he just trolling Mana?!

Episode 9
Suddenly Itsuki is uncomfortably looking at men?! Men everywhere! Mana trying to turn him into gay?! Will Itsuki be gay by the end of this episode! Itsuki keep bumping into Seiya means is he the destined one?! So when Itsuki starts questioning if this is even possible between men, Mana tells him off for being a homophobe! No siree, can’t have that kind of offensive thinking today! And we’ve already broke the fourth wall last episode hinting it would be a man so let’s get on with it! So it’s either this or beastiality. I’m sure he isn’t willing to do it with one of Sue’s horses then. Finally he gives in and such great timing Seiya is here. Yeah, the duo ‘dated’ and Itsuki feels even odder because now it is roles reversal. Seiya is getting on to him while Itsuki feels cornered like he did to those maidens. Eventually Itsuki can’t take the heat and baulks. He can’t accept the fact he almost gave birth to a Star Child! Can a man actually do that?! I guess no gay time. Mana then takes him to Narcisstes and this guy seems pretty understanding about his circumstances until he asks him about documents of a book that contains sexual positions!!! No gay time for this one either! With Itsuki more depressed, Mana tells her back story that she was once an Impurity created by a magician who tried to experiment on a way to coexist but died. Left all alone, Mana was going to be killed by the government but a Visitor saved him. Hence she is alive today and serves Granvania. That Visitor is Shangri La. Itsuki feels bad for him and does this mean Itsuki is into beastiality now?! Too bad for you Mana, he leaves you hanging because with his eyes opened, he is now willing to take on a man! Hooray! No more homophobe! Itsuki has to pick between Seiya and Narcisstes but he will have them both! My, greedy aren’t we? But in the end, nothing happened. The biggest troll reveal as Mana says you can’t do a Love Ritual between men! So was all this wasted?! Actually all this was to help level up Itsuki because now that he is open minded, he can start to find the 13th maiden with fresh feelings. Yeah, feelings are so complicated. Or maybe he just simply got trolled. Too bad folks. No gay time ever. But here is some consolation of Itsuki spending some (gay) beach time with Seiya and Narcisstes. Here, even some weird haiku about not being man or woman because love is all around.

Episode 10
Itsuki is trying to guess the 13th maiden. I think we all know who. But Itsuki even thinks it is Mana but can’t be because she is too lewd and FAT!!!! Oh dear. Fatphobe! But first Itsuki goes practice with Alfie and the Star Children to fight the 12th Impurity boss. After a hard fought battle, they win but nothing happens. Suddenly the labyrinth starts acting up and a light shoots out. As explained, this is the sign of 13th phantom’s awakening and this means Itsuki must expedite to find the 13th maiden. As you all would have guessed, even Alfie knows she is the 13th maiden but she tries to do up a few charms to make Itsuki notice her but all fail. Meanwhile Itsuki and Mana are advertising in the streets for the 13th maiden. I don’t think anybody gives a damn. They thought they heard Alfie’s voice. However she is drowned out by a stupid crowd of swooning girls crowding over Seiya. Recruitment failed. Attraction drive failed. As Alfie rues her chances, annoyed Mana goes to pick her up. She’s been waiting for her to show up as the 13th maiden! But Alfie won’t go to meet Itsuki like this. She gives a video for Itsuki to watch first. Itsuki is then told Alfie is the maiden he is looking for. Mana even breaks the fourth wall saying her face was in the opening credits and how we viewers already know! Anyway, the video is some trendy retro romance drama. So Alfie wants her romance trendy? I don’t think Itsuki has a choice. So uhm, the trendy date looks like we have a trendy car ride by the beach and then a trendy romantic Italian candlelit dinner. But the trendiness ends when Itsuki wants to go back to Alfie’s place. Is he trying to get lucky? He is amazed with all the retro trendy idol posters on the wall. They talk about a few things including Itsuki’s parents died in an accident. She feels sad. Then he sees he guidebook and strategies for the Star Children. The clincher is this cute dress he gives her as a present (why Mana sounds disappointed he thought Itsuki made it for his ‘secret hobby’?). The mood is so right and you can tell they are so lovey-dovey with each other that it’s making Mana jealously mad! Can they make out now? Not if Alfie’s stomach gives way! Yeah, some indigestion over the paper charms she ate earlier on. But now that is out of the way, it’s time to welcome the 13th Star Child.

Episode 11
Mana trolling us with this scene of Itsuki and Alfie making out isn’t some pay per view exclusive or some virus uploading trick. After Alfie’s Star Child is born (the most normal looking of them all), Alfie tires out. Is this an after-sex joke? So as Itsuki searches for some idol present to cheer her up, Shangri La summons him to the palace to tell him a secret. Guess what? You cannot defeat the 13th phantom! WTF?! Doesn’t that render the Star Children useless then?! Based on some legendary texts (yeah, bad handwriting), the only way is to seal it. Long story short, Itsuki must be a sacrifice for that sealing! Yeah, it sure made all that maiden thingy look redundant now. Mana overheard it and tries to act her normal pervy self but he is in no mood. So as though like this is going to be his last time, he goes around to help and make happy the other maidens. He even gives some doll charm to Mahiru. Man, this is sure some big bad death flag he is opening to. Itsuki returns to nurse Alfie and once she is well, she tells him a secret. Oh, not she too. She is actually born of a Visitor and a maiden! However her mom was killed by Impurities. So she was a Star Child born with maiden powers but lost them after the Love Ritual? WTF?! I’m so confused! You mean it’s like she lost her virginity?! And why is she such a hot babe instead of looking retarded like other Star Children?! Do Star Children even grow up?! WTF?! I’M SO FREAKING CONFUSED!!! For more confusion, Alfie then does some idol concert and variety show skit to motivate Itsuki. Like… WTF???!!! Last but not least, Itsuki has never forgotten about Mana so here is the present she has been waiting for. Oh my goodness… Don’t tell me… He wants to perform Love Ritual with her???!!!! OMFG!!!! Has Itsuki lost his mind that he is into beastiality now???!!! It’s true!!! But wait. If this isn’t Love Ritual and no Star Child is born, you mean this is just purely sex!!! OMFG!!! ITSUKI YOU BASTARD!!! 13 CUTE GIRLS ONLY EXIST FOR YOUR LOVE RITUAL BUT THIS PERVY TANUKI IT’S LIKE YOU HAVE REAL SEX???!!! WTF, MAN???!!! It’s just so freaking weird, dude. Morning comes and Itsuki now has the resolve to seal the 13th phantom. After that great sex, why not?

Episode 12
Shangri La now tells the maidens to help Itsuki by doing their Star Ritual to seal him forever. Yeah… Meanwhile Itsuki and Mana have headed into the labyrinth to fight the 13th phantom. So now it is conveniently found? The maidens reluctantly begin their ritual. Because it is either Itsuki is gone or the entire Granvania gone. Eventually Mahiru can’t bear the thought of sacrificing him and breaks the ritual. Yeah, might as well destroy Granvania. No fun without Itsuki, right? And of course we can’t have Granvania destroyed too so please ask if there is another way. Oh, conveniently there is?! If the Visitor truly bonds with all the maidens, a power to rid the Impurities can be obtained. However there is no proof of this flimsy reason and too much of a gamble. So you’re saying sacrificing Itsuki has better results because of ‘evidence’. Screw the former because everybody’s going to go with this. Yeah, should have just picked this in the first place. Thanks to the interrupted ritual, Itsuki who was fighting the 13th phantom and got ‘caught’ by the ritual, the 13th phantom has escaped. This is where the Star Children come in to fight. But they’re not alone. The maidens help channel their power to transform them into… 3 cheap mini mechas! Itsuki is alive thanks to Mana’s protection. Mana can still sound erotic but just to troll him to drink some invigorating juice to help save the world. With Itsuki reuniting with the maidens, he changed his mind about being sealed. Yeah, he want to have fun with all of them. So can we expect the biggest orgy after this?!

Before the fight gets too boring, suddenly Alfie takes a hit meant for Itsuki. Some last words here and there (you mean the baddie waited for them to finish their talk?). Yeah, time to get emotional. Alfie’s last wish is to be happy. So what does Itsuki give her? A kiss! And then Alfie disappears. OMG! YOU MEAN SHE REALLY DIED?! Oh well, this makes him mad as he powers up to obtain the Ophiuchus sign. Plus, with the maidens synchronizing with him, Itsuki combines with the Star Children to become… An ever cheaper mecha! At this point, the 13th phantom shows its true form (a discount mutated version of Overlord’s Ains?). He grabs Itsuki and wants him to join the dark side. They can go spread despair over the world because Itsuki too must have felt superior when he defiled the ladies, right? Can’t argue with that. But of course Itsuki rejects. You killed one of his girls and he is going to pay. So Alfie’s Star Child prays for some holy spear for Itsuki to stab through him? The Star Children then ‘sacrifice’ themselves to seal the 13th phantom forever. With Granvania safe, Mahiru talks to Itsuki that she wants to go home. She might miss the people here but it’s where she came from. He agrees. So as they leave, the other maidens come to say goodbye. So why the long face? Eventually they realize they don’t want to part with him and go with him! If that isn’t enough, Alfie and the Star Children are somewhat alive and also follow him to this world. WTF?! Mana has taken a humanoid form. Cute as she can be but she is still pervy. So now everybody is living on Earth but the ultimate f*ckery in the end is how Itsuki marries all of them and wants to bear their children! You mean he needs more children???!!! IS THIS EVEN LEGAL???!!! WTF???!!!!

Foreplay Folly – The Fault In Our (Horny) Stars: A Star (Child) Is Born
WTF???!!! WHAT THE FFFFFFUUUUUUUU????!!!! I was expecting a cheesy ending but I didn’t f*cking expect this gross harem ‘bad’ ending! Yeah, good for Itsuki. He has all the girls in his world now. It makes you think if Granvania must be a lonely place because now they are over a dozen girls shop. Think about this. Granvania is going to partly falter without them. For example, with Collete gone, who the f*ck is going to run the bakery?! Who is going to deliver the mails now that Sue is no longer around?! Granvania would be stuck with just old men and hot men and now they can all get yaoi with each other. Oh Seiya, looks like Narcisstes is the only option for you and you can add Shangri La for a threesome if you want. If that’s the case, was it better to just destroy Granvania? Looks like when the next round of Impurities hit them, it will be mostly from deprived jealous guys. Meanwhile other jealous guys in Itsuki’s school will be green with envy that suddenly he has babes from all walks of life clinging on to him. And he is already done them in! F*ck off you cherry boys. Itsuki is already in a league of his own!

You know, the whole concept of this conception thingy seems to be one big flimsy plot. I did not play the game so I am not sure if the game’s mechanics and settings are any better. But I think it would be even if it is just slightly since the video game had a sequel with completely new characters. But as far as this animated adaptation is concerned, the plot to have a Visitor make Star Children feels like a poorly written plot. An excuse so that we could have some sort of fake make-out scene and foreplay folly. Uh huh. I don’t know if this is sexy or funny but either way, when it comes to those scenes, it was also mind boggling.

The fact that you could create a Star Child from all those bonding because of the Impurities build up crap thingy feels a lot like a weak excuse so we can have those tasty delicious foreplay scenes. Which isn’t much either, by the way. Just a slight teasing and showing of our characters who are going to make out in their undies and that’s about it. I know it would feel awkward if they make out fully clothed but if no penetration was even required, why the heck do they need to strip? Maybe in the heat of the passion that is where the Star Child is born. In a way they put so much focus on making a child that every episode is literally named around making a child. Please bear my child. Try having my child. Will you have my child. Let’s give birth together. You get the idea. Like, WTF?! You think making babies is easy?!

There are probably a lot of mind boggling questions I would love to ask especially the workings of this world and other stuffs that don’t make much sense. So much so that this series has the cheek to break its fourth wall to tell us to go visit their official website to find out more details about it! I suppose they don’t want to bore us with some legendary explanation and want us to go look it up ourselves while the episode is dedicated to some boring dating simulation. Yeah… So maybe I could find the reason why Alfie didn’t die and the Star Children obtaining their freedom (who is sealing the 13th phantom then?) but I don’t want to confuse myself any further. Plus, the site is in Japanese and I’m too lazy to Google translate. Yeah… And then the questions keep piling on like if Mana is an Impurity but is able to transform into a human, Alfie a Star Child but not really looking like a typical Star Child, Shangri La was once a Visitor, you just forget about everything and accept it all without questions. Life is so much easier that way.

Because I don’t understand if this Impurity thing was so bad and they need to seal or defeat it quickly, but yet you see the people of Granvania going on with their daily lives happily! Like as though there is no urgency. Do they put all their faith in the Visitor? Because I’m sure past records have shown the success rate is high because otherwise had the Visitor failed, no more Granvania. Even more mind boggling is how the maidens are chosen (yeah, suddenly that horoscope sign popped up somewhere on their body, so you must be the chosen one). You think that they would at least all stay and work together once they are identified. But noooooo. After their initial introducing, they carry on living their individual lives. Like, WTF?! Like as though they are waiting for Itsuki to come seduce them. Turn by turn. And to say that these maidens cannot fight directly and only produce Star Child is also very paper thin excuse. Every time Itsuki and the Star Children venture into the labyrinth, at least the most they could do is be there as support? I know, don’t want to put them in danger as they don’t have martial arts background. But still, it shows that the maidens don’t care and they’re just there to serve as plot device for some fake sexy fanservice! I keep thinking it is only a matter of time Granvania will fall…

So basically in most episodes follow somewhat a similar pattern as Itsuki will try to bond with the girl in focus before performing the Love Ritual. The problem is that it just doesn’t feel satisfying. Maybe the series doesn’t take itself seriously even when it comes to this part. But the fact that it is supposed to be somewhat like a dating simulation but it comes off as rushed and unsatisfying. I mean, there are actually 12 maidens already and since there is the 13th and some guys to troll us for possible BL, how else do you think they can fit all of that into a dozen episodes? That is why it feels pretty wasted and rushed that many episodes featured 2 maidens. Like as though they need to quickly move forward the plot and hence ‘fast forward’ and rush this dating thingy. I don’t expect it to last for a few episodes like Amagami SS or Seiren but if the series is going to feature a guy bonding with his harem, such hastiness is very much frowned upon and dilutes the worth of the series.

Therefore it feels like the Star Children are one of the most important and forgettable characters and plots here. They feel more like just plot conveniences. When the series started, I was under the impression that we are going to see how the Star Children fight against the Impurities. Even if it is not the main thing, at least make it look important. Heck, even the first episode felt like a big troll. Itsuki suddenly pulling out his magic sword to fight a monster. I thought that was going to be the staple of the series. However many of the plot for this part of fighting Impurities in the labyrinth is mostly skipped. Suddenly you see Itsuki and his Star Children conquering the labyrinth and making the offerings to seal the Star Ward. Wow. It looks so easy. And with the subsequent episodes suddenly turning into some cheesy second rate dating sim, I guess screw this part and give me more faux foreplay. Oh yeah, bring on those sexy scenes, baby!

Hence the characters feel more like tools for plot conveniences. If you ever think that there was a series that treats its females like objects, this show can be considered to be a close one. Because as you can see of how rushed everything is, the maiden in focus is given one (some half) episode of prominence. After her Star Child is born, she is not really heard of again. At least not as prominent as when Itsuki seduced her. That is the most limelight she’ll ever get. Then she’ll be tossed and become part of the background, almost and nearly forgotten. That is why I don’t feel the bond of Itsuki and the girls. Everything happens to fast! You know it’s bad when you come too fast, right?! ;p. I feel sorry that despite each of them have different backgrounds, they feel so shallow here. It just feels like a stepping stone for the Love Ritual. An excuse why Itsuki is going to bang them. So what Femiruna’s family runs Lunch Pack? So what Collete runs a bakery? So what Falun is a dancer? So what Sue wants to be a good delivery girl? It all doesn’t matter once Itsuki f*cks them. Yeah, I make it sound like Itsuki penetrate these girls in my paragraphs but rest assured it is just for dramatization effect. No wonder they want to follow Itsuki. He is the only one who can make them feel good! Damn Itsuki, you could run a pimp house!

Even more sorry state for the Star Children. As I’ve said before, they are born to fight Impurities and right after birth, they are taken to a foster home to be trained. Like, you mean mama doesn’t even care about them!? It’s like after the ‘mothers’ gave birth to them, they toss them away too. Not their responsibility anymore. Like WTF?! And what the heck will happen to them once the Impurities are all sealed? Will they all die and disappear? That will be sad if that happens. Because I sure don’t see Star Children from the last time around (even that was assuming decades ago). So yeah, the women and children of this kingdom are so forsaken!!! Somebody think of the women and children!!!

I also think there was a missed opportunity when they decide to bring about the 13th maiden and hence the 13th Star Child. Because they should have brought in the Ophiuchus as Alfie’s star sign. Oh wait. They did in the end. But a little too late. Ophiuchus is often believed to be the 13th zodiac and there are debates whether it should be included in the horoscope or just a pseudo member. But I can’t see how this serpent bearer would fit for Alfie’s personality. It’s not like she’s a snake, right? Oh right. She stole a kiss from Itsuki before her fake dying moments. Sneaky snakey… But heck, I don’t think many of the other girls also represent the zodiac they are assigned for. Like Collete who is more of a baker than anything to do with Aquarius. At least make her a waitress who pours water for the customers she waits. And how the heck can one associate Ruka with Cancer? Unless you tell me those twintails are like a crab’s claws. Too vague!

For better or worse, cheeky and mischievous Mana is indeed the ‘best’ character of the series and my favourite. Her tendency to break the fourth wall, make sleazy cheesy horny jokes at every moment must be some sort of talent. This is the reason why the series is so funny and interesting because of how easily Mana breaks into this slutty mode, trying to turn on Itsuki. Maybe she has some pent up sexual frustrations and that’s why you see her being kinky on purpose. Only if she was such a gorgeous human being, she would have easily been the fapping material of many! It is this same reason why the show is cheesy and sucks in some other ways. Once a pervert, always a pervert. Then they try to give Mana some background like she is an Impurity. Like, does that even really matter at this point? Are we supposed to sympathize with her? Maybe that’s why she has such impure thoughts. Haha! But Mana, carry on being you. We love you that way. I don’t even want to think how Itsuki made out with her… Mana acting all shy and blushing whether real or not, just feels so creepy… Imagine if a Star Child was actually conceived between them, it would be so disturbing. But now thankfully Mana is in her oh so cute human form and that would make making out (if that should ever happen) easier to palate. Not going the beastiality way.

Itsuki as the only other character aside Mana to appear in every episode, I feel his main character status has reduced him into a pathetic state. Just like the maidens, his role exists just as a tool for plot convenience. Oh, so what’s this that if he doesn’t save Granvania and get the job done, he won’t return back to his own world? Hence an excuse to go around seducing the maidens and then make out with her. He has got it so good in this world, I say screw his own world and continue living here. Do you not see he bums around a lot? It’s not like he has a real job or rent to take care of anyway. I see Mahiru is blending in pretty well. Since they don’t show her much so I’m assuming she must be getting along fine in this world. To show Itsuki isn’t such a sleazy guy going around banging chicks, that is why the final arc plot for the much needed drama to make him feel like he is on a guilt trip. I’ve shagged all the ladies (and a creature) that I can, now it’s time to contribute with my sacrifice. Don’t worry girls, he is not the only one with a dick in Granvania. But since he is the one taking their first time, I guess we can’t have him go that way either. And since he saved the day and has the maidens coming with him (pun not intended), it’s like this guy only has a win-win situation. As long as you make the ladies feel good, damn they will follow you anywhere.

The other guys here feel like as though they are a troll for some BL trap. Why else do you have this Seiya dude who is probably charming and a playboy with other girls, for Itsuki in that one episode to feel like he is going to fall for him? Trap! And then for a guy like Narcisstes, to even have this kind of name, I mean, WTF???!!! And why does Shangri La not look like a proper king because when I see him I thought he is some uncle pretending to be a king. Yeah… Oddly, assuming if Shangri La and Narcisstes have tackled this Impurities menace in the past (not too sure its frequency but from the way they said it, it happened before), they should have some sort of experience and knowledge about the past to help deal with the current situation. Therefore I am again screaming plot convenience about this 13th phantom crap. You mean it never happened before?! I don’t know how big the royal library is or if Narcisstes is doing his research wrongly because suddenly they pull out this legendary crap out of thin air. Like, are you sure you’re serious in dealing with this sh*t? I have a speculation why Shangri La as an ex-Visitor is now king of Granvania. It’s because he did not have any women who wants to sleep with him so he prefers to stay back here and rule over others! I mean, have you even seen the queen?! It’s not like she was ever mentioned she died or anything! Oh Itsuki, you should really count your blessings.

Art and animation feel average and pretty standard. I don’t know, is it me that the characters have this one kind look? This anime is animated by the veteran anime studio of Gonzo. They are still going strong in producing a lot of anime series every season but it must just be coincidence that the recent seasons the animes from them aren’t of my taste and hence didn’t catch their work for a while. While some of the maidens’ design look like cosplay themes (Ruka the miko priestess, Reone the nurse), it is the designs of the Star Children that feel pretty weird. It feels like as though they were the result of some mutation went wrong hence some look like a chibi retard. Serious.

For the voice acting part, my favourite is of course Mana who is voiced by Yurin (Honey in Space Dandy). She is so freaking awesome sounding as the sleazy perverted creature and really sounds the part. She sounds like she is having fun with all this that it is just convincing. She could be the next Satomi Arai if you ask me. But kudos to her for doing a great voice acting job because it is never a dull moment hearing Mana talk in her unique, uhm, accent? Surprising to hear Kana Asumi as Lilith and Lillie because I haven’t heard her in a while and thought she has retired. But she is more subdued here and even her Lillie counterpart doesn’t match the exuberance of her trademark like Nyaruko. The other recognizable seiyuu is Eri Kitamura as Sue. Yeah, she also sounds subdued here but it’s all part of her character role. Sho Hayami as the 13th phantom feels wasted in his role since the baddie isn’t looking all that menacing and cheap.

The other casts are Yuuki Ono as Itsuki (Kiyotaka in Da Capo II), Emiri Katou as Mahiru (Akatsuki in Log Horizon), Aya Endo as Arie (Tchaikovsky in ClassicaLoid), Riho Sugiyama as Tarua (Tanis in Frankenstein Family), Makiko Ohmoto as Ruka (Miki in Tenshi Na Konamaiki), Saki Fujita as Femiruna (Ymir in Shingeki No Kyojin), Sanae Kobayashi as Mirei (Ennis in Baccano), Yuriko Yamaguchi as Reone (Robin in One Piece), Kazusa Aranami as Falun (Fujiko in Dorei-ku The Animation), Asami Shimoda as Collete (Rin in Infinite Stratos), Yukiyo Fujii as Yuzuha (Harumi in Citrus), Ai Kakuma as Alfie (Julis in Gakusen Toshi Asterisk), Kengo Kawanashi as Seiya (Rei in 3-gatsu No Lion), Daisuke Hirakawa as Narcisstes (Makoto in School Days) and Kenichirou Matsuda as Shangri La (Gordon in Black Clover).

The opening theme is Star Light, Star Bright by Nano. Although this piece is passable and not bad, I wonder if it fits this series or not. You see, this rock piece sounds suitable if the anime was more like an action shonen adventure or fantasy like Naruto or Black Clover. So hearing this while keeping in mind the genre of this series makes me feel weird. But it cannot be as weird as the ending theme. The aptly named Desires by Manami Numakura is not only a techno rock frenzy but the freaky part is the animation. We see strange cardboard cut outs of Mana with macho man body doing very weird dances! The kind of exuberant energetic dance that you wonder if she is doing some sort of sacrificial ritual! This part comes off both funny and creepy because the surreal visuals somewhat remind me of Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica (the part the magical girls fight the witches). Yikes! I’m definitely not getting a boner in seeing this one. If their goal is to make me go WTF and feel crept out, they certainly succeeded in doing that.

Overall, this series trolled and teased us a lot with some suggestive and steamy scenes. We get our hopes up in seeing the make-out scenes and despite being rewarded with just that, that’s all we ever get. Disappointed, you damn dirty perverts! But I have to admit that I had fun and some laughs while watching this series, thanks to the horniness of a certain bear tanuki, thank you. It’s not the best nor sexy anime of the season of the year but it does give a different take and angle on the fanservice aspect. No cheap cheesy pantsu shots or boob shots to get the job done. Just some horny and suggestive remarks and trolling of the sexy bits is enough to make us feel anticipated, horny and disappointed all together. Then we all laugh it off after we’ve been had yet again. But I’m sure this isn’t going to cut it as an excuse when you really knock up a girl. I think we missed the concept of conception here.

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