Kandagawa Jet Girls

March 29, 2020

Okay, people. You know it is time to put up another series with some sleazy fanservice. What’s the best way for girls to bare their boobs and butts and dress all sexily without having us questioning too much? That’s right. Water sports. The only time when we horny otaku guys get to legitimately peek on girls with more skin than their clothes. But we’re not going for just any realistic water sport. We need to mix it up with some sort of fantasy either. So I guess beach volleyball is out, huh? Yeah, we had that back in 2018. Remember Keijo? Yeah, that was too obvious. So what a way to get boys who like their big machine toys by introducing babes and jet skis. Yes, people. Jet ski racing. Herald, Kandagawa Jet Girls! Don’t you just love it that hot sexy chicks in tight outfits riding their hot sexy water craft machines faster than the stars? Is it no wonder why this ‘futuristic’ sport is all female only?

Episode 1
When Rin Namiki was young, she watched her mom become the new champion of Jet Race. I hope she just isn’t admiring those huge boobs… Many years later… Her mom’s dead! Oh dear! That escalated quickly! It is also at this strange point Rin decides to transfer to a high school in Tokyo and he father gives his blessings. Countryside girl is of course amazed at the new sights of Tokyo, meeting weird girls whom we’ll know will serve as her future opponents. The big city is also confusing for her as she gets lost. And robbed! She chases down the thief but luckily Misa Aoi trips him not because she wants to but was trying to nurse her swollen foot (from kicking the VR machine!). So inside her bag is a giant dolphin bolster that she can’t sleep without? Is that the only thing she packed when she came here?! Misa isn’t the friendly kind so she leaves. When she returns to her dorm, guess what fate has in store for her? Rin will also be living here and yeah, she will be her roommate! Hyper Rin tries to bug Misa to be friends at school so much so Misa just finds her annoying and avoids her at all cost. Not until she hears Rin’s dream to become a Jet Racer and how she loves riding a jet ski. So Misa relents and lets Rin hang out with her. But as they do so on a pier at Kandagawa River, the snobbish Kaguya Shijuin and her maid, Kuromaru Manpuku tell them to get out because they are going to use it for their jet ski activities. Misa being obedient moves but Rin stays put and believes the river belongs to all. Hence Kaguya is going to teach her the rules of the place. Yes, they’re going to settle this via Jet Race. Rin accepts because she wants to become a pro Jet Racer someday. Misa feels conflicted of not stopping Rin. Obviously something has happened to her as she once harboured those dreams but has given up on them. Anyway she prepares for the race with Rin. Rin being the Jetter while Misa as the Shooter. Race day is here and while it looks like Rin-Misa (known Kandagawa Jet Girls AKA KJG) is in the lead, I guess somebody had the naughty idea of putting Shooters in this aquatic race. Because Kuromaru shoots Misa’s ass till her pants drop off!!! WTF?????!!!!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUU???!!! WHY NOBODY MADE THIS MOVE ILLEGAL???!!!

Episode 2
So we are explained about pants being shot off as a safety device. WTF. We are worried if Misa’s ass is going to be okay?! Obviously more rules explanation and there is more to a Shooter’s role than just shooting pants off. But of course. It seems there are certain points of the jet ski one can aim at. Once it reaches a certain critical point, the jet ski will forcibly shut down its power and go slow. WTF is this stupid rule?! Might as well just have Shooters shoot ass all the way! Of course it won’t be shooting all the way as we see the Jetters pulling off some manoeuvring. Rin makes a few surprises as she is able to surpass Kaguya at certain times. Seeing Rin serious must have made Misa not fool around too. Uh huh. Serious enough to shoot of Kuromaru’s top! In the last spurt, Kuromaru has shot enough to forcefully make Rin’s jet ski slow down and that is how Team Dress (Kaguya and Kuromaru pair) win at the last moment. Of course Rin doesn’t feel sad but enjoyed every bit of the race. Later Misa asks her why she did not use the boost system. Simple. She doesn’t know how to use it! She only knows how to use those on old models that her mom used. Rin learns that Kaguya wasn’t being a mean bully trying to monopolize the river. They had booked it earlier on and there are sets of rules to do so that everyone can share and use the river. Of course only clubs and association can do that. Unfortunately their school has no Jet Race club. Did Rin pick the wrong school? And of course, that won’t stop her because she’s going to make a new club! Certainly she’ll overcome all the procedures needed to create her new club. Like the case of an advisor, plead with puppy dog eyes until Yamada sensei gives in! Need more members? Plead and bribe Hina Tsuruno with more food till she gives in! Maybe Rin is too eager that she tries to submit for club approval to the student council president, Fumika Shinshijuin without getting enough members and will think about that once the club is running. Too bad she is kicked out. Then she tells her ‘sob story’ to Misa and in some ways she takes pity on her and decides to join her club. Wow. That was easy. Big thank you girly hug coming your way!

Episode 3
This is also how you snag a new member. Because Kiriko Yoshitoku is a mechanic and loves to fix jet skis, Misa offers her to dabble with their jet ski as long as she joins. You bet she’s in. Eager beaver Rin goes to submit to Fumika but gets thrown out again! Puppy dog eyes didn’t work this time. But hearing her lament she wanted to challenge Kaguya again, Fumika asks her if she can really do that. Because Rin says she can, Fumika will join her club! But Rin has to be careful not to pronounce her name since her family is a branch of Shijuin family and she doesn’t like that. With the club approved, Rin talks to Misa about it. Eh? Misa says she didn’t say she joined her club?! WT?! Did she forget last episode?! Rin feels so bad she misinterpreted her words and will go take off her name. But Misa stops her. What’s done is done. First club meeting, they discuss about Kaguya. Yeah, never lost before. Going to break some consecutive wins record if they win this year’s Kandagawa Cup. Misa throws in some tough training regimen for Rin and is surprised she is still hanging in there. Maybe she does have what it takes to defeat Kaguya. Hence Misa asks Rin for an outing this weekend. Our first yuri. Of course they get separated and with Rin getting lost, she stumbles into the typical pair of spunky-foreigners-who-love-Japanese-culture-so-much-they-pretend-they-are-Japanese, Jennifer Peach and Emily Orange. They are grateful she picked up their dropped item so they decide to take her around as treat. When Misa finally finds her, she is not pleased. Somehow she hangs out with them too and is further displeased the weeaboos have already taken Rin to all the places she planned to take her. Rin tries to calm them down by letting them choose souvenirs she bought but Misa and Jennifer end up picking the same yellow keychain. WTF?! Rumbling boobs to show the intense of their rivalry???!!! They’re ‘roaring’ away!!! And you’ve guessed it, the only way to settle this is via Jet Race. Oh boy, it really came down to this, huh? And that fake Rocky theme song so epic…

Episode 4
Wanna bet that Jennifer and Emily AKA Unkai Surfers are top scholarship recipients at a prestigious American high school who are studying abroad and a powerhouse in their field? Yup, thought so. The race starts and apparently when you boost your jet ski, it also changes shape. We’re not here to see jet ski transformation, right? We see Unkai Surfers taking the lead while KJG making a few mistakes. And then Emily’s gun is a bazooka! OMFG! Is that even legal?! No wonder Rin’s top got blown off despite not taking a direct hit! Also apparently at a certain stretch of the river, there are ramps you can use to jump over if not traverse through the obstacles. Misa doesn’t want Rin to use the ramp and save her boosts. And you know things are going to get serious when Misa know turns a sharp shooter that a single shot blows off Emily’s suit. Emily tries to use her bazooka to put up a water screen for distraction but I guess the downside in having a bazooka is that it has very limited ammo. She’s all out of them. Then on the last leg of the final lap, as Unkai Surfers uses the ramp, Misa’s idea is that when they are directly underneath them, she puts all her power into a single shot at their engine and forces their jet ski to shut down and go slower. With that, Rin presses and zooms ahead and overtakes the foreigner duo and wins it. In the aftermath, Rin still gives them keychains and of course they get so emotional about it because the true treasure is their friendship, right? So rivals become friends but still remain rivals? Misa is happy to keep her yellow keychain but refuses to say why she really wants it so badly. Hey, let’s not ruin today’s great race over something so trivial.

Episode 4.5
WTF???!!! WHY DO WE EVEN NEED A RECAP EPISODE?! Oh, the plot must be so convoluted and confusing that we need to remind viewers what happened to the story so far. Oh yeah. Because viewers are too lazy to go back and watch those episodes. What’s this about production issues?! You mean those delicious asses and tits weren’t enough to motivate the staffs to finish the job?! You guys failed in giving us our weekly fapping material!!!! On a serious note, while they only show recycled scenes from the early episodes, some ‘new dialogues’ are narrated by Rin and Misa so you can’t say that it isn’t entirely copy and paste. Oh well, have some fanservice better than none at all.

Episode 5
Rin makes it sound like she and Misa have become one! Not sure if the rest understood the real message but their reaction sure make it look like it’s a big deal. Later the duo try to practice their VR but then it broke. Kiriko tries to fix it and realizes the core is busted. Time to go get spare parts. Rin is happy to go with her and apparently Misa doesn’t want to be left out and also tags along. Worse, we see Misa feeling worried because Rin looks pretty close to Kiriko. Then as an excuse, Misa suggests to take Rin sightseeing since Kiriko is better off shopping for the parts. Sorry, but this isn’t Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen making its debut. Instead, it is the name of a pair of lesbo Chinese idols, Ziyu and Dina. Yeah… They’re quite popular too. Also here are Jennifer and Emily. They patron one of Hell’s Kitchen’s idol café (don’t worry, everything here tastes sweet and delicious) as the foreigners talk about the idol duo not only being famous idols but pro Jet Racers. More woes for Misa because Rin gets a call from Kiriko that she is done shopping. So what’s wrong? How the f*ck did Kiriko get Rin’s number when she herself doesn’t have?! More sad cat Misa face as Rin is all clingy to Kiriko on the way home. And then Rin goes out with the foreigners to Hell’s Kitchen’s concert. Now Misa is so ‘traumatized’ that she is sitting by herself at some dark corner that she almost scares the sh*t out of Hina. She gets the hint after Misa mumbles something about wanting to get a friend’s number. Hence we see Misa practising by herself on how to ask Rin for her number. Painful to watch. Real test comes when Rin suddenly returns. Now’s your chance… Nope. She left. Next time maybe. KJG finally have their go to practice on Kandagawa. However suddenly they get word from the association that their slot has been cancelled. What gives?! Turns out the one behind this is Hell’s Kitchen after using arm twisting tactics to get the association to bend over and f*ck them in the ass. Yeah… And when they start badmouthing others, that is where Rin draws the line. Their win had nothing to do with luck. Prove it. And as expected, this is going to be a jet ski duel. The winner gets the rights to use Kandagawa. As expected too, the idols take an early lead and leave our favourite duo in the dust. Make that water trails.

Episode 6
Hell’s Kitchen navigates the water better and Misa suffers from her jacket being shot off. You’d think all this is part and parcel of the drama when suddenly… Plot twist! They cut short this race as Hell’s Kitchen wins!!! WTF???!!! TOO FAST!!! And of course KJG returns to their daily lives. Obviously Rin is putting up a fake front and you can tell with that fake happiness. Misa tries to cheer her up and bring her on an outing. As they take a selfie, a pair of gals, Manatsu Shiraishi and Yuzu Midorikawa accidentally walk by and ruin their selfie. Rin recognizes them as they were the ones who helped take pictures for her when she first came to this city. The gals lack tact since they also point out they recognize them via their recent loss to Hell’s Kitchen. Misa is not pleased and asks who these b*tches are. Wanna bet they are also pro Jet Racers known as Baba Girls? Yeah. Misa doesn’t want Rin to hang out with them for they could be bad influence on her. Since when is Misa her mom? Unfortunately Baba Girls take that as an insult. Oh no. I can see where this is going. Yup, they’re going to settle this via challenge. And that challenge… Bowling?! Damn they trolled us… Obviously Baba Girls are good. Then a few more other challenges too like ping pong, basketball and some dance game. Why do I feel it is to showcase their sexy curves? Of course Baba Girls beating KJG flat in all games. Unkai Surfers happen to be here and just in time to be the commentators of this pool version variation snowball-cum-dodgeball game. In the end, Baba Girls trounced KJG. And of course the lesson of it all that should make our heroines realize what they lack: Communication and teamwork. On their way home, Rin admits she got worked up when the loli duo badmouth Misa. Hence blaming herself for the loss. Misa hugs her and suggests the only way to get better at communicating is via exchanging numbers. Yeah, nice. That did the trick. Rin is so happy that she never thought she’d ask. Wow. Rin bawling like a baby in public. Embarrassing… We hope the duo can communicate better because they seem to be doing so during their bedtime. Yup. Lots of texting to each other. DESPITE THEY’RE JUST SLEEPING A BED BUNKER AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 7
It is rumoured that a monster named Nyunyu lives beneath Kandagawa. Hence Hell’s Kitchen is doing so pseudo documentary to go catch it. Ziyu accidentally fishes off Dina’s top. Nothing fishy about those little monsters but I’m sure the fans would appreciate it. Hahaha!!! Meanwhile the test is coming up and Rin is confident because she has never failed one before. And that jinxed it because she failed! She has to buck up because as Fumika warns, if she continues to fail the make-up tests, she will have to take remedial classes and this means no Jet Racing activities. And the Kandagawa Cup is just around the corner… With Misa agreeing to this, Rin can’t even sneak in to practice on VR. At the library, Rin spots Kiriko reading an old Jet Racer magazine. Yes, Misa is in the article and it seems she was quite a pretty famous Shooter then. Why she transferred to this school without a Jet Racing club is beyond them. So Rin goes to ask her directly. Though she didn’t get mad, Misa reminds her to get her priorities right. Luckily Rin listens so she burns the midnight oil till she finally passes. When she resumes normal training, suddenly she falls sick. Poor girl. I hope studying didn’t cause her to burn out like that. That night, not sure why Misa suddenly got some panic thoughts on Rin. Hence she stares at Rin while she is sleeping! I swear this girl is getting creepier by the episode. Next day, Misa is out training, she spots Baba Girls trying to catch Nyunyu for social media likes? With that small net? They learn Rin is out sick. You know the cue of visiting her, right? Back at the dorm, Misa washes Rin’s back. Because of the ambiguous noises they make, the eavesdropping Baba Girls get the wrong idea. But nothing more to it as Misa lets them in. Apparently the best way to help one down with the flu is to eat lots of snacks! Yeah. Here’s the full course. Even Unkai Surfers is here to help Rin recover with their canned fruits. Yeah, it’s getting noisy and I’m sure Misa is not happy her private time to monopolize Rin is gone. That night, Misa catches Rin crying in her sleep. It’s yet another one of those dead mom’s dreams. Rin explains to her how mom died when she was young. Because she wants to experience Kandagawa the same way she did, the reason she transferred to this school. Misa assures she is here for her. Next morning, Rin wakes up and finds her sleeping by her side. I’m sure it was not the hand holding all night long that cured her flu.

Episode 8
Hell’s Kitchen are now doing… Bungee jumping?! Man, the things they would do to get ratings… Don’t push or you’ll both fall first… Too late… Regarding that Nyunyu hogwash they did last week? Yeah apparently many are starting to believe that monster is true. Rin is watching the race they lost to Hell’s Kitchen. She thinks she got what they’re missing: A weird team pose! Misa vetoes it of course. As they head out, they see Baba Girls still trying to catch Nyunyu. Apparently rumours say that if you catch it, your wish will come true. We know it’s nonsense but seeing Rin really wants her friendship to deepen with Misa (and also accept that weird team pose), she’s in for the ride! And yes, Misa who didn’t want to tag along, has to tag along. Because, friendship issues. Underneath the maze of sewers, obviously Misa is scared so Baba Girls can’t help tease her especially with ghost stories. Reaction so priceless. Especially when Misa trying to pretend to play tough. Even Rin got into the teasing! And when everyone starts tickling her, who is tickling her feet? WTF?! Mice?! Then there’s the whole pack of them! Run! WTF?! MICE GONNA RAPE THEM???!!! They got lost but no worries, that light at the end of the tunnel has them come up a well of the shrine house of Inori Misuda. Japan is so good that they even invite strangers to a bath, even those coming out from your abandoned well. Of course this leads to some bath time fanservice. Baba Girls really ‘exploring’ the boobs of KJG. After bath, Inori even treats them to a nice meal. Great hospitality. Then she ‘warns’ them about Nyunyu. It could be the reincarnation of the local Kanda God as it was once a paddy field. Hence they must not encroach on this land will ill intentions or be met with divine punishment. After they return home, I guess Rin still has mommy and friendship issues so the next day, she returns to Inori to seek advice. Something about leaving her friendship to the will of God. Seriously? Inori then explains she must also work hard for it. Pray is just to declare your intentions and not just to hope God will make your wish come true. Here that, all you people out there! Work hard! And so Rin goes to pray at the shrine that they will be in sync to win the next race. Gotta start small.

Episode 9
The Kandagawa Cup is around the corner. Here is how it works: In the preliminary rounds, the 6 teams who score the most points move on to the finals. That’s it. That’s all you need to know for now. I guess for KJG, if they want to face Hell’s Kitchen who is seeded in the finals, no prizes to guess they must succeed in the preliminaries. As KJG duo go on their routine training, they see a girl, Fuuka Tamaki seemingly wanting to jump off the bridge. They go restrain her and she explains she didn’t have such intention. However, since she was reflecting upon her disgraceful self, she thinks off jumping off anyway! WTF?! KJG stops her and of course the cue for them to listen to her woes. To put things short all her grand poetic words, I figure she has some love problems and the person whom she is in love with is in danger of going away because of her overbearing ways. With Rin talking about feelings and believing, you bet Fuuka will change her mind. For now. Back at the shed, don’t get surprised if Rin can’t fit into her suits because her boobs have grown. Nope. Misa feels her up and notes it isn’t her boobs. Phew. Has she gotten fat?! Nope. She now has muscles! Trolled us! I suppose the suit is so tight that they didn’t make provision for muscles, huh? Not that I can see Rin’s bulging six pack either. Anyway, Inori and Fuuka enter and stumble upon this yuri scene. Sorry to interrupt. After clearing the misunderstanding, you would have guessed that the only reason why the duo popped up before KJG is because, yeah, wait for it, they are their competitors in the preliminaries. And hence KJG will be up against Inori-Fuuka pair known as Sea Serpents. When the rest starts, KJG is shocked that Fuuka’s character changes 180 degrees! Why, she is like a crude and aggressive gangster girl! Then they realize that because she has a split personality, it could be this other ‘person’ that she meant she was talking about. In this tight race, we see Fuuka f*cking aggressive. Is it even legal for Inori to be carrying a gatling gun?! For added ‘suspense’, both sides shoot off their suits. Time to show those boobs and asses. In the final stretch, just when Inori’s gun runs out of bullets, Misa shoots to slow down their machine. Then it is a mad dash to the finish line. Too close to call. A photo finish will see who wins. Guess who? A DRAW???!!! Wait. So how? Anyway, Inori calms down Fuuka who now reverts to her repenting meek personality. It’s not touching. It’s just weird, seriously.

Episode 10
Based on their last performance, Kiriko thinks some power unit upgrade is necessary if KJG wants to win their next race. Unfortunately a decent one costs 300 grand but luckily a more compatible is cheaper. Just 200 grand. Oh well. Time to beg for money. Hence Misa goes to beg Fumika for funds. You might think she would give in after hearing the buzzword to defeat Kaguya. But she’s not dumb. Defeat Kaguya first, then we talk money. An argument ensues. Basically a chicken and egg situation. Once they defeat Kaguya, then can get all the money they want. However they need the money to defeat Kaguya. See where this is going? Eventually the only way to assure funds is to get it themselves via part time job. Gee, I wonder if there are high paying part time jobs. Aha! Sell their bodies! Thankfully, that didn’t cross their minds so we see them do convenient store jobs to food sampling to maid cafes. And when they pool their money, they are just short of 20 grand. Damn, these jobs pay that high for a short period? What timing when Jennifer calls, claiming she has a high paying part time job for them. You mean they’re going to sell their bodies now?! Just kidding. Working at a beach house run by her aunt. With those cute sexy girls, it’s no wonder business soared by 200%!!! Once they get their pay, it’s all fun in the sun and sand. Even Baba Girls are here. Oh, Hell’s Kitchen too. Since they’re in public, they are on their best cutie behaviour. Also in good timing, there is a beach volleyball tournament that offers 100 grand prize money. You know what’s coming. Hey, I thought this is a jet ski anime???!!! We see all the jet ski girl teams bulldoze the competition. In the first semi-finals, Hell’s Kitchen defeat Unkai Surfers. In the other semi-finals, KJG beat Baba Girls. The finals is really a close race. Dina is on the verge of losing her patience but suddenly the match is stopped! It is their manager coming to pick them up for slacking on a tight schedule! Hey. Can she just waltz in like that and do as she likes? Who the f*ck is she?! Anyway, with Hell’s Kitchen forfeiting their match, KJG wins. Damn, come to think of it, for an obscure mini tournament, they sure offer a f*cking great prize. Oh well. Goal achieved. KJG will get their parts and we views got our weekly fanservice. It’s a win-win for everybody!

Episode 11
Suddenly… KJG has qualified for the finals!!! Woah. I suppose the other competitors weren’t that good or important, huh? So as they celebrate, we hear them note that KJG blew away their competitors without the power unit because their order will take some time to arrive but it’ll be here before the finals. Uh huh. Just to tell us how much more powerful KJG can be. And so we have 6 finalists for the finals, all of whom we already know. Yup, no new faces here. And you bet KJG is going to be the dark horse of the race. KJG practice but it seems they aren’t able to get the results they want. Cue for Misa to have a flashback why she doesn’t consider herself a genius. Her sister, Risa was the talented one whom she looked up to. Then one day Misa blundered and cost them a win. Because of that sole incident, she decided to quite Jet Racing and enrol in a school where there is no Jet Race club. Talk about giving up so easily, huh? I suppose the finals must be far away because Rin decides to return to her hometown. And with Misa being alone, she stumbles into Sea Serpents as they invite her to a training camp. Not sure what this training camp is about but looks like they’re just cleansing themselves under the waterfall. Meanwhile Rin has returned. She thought the huge crowd was to greet her but too bad, only her dad. The crowd is because Hell’s Kitchen is also on the same ship. Rin visits her mom’s grave and is lost on what to do next. You mean racing her heart out wasn’t enough? Coincidentally, Hell’s Kitchen are also here to pay their respects. They confirm Rin is the daughter of Ran, the person whom they admired and the reason why they got into Jet Racing. Ran told them to just be themselves because they are different people. With that, Rin’s blues are blown away. She realizes mom has always taught her what to do but she had always tried to follow in her footsteps. You bet she’s going to try her best now. Misa finishes her training with a clear mind. When she returns, Rin has also returned. Man, what a quick trip? This time, Misa has something she wants to talk to Rin about.

Episode 12
We see Kaguya holding a lavish party. I guess it is to explain to some uncle why she is into this sport. You see, being born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she wanted to show she could achieve something with her own strength. So I suppose Jet Racing > feeding the hungry kids in Africa, huh? I guess confused uncle just agreed and his face looks like it’s written ‘whatever’ on it. So the thing Misa told Rin was about her past, her sister as a talented Shooter and how she almost gave up on Jet Racing. So she’s telling her now to get this off her chest because they’re about to enter the biggest race of their lives. Good thing. Don’t want this past to haunt you and mess up during the race, right? Also, Rin tells Misa about wanting to follow her mom’s footsteps but realizes it wasn’t the right thing to do. So now they’re friends? You bet. Because Misa accepts their chibi face logo as KJG’s emblem. And so the much anticipated race is here. As it starts, we quickly see where the teams stack up. Dress and Sea Serpents fighting for the lead, Unkai Surfers and Hell Kitchen’s battling in the middle while propping up the back are KJG (as expected) and MKHU (you mean this is the official team name for Baba Girls?!). As we also expected, KJG needs to boost up if they’re going to win this. So they boost ahead to the middle of the pack and shoot off the suits of those 3 teams! Like, WOAH! Because they’ve given us their role of fanservice, it’s time to make them crash out. Uh huh. KJG’s boost causes a tidal wave that has them just bump out of the race. You’ve served your roles, ladies. Thanks. With the field halved, KJG and Dress got this same idea to gang up on Sea Serpent. So after shooting off their dress, their role too is over and hence they are shot out of the race with their jet ski going into tailspin. And in the final lap, KJG and Dress go head to head as they race towards the finish line. It’s a close finish, but not close enough for a photo finish because KJG wins!!! OMG! From last to first! Everybody rejoices! Our losers are grateful in defeat including Kaguya. Time to return to more training. It is hinted that her trainer could be Risa. Rin so happy that she cries and hugs Misa in front of everybody. Isn’t friendship embarrassing?

Go Jetters: Girls Gone Wet & Wild!
Oh wow. I didn’t really expect that kind of ‘rushed’ ending. Me being so sceptical at this point was thinking that it could end on a cliff-hanger and not resolve anything. Then they surprised me and end it with the typical fairytale ending because our dark horse favourites pull of a come-from-behind win to take the ultimate trophy. Wow. Such a sweet and lovely ending. Now we don’t have to worry if there is going to be another season or not to settle this. And so KJG has risen to popularity to become champions faster than the stars after giving Dress their first ever loss in this important cup. No wonder. And whatever record that Kaguya was going to break, nah, no more important.

It feels like the whole story and everything is half baked and all over the place. Like as though they’re writing it as they go along. Because you can tell that they are dragging out the drama and not having loads of Jet Racing action. I mean, isn’t Jet Racing supposed to be the main attraction and theme of this series. Oh wait. I forgot! It’s the fanservice! But anyway, you can’t entirely blame that this series feels unfinished because it is part of the bigger project of developing a video game of the same time. So after the anime has finished its run, the game is scheduled to be released in early 2020. Hence this series feels like one big promotional stint just to promote the game. Initially I was confused that the game had already been released because my lazy Google search has netted results of various screenshots of the game. So why is it not released during the run of the anime? Oh well, I subsequently found out that those were just promotional screenshots and trailers of the game. Sighs. I only I had just reading a little harder. It goes to show that I just need to put in more effort if I want to blow away any misunderstanding. Oh well, not that I’m actually interested in playing the game anyway. Besides, doesn’t the rushed ending feels like a big promotion for the game? Not satisfied with how the anime ended? Go buy and play the game then! I guess there are new characters and sexy girls for you to shoot off their suits!

Speaking of promotion, there was an OVA released after the TV series finished. It was supposed to promote the video game but even if I guessed correctly it was going to be filled with the same sleazy fanservice, I didn’t bother to watch through the entire thing. Uh huh. I just skimped through, making this 22 minute OVA over in less than 5 minutes. So basically it’s about Kaguya calling the rest of the jinjang gang to help do a promotional video about Jet Racing as per requested by the association. Yup. Those men in high powered suits know nothing about it and entrust this to a bunch of sexy hot babes half their age. And as you could guess, the girls have no clue on what to do so it turns out mostly with lots of fanservice, a typical cutie Hell’s Kitchen idol video, more fanservice, some weird American ninja weeabo sh*t, and hell lots more of fanservice. In the end, those executives are probably gay because the filming done by our amateur film shooting girls came out looking more like some sexy porn teaser. So they reject the whole damn thing and replace it with some stupidly boring mascot to stupidly boring explain what Jet Racing is. Yup. Wasted all their effort and even rushing to submit it for the deadline. What are the chances the video game will also be toned down because of this? Is this some sort of premonition?! Well, doesn’t concern me. Not going to play the game.

Because this is not your usual jet ski racing, there are certain terms on how this race is conducted and some of its rules. Very briefly. It’s weird they are racing in canals all over Japan and do they have to clear out all the boats that are parked there each time a race is held? I mean, some of those boats are homes for some people. Do they really need to clear the area? Because jet skiing in circles is boring, that’s why they incorporated another player just to shoot and make it more exciting. Except for fanservice reasons, the shooting is as boring as the race. Uh huh. Weird obstacles in the race too? Time to show your flying skills or your weaving abilities. Not that it’s that exciting either. Furthermore, when the series reached halfway and particularly after KJG’s loss to Hell’s Kitchen, there has been a dry run of jet ski races since! You’d thought that there would at least be 1 jet ski race per episode but in the second half, they took a detour like trying to find the mythical Nyunyu and WTF a beach volleyball competition?! I know variety is the spice of life but is Jet Race that boring that they need to incorporate this bunch of other stuffs?

And you thought Kandagawa Cup being the most important of all the jet ski racers, the Holy Grail of the Jet Race, you’d thought there’d be more competition but what the heck? Only 6 finalists? Maybe six sounds close to sex. Like, sextet. Sexy, geddit? Like where is everybody else?! Plus, is there some sort of Jet Race agency or union or association that is supposed to exist at least in the setting in this anime? Right: JJRA– Japan Jet Race Association. Because even if they do exist, they sound like they don’t because we have ragtag teams of the girls coming from all over the place. Heck, high school and teenage girls racing. Is this sport really regulated? Or it’s just one big pastime in this alternate setting of Japan and the adults just sleazily approve and close an eye on this sport because they want to see boobs and ass. Yeah, whatever. And isn’t it unfair that the Shooters, one team only has a pee shooter and the other some bazooka? Doesn’t the rules regulate this too? Talk about inequality. So who is holding the BFG 9000 then? Yeah, whatever again. As long as the clothes come off faster than the stars, we shouldn’t be complaining :-).

The other odd thing about the Kandagawa Cup as I noticed, if it was such a big and important event in Japan (at least in the setting of this anime), why are the streets somewhat empty? If you take a look at the bridges where all the audiences are watching, they are just paltry. Just a handful of people standing on the bridge watching. And you thought the bridge will be jam packed with cars but apparently there is no traffic at all! It looks so much like a dead town! Heck, even those buildings by the river, nobody is peeking out their windows to watch this race! So where the heck is everybody?! Is this just an elite sport for the few? Those JJRA buggers should just increase the number of teams in the finals, to attract more viewers. Is it me or do I also notice that many of the audiences are girls. Are the guys in this town gay because there are a handful of hot sexy girls and yet none of them even came out to watch. I understand why women only enter this sport and there might not be even a men’s category. But something wrong with this sport when it’s supposed to attract male boners but instead girls are interested because of the potential yuri. Just saying…

Of course everything in this series screams about fanservice. So much so that there are 2 versions of the anime while it was running. Yup, you’ve guessed it. The censored version or the uncensored one. Because I’m such a high class hentai noble, I watched the censored version as I am using my ‘superior imagination’ to visualize those tits and asses that have been blocked out by ‘blinding white lights’. Ah yes. I can see them so clearly now! It’s all in my mind!!! Rin and Misa’s tits and asses! Only amateurs and newbies as well as hardcore horny lowlifes will desperately watch the uncensored one. Oh yeah. Keep watching and enjoying those uncensored ones for visual eye candy, you lowly peasants! I’m now part of the elite group of aristocrats! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh damn, I forgot that despite the different taste in fanservice levels, we’re all still lowlife scumbags of perversion! Once a pervert, always a pervert. You’ve seen one pervert, you’ve seen them all! Sad… Sh*t, I’m getting side-tracked here…

Anyway, I believe that they are trying to come up with something different using the jet ski racing model while also incorporating fanservice into it. Because of that, there are a few mind boggling questions that you would have probably wanted to ask. For instance, the suit that they wear that can be shot off. If that doesn’t scream fanservice to you, I don’t know what is. Now, I read an article that the producer did provide an answer the necessity of wearing such suits in the first place rather than just hopping on the jet ski on their skimpy bikini. According to his answer, to briefly put it, it is to serve as security and protection. You know, when Shooters shoot their guns (some of them whom have bazooka-like firearms!), it is to protect their skin from being ‘damaged’. Okay. Cool. But why the f*ck then can it be shot off???!!! Do you understand what I mean?! This shows that the security suit is not doing its job properly if it can be shot off!!!! And so it leads back to the typical answer that it is just for some cheap fanservice. Nice try. But try again, dude. So, if the suit can be shot off, why not their normal shirt or pants underneath? Damn, these are more durable than the suits! Can those be shot off?! We’re waiting for the day it can! Dude, think and try harder again!

More fanservice galore when you realize that the reason a Jet Race is a team sport because when both girls huddle closely to each other when the race is close to the finishing and when the Shooters have run out of ammo, doesn’t this riding in tandem look like some sort of sex position? For example, Rin is always bent over as she is steering the jet ski as a Jetter. Once Misa is done shooting and of course they need the drag and aerodynamics science crap for them to go faster and hence Misa will also bend over, making her boobs touch Rin’s back and her crotch close to Rin’s ass. It’s like some backdoor sex position but on a jet ski! Is that high class or what?! I’m sure this is the best ‘ride’ ever. HAHAHAHA!!! Oops… And of course fanservice literally scattered over the rest of the series like the girls having some weird bonding in the bath, girls touching each other here and there (yuri cue!), ambiguous angles that show those delicious parts as well as the mid-intermission eyecatch that has some of them close to being porn potential. Seriously.

And the best part of the fanservice is how they trolled us Rin can’t zip up her suit. We’re thinking, oh damn, her boobs must have grown because she’s been pushing those twin mountains against her jet ski all the time. Mind boggling but literally somehow it worked. And then they tell us it is because she has developed muscles, that’s why her suit is so tight!!! WTF???!!! MUSCLES???!!! WHAT THE FFFFUUUUUU?????!!!!! Can they just get a bigger suit? And with the exception of the loli twins, why the heck are the rest of the other girls have big boobs? Is there some sort of prerequisite for one to enter this kind of sport? Boobs must be this big if you want to participate in Jet Race. Unless you’re a bunch of famous flat chest idols with the backing of a popular agency strong-arming your way through.

The characters are a big fail and there is nothing that makes you want to support any of them. Not even KJG despite being the main characters and the supposed star of the show. As you can see, both of them have their past and their reasons to enter this kind of sleazy sport. Both of them are the polar opposites of their characters because it makes better drama, I guess. Like Rin who is so bubbly and my pace, the kind of genius and advent in the game because she knows nothing about it (or at least, her knowledge of the sport is still stuck and outdated when her mom was the ‘world’ champion), only to somehow let her inner talent burst out at crucial times to deliver the desired ability. She wants to be her mom but I have seen lots of animes like these to tell that people like her usually need to follow their own footsteps to achieve greater heights. That admired person is just a guide and stepping stone. Everything is up to you. Uh huh. It’s that cliché moment that a character needs to have at least a parent dead so that it serves as motivation to go achieve greater heights. And as always, mommy will always be watching you from the stars, my little darling. Wow. No wonder Rin no more lost. You go get ‘em, girl!

If you find Rin’s liveliness annoying, at least it is not as annoying as Misa who is being somewhat a tsundere. She has this conflict about becoming Rin’s friend. Yes, she wants to become her friend but I’m not sure why she is so scared of doing so. Is it because Rin will tease her or something? Hence, she’s putting up that b*tch face and rejecting all of Rin’s attempts while in the background when nobody is looking, rues another loss chance. Is this what you call friendship drama?! It sucks, by the way. Sorry folks, no outright yuri too. But a little yuri is hinted so use your imagination. And then of course, to make her the brooding character who is opposite of Rin’s, to explain that, that is why we had that short flashback of her being a failure. Just 1 damn failure and she used it as an excuse to quite Jet Racing???!!! An excuse to continue painting her sister to be the all-time great. So where does it leave her? In limbo. Ironically she’s doing it now with Rin but her heart is not in there. I can see why KJG can’t easily win races all the time. We’re going to need a miracle like Rin’s 1000% optimism if they really want to beat all the favourites if Misa is going to continue to have low self-confidence. Luckily, all they need to do was to come clean about each other and hence the miracle of them suddenly working together like a charm without the thorn of their past bugging their performance. Heck, it’s like they didn’t even needed the latest boost system at all. Their friendship is the booster! Want more firepower to that boost? Get more yuri! HAHAHAHA!!!

The rest of the other characters are just meh. Especially the club mates of Rin and Misa. They actually don’t really matter. Even for the silliest reason that they need the minimum number of members to form an official club, they still are sure lacking in almost every way. Okay, to be fair, perhaps Kiriko is valid because she is the mechanic who tunes their jet ski. This gives Rin and Misa time to practice their skills instead of tinkering with the machine. But for Hina and Fumika? Why the heck do they even exist?! Maybe Hina is like the big sister, the manager who handles the other stuffs but I don’t really see her doing it. She’s so forgettable that at times I even forget she existed. We need a b*tch character like Fumika so that this snobby noble could one day rub it in her higher status family member that she’s no pipsqueak. However, it is Rin and Misa doing all the work and she just sits there doing nothing but give lip service sometimes. Otherwise her character is just redundant. Since KJG won, I didn’t see her bragging about it. Yay. So we beat Dress. So what? No effect at all. Because of that, Fumika feels so ‘absent’ in the final episode. Like we’ve forgotten about this somewhat. Same feelings to for Yamada sensei. The club just needs an advisor so it doesn’t look like a bunch of rogue girls gathering illegally in some illegal hideout to discuss Jet Race issues. Really.

And as you would have guessed, the rest of the characters who are the main rivals-cum-friends for KJG do not fare any better as well. Like always, variety is the spice of life and that’s why you have a really colourful bunch of weirdoes with their own weird personalities just to make things interesting. Somewhat. So like Kaguya the high class arrogant b*tch and her glutton maid Kuromaru, you bet somebody needs to bring them down from their high horse. Then we have a bunch of loli b*tches AKA Hell’s Kitchen who are equally as b*tchy because we need a loli version of b*tches in addition to big boobs noble b*tches. Don’t want any more b*tches to overlap the characters already. That’s why now we have a bunch of weeaboos, Unko Unkai Surfers who speak in weird accent just to show that they are foreigners who love Japan’s culture. WHO DOESN’T LOVE JAPAN’S CULTURE OF ANIME, MANGA AND GAMES???!!! Next, we have a pair of sluts AKA Baba Girls MKHU. Somebody needs to be hyper sexualized and thus the reason you have them. Because the way they talk and act, it’s like they’re itching to get f*cked. Like as though they just came out from some porn shoot and want more. Lastly, the very odd pair of Sea Serpents (should I call them snakeheads?), one with a personality disorder and one is a miko priestess. Are you sure it is not against their faith to do this kind of thing? Okay. Whatever. All in all, these characters serve as KJG’s main rivals and due to the lack of episodes, they are not fleshed out properly and that is why like me, you get to form stereotypical bias perception on the kind of characters they are. Hey, don’t blame me for pigeonholing them so. You didn’t tell me their back story so and so, so how am I going to understand why they’re acting like that?

Art and animation aren’t anything special. Just passable. Sometimes they use CGI during the jet ski racers but they’re palatable. I’m sure this is how the game is going to look like using this kind of graphics. But the one thing I find weird is that how some of the girls look fat! I mean, the way the characters are drawn, some of them really look chubby. Take a closer look at Kiriko, Rin and Misa’s face. No, take an even closer look. Do you not see the slight plumpness in them? Even more so with Kuromaru because she is actually a fat girl but her overly huge hentai-like boobs prevent us from seeing those flabby belly. Yikes! The jet ski designs are also not bad but too bad they aren’t given that much prominence compared to the curves of our girls. Sad… This anime is animated by TNK who produced the High School DxD series, Sin: Nanatsu No Taizai, Kenzen Robo Daimidaler and School Days.

I must be hearing things because I thought I heard Kana Hanazawa as Fumika. Nope. Wrong! It’s Hisako Kanemoto (titular character in Shinryaku! Ika Musume). Didn’t recognize any of the other casts. Well, maybe except for Satomi Satou. Barely. In a very soft spoken voice lacking of all emotions, she is one of the commentators of the Jet Race but her character is so insignificant for me to remember. Sad… Oh, Minori Chihara as Risa? Wasn’t paying attention to a character that had just a few seconds cameo. Anyway, the other casts are Yuu Sasahara as Rin (Akari in Tonari No Kyuuketsuki-san), Riko Kohara as Misa (Rokka in BanG Dream), Ai Fairouz as Emily (Hibiki in Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru), Lynn as Jeniffer (Maya in Sabagebu), Naomi Oozora as Dina (Kiriha in Tsugumomo), Rumi Okubo as Ziyu (Aguri in Gamers), Chika Anzai as Manatsu (Reina in Hibike! Euphonium), Kaori Maeda as Yuzu (Mari in Back Street Girls: Gokudolls), Aya Uchida as Inori (Kotori in Love Live), Ayaka Asai as Fuuka (Hazuki in Hibike! Euphonium), Azusa Tadokoro as Kaguya (Kotori in Gokukoku No Brynhildr), Aya Suzaki as Kuromaru (Mako in Kill La Kill) and Maki Kawase as Kiriko (Yakumo in Val x Love).

The opening is dung by the KJG duo. Faster Than The Stars Bullet Mermaid is your typical lively beat with some techno in it. Great for this series but not likely to end up in my personal list of top 100 songs of the year. The ending theme is Rivals by Azusa Tadokoro. Another generic rock music. Same, great for this show but not really to my liking. Now, the one that personally takes the cake is that fake Rocky BGM theme song. Even if it isn’t as epic as it is supposed to spoof, hearing this song each time never fails to make me break into a smile. You know, “Oh God. It’s that song again…”. Yeah… Also, my ears might be playing tricks on me because I think there is one BGM which I think sounds very close to Hotel California but in shamisen version. At least there is just one line that sounds close to that Eagles’ all-time hit. Other than that, many of the other soundtracks are made out of dramatic techno beats that are used mainly in the Jet Race.

Overall, this feels like a series just trying to cash in on the fanservice. Obviously the only memorable thing about this show which is otherwise so very forgettable. The story, the mechanics of the sport as well the characters are not properly written out and sometimes when you think about it, it’s that feeling that it’s just bad that it’s good. If you really want to watch a water sport series that is filled with ‘satisfying’ fanservice, go for Keijo. When you are already going for the fanservice goal, might as well go all the way of using the basic tits and ass instead of some machine to make it less obvious. We’re only lying to ourselves. No matter how sleazy and pervy the reason, we just want to see boobs and butts in action. That’s why Keijo was so highly successful that they couldn’t get another season. Heh. Sad… So whoever wins the Kandagawa Cup, we the audience are the biggest winners as we get to see the wet girl on girl action. And if we’re lucky, all their clothes come off during the race! Faster than the stars! Oh yeah, lots of huge cups for us to savour! So why aren’t we making jet skis the next popular sport in the world?!

I know this is long overdue. But what to do? That is what happens when you procrastinate. You decide that tomorrow is the day that you will get things done but when tomorrow comes, once again delay rears its ugly head. Besides, tomorrow never comes. Because it becomes today! So technically we’ll never get things done! HAHAHA!!! Oh… Oops… Anyway, I somehow managed to pull away from the laziness and finally do a versus blog between Gabriel Dropout and Jashin-chan Dropkick. I only remembered doing this because the latter is getting a second season. Yeah, some sort of ‘wakeup’ call for me to get it on now instead of waiting and watching till the second season is over. Who knows I might lose motivation again and being lazy. And yup, speaking of lazy, both animes have loser characters in their lead. But since they’re so cute and adorable, we forgive them for making us laugh, no?

The leading failure:
You could’ve guessed from the title…
Gabriel Dropout: Gabriel – Lazy and unmotivated angel. Becomes a slacker addicted to video games.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Jashin – Manipulative and self-centred serpent. Becomes Yurine’s slave and always gets what’s coming after several failed attempts to kill Yurine.

Her childhood friend:
Gabriel Dropout: Raphiel.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Medusa and Minos.

Dumb troublemaker:
They never learn from their failed mischiefs…
Gabriel Dropout: Satania. Always trying to get back at Gabriel.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Jashin. Always trying to kill Yurine.

Gentle devil:
Don’t judge a book by its cover.
Gabriel Dropout: Vigne.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Medusa.

Fallen angel:
How the might have fallen…
Gabriel Dropout: Gabriel.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Pekola.

Stalker girl:
Gabriel Dropout: Raphiel.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Mei.

Gabriel Dropout: Martiel is obsessed about Raphiel.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Mei is obsessed about Jashin.

Gabriel Dropout: Gabriel’s sisters are Haniel and Zelel.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: The snow sisters, Yusa and Koji FKA Yusa.

Don’t mess with this girl:
Think twice…
Gabriel Dropout
: Yurine.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Zelel.

The underclassman:
Gabriel Dropout: Tapris – Admires Gabriel and wants to get rid of Satania whom she views as the one responsible for turning Gabriel into a slob.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Poporon – Hates Pekola and wants to get rid of her so that she could take her place as a fully-fledged angel.

Always doing her best:
Gabriel Dropout: Tapris.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Minos.

Delusional girl:
Gabriel Dropout: Machiko – Delusions of trying to be more responsible.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Jashin – Delusions of trying to kill Yurine.

The dog:
Gabriel Dropout: That damn dog that keeps stealing Satania’s melon bread!
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Beth, Yurine’s demon pet dog.

The umbrella:
Gabriel Dropout: Raphiel shares her umbrella with Satania when the latter forgets hers.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Yurine uses the umbrella as a weapon to stab Jashin!

The eye:
Gabriel Dropout: There is a blind girl undergoing a risky surgery to restore her sight. With the miracle of a certain angel, she gets her sight and a second chance at life!
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Yurine wears an eye-patch as part of her emo gothic fashion, I guess. But does it really have some miracle power behind it because she once used it to unleash Beth’s power or something.

Part time job:
Gabriel Dropout: Gabriel works part time at a coffee shop.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Poporon works part time at a ramen shop apart from being an idol.

An angel’s halo…
Gabriel Dropout: Can be corrupted.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Can be eaten!

Falling sick:
Gabriel Dropout: In episode 7 when Vigne caught a human cold. Heartless Gabriel even has her do both their homework and even forcing her to make tea! Better kick out the leach!
Jashin-chan Dropkick: In episode 11 when Yurine becomes sick and doesn’t even retaliate to Jashin’s attacks! Is she gonna die?!

Solving hot days…
Gabriel Dropout: In episode 3 when the air-cond died, Gabriel beats up and forced annoying Satania to fix while she makes herself at home at Vigne’s.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: In episode 2 when Jashin is b*tching about having no air-cond in Yurine’s home, Yurine kills her and let her blood drip! You feelin’ cold now, girl?

Money woes…
Gabriel Dropout: Gabriel spent too much money on microtransactions to even buy food.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Rotten Jashin is always borrowing money from her personal ATM AKA Medusa on the slots.

Online shopping:
Gabriel Dropout: Wow. Hell even has its own online shopping network. What’s this gun that won’t make you stop laughing for 10 minutes?
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Oh Yurine, is this where you shop and order for new weapons to be tested out on Jashin?

The great pretender:
Gabriel Dropout: In episode 12, Gabriel returns changed after her re-education and her entire slacker character is nowhere to be seen. Turns out she was just putting up an act to deceive Zelel and will continue to do so until her big sister goes away.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: In episode 4, Jashin pranks Medusa with her dead skin to scare her that she is dead. But Medusa didn’t find it funny and instead ended their friendship. Panicked Jashin pleads for forgiveness and apologizes as she couldn’t stop crying. Turns out Medusa was just putting up an act to see her reaction. Gotcha!

Keep looking:
Gabriel Dropout: Raphiel loves watching all sorts of movies to find contrasts in dubbing and subtitles.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Persephone II is always looking for Jashin but always misses her.

Party gathering:
Gabriel Dropout: In episode 11, the gang gather for a takoyaki party.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: In episode 1, the gang gather for a sukiyaki party.

Getting drunk:
Gabriel Dropout: In episode 9, Gabriel becomes drunk after drinking sweet sake and starts flying in the sky.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: In episode 5, drunk Jashin comes by Pekola’s cardboard home to mock her food. Also, in episode 11, Mei is drunk while on duty.

Beach episode:
Gabriel Dropout: Episode 4.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Episode 12.

Christmas episode:
Gabriel Dropout: Episode 9.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Episode 3.

Number of episodes:
Gabriel Dropout: 12 episodes + 2 OVAs.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: 12 episodes. There will be a second season in 2020.

Year TV series was released:
Gabriel Dropout: Early 2017.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Mid-2018. There will be a second season in 2020.

Studio production:
Gabriel Dropout: Dogo Kobo.
Jashin-chan Dropkick: Nomad.

It is definitely hard for me to say which one is clearly better as both are cute and funny. But if I had to really, really, really, really, really pick one, I think the slight edge will go to Jashin-chan Dropkick because of all the crazy, silly, nonsensical slapstick comedy that it is. No holds barred. Gabriel Dropout is okay too but it isn’t as funnily violent as the former. Yeah, I’m such a sadist. So it goes to show that Earth is such a fun place to be that angels and demons prefer to live here. Be it a NEET or somebody’s slave. I hope this doesn’t send the wrong idea that being a failure is so much fun than being successful. Maybe with the exception of watching others fail so badly that it’s good. Others failing for the sake of our entertainment, is that a success or failure?

I guess we’re going to have another season. Perhaps it is the trend in today’s era. Because Tsugumomo is going to get another season and hence the crowdfunded started back in 2019 and achieved its goal. But before we bring you the next season, here is a thanks to all the contributors with Tsugumomo Chotto H Na OVA. You’ve been wanting to see the tits of all the girls in the series without resorting to some underground porn, right? That’s right. Your wish has been granted. This OVA is the perfect appetizer for you perverts out there before we get started with the sequel.

Part 1: The Slave Master
You know how strong Kazuya’s morning wood is, right? He has to put up with Kiriha sleeping naked. Because she’s like the queen, he is forced to wear clothes for her and hence touching those delicious parts. He feels bad about it but sometimes he likes it too. In school, she falls asleep and doesn’t pay attention. On the way home, she forces him to spend his limited allowance on her whims and fancies. Like on this dessert. But to show she is not all that bad, she shares it with him. Heh. It’s his allowance after all. Back home, Kiriha’s choice of dressing continues to distract him from his studies. The real test begins when she has him bathe with her. And because the sponge is missing, he has to rub her body parts with his hand. Yeah, this might not be so bad. Not only her tits, but her pussy too! THIS ISN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL!!!!!! Kazuya thought he won since she gave out a little embarrassing eek. But after she is done cleaning her, she grabs his balls to destroy his dignity and bring him back down to earth. Who’s the real master here???!!! In bed, she sleeps all over him. Even though he has endured a lot of suffering from her, he doesn’t want this relationship to change. If he could, he wants this to continue every day. You mean he likes her busting his balls?! Oh God, I hope he didn’t turn into some masochist…

Part 2: Sentou Ga!
The gang visit the public bathhouse. As you can see, Kiriha and Kukuri try to outdo each other at every single chance they get. To a point where they did kanchou on each other’s butthole!!!! I suppose Chisato has more problems than worrying about Kokuyou’s humongous tits so she has to discipline the loli duo and smack their butts till they’re red. Behave!

Part 3: The Dominator
We see Sunao dominating over Kotetsu since young. Including that one time he complained boys and girls shouldn’t be bathing together so she shut him up by grabbing his balls! Kotetsu’s suffering since then. Then this moment where Sunao came home tired and just dropped asleep. Kotetsu had to take off her clothes and change for her. Yeah, undressing fanservice. Why not just let her be? Scared he’ll get some punishment next morning? Then seeing the tears in her eyes, I guess it’s goodnight. Huh?

Part 4: Boob Job
Kokuyou wants to give Kazuya a boob job to thank him for all that he’s done!!! Since when did this turn into a porn shoot?! Claiming her tits are ugly, Kazuya dismisses all that and mentions all her good points. Including her boobs. Having said that, she insists in giving him a boob job. Got caught with his pants down when Kiriha and Kukuri return. Kukuri can’t stop shrieking. Worse, Kokuyou wants her to join in! Can she, with those non-existent tits? Kiriha can’t stop laughing…

Part 5: Incontinence Inconvenience
For some reason, Kazuya can’t move. But he needs to go to the toilet. Hence Kiriha and Kukuri try to help him pee! This is so embarrassing. I don’t know how they did it but it went okay. More embarrassment for Kazuya when they put diapers on him. So he prefers to let girls help him pee all the time?

Part 6: Erection Test
Kazuya reads a manga story to Kiriha. Turns out to be an erotic one. Kiriha is curious to know which his favourite is and since he won’t tell, she crucifies him and will test him. Does she need to call the other girls too? Oh well, I guess everybody wants to know. So as she reads several erotic settings, the gauge is of course Kazuya’s little brother getting it up each time the erotic scene is read. Safe to say, he reacts to all of them. But then there is one yaoi scenario. The other girls are interested in this one? But it seems this doesn’t belong to Kazuya. Whose? Kasumi of course.

Dakara Boku Wa H Ga Dekinai!
Poor Kazuya. He’s a sexual assault victim!!! He has got his modesty outraged almost every day especially by this tsukumogami and if luck has further abandoned him for the day, he gets his balls grabbed. Because he is a guy, nobody is calling the cops. Plus, we all otakus love seeing this guy in pain, right? Double the fun when we also get to see sexy fanservice of the girls. So who’s complaining? It’s amazing he still has maintained his sanity (and chastity) after all the sexual abuses. In that sense, he is the strongest character, no?! I suppose after achieving almost 7 million yen in crowdfunding, adapting just 6 shorts from the extra chapters of the manga volumes seemed like a rip-off. Hey, who am I to complain? I didn’t contribute a single yen! And hey, I actually didn’t know this came out (nor the second season) just only a few weeks ago! The other thing I like is the ending song which is a full on devilish hard rock piece. Yeah, so epic and badass it feels like a waste for this ecchi OVA. So thanks for the fanservice and the not so friendly memories of a girl grabbing a guy by his balls as punishment. Yikes. Now I’ll be waiting to watch the next season with my legs clutched tightly together.

Hataage! Kemono Michi

March 22, 2020

Initially, I wanted to pass up on this anime Hataage! Kemono Michi. You know, I wasn’t so interested in a comedy series that has a pro wrestler who is an animal lover, opening a pet shop in another world. Yup, another isekai genre. But without so much the main character being overpowered. Well, technically he is strong but not overpowered. Anyway, the thing that got me curious and changed my mind eventually was the synopsis. As I read on, I realized the main character did a German suplex on a princess because he refused her request!!! OMG!!! Some half naked guy doing a wrestling move on a cute princess?! This… This… This (hilarious) atrocity I must see! And that was the clincher that had me watching this series. Yeah, first impressions count and I’m glad it did.

Episode 1
Genzo Shibata is a famous pro wrestler under the moniker, Animal Mask. During an important title match, just as he is about to deliver the finishing blow to his opponent, he and his pet dog, Hiroyuki have been teleported to another world. It seems cutie Princess Altena has summoned a hero in hopes he could help defeat the beasts in the forests. However that is a taboo word for Genzo. As an animal lover, that will not do. So he does a German suplex on her!!! OMFG!!! Girl or not, you’re f*cked if you say you want to kill animals! Oh, nice pantsu… Naturally the guards are out for his head so he has to run. Of course in town everyone sees him as suspicious. Naked guy in a mask. While hiding in the alley, beastmen Misha and her brother Wolfgang are about to rob him. But Genzo loves their furry traits and starts molesting Wolfgang! OMFG! Freaking gay moment!!! Yeah, he rubs him until he is docile like a tame dog. He is about to rape target Misha next but then Edgar comes out with Shigure as a tied up slave. Yup, no mercy. German suplex on this old dude for ‘mistreating’ a furry! Shigure thanks him although she explains she was being sold as a slave due to the debts she owed him. Of course, Genzo can tell that she has money issues… The first thing to do is to join a hunter’s guild. They go see the guild master but that old dude doesn’t understand what Genzo is talking about for his love of animals! A couple of adventurers barge in to report a few of their comrades have been done in by a cerberus pack. Don’t worry. Genzo is going to settle this. Those 3 headed dogs don’t scare him a bit. In fact, he tackles their leader and pets it until it submits. And soon the rest of the pack follows. Damn, this guy has got God’s Hands! After getting his reward, Genzo decides to open a pet shop in this world and hopes to teach people and animals can coexist. Shigure would be glad to help but since when this giant ant joined their party?!

Episode 2
While Genzo cares about the animals, Shigure cares about the money! Yeah, this pet shop is going to be a hit, right? Unfortunately, nobody say the buzzword or call him a beast killer because he’ll do a submission move on you! Like this great adventurer, Kagerou. And Shigure ‘steals’ his sword… To earn some cash, they start off with hunting salamanders. Of course Genzo tames it and takes it back. He goes back to pay Edgar to clear Shigure’s debt. Obviously Wolfgang still having gay traumas of him… Meanwhile half-dragon girl, Lindabrea Fafnir Gildmerag is bored being cooped up in her castle and eating boring foods so she escapes. Her mad servant is hell bent on bringing her home. Genzo has tamed and picked up lots of strange animals. The problem now is that he needs a place to house them all. The job that will give a decent reward to buy a house is one involving stopping those damn orcs from stealing human crops. Instantly Genzo loses interests. Because he deems orcs the same as humans. I guess they don’t have furry traits… They make their journey there and while stopping for a break, Shigure baths in the lake. However Genzo is more interested in this unicorn than seeing her naked body. Are you happy or mad? At the orcs’ village, Genzo faces off with the leader. Right off the bat he starts wrestling him! I guess this is the only way how true men do talking, huh? They both trade wrestling moves until Genzo emerges the champion. With that Genzo is technically their new king but he leaves the old one to be in charge while he returns home. Yeah, he is friends with the orcs now. Now that Genzo has got a barn, he needs to get a loan and some permit to run his business. Only, if the banker, Clause knows what the heck a pet shop is…

Episode 3
A weird romantic encounter of Genzo with a full furry kobold lady… Weird for us but romance for him! When Hiroyuki smells somebody in the bushes, Genzo finds a collapsed Lindabrea. Hungry dragon girl wants to eat his dog! So after Genzo explains his pet shop concept, Lindabrea wants to buy Hiroyuki and eat him! Genzo will not allow that! Soon Genzo is called by the guild because it is believed a dragon is attacking people at night. Genzo has his suspicions but just to be safe, he dons his mask and sets a trap. Oh well, instantly Lindabrea gets caught in it. Then the guards hunt them down because you know, Animal Mask looks so suspicious. The duo try to avoid being detected but are found by Carmilla Vanstein who is Lindabrea’s servant. Lindabrea pretends not to know her so Carmilla attacks Genzo. She is initially confident of her strength but then gets overpowered by Genzo! Is he really human?! They manage to run and Genzo has this ‘brilliant’ idea of lending a spare mask to Lindabrea to hide her identity. She is now Hanako! They return home but Carmilla easily follows them. I’m amazed Carmilla can follow Lindabrea’s scent to this town but fail to identify Genzo and Animal Mask as the same person? She is about to kill Genzo after he learns Lindabrea’s name and status as from one of the 4 families who serve the Demon King. So Shigure hands him some holy water and garlic to put her into submission! Yup, she’s a vampire. Lindabrea hopes he could spare her and reveals her reason to run away. She was tired of eating all sorts of meat and wanted to taste some sweets as she saw in a magazine. Thinking fate led her to this, Lindabrea wants to help Genzo and his pet shop. To hide her name and status, she is more willing to be called Hanako from now on. As for the attacker, the culprit is Carmilla and she did it for fun because she couldn’t resist it. Here’s a German suplex serving right up on you now! Hey, did that almost killed the vampire?!

Episode 4
I guess it took her 3 episodes to recover. Finally Altena shows up but everybody can’t stop snickering at her. Even her subjects. Yeah, that nice ass she showed the world. Hence her nickname Princess Butt! Poor princess. No wonder she wants Genzo found. Meanwhile Shigure is worried about their money woes. Genzo is just playing around with his pets, Hanako just eats and Carmilla is like your drunk mother asking for money. Worse, she sees Genzo picking up a new cat and that cheesy romance between Genzo and that kobold lady. Want to sleep in her belly, huh? Will equally love her kobold husband, huh? Sorry to interrupt but things are going to be different if they don’t start working and getting the cash because Clause warns the loan will be off then. And so we see them do odd jobs but thanks to their idiotic nature, they get fired and end up with way less money than they started! Lost Shigure sees guild master’s advice. If they defeat this griffon, there will be a hefty reward. So they go search for this griffon and it seems in nature, griffon parents will let their newly born offspring fight each other. The winner will be taken care of while the loser abandoned and left to die. Cruel law of survival of the fittest. The moment one loses, Genzo immediately kidnaps it. Of course the parents aren’t happy and start chasing them. Carmilla is pretty useless, getting owned before she could even start. All that is left is for Genzo to wrestle them. He ends up hugging and molesting them so the griffon got freaked out and smashed him against the wall. Wow. Genzo knocked out and lost? All up to Hanako now… She can’t resist those tasty griffon drumstick. In the end, it tasted bad so she took her comrades and ran. Shigure is going to have more headache as Genzo adopts the griffon and the next day it has grown big! Food costs rising. But thankfully Shigure still manages to stay afloat financially. Yup, she sold all of Kagerou’s dropped swords. They fetch a really high price. Such a blessing.

Episode 5
Macadamian Ogre AKA MAO always loses to Animal Mask no matter how many times he trains and gets his rematch. So on the night when Animal Mask disappeared in the midst of their fight, MAO was visibly upset thinking he ran away. Even holding a press conference to call him out and settle it! But it was to no avail. Animal Mask was never seen again. And Animal Mask’s manager? Yeah, he is into pro women wrestling now. So we see him down in the dumps like as though he is suffering from some withdrawal symptom. Yeah… As Genzo and co are away for a quest, Wolfgang and Misha try to kidnap Hiroyuki just to get back at Genzo. The plan is to lure it with some meat and then snatch! However Wolfgang starts fawning over how cute Hiroyuki is eating the meat. Why didn’t just Misha snatch it away in the bag then?! Because of that, the ant worker spots them. Misha manages to run away but Wolfgang got owned. Meanwhile, back to Genzo and co, looks like Genzo is so disinterested because the quest involves fetching some plant creatures. Yup. Not animals. Then some argument about money and animal loving. Mission failed because Hanako ate all of the plant creatures!!! When they return, they heard what happened from the ant guy. You’d think Wolfgang has finally learnt his lesson and will not go after Genzo again. But here comes that wrestler dude! He barges in and is mad! Oh sh*t! Damn you’re truly f*cked this time!!! Genzo does some wrestling move on him till he is satisfied. So no mercy for even a furry? Yeah, don’t mess with his pup. Oh damn it’s true, the doctor even diagnoses MAO with some Animal Mask obsession syndrome! Please do something else to take your mind off him. So knitting? Not going to last long. Joanna Joannascore Adorian Uljika who is the heir to be the vampire leader, conducts a ritual to summon the Demon King to defeat the hero. Uh oh. I can see where this is going. Yup, MAO is summoned.

Episode 6
When MAO is shown a picture of Animal Mask, the hero whom he must defeat, MAO laughs with glee thinking this is where he ran away. Without question, he will bring down this hero. Joanna’s ultimate goal is to get revenge on Lindabrea. As she is the only person that she has lost to, she became interested in knowing how to beat her but was puzzled she only likes eating, a ditz and is no good in everything else. How the f*ck is she so strong? The ultimate challenge one day came when Lindabrea not only forgot her but ignored her. Yup, she’s in a hurry to taste some chef’s cooking. Knowing that Carmilla is a lesser vampire who serves her and also a loser, she will have her own servant, Rose (a higher ranking vampire) to challenge Carmilla. If Rose wins, she will have another servant replace Carmilla. This is of course part of her ploy since that new servant will be under her control and will spy on Lindabrea to find her weakness. Lindabrea didn’t bat an eyelid to admit Carmilla is a loser but accepts only because the food might finish if they drag on! During the fight, Carmilla gets owned and definitely no match for Rose. Definitely Rose’s win. Even so, Lindabrea wants Carmilla to remain. Joanna takes this as a break in promise and wants compensation. Without hesitating, Lindabrea prostrates. At first shocked she would go this far for her servant, Joanna finally felt she has won over her. On their way back as they revel in this victory, Lindabrea stops them. She’s not here to admit how useless Carmilla is again, is she? To put things short, Lindabrea comes from a warmongering family and if they hear about this loss, she’ll never hear the end of it. Hence she is here to take revenge on Carmilla’s behalf. Lindabrea requests a duel and transforms into a huge dragon! Enough to make the duo shrivel in fear! Safe to say, they got hammered. Now, Joanna thinks Lindabrea isn’t just a stupid glutton. Noticing she ran away from home the same time Genzo appeared, she thinks she wants to find him to defeat her. That’s why Joanna can’t let her get to him and will defeat the hero herself.

Episode 7
A warrior named Celes comes in to challenge Genzo. She said the taboo word so no mercy even if she’s a woman! Smack down! She is here to become the strongest. Not by challenging him but to become his student! He refuses. Since she is begging and he noticed something different about her, oh man, she is actually a lizardman (though scales only on her stomach and back) and accepts! So we see all of them chip in to train Celes. I don’t think Hanako catching weird wildlife as food will help. Worse, WTF is Carmilla’s sexy pose got to do?! In the end, Celes becomes a pro wrestler?! Not what she wanted! When she mentions the reason she sought his help, Genzo becomes enraged! He barges down to the guild and executes everybody!!! So apparently the hunters have been harassing Celes and her people. Genzo won’t stand for that animal abuse! However Celes has realized it is all just trivial and forgives them. Everyone apologizes too. Happy ending? Not quite. Genzo will not accept this! Hence there is going to be a duel between Celes and a hunter. Beat them flat and show them how strong you are! Celes uses all that she knows until she does that sexy pose. The hunter feels so insulted that he lost all respect. But perfect chance for her to do a German suplex on him and win it. And you think everybody has made up and ready to go home happy, WTF Genzo still won’t accept this?! Need to make an example out of them so as there will be no such repeats?! WTF???!!! GENZO!!!! Even Shigure is offering to let you caress her ears. LET IT GO!!! The guild master mentions that the hunters were recently depressed because some mysterious weirdo kept stealing their prey. Sounds like Genzo… Suspicious… Later Clause talks to Genzo. He has seen that mock fight and thinks he should do mock public fights as entertainment. Of course they can make money by selling food and merchandise. Not to mention, fight money. You heard that, Shigure? Obviously Genzo accepts thinking he can help the animals.

Episode 8
The tournament is here but Genzo feels something is missing. Yeah, he wants animals to participate! Oh, it’s that kobold lady again. This gives Genzo the idea to march down to her home! You bet kobold husband gets the wrong idea that Genzo is trying to steal his wife. They start fighting and this reignites his passion when he was a delinquent. This distraction has Genzo owning him and this is when kobold husband decides to follow his youthful passion once more and follows him. Eh, did the wife lose out? Yeah, the men going their way. Wolfgang is having a full blown trauma. Even more so when Genzo barges into recruit him for the tournament. Since this makes him even more traumatic, Misha enters on his behalf. Genzo even gets the orcs as well as those freeloaders back home to participate. And so Genzo explains on the rules and everything. Tiring, isn’t it? Shigure is making a killing selling secret pictures to girls who love muscle men. With the tournament going on well, Genzo still isn’t satisfied. Need to keep to the rules of the sport? Eh? Why so troublesome? And Hanako is just eating everything. Everything is going so well and still not enough? What now, Genzo? Need drama and rivalry?! Anyway the main event is a tag team match. Genzo and Carmilla up against Kagerou and Misha. Obviously Carmilla tries to sabotage and beat up Genzo. Is this the drama and rivalry he is talking about? When Wolfgang is spotted among the crowd, Misha thought he is here to support her. Clause who is the sponsor for this tournament, requests for a change in participation. Hence Wolfgang replaces Kagerou. You think the siblings are going to make a great come back but Carmilla instantly owns Misha and poor Wolfgang gets molested by Genzo. Again. In public. This guy is so dead. Everybody celebrates after a successful event. Shigure feeling emotional how heart-warming such event is. Until all the suppliers give her the bill. Literally with all the damage, Hanako pigging out and other costs, it wiped out all the profits that Shigure earned. I guess future editions are cancelled?

Episode 9
Carmilla is being a lazy ass freeloader. Until Genzo does German suplex on her, exposing her pantsu to the public, only did she get her ass moving. Soon, Altena comes knocking on his door. She has finally found him. He doesn’t remember her at first (no, she isn’t a hooker!) and when he does, the first thing he does is to do German suplex on her! OMG. History repeating itself? Yeah, looks like this town is now infamous for a couple of babes exposing their butts. Our butt exposing ladies get into an argument themselves about Genzo. Altena wants him to come with her to go defeat the Demon King but Carmilla obviously doesn’t want that since they’re serving under him. Of course Genzo still refuses Altena’s request. He can’t fight animals, even more so if the Demon King is the king of all animals. With that, Altena orders her knights to kill him since you can’t summon more than 1 hero to this world. However Genzo owns them with his wrestling! OMG! Genzo much stronger than those men in armour! And these are her finest knights?! Eventually, Altena comes every day to persuade Genzo but always gets her butt exposed by her German suplex. Gee… Thanks for the free show? Meanwhile Joanna has gathered all the demonic beasts and has MAO lead them. As per Shigure’s suggestion, Genzo heads to the guild to find out more about the Demon King. Because of his bravery to tackle this by himself, the guild will support him all the way! In the end, Genzo learns nothing because they too know nothing. Hanako worries Genzo will really find out about the Demon King so Carmilla offers to describe fake descriptions for him. Of course Genzo sketches with glee. This hideous thing is the Demon King? But Genzo so loving it. Hanako isn’t. She smacks Carmilla. Once more, Altena flashing her butt… This time after she mentions the Demon King has summoned a Demon King from another world. Great. 2 Demon Kings? Double the happiness for Genzo. Speaking of that, MAO decimates the orc village with his wrestling moves to force them to tell Genzo’s whereabouts. When Genzo and co are on the hunt, a couple of orcs plead for their help. Back at the orc village, they tell how their leader was beaten but never spilled about Genzo. Sketching the perpetrator, Genzo recognizes him…

Episode 10
I guess Altena doesn’t learn. Back to bug Genzo again, huh? He isn’t even interested about whoever summoned the Demon King who then decimated the villages and could target this town next, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, Altena making herself like home now sometimes it feels she’s like a stalker… When Genzo decides to go walk Hiroyuki, his dog is gone! HORROR! Meanwhile sees a poster of Genzo doing a German suplex on Carmilla. This confirms his rival is here and he is itching to fight him. Genzo searches all over time. Hiroyuki > kobold lady. Yeah, he ignores her. Nobody in town has seen this dog. But everyone recognizes Altena’s butt!!! Oh dear, when kids have their butts expose, this just shows… Fortunately, Clause saw Hiroyuki and it seems a wealthy noble now owns him. Catherine FKA Hiroyuki is now the pet of little Maria. Her father won’t give it back since he paid a handsome amount. Furthermore, he did nothing wrong. If they really want it back, pay up. Altena rushes home thinking if she uses her treasury to do so, Genzo will be indebted to her and will then start his hero duties. Since Hiroyuki is more interested in the good food than Genzo, I guess this guy has to finally suck up and give up. But when Maria sees the sadness in Genzo’s eyes, he wants to give Catherine back. If she had a dog when she was young and it was taken away, she wouldn’t like it too. Wow, this girl is mature. But daddy paid a lot… Puppy dog eyes from little Maria… Uhm, at least pay half the price. More puppy dog eyes… Half of that… And half of that… And half of that… Back home, Shigure breaks a secret safe. It’s a meagre stash but it’s enough. This amount was supposed to help open the pet shop but I guess this is emergency. With that, Hiroyuki FKA Catherine is bought back. Happy ending. Oh Altena, you’re too late… Shigure then asks the merchant who sold Hiroyuki. Hmm… Sounds like Edgar’s party. Hence Genzo marches down there to beat up those guys! No mercy! Not even for Misha! When they return home, it seems MAO, Joanna and Rose are waiting for them. MAO challenges him to a fight and the same with Joanna for Hanako. Clause thinks it is a good time for another tournament. Oh Shigure… $$$… YEAH! That night, Genzo seriously trains because he knows MAO as a professional wrestler unlike all the amateurs he fought before. Surprisingly, Carmilla pleads for him to teach her to become a pro wrestler because there is someone she needs to beat.

Episode 11
Carmilla’s training is proceeding nicely. Lots of pain, that is. Clause has blueprints to create a huge stadium. One that will house 10x more audience than before. Yeah. Shigure, $$$!!! And yes, it will have more food stalls! Hanako, yeah!!! As the tournament will be team Genzo vs team MAO, there are 5 fights scheduled. Because they need to make a good impression, the first few fights should be a team match. But since they are lacking members, time to go recruit. Before Edgar’s side could scream trauma, please hear Genzo out and join his side for the tournament. I guess they’ve no choice anyway. Or Wolfgang gets molested!!! Still short of 1 member, huh? Oh look. Altena coming in ranting that she’ll do anything for whatever. Heh. Settled. And so wrestling night is here and this event is a sell-out. The first match is Kagerou, Celes and Altena against the demon beasts. Altena manages to hide her identity with a mask but everyone knows her signature butt exposure… Yeah. But all those stares now has awakened something inside her. Yup, she’s turned into a masochist! Stare at her with those filthy eyes! She’s lovin’ it! Anyway, Genzo’s team wins it. The second match is kobold husband and the orc boss against another pair of demon beasts. An easy win for team Genzo. The third match pits Wolfgang and Misha against some truly fearsome giants. They got owned. Yup, first win for team MAO. Now it’s the fourth match between the vampire b*tches, Carmilla vs Rose! Thanks to Genzo’s training, Carmilla is able to use some moves to turn the tables on Rose. Why, she even defeats her! Had she not been so happy celebrating and instead quickly pin Rose down for the count, because she let her guard down, Rose recovers and does a German suplex on her. Rose wins again. Carmilla is sad over her loss but Genzo views it as a good fight. As for Hanako, she saw it as a victory because Carmilla fought for her own pride on the line. In that sense, she won. With the score tied at 2-2, it’s down to the final match. The highlight of the tournament that we’ve all been waiting for: Genzo vs MAO!

Episode 12
The kobold lady realizes her love again for her husband. She apologizes to Genzo she can’t be with him anymore. Eh? Was there ever that kind of romance? The final match gets underway. Both sides are waiting to see what the other will do. MAO narrating how he had a miserable time since Genzo disappeared. This distraction causes Genzo to attack him first. Well, better get going. The crowd is already half asleep with no action. So we see them trade blows as they talk about Genzo’s plan to open a pet shop as well he didn’t run away that night on their important match. MAO thinks Genzo is using his same ol’ trick to beat him again. Because MAO has fear of animals. He tried going to a petting zoo but that was too much. Worse, he beat up all the animals at the zoo???!!! Joanna and Rose get this devilish idea to kidnap Hiroyuki. When they do so, Genzo goes after them. A little helter-skelter off the ring before Hiroyuki is in safe hands again. But at this point, a few accidents has caused the humans and beastmen to brawl with each other. Free for all! Royal rumble! Then Genzo and MAO resume their match in the ring before Genzo finally pinning MAO down with his German suplex for the win. MAO realizes he can’t beat his love for animals. He just wanted to fight him. Genzo says he can do that anytime. In great sportsmanship, both acknowledge each other. Joanna and Rose try to escape during the trophy presentation. Hanako confronts them and warns that she will be the one to observe the hero. Not them. Now scram! Shigure thinks the best part of reaping the cash is here. However Clause points out with all the damage and food eaten, she ends up owing instead! You bet Shigure is so mad as she storms down to the after-match party to stop everybody from raking up the bill. But she sees humans and beastmen enjoying themselves together. Maybe she’ll let this one slide. So she sells Genzo’s trophy… An eye for an eye? Next day, MAO leaves on his journey. He wants to train more so that he’ll fight Genzo again and win. It’s back to the usual for the rest. Genzo fawning over his animals, Shigure b*tching about taking the next job, Hanako pigging out and Carmilla getting drunk. Nothing to see here. Very normal. And then a job request about a rampaging minotaur… You know the drill.

Hard Gay! Kemono Friends x Pet Shop Goons
The ending felt… Uhm… Normal. It wasn’t so much of an ending at all and it just tells us that life goes on as usual for our losers, uhm, I mean champions and heroes. There is no foreshadowing of anything dangerous or something that would be left as a cliff-hanger so as to piss us off viewers that there might be another season. Or worse, an OVA episode for an unaired episode just to make few quick bucks. I’m sure Shigure would approve of it. And because it doesn’t have all that, the ending in a way felt pretty average. Nothing exciting. You mean the pro wrestlers have resigned to their fate to live the rest of their lives in this new world? What about their old world? This only shows that they don’t really have much anything of importance or great attachment for them to not even think about going back. Do they not have families, friends or other important things? Oh screw that. As long as they can pro wrestle, they’ll do it anywhere! And yes, as long as Genzo can open his pet shop dream, it doesn’t matter if it is heaven or hell. Nobody gets in the way of his dreams. Literally, nobody.

The story isn’t anything special nor are there any interesting or convoluted plots that will have your head wrap around it. But thanks to the random antics that Genzo and his comrades do, it doesn’t feel boring at all and by the time the foreshadowing and building up of the main event finally props up, you realize that it is already the end of the season. Sometimes the running jokes, especially the characters’ weird personalities threaten to turn this into a boring mundane chore. Like Genzo haphazardly adding animals to his collection even before he is anywhere near opening his dream pet shop, Shigure worrying about money woes, Carmilla getting owned by Genzo for just being stupid, Kagerou getting owned by Genzo for repeating his mistakes, Shigure stealing his sword, Hanako stuffing her face with food and yes, who could ever forget Princess Butt exposing her ass to us. Delicious. Thanks. It all seems somewhat repetitive. But thankfully, perhaps simpletons like yours truly, as long as you can keep me entertained with funny and silly frolics, I’m all good. This means the setting and workings of this fantasy world feels pretty much ignored. Who are the dark lord families that rule over the darkness and the dark beasts that run rampage throughout the land. I guess there’s no standout story to be made from that so let’s just focus on a wrestler trying to open his pet shop.

Lacking a proper and even a good storyline, it is up to the characters to deliver and make the show interesting. Thankfully, they are a bunch of goofballs so it worked very well for this series. For instance, Genzo’s love for animals have been taken to the extreme and he would somehow find a way to tame them no matter how wild and dangerous they are. Though, sometimes I find his love for animals to be selective. Like those orcs before he became friends with them. Just because they have no obvious animal traits, he uses whatever excuses to show no interests in them. Like, yeah, they could talk and communicate like humans. So do other beastmen as well. And there are other beastmen in the case of Celes and Shigure who show more human features than their beast side. Just that small portion of theirs showing some sort of animal trait, Genzo uses this as an excuse to somewhat accept them. Of course nobody harms his Hiroyuki (supposedly the normal pet mascot of the series?) because human or beastmen, you’ll get a good one from Genzo. Hope Wolfgang and Misha learn from this. You can call Genzo a pervert but never call him a beast destroyer!

This show is technically considered an isekai genre and has the basic ingredients to be considered one. Yup, normal guy from our world summoned to another fantasy world. Thankfully he didn’t need to die. Now, to consider Genzo an overpowered main character is both right and wrong. You see, unlike many other main characters of the isekai genre who somehow magically obtain their power and strength in some ways, be it being easily bestowed/granted or via training, Genzo pretty much stays the same. The only reason he looks overpowered is because everybody else is a wuss here. Also, Genzo uses pro wrestling as his fighting technique, a type of martial arts that is never seen before in this world. Hence nobody has any true way to counter his brute strength and is always owned. In some ways, giving Genzo the ‘authority’ to around and pin people down if you get on his bad side. Plus, if you make him mad and insult animals, this powers him up even more. Therefore Genzo in that sense is different than many isekai protagonists. He is already strong in his own right to begin with and nobody else is stronger than him or even matches up to his strength to take him down. Not even Carmilla. Also, Genzo isn’t interested in saving the world. Got animals, will pet.

The idea of opening a pet shop in this world looks like a distraction and side plot. Even though it is Genzo’s main goal but at the rate things are going, this is not going to happen in the nearest possible future. This guy is a good wrestler and his love for animals is unrivalled (possibly making Steve Irwin looking more like a baby!). But nobody said he was a good businessman and entrepreneur in the first place. Overspending money that is supposed to be towards the opening of his pet shop and frolicking with the animals he found, you’d start thinking that he might just want to be a pet owner and collect the animals all for himself rather than selling them. I don’t know if I can take his word and dream to open a pet shop seriously. Because I also don’t see him try to educate the people or at least the people in the neighbourhood on the pros of coexisting with animals or be a good pet owner. It’s like Genzo just wants to have fun. And fun he has lots of them. Oh boy. Pet shop dream drifting away…

I suppose Shigure is the only sensible member of the group (though I won’t go as far as to say that she isn’t an idiot too). She is the one trying to make everything work but the idiots just keep ruining her plan. Yes, this girl’s flaw is that she is money minded but I don’t see anything wrong with that. Unless she is a real greedy money grubbing lover than that’s a different story. I don’t see this in Shigure however and money might be her buzzword that gets her to go the extra mile, she isn’t all that greedy. But thank all the swords Kagerou ‘dropped’ so she could sell them and stay afloat. In time, Shigure has come to learn and accept everyone’s idiocy so much so you can hear a certain sadness in her sigh. It’s like she just given up and go with the flow with these goons. I mean, it’s not like they’re going to change, right? Just go with it. And hope all this would pay off in the end. You’d think she would just cut her losses and leave the group but I guess there are some things that money can’t buy. Like friendship. Yeah, this friendship sucks. Hope she finds it worthy somehow. She could’ve been a great pair with Clause but I think this guy has a sneaky scheme of organizing events so as to make money off Shigure by putting her in debt. Oh well… Hope he can recover all that bad debt. And so sorry folks, if you’re hoping to see any sort of real romance, especially Genzo x Shigure, don’t even think about it because his love for animals pushes out all other kinds of love. Hence that pseudo flirting moment with the kobold lady, he’s just after your soft fur. Worse, your furry husband!

From first looks, Hanako looks like an idiotic glutton. A dragon girl who only thinks of nothing but eating, eating and more eating. While this is certainly true to a certain extent, I believe there is something that is more than meets the eye. In fact, she could be the smartest among all the characters, if I should say. Noticed that at certain times, you can see her give a blank stare or stay quiet. No, this is not a sign that she’s being a retard. In fact, my guts tell me that she is quite the observant girl and there is more to it than what she actually says and does. In all cases, I think she is even stronger than Genzo but just chooses not to display her strength. There’s no reason to. Thus I speculate that she is only acting like a retard just to hide her true character. This is also evident as we see her being nice to Carmilla and giving her advice whenever she really needs it. Or else, she is just like Genzo, beating the crap out of this lesser vampire. While Genzo beats her up plainly because for being a loudmouth stupid ass, Hanako also does the same but it is just to shut her up before this dumb vampire b*tch reveals something more than she should. Carmilla is more brawn than brains since she speaks without thinking and loves to get drunk on alcohol. I do want to blame the alcohol for her bad behaviour but I realize that Carmilla is just naturally asinine. Be glad that Hanako is her master. A master that has 2 faces, maybe. Yeah, maybe she keeps Carmilla by her side because who knows this lesser vampire may be some secret weapon or something. Could it be that Hanako has a real hidden goal and ulterior motive to observe Genzo? A mission that was secretly bestowed by the actual Demon King who has not even showed his face here? Hmm…

The rest of the other minor characters aren’t anything much. It’s like a double edge sword that they are only known for their personality that sometimes is the running joke of the series. Like Kagerou as we know, calls himself the greatest hero but I suppose being a hero doesn’t make him a wise one so he often gets what’s coming to him before he could even finish his sentence. Yup, he never learns never to say the taboo word of hunting down beasts. Maybe all that beat down from Genzo has made him stupider? But his handsome face still looks alright. And of course, cue for him to drop his sword for Shigure to steal. Like, where does he get all those rare and legendary swords anyway? And to give up just like that? Not sure he realizes he even lost them or something. Then there is Joanna trying to be the villain of the series but she turns out to be more bratty than anything. She claims she wants to make Hanako pay for whatever humiliation. But I think she just wants to be friends with her. Also, Joanna acts like she knows everything but she just makes them up. I suppose she needs to feel superior to Rose whom she explains these stuffs to. And maybe Rose just needs to make her master feel superior just because she’s her servant. And MAO acting like Genzo’s main rival, maybe this guy just wants to be friends with him too. All that talk about a rematch, maybe that is how pro wrestlers connect. That’s their friendship way. I don’t know. Don’t ask me. I’m not a pro wrestler. Worse, this guy might be gay for Genzo because he had withdrawal symptoms of him when he was gone! Yikes!

Wolfgang turned into the most pitiful character ever. As though his character is written to have some pseudo gay moment with Genzo, the main source of his trauma. Genzo spells trouble for him in every way. Either he gets molested and becomes some obedient dog or he gets thrown about by him. And if Genzo’s not directly involved, getting involved with his plan karma also becomes his b*tch. Poor guy. I can see him losing his mind in the future. And there’s nothing that Misha could do. And don’t even think of avenging. That would do more damage than before. I thought Celes would become part of Genzo’s groupie but after she achieved her mini goal, she just fell back and become a minor character. Speaking of a really recurring minor character, I keep wondering who that ant is working in Genzo’s place? Without this ant helper, Genzo’s place would have been in much dire straits. Shigure definitely can’t help much with the manual labour and thank goodness for having this ant around to do all the chores. So, worker ant, really? Best part? He has no dialogue! I greatly speculate that the ant might be the Demon King in disguise!!! Holy sh*t! A bit of a stretch here but after all that we’ve seen, I’m going to expect something crazy of this level.

Having said all that, I guess we can’t leave out Altena now, can we? Yes, we must talk about her butt, oops, I mean, her character. It says a lot when you have the people of your kingdom giving you a new nickname and chuckling behind your back. It’s like they never respected her in the first place. Because I understand she can’t really lash out at her people even if they’re this disrespectful. It’s so unprincess-like. Besides, 2 wrongs don’t make a right. So the only way is to tolerate it all? At first I felt pity for her character but ever since she found where Genzo is and started barging into his home to request the impossible (at least from Genzo’s point of view), she never learns from her mistakes and that’s when I thought she’s just another idiotic character. Yeah, no wonder the people don’t respect her. During that time when she got her ass exposed by Genzo many times, I thought it was weird that she just wanted to show us her different coloured panties she wore every time she got a German suplex done on her. After the first humiliation, you’d thought she would wise up to wear some shorts underneath if this ever happened. Did she not even think of that?! Anyway, thanks for the nice fanservice. So good of you to serve your people this way.

I have this disturbing feeling that she wants Genzo to fall for her. Because so many times when Genzo seemingly gets up close to her, she starts thinking it is some romantic move and blushes. Only for some painful wrestling move to befall on her. Sure, he is the hero she summoned but I don’t think it’s the kind of ideal hero she had in mind. Taking responsibility, huh? Besides, are there no other princes who is interested in this beauty? Now with her new reputation, I don’t think any would. Worse, the taunting got so bad that she has now awakened to be some masochistic princess. Don’t blame Genzo. Blame yourself for not being strong enough. Though, I will give it to her that she might be one of the strongest princesses in anime because no princess like her without any sort of training could survive Genzo’s first German suplex, let alone multiple more after that. I guess the stupid are really invincible, huh? And so Altena remains as the only princess across all fantasy, fiction and non-fiction works that got a German suplex by a man and that man got away with it scot free. She really gives a whole new meaning to the term dumb blonde. Same case with Carmilla, these blonde babes give us the best fanservice this series has to offer. Itadakimasu! I don’t think Altena has been bitten by the wrestling bug. It’s just another excuse to feed her masochism.

The action scenes are mostly pro wrestling moves. But they are just very limited as we see Genzo bulldozes away his opponents with ease just because he is so much stronger than them. And he doesn’t even take any sort of magic supplements or power boosting herbs or anything. And of course, when he is enraged, it’s like his rage meter is filled up and you can see him punch away his opponent and he will fly away and be sent crashing through the walls. Yup, over-exaggeration. But I guess that is what the sport of pro wrestling is, right? Fake! At least the American type and not the original Greek version. Accept it pro wrestling fans, the sport is FAKE!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! I was expecting the final match between Genzo and MAO to be exciting but for the first half, it felt boring. Because the action is mostly still pictures! Are they trying to rip us off?! Don’t give me that budget limit excuse! They can’t be worse off than Shigure, can they?! When the action really gets good, oh it’s time for Genzo to nail the winner. It’s over.

Art and animation look pretty okay and standard. Not really a masterpiece but it is passable with no major issues that I could see. I suppose that means it is a good job for ENGI studio who produced this series because this is their first ever production. Though, some characters I thought look a bit weird. Like Genzo he is supposed to look buff but at certain angles he just comes off as fat. Seriously. Then MAO has this weird angry retard look on his face which is worse than Hanako in retard mode. And Joanna, I thought she looked like a frog!

For the voice acting, I thought Genzo was voiced by Tomokazu Seki because whenever he raises his voice, he sounded like those characters he voiced like Nodame Cantabile’s Chiaki and Nanbaka’s Hajime. Turns out to be Katsuyuki Konishi behind Genzo’s voice (Laxus in Fairy Tail). For the rest of the casts, didn’t really identify any except for Daisuke Ono making a small cameo as the orc boss. They are Akira Sekine as Shigure (Princess in Princess Principal), Yuki Yagi as Hanako (Kanata in Boku No Kanojo Ga Majime Sugiru Shobitch Na Ken), Arisa Sakuraba as Carmilla (Nozomi in Hanebado), Sora Amamiya as Joanna (Elizabeth in Nanatsu No Taizai), Kana Aoi as Rose (Akane in Flying Witch), Tetsu Inada as MAO (Ioryogi in Kobato), Rie Suegara as Altena (Emily in Harukana Receive), Aoi Koga as Celes (Kaguya in Kaguya-sama Wa Kokurasetai), Jun Fukushima as Kagerou (Kazuma in KonoSuba), Kenichirou Matsuda as Wolfgang (Shangri La in Conception), Hana Tamegai as Misha, Taketora as Edgar (Bear in Killing Bites) and even Hiroyuki as somebody voicing its cute yapping, Mie Sonozaki (Hazuki in Happy Lesson).

I guess every major pro wrestler needs to have his epic entrance song. Hence the opening theme, Toukon! Kemono Mask matches the theme very well with its lively epic rock style. However I thought it was JAM Project who could only pull off singing such rock vocals as heard in One Punch Man, Dragonball series and many other tokusatsu series. However it is sung by NoB featuring Katsuyuki Konishi. I couldn’t find any other info over the internet if NoB is actually the new moniker for Hironobu Kageyama, the guitarist and vocals for JAM Project. You know Hiro-NoB-u?! Geddit???!!! For the ending theme, Anecdote by Momosu Momosu is another rock outfit but it could be just me that I can’t hear what she is singing. Probably the rock music is louder than what she is murmuring. Besides, I find her singing to be somewhat flat. The weirdest part of this series is a weirdly rendered CGI of Hiroyuki getting up on his hind legs and dancing. Like, WTF????!!!! Worse, nothing special because it’s just looping the same thing. Not cute but weird.

Overall, this is a fun and entertaining series to watch if you can put aside your thinking cap and logic. There are probably a few questions you want to ask but it is easier and much simpler to just go with the flow of running jokes and laugh at all the silly antics these characters bring to you. The more you try to resist its brand of humour, the more it will backfire on you and soon you will find yourself being given the German suplex treatment by this anime. Be warned, detractors and haters. That is, thinking too much and trying to find faults might fry your brain cells and circuits when it is just a simple minded show just purely doing simple minded things for the sake of entertainment. I mean, that is what pro wrestling (and in many extent, other sports) supposed to do, right? This series sufficiently did just that. It might not be memorable in a few more seasons and it won’t win any awards in any category but it did what it needed to do and in that sense, it has won for the night. One… Two… Three! Ding, ding! Just like that, it won our hearts.

I didn’t see this coming. Yeah, I didn’t expect Granblue Fantasy The Animation to have a second season. At least, not after 2 years since the first season aired. That itself might not be a long time but in anime years, it does feel like one. Oh well, better than a few animes suddenly having a sequel or spinoff after more than 5 years since their last airing. The last time the journey was far from over. And this time I am thinking more or less the same. After all, it wouldn’t be worthwhile if a journey ends too quickly. But don’t take too long too because we’re not immortals either.

Episode 1
Siero hands Gran and his crew a job request. Because it is dangerous as it involves some Primal Beast, Siero will gladly pay for their dinner. Hence we see them shamelessly ordering as many things they want! I guess this means they have taken the job, huh? So on this floating island, it seems the villagers are worried hearing strange sounds coming from somewhere. Lyria senses it is the voice of a Primal Beast but cannot pinpoint where. A few boys are playing near the chasm (do they know better?). They drop their toy sword so good Gran decides to go down and get it. I know it’s a long way down and he dropped his lantern. But he could see from all the way up there that there is a body???!!! Anyway, bringing her back and feeding her, Aliza comes back to life. She is on a training journey to train martial arts. She was also trying to find the source of the sound but slipped and fell. She leads them to where she was trekking and guess what they’ve found? Some experiment by the Empire on a Primal Beast. Worse, is that pussy Pommern in charge and he has found them. He is going to test this Primal Beast and let it run loose. Pommern and his men then evacuate the island as they expect the Primal Beast to destroy and sink it. So Gran and co are left to do the dirty work to tame Tezcatlipoca. Of course the trick is to take away its dark essence on its back but you know it is not going to make it easy for them. But of course, our heroes combine their powers and eventually Gran being the main hero rides it and pulls it out. Now that Tezcatlipoca is tamed, Lyria puts it to rest. Pommern doesn’t consider this to be a failure either as he has collected the necessary data. Gran and co leave the island as Aliza stays behind to continue her training. During their journey, Furias sends a messenger, inviting them to Albion. He want to propose a peace negotiation and offer full amnesty to them. Hmm…

Episode 2
Gran and co contemplate this could be a trap or even a conspiracy by the Black Knight. But Gran will take this gamble if it means freeing Lyria. Grandcypher is given a warm reception and a tour around Albion, an academic city that also trains the finest soldiers. This is also where Katalina graduated. They are soon met with Vira Lille who not only is the lord commander of Albion but Katalina’s former classmate. She is here to witness the negotiations. Furias signs the agreement and promises never to go after them again. The rest don’t look happy… I mean, he’s been chasing Lyria for a long time and suddenly he’s just giving up? Well, got to learn to cut your losses. But Lyria’s a top secret asset. Sure, but the Empire isn’t going to continue funding a failed research. Furias leaves but the rest remain sceptical. The contract is genuine too. Vira doesn’t want them to fret over this. They’re free, right? Besides, there is a modest banquet prepared for them tonight. Hence our men and ladies looking gorgeous in their dress. During the party, they hear a bit more on Vira and Katalina’s past as students of Albion. Meanwhile Eugen finds it suspicious that Furias is still hanging around despite negotiations are way over. Sure he isn’t here for the party? As Gran takes a breather, he sees Lyria heading over to a large painting as she feels some resonance from it. Vira explains this is actually a Primal Beast, Luminiera. One who watches over and protects Albion. Only the strongest can become its master and it is done via special martial arts tournament. Once bonded, that person becomes the lord commander and can never leave Albion. Vira took on that role when her predecessor suddenly fell ill and died 6 years ago. That night after the party ends, Gran can’t sleep and he too sees Katalina awake. You know something is wrong when she’s talking about how she believes Gran and Lyria can make it to the Astrals and beyond and how glad she is to have met him. Because the next day, Lyria finds a goodbye note left behind by Katalina. She has decided to leave the crew.

Episode 3
I guess everybody isn’t happy either. Something feels wrong. They want to hear it from Katalina’s mouth. Gotta find her. However they are now not allowed inside the main palace. Hence some stupid diversion created by Vyrn for them to sneak in. Damn, those guards are slacking. With all the guards now looking for them, Gran and co are hiding but also overhear how Katalina is here as well. When they corner a high ranking official and make him spill the beans, you mean this guy just really tell them that Katalina is offering herself to Albion? And also a condition to let them free was to allow the Empire to use Luminiera? When reinforcements arrive, he slips away and so the chase is on. Meanwhile sneaky Furias is waiting for the moment he will fire at Grandcypher. Gran and Lyria find Katalina. They think she can’t sacrifice herself just for their freedom. Eh? Didn’t Gran say he’d do anything for Lyria’s freedom? Now he’s got that, don’t you think he’s a bit greedy wanting everybody to be on board? Of course Katalina further explains this decision is also done for Vira’s sake. Katalina’s dream was to become a knight but because she was clearly superior, she was expected to become lord commander and be stuck at Albion forever. During the tournament finals, she faced off with Vira and her hesitant caused Vira to gain the upper hand and win. Because of Vira’s sacrifice, Katalina managed to live out her dream. But now Vira and Luminiera’s bond has been broken. It won’t respond to her. She believes all that pressure has taken its toll. Katalina views her selfishness and weakness to force Vira to take that role. Now she will take Vira’s place as Albion’s new lord commander. You’d think that Katalina telling them this and making up her mind, Gran would let her go, right? Nope! I suppose it’s please rethink your decision until it’s the right one we accept. With Vira and the guards taking Katalina away, Gran and Lyra are thrown out. Outside, they see Rosetta who asks about letting Katalina’s sacrifice go in vain. Yeah, Gran doesn’t want her to sacrifice for them. Would he have done it too if he was in her shoes? Heck, they are even prepared to cancel their agreement just to take Katalina back! Wow. Putting everyone in danger > sacrificing letting 1 knight girl do what she decided. You guys are sure greedy, huh? They tell us they will really give up if Katalina continues to insist. Let’s hope so. But we know how it’s going to turn out.

Episode 4
Vira’s flashback. Her life was so boring. Yeah, real boring. Until the day Katalina saved her from death at the paws of some monsters. It is then she started getting infatuated with her and spent more time with onee-sama. Of course, she overheard Katalina’s argument with a superior that she was the favourite to become lord commander. Hence, during the tournament, Vira’s great will has her besting Katalina so that she could free her from this fate. Now, Katalina still has her friends on her mind so Vira isn’t going to delay the ritual any further. Meanwhile Gran goes to see Furias and tears up the contract. Yup, he wasn’t aware of all the terms. Furias is like, whatever. He isn’t sure what’s going on and just plays along. He won’t let his guards go after them because he believes things are going to get interesting now. And so Gran and Katalina interrupt the ritual. Don’t worry about this barrier that keeps them out. Just keep spouting that friendship and freedom thingy. Especially you, Lyria. Time to let all your feelings out for Katalina. Make her question what she is doing now is what truly makes her happy. That friendship power has the barrier broken. And Katalina swayed by their words. Yeah. They’re right. Even if she sacrificed herself, nobody will still be happy. She might make the same mistakes again. And the triggering moment is when Katalina takes Lyria’s hand. That’s it. No more nice girl. She snaps and lets out a huge blast! Vira reveals the truth. She actually still has control over Luminiera. She blocked its powers so as to deceive them and make it look like otherwise. She relates how she cried every night when Katalina left. She thought she could endure it as long as she was living her dream. Then she heard she became a fugitive. That was the last straw. Thus, Vira is mad because she didn’t become lord commander so Katalina could turn into a criminal. Well, she’s got a point but now she’s looking so yandere. Suddenly Furias fires into the hall! Fun time begins. He is taking signs of Vira snapping to attack. Vira gets to hear Furias’ selfish thoughts of betrayal. That’s when she powers up and cuts up his entire ship! HOLY F*CK!!! Don’t mess with her. But yandere Vira now turns to exterminate those pests by Katalina’s side.

Episode 5
Those Empire soldiers sure don’t learn. They think they have the numbers and firepower to bring Vira down but apparently they’re all dumb enough to stand in a straight line so that Vira can shoot them all down! Whatever. Those pests gone, she turns to Gran’s crew. Katalina tries to talk to her but she sounds more and more like a yandere. Eventually in the nick of time Gran’s crew escape. They could just leave the place but Katalina can’t leave things unfinished. Yup. Back to Albion. Gran and Katalina fight Vira who is now like a broken tape recorder. The usual b*tching about her onee-sama mixing with those people and how their future should just be them. Enough setting up by Io has Lyria summon Leviathan to fight off Luminiera and shatter the latter’s power on Vira. Now that she’s lacking the power of a Primal Beast, Katalina can fight her and ‘talk’. Oh well. Same thing. Wanted to see her onee-sama be happy and live her dream. Sighs. You know the drill. Even when Katalina says because of Vira’s sacrifice that allowed her to gain the freedom she has never known, that isn’t the answer she’s looking for. So everything will be okay if Katalina just stays by her side? That’s what Katalina thought too. But then, they’ll be making the same mistakes and nobody would be happy. I bet Vira would. So Katalina says they should choose a path that will lead to happiness. So Vira’s goal of being with Katalina isn’t that? Vira tries to stab Gran. Guess what? Katalina comes between. Hope this makes her come to her senses. Now we can talk, right? Got so much catching up to do. Yeah. That’s it. Fight’s over. Lyria using her power to absorb some of Luminiera’s power. Though Vira is free and is not bound to Luminiera anymore, part of Luminiera still wants to stay by Vira. Wow. Happy ending for everybody. In the aftermath as Albion is being rebuilt, Vira declines Gran’s offer to join his crew and go on adventures. She needs time to reflect on things. Well, not so obsessed about onee-sama anymore, huh? Before Gran and co leave, of course Vira’s ‘warning’ to him to protect Katalina and if you put her in danger, oh boy, you’re going to ever regret the day you were born.

Special 2
Apparently this was the second special of the first season that I somehow forgot to watch when it came out back in late 2017. Now they are rerunning this Halloween special this season. I guess it’s better than a recap episode. Anyway, this means instead of Gran, we have Djeeta as the lead. Together with Lyria, Vyrn, Ferry and Cagliostro, they are in this town that celebrates the annual Halloween festival. Of course there are rumours about Lost Jack bringing the dead back here for this festival. Ferry is particularly interested since she is a ghost. Uhm, but everybody can talk, see and touch her. And she eats too. Can ghosts do that? Anyway, the girls don’t have candies so they have to run away from cheeky kids who want to prank them. They take refuge in a cookie shop. Somehow the widow tells about her late husband her son who is probably going through that phase and hence ‘missing’. You bet the girls are going to help look for her as repayment for her cookie hospitality. They make no progress until a girl points out she saw that boy. Hmm… That church outside town, eh? Possibly the scariest place in town. Inside, they see the boy. Being chased by pumpkin familiars?! Eventually they realize they are just after candies. Oh, there’s Jack too. The boy explains he came here because he thought his dad would be here and wanted to show him something. He wants to be a great cookie maker like his dad and hence made this jar of cookies. But Jack and his familiars couldn’t understand that. So how? Leave it to Lyria to translate! Okay. That worked. But how will they find his dad? Plus, they can’t see ghosts, right? Don’t worry. Jack will help them. I guess everyone in town believes in this legend so they didn’t freak out seeing Jack and the spirits of their deceased loved ones coming back to life. Yeah, they just suddenly casually talk like as though it’s normal! The boy sees his dad and tells him his dreams. Obviously ghosts can speak or eat so conveniently mom is here to taste the cookie. Mmm, just like daddy’s. After giving everyone else taste his cookies, Jack signals the return of all the souls. Goodbye just like that, huh? I hope everyone isn’t high on meth to just accept everything like that. The cookies aren’t laced with meth, are they?! With the festival over, the girls are glad this festival leaves everyone happy. As for Ferry, she is still unsure if she’s dead but since Jack wasn’t interested with her to begin with, perhaps her real existence is still a mystery. Hope she isn’t just a figment of their imagination then! And of course our happy girls would love to come back next year to this town again.

Episode 6
In order to escape from Pommern, Grandcypher crash lands into a mist shrouded island. It has its urban legends so you bet the Empire isn’t going to risk it all to enter it. On this haunting island, Lyria seems to be very afraid. She afraid of ghosts? Oh Eugen, please don’t add more scary urban legends about a ghost ship. While Rackam, Eugen and Katalina fix the ship, the rest head to town to find more info. Then they stumble into… Zombies!!! OMG! But they’re friendly zombies. In fact, 100 years ago, an epidemic swept across the island. Then a ghost ship appeared and shrouded this place with mist and turned everyone into zombies. Yup, nobody can die but nobody can also leave the island. They are happy to have guests but didn’t expect another so soon. Oh, there was another before them? It’s Orchis, Sturm and Drang. They almost start fighting if not for their stomach growling. Phew. Saved by the growl. After food, Drang explains he is here to find some treasure. He offers them to help. Not to find the treasure but to rid of the Primal Beast. He believes that ghost ship is a Primal Beast and it pops up from time to time to devour zombies. Gran agrees a temporary ceasefire to solve this crisis. Lyria being shy to make friends with Orchis, well, Io finally becomes their ice breaker. Along the way, Lyria and Orchis spot a girl. Unfortunately the rest cannot see her. Zombies you believe but not ghosts? Don’t scare us… When Lyria touches her, she becomes visible. Claiming she has no memories, Drang takes the opportunity to call her Ferry and she agrees. Ferry brings them to some abandoned house as she explains her own circumstances. She woke up here 100 years ago with no memories and has been trying to search for it since. This house belonged to a doctor who was trying to find immortality. It is said the Celeste the Primal Beast brought immortality. This island was part of its migration route. So the doctor needed sacrifices to conduct a ritual. Hence, faking some epidemic thingy and lying to the people it was to cure it. Though the diary didn’t state anything further than that, Ferry believes she was dragged into the doctor’s scheme and became like this. She thought Celeste would knew of it but apparently nobody could see her. So these guys are the first? And then Lyria and Orchis detect a Primal Beast nearby.

Episode 7
Lyria, Io and Orchis get devoured by Celeste. When they wake up, they find themselves in a flower field. So this is in the belly of Celeste? Hey, Lyria you don’t mean to sound more surprised than Io after hearing that, huh? There is also a door in the middle of nowhere. Opening it leads them to a different scenery. The process repeats until one point Io starts weakening and spacing out. For a while there, she almost forgot who Lyria is. Lucky for the rest, Ferry has found the notes on how to summon Celeste. They’re not magicians but wanna bet that Gran’s connection to Lyria’s soul is going to be the catalyst that will summon Celeste? Back inside Celeste, the trio stumble into the core of Celeste. Before them is that doctor. Or whatever this consciousness of him is left. He claims this where all the souls are stored. In exchange in giving them peace of all the beautiful memories, he will then take those memories for his nourishment. So all those landscapes that the girls been through are actually Io’s memories. The doctor then devours Io to take her soul. Lyria and Orchis believe that this is not what Celeste wants. That is why they were summoned here to stop this mad doctor’s schemes. When the doctor realizes their power, he now wants to devour them. Weak girls can’t do anything. So cue for Lyria to scream out Gran’s name. That’s it. The ritual works and here comes Celeste.

Episode 8
Celeste is going to devour everybody! I don’t know how Io is purged but I guess they need somebody to tell them what they discovered. Yeah, some flimsy reason she was purged because she was swallowed alive and hence Celeste has trouble absorbing her totally. I guess Celeste was kind enough to let Grandcypher to return and warn the villagers. Yup, enough time to make some weapons. When Ferry tells them the only way to prevent them from being devoured is to defeat Celeste, this also means they have to say goodbye to this place. The villagers are okay. They want to rest in peace. 100 years as a zombie can be pretty boring, you know. So the weapons pierce through Celeste just to hold it back from approaching the village? Oh well, cue for Gran to jump in and settle things. He sees memories of his hometown. And then he has to fight his shadow clone who is hell bent on becoming a skyfarer at all costs. Gran fights his shadow and of course you know, he is not alone anymore and that power is what he needs to overcome his clone. With the doctor now trying to kill Gran, Gran ‘powers up’ by believing in his promise to travel to the Astrals with Lyria. The defeated doctor means a freed Lyria and Orchis. Together they try to purge the doctor’s curse. But this loser doesn’t want to die and tries to forcefully take Lyria’s life directly. Apparently he can’t. So he is left dying in shock that he wasn’t the chosen one after all. With Celeste returning to normal, the zombies turn into souls and rest in peace eternally. The mist is also lifted. Lyria gives Ferry what is believed to be her memories. She regains them as we see she and her father were the doctor’s sacrifice. The doctor was shocked that it was Ferry who gained immortality instead. So he hijacked Celeste to get his revenge from there. How the f*ck did he control a Primal Beast that easy?! Ferry also remembers she has a sister who left the place to find a cure for her illness. After Gran’s team parts ways with Orchis, we see Drang’s true goal. His grandma had a frail body and lived apart from her family to get treatment in a bigger country. During that time, she heard her hometown became shrouded with mist and became worried about her sister. She brought that worry to her grave. Hence Drang’s promise to grandma was to save her. Wow. Cool that Ferry is his grandaunt but how the f*ck did he know Ferry is still alive???!!! Did grandma even know she is an immortal?!

Episode 9
Arriving at the island of Golonzo, this is Rackam’s childhood hometown. He doesn’t have pleasant memories. At least, he looked spaced out most of the time. They are here to fix up Grandcypher. The head mechanic recognizes Rackam as a cry-baby although he has changed. No wonder Rackam wants to get out of here as soon as possible. I hope this doesn’t give Io more ammo to tease him. Anyway, the repairs will cost a lot. Even with Rackam helping with the repairs to cut cost, it is still hefty. Where to find a job? Lucky for them, here is Siero with a job for them. You bet they’re desperate enough to take whatever is at hand. Siero also tells them not to make promises nonchalantly because there is a legend that a Primal Beast will have you make good in keeping whatever promises you make, even verbal ones. Later Eugen sees Siero for some info he wanted. Although it is not conclusive, it is enough for him. As the days passed, Rackam starts questioning himself if this is the future he had wanted. On the final day when Grandcypher is to undergo final checks, a young boy, Noa (you mean he’s not a girl?!) comes to take a look at Grandcypher and is impressed that Rackam finally flew this baby. Apparently Noa knows him but Rackam doesn’t recall about this kid. Because they’re short of time, Noa warns that Grandcypher is in danger. Just as Gran and Lyria return, they are surrounded by Pommern and his soldiers. Not this guy again. Using the dark essence, not only Lyria stars weakening but Noa too. Pommern commands Noa to wreck Grandcypher. So it just turns rusty? At this point, Rackam remembers Noa. Once that is done, Pommern retrieves Gran, Lyria and Noa and has his men withdraw. Mission accomplished finally? Rackam is left abandoned on Grandcypher and still in shock.

Episode 10
When Rackam was young, he told Noa about his dreams to become a helmsman as well as to pilot Grandcypher. Noa believed he will achieve his dreams. You bet the other Grandcypher crew is going to get justice so Siero tells them that Gran and Lyria might be taken to the garrison. Apparently the Empire has a research lab there as they experimented on Primal Beasts’ powers. Not only Siero will join in on this rescue operation but Rosetta as well. They manage to sneak into the place hiding in the food crate. It is then Rackam wants to go his own way because he wants to rescue Noa. Gran and Lyria are taken to see the Prime Minister, Freesia Von Bismarck. She asks them how much do they know about the skies. She continues to explain the history of how the Astrals appeared in this realm eons ago. With their superior weapons, they invaded and held sway over everyone for a long time. But the people revolted and won. That is the history but is that the real history? She believes this current world was created by the footprints left by the Astrals. Her goal is to rewrite this history. She notes Lyria’s amazing track record of subduing Primal Beasts. This is the power she wants to use to rewrite history. She thinks this world is flawed and based on the Astrals’ corruption. This is not how it is supposed to be. So she wants to edit out that Astrals never existed? That’s dangerous. Meanwhile Rackam and Rosetta defeat the meagre guards guarding Noa. Noa mentions Rackam couldn’t remember him because the Empire’s experiments that kept taking away his powers. He only kept going because of Rackam’s promise. Rackam is grateful to him because he is the only one who believed his dream. Gran and Lyria are to be put on some transfer ship. Of course their crew ambush and rescue them. You think the guards are stupid for losing to this bunch but their options are limited. Pommern ordered not to harm them in addition to capture them. Yeah, it’s going to be tough. Uh huh. Escaped again. Freesia moves the operation to the next phase.

Episode 11
Noa is too weak to revert Grandcypher to its original state. If he continues to push himself, he will use up all his energy and disappear. Of course that’s a no-no, right? And yes, everybody wants to help out but how? Mithra, the Primal Beast of fulfilling wishes. Before they can renew their promise, Noa suddenly becomes possessed by the dark essence. You bet it is Freesia trying to turn Noa into some berserk mode by feeding him with more energy until he completely vanishes. This means absorbing the vitality of everyone on Golonzo. Noa turns into some giant whale after merging with all the other ships on this island. Rosetta recognizes it as one of the Astrals’ battleship and Noa is its architect in its distorted form. Gran then makes a promise to Mithra that he will save Noa and continue their journey on Grandcypher. The rest too. Apparently this cannot be constitute a promise if Noa doesn’t hear it. Ah, there’s the catch. So if Noa can’t hear them, they’ll make him! With Freesia increasing the absorption rate and making everyone weak, Rackam flies Gran and Lyria into Noa. Inside, they have to fight off strange alien creatures. Is Gran’s sword enough to hold them off? Eventually Rackam reaches Noa and vows to fulfil their promise. You know the rest of the story. Mithra hears their promise. Noa reverts to normal. Reverts Grandcypher to normal. Returns all other ships to normal. Because Noa has exhausted all his energy, although he won’t disappear, he’ll be back again after restoring his energy maybe in a few hundred years. Hey, at least he kept his promise, right? Gran and Lyria are on their way back to their crew but before them is the Black Knight and Orchis.

Episode 12
Looks like the Black Knight really wants to take them out. Lyria tries to summon her Leviathan but Orchis can do the same and is more powerful. Gran is losing but thankfully there is that window of opportunity to escape. Lyria sinks into depression thinking about Orchis’ case. They’re alike. Sort of. She fears they can never be friends. And what do you know? Orchis finds them. Seems she is not doing this under the Empire’s orders. She decided herself that she wants to protect Apollo. Time for a flashback. When Orchis woke up, she had no memory of who she is or this person before her. Apollonia or Apollo for short as she is called. Apollo treated her very well. Bringing her out and doing stuffs for her. However Orchis never returned to the person that Apollo wanted for. And just when Orchis opened up a bit, Apollo became bitter and cold. Even so, Orchis vowed never to leave her. Gran protects Lyria from harm. He questions the Black Knight’s goal so she claims that it is not dreams or freedom but power that wins. It is the only thing. No matter how hard Gran fights, he can’t best her. His sword even breaks. So can Lyria protect him herself? Don’t know how, Gran musters all his strength to knock off the Black Knight’s helmet. No surprise. Apollo, right? Then a warning shot from Eugen. Cue for Black Knight to leave. Don’t want to take the helmet with you? Freesia is pleased with the data she receives as well as the achievements of other objectives. So much so she decides to leave Lyria in Gran’s hands for now. Gran, whom she identifies as the son of the Primal Killer. Katalina and Io discuss about the Empire’s goals. It is more than just Lyria and they must be conducting some experiment too. Gran tries to ask Eugen about his connection with the Black Knight but he gives excuses and worms his way out. A sign that Gran knows that Eugen doesn’t fully trust him yet. Gran’s troubles aren’t over. Lecia who is from the fourth fleet of the Crew of Enforcers, reads to the Grandcypher crew that the Black Knight who was the Empire’s former supreme advisor, has been arrested for treason on Golonzo. Hence she is requesting them to appear as witness at Amalthea Island, their base where the hearing will be heard. We know where we’re stopping next.

Adventure: The Pursuit Of Life!
Well, looks like things are going to get interesting but it is still unclear if there would be another season. Heh. Maybe in a few more years. With the developments and ‘cliff-hanger’ at the end, I’m pretty sure it should get its deserved follow up. But for now, as Gran himself says, he doesn’t have what he needs to see this journey through. He is going to need a lot more than the power of dreams and friendship if he is going to go up against other stronger players who strong-arm their way via power (hint: those with deeper pockets get to buy better power ups, get what I’m saying?!). So what else does Gran need to complete his journey? Hey viewers, that’s a sign to plead for help to dig into those pockets and buy the BDs so that the production team can have more funds to make the next season! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay, I’m just kidding. But no, seriously. Season 3 when? Please don’t give me more of that Djeeta spinoff crap, okay?

This season feels okay and just like the first, although it isn’t all that bad, it isn’t anything that I would consider overly good or exciting. This season’s stories focus on some of the Grandcypher crew, namely Katalina and Rackam. And maybe that weird Lyria-trying-to-be-friends-with-Orchis can be considered as one. They are nice stories that fleshes out more of their past, a reason to make good and peace with it so that they can continue their journey without that ghost of the past being a thorn on their side that will one day catch up with them. While overall this season doesn’t move the plot much, but like they say, it is the journey and not the destination that is most important. Stopping at these islands and having their own mini adventure arc in it is all part of the bigger picture. Because what happened to that Sky Map thingy that is supposed to be a clue for their next destination? I would have forgotten about it had I not refer back to my previous blog. And hence, this season proves my previous theory wrong that Gran would obtain a new crew member wrong for every island they reach. I guess they don’t have to expand Grandcypher now. Imagine Grandcypher now having Aliza, Vira, Ferry and Noa as part of the crew. Not much but still new recruits.

And Rosetta continues to be the fringe and unofficial member of Gran’s crew. She only pops up when there needs to have extra helping hands. Damn, she should just stop the charade of just observing them and join them outright for whatever reasons she is just biding for the right time to make her next decision. Hope they don’t drop us this plot twist that she is also a Primal Beast! Same for that Siero kid too. Instead of going off and do whatever business, he is always around when Grandcypher crew needs some extra job requests. I say, just join their crew and they can get all the jobs they want. After all, the requests that they have done, you can say they have a 100% success rate and the rewards often pay well. The rest of the other Grandcypher crew remain the same as we know them. But is it me or does this season has much less Io x Rackam quarrelling? Did they grow out of it? Oh well, no worries of some ossan x loli relationship happening then.

The big revelation this season is the truth about the Astrals (albeit just the tip of the iceberg) and hence the main reason for inception of Lyria (I guess Ferry being Drang’s grandaunt was also cool but that was predictable). After all, we weren’t really given much details on what the Astrals are in the first place except that is Gran’s destination since that is where his dad is believed to be. But there could be a twist to that and something more than meets the eye. Freesia could be the main antagonist for Gran and his crew seeing she is very keen on her ambitions of rewriting history. However unlike many villains who often have a ‘valid’ and ‘reasonable’ reason in wanting to change the world (it is just that we don’t agree with their methods to achieve them), I cannot agree with Freesia’s. You see, by wanting to rewrite history and make as though the Astrals never existed, this is as good as not learning from history and hence the danger of repeating them. Even in the case that the Astrals are very bad beings, what has been done is done. The people living in the current era should learn from this and take steps to prevent any future invasion. So if Freesia was successful in altering that history, who is to say that the Astrals will not invade them in the future? Because the people will not know about them and cannot take the correct action.

So I hope in this sense that Freesia will eventually fail (don’t worry, plot convenience will eventually play out so) but with the Empire continuing to hunt Lyria down since she is their prized possession for their ultimate goal, sometimes I feel that it is becoming a running joke (other than Sturm poking Drang for any and no reason). The Empire having lots of guards and other equipment just can’t seem to actually capture Lyria and the rest of Grandcypher. They’re just a small crew, you know. Do Gran and co really have that much luck? Even if they do get captured, luck will have them be freed in no time. This is getting annoying. Like many of the Empire’s generals. I don’t know if Furias is dead but I hope he is because this little brat is really annoying with his mightier-and-holier-than-thou attitude. I hope Pommern would bite the dust next too because it’s getting irritating to see this gay guy chasing after Gran’s tail all the time. Can Gran make another promise with Mithra to have the Empire stop chasing after them? More effective than some fake contract. Definitely.

The Black Knight feels very fringe this season. Almost close to non-existent had not those few scenes that last only a few seconds scattered across the season that see her doing something that isn’t enough to conclude anything. That’s why the final episode seems to be somewhat rushed so as to remind us that she is still somewhat of an obstacle that Gran needs to face if he is to pursue his dream. Of course coming with it all is a few revelations of the Black Knight AKA Apollo and Orchis. I’m sure this is very much determined that Apollo is indeed Eugen’s daughter whom he is looking for. Remember this from the first season? Thank goodness I read my previous blog or I’ll be scratching my head at this point. We just need him to make it ‘official’ by telling it to Gran. Now that she is arrested for treason, it remains to see where all this will lead to as her plans still aren’t clear and so it is still not conclusive enough to tell whether she will be truly a friend or a foe. On a side note, is it me or do I now noticed that the Black Knight’s cape looks more like a blanket? I don’t know. Could she picked a better design? And Orchis is now starting to resemble a depressed Hatsune Miku. Yikes!

Love it or loathe it, sometimes the power of friendship thingy may sound ridiculous and gone too far. Take for instance the Albion story. You know, Katalina was almost so damn sure of abandoning Grandcypher just for Vira and what do you know? Gran and the rest couldn’t really accept that. So much about freedom to choose, huh? So they’ll talk to her until they get the results they want? After so much deliberation, even Katalina gets confused and realized that being free is still way much better to atone the responsibility that she shoved over to her yandere kouhai. Yup. Certainly it is. So did the power of friendship save the day? Yes it did at least for Gran’s crew. Anybody is welcomed to join but you really need to take a hard look at everything if you want to leave. Oh boy. Power of nakama. Got to love it for plot conveniences.

The action parts are still decent like the first season but I feel that they have a lot of luck on their side and hence that is why the tide of the battle is usually in their favour. After all, I didn’t see Gran honing any new skills or combos. Just continuing to swing his sword like before. Rackam and Eugen still using their gun, Io still using her ice magic and Katalina still using a mix of both sword and magic (although her magic is more of defensive than offensive type). And Vyrn continues to be the useless mascot… Also another thought and suggestion: Shouldn’t Grandcypher be fitted with a few weapons like cannons instead of relying on some puny gunshots and magic from the crew? Just saying…

This season’s opening theme is Stay With Me by Seven Billion Dots. Sounds more like a song that a boy band would have sung back in the 2000’s. Ao by Adieu is this season’s ending theme. Rather okay and nothing really special. Sounds more like a generic pop song. New casts joining the line-up this season include Asami Imai as Vira (Ikaruga in Senran Kagura), Yuuko Kaida as Freesia (Ryoumou in Ikkitousen), Kaito Ishikawa as Noa (Iida in Boku No Hero Academia), Natsumi Takamori as Aliza (Mei in Another) and Madoka Yonezawa as Ferry (Ui in K-ON!).

Overall, because I’m not really a big fan of the series, I’m giving it just a generous pass. It is still worthwhile a watch if you are into fantasy and adventuring. There may be another season in the works (which of course I’ll still be prepared to watch) since as I have said, the journey is a long one and that it is more of the journey rather than the destination, Gran and his crew are going to stop on more islands, meet its locals, encounter more Primal Beasts and slip away like a slippery eel from the pursuing Empire. Oh well, it has all become part and staple of their adventure. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

I guess they didn’t have a decent beach episode for the past 2 seasons (though they had a hotspring OVA episode) and hence it is the right time for one. That is what Dungeon Ni Deai Wo Motomeru No Wa Machigatteiru Darou Ka S2 OVA is all about. No Familia wars. No dungeon raiding. Just pure beach fanservice for Bell’s harem. I mean, Hestia Familia. Whatever.

A deserted island named Paradise…
Hestia Familia is on this deserted island. On a mission to find a mysterious herb that allows one to get anything (doesn’t that sound more suspicious?), hence the gang on this island. But of course you bet the ladies are all out for Bell’s attention. Trying to tempt him to get into the water with them? What if Bell forgot his swimsuit? Turn it into a swimsuit contest! The winner will get to spend the entire day with him alone! You bet it is going to be a tough fight between Hestia and Lily but don’t discount Haruhime as the dark horse. So we see them preparing as well as hallucinating of getting naughty with Bell. Show time. Mikoto goes up first as demonstration. What the heck is this ugly clothes? It’s not even swimsuit. Is she even trying? Anyway, Hestia is up first. Using leaves as swimsuit, huh? Okay. Pass. Next is Lily. Cute one piece suit. But she uses the yoga ball to enhance her flat features. And sucking a candy for the kill. Bell looking flustered. Finally Haruhime. Shy girl may take it all from behind? You bet Hestia and Lily are going to protest this. So what is Bell’s decision? Don’t say all of them are winners because that would be insulting. Oh sh*t… Suddenly Aiz pops up. Oh. Dang. She the winner?! However something is strange. This is not the real Aiz. Because she has a strange mushroom on her head and she is acting like an idiot and retard! WTF?! Because she has no memories of herself, Hestia tries to pull a fast one by telling her that Welf is her lover. She believes it and goes to flirt with Welf before Bell’s eyes. Bell is so heartbroken that he rushes off and ends up in a ditch. Don’t worry. He’s not dead. Just out cold.

Ryuu seems to have found the herb but it is in the middle of a lake. So why does she need to get all naked so as to swim there to get it? Isn’t she wearing a decent swimsuit? Anyway, her scream is heard. Mikoto goes to check it out. Ah, that herb in the middle of a hotspring. And then her scream is heard. Welf goes to investigate. Oh, a smithy in the middle of the lake. You’ve guessed it. His scream. They return acting as idiots so it is up to Bell’s harem to save the day. Too bad they also end up as retards. By the time Bell wakes up, he is shocked to see them all turned into idiots with a mushroom on their head. And then they just stop moving. The mushroom drops off. Uhm, their real personalities become the mushroom? Chibi version? They want Bell to bring them back home. However standing in their way is Finn, Bete, Aisha, Apollo, Ares and a whole bunch of other characters. They’re going to destroy these mushroom characters! Suddenly a volcano erupts. The land cracks. The sea cracks. The sky cracks! WTF is going on???!!! Oh. Turns out to be a weird dream of Cassandra. Did she eat some weird sh*t mushroom? However she fears this is some sort of vision and tries to warn her friends. They brush it off as hogwash since Hestia Familia already went on that mission a week ago and are set to return. Besides, Cassandra was asleep for about a week too. And then Bell returns. A mushroom is spotted on his head. Oh sh*t…

Sexy Beach & Sexy Bitches…
Well, may not be the weirdest but it was definitely one of the weirdest sh*ts I have ever seen. All this turning out to be a dream or a vision could be a lazy way of making all this non-canon. Yup. Just easily write it off as a dream so that this won’t have any permanent and lasting effects. Even so, sometimes I feel that whoever came out with this weird sh*t suddenly ran out of ideas. They wanted to do a fanservice beach episode but didn’t really know how to end it. Because as you can see, it started out pretty decent with some decent fanservice (which is the big goal of this OVA) and as the episode progresses, things started not making any sense and because there is not enough time left, bam! This weird crap that we get. Like, WTF???!!! WHAT ARE YOU GUYS THINKING???!!! Like as though the one who came up with this nonsense was also high on some mushroom drug or something. Yeah, so there is no such herb that grants you anything, huh? Too good to be true. So either you love it or hate this ridiculous atrocity but I think we all had some sort ‘fun’ watching this OVA. We laughed, we cringed. We had the weirdest time of our life. Time to move on. And my guess that this is supposed to take off the load for the upcoming third season. Back to more dungeon raiding and possibly more Familia wars. Ah well, it was good while it lasted. It’s not very often that Hestia Familia could get to do something this fun together in such outings, you know. Now we need a high school setting parody for completion. Just saying…

Are you perfectly prepared for another overpowered main character in another isekai genre? Gee. That’s what I thought. Most of us after hearing that buzzword would have gone, “Oh no. Not another overpowered main character in another isekai genre! Can we stop this crap already?!”. But wait! This isn’t just another overpowered main character in another isekai genre. Even though the hero is overpowered, he takes precautions, safety measures after safety measures, more precautions followed by even more provisions just to make sure. And you thought that is the end of it, here he goes making sure all the safeguard procedures are in place before making the final checks and balances. Oh yeah. Are you infuriated? Are you annoyed? Hey. You can never be too careful. Prevention is better than cure. Expect the unexpected. For those who have played video games, remember you stock up your inventory to the brim with healing potions or just insanely level up like mad before the final boss fight, only to find all that didn’t matter because the boss was somewhat easy to defeat? Yup. That’s what you call being an overcautious freak! And hence don’t laugh at the hero in Kono Yuusha Ga Ore Tueee Kuse Ni Shinchou Sugiru for being one. Heck, that name is so weird that it’s like as though they’re trying to be cautious not to sound like another isekai anime. And while we all remember this series by its short name, Shinchou Yuusha, are we know perfectly prepared to watch his extremely careful exploits?

Episode 1
100 years ago in the Unified Divine Realm (UDR), Ristarte is summoned as a goddess to handle some S-class difficulty disaster. Naturally she dreads this task because that means putting up with the strongest Demon Lords and the likes. First she needs to summon a guy from Japan as part of the isekai cliché. Then she sees the stats of Seiya Ryuuguuin and is impressed with his high levels. She summons him and is taken in by his good looks. However the moment he opens his mouth, she starts to get pissed off. Because he is so sceptical of everything! He asks lots of troublesome questions and he won’t even got to the world of Gaeabrande, the world he is supposed to save. Since he has no way out of this, what does he do? Intensive training! Just to be sure. It is then Ristarte remembers a footnote his sheet that he is an overly cautious character! Talking to her senior about this, Ariadoa advises to be friends with him instead of lording over like a goddess. Sure, she did that he thinks the food she cooked has poison! Ristarte gives him a buzzer to call whenever she needs him but she keeps waiting and waiting. The buzzer never sounds. Until a week later it does! Yup, this guy has maxed out his stats! Just in case. Now are we ready to go to Gaeabrande? Even in this town he suspects the ordinary old guy to be a monster or killer in disguise! When buying armour, he wanted to buy 3 sets! Just in case. And make that 50 medicinal herbs and 30 smoke bombs. Just in case. Nina, a little girl wants to give him a charm since he is leaving the town. Think it is a cursed item?! Leaving town, they spot a slime. Just the weakest creature, right? Well, Seiya uses his powerful atomic slash to disintegrate it to nothing! And then some hellfire! Just in case! Then more atomic slash and hellfire to follow! Just in case! Overkill! Once he is done, this attracts the attention of Chaos Machina. She is one of the 4 generals serving under the Demon Lord. Oh sh*t. Her stats are more powerful. Ristarte contemplates running away for now but she doesn’t have to tell Seiya. He already ran away without her! You bet Ristarte is pissed he abandoned a goddess! Oh sh*t. A demon and goddess after a hero’s ass!

Episode 2
Seiya manages to save Ristarte’s ass from Chaos’ attack before asking her to open a portal back to UDR. So this guy instantly wants to do more training before he can take on Chaos? After 2 days, Ristarte tries to peep but instead sees Chaos taking over town and threatens to kill the villagers one by one if they don’t show up. Even more so when she takes Nina’s dad hostage. Although time in UDR moves differently and slowly, Ristarte tells this to Seiya. Unfortunately he can’t go yet. He’s not ready. He isn’t convinced when she says even if he dies, he returns to his world but if those villagers die, they will never come back. The last straw is how Seiya calls Nina’s charm as a curse. Had he not take it, they wouldn’t have encountered this. Ristarte feels disappointed in this coward. It doesn’t matter how high his stats are, he’s just an awful hero. But Seiya replies if he dies, the town and the world will die. That is why he must prepare himself for this and cannot die. So he is now level up many times fold and ready to return? Seiya returns and attacks Chaos but this is only a distraction to free Nina’s dad. Seiya fights on par with Chaos. Then she stabs herself to unleash her true demonic and more powerful form. Can Seiya defeat her? Ristarte tries to peep into his real stats but he seems to have put a block on it. After forcing her way in, she sees his true stats. 10 times more and has even more skills! She realizes he was putting on a fake stats to deceive everyone and was already overpowered after his first training. With that, Seiya easily defeats Chaos. The villagers are happy and grateful to Seiya. Want to celebrate? He must do something first. He gathers all of Chaos’ remains and then… Overkills them with hellfire!!! Can’t risk any cell and make her regenerate. More hellfire! Oh God. Is this some sort of bonfire festival? Finally… Maximum inferno! Damn, the town is now burnt to a crisp! You bet they get kicked out. As they leave, Nina’s dad still wants to thank them and gives his money. Seiya doesn’t bat an eyelid to take them and asks for more!!! Is he the bad guy now?! Nina and her dad are still grateful, though. Ristarte thinks of heading to the next town but Seiya wants to return to UDR and do more training. After defeating Chaos, the Demon Lord will surely send more powerful enemies, right? And since Ristarte can’t create better weapons or armours for him and just heal about, he values her the same as a medicinal herb. Patience…

Episode 3
Ristarte complains to Ariadoa about the training freak. She admires Ariadoa who has summoned heroes and saved 300 worlds. However Ariadoa notes she has failed 1 world and it was her carelessness that failed this easy world. Just then Seiya barges in to complain his training isn’t increasing his stats anymore. Ristarte looking happy. Seiya turns down the suggestion to fight monsters since it is too risky so Ariadoa suggests having another god to train him. That god will be Cerceus. This cocky guy thinks Seiya can’t stand up to his training. Bring it on. After the first day, Cerceus seems to be holding his ground. On the second day, he looks like he has his doubts. By the third day, he is agitated and almost broken! On the fourth day he is hiding from Seiya! Oh sh*t! That guy just won’t stop! He is already 3 times stronger than him and he won’t rest until he is 100 times stronger! And then Seiya finds him to drag him back! Oh sh*t! Cerceus even now hates his sword and throws it away! Ristarte is then summoned by Ishtar. She leans Cerceus isn’t born of a god but a human reincarnated as one but lost his memories. So this is all part of Cerceus’ training about his weak soul spilling over or something? Anyway, Ishtar wants Ristarte to head to the next town in Gaeabrande and meet some comrades. Ristarte is about to take Seiya but sees him beating up Cerceus! Damn, this look like a bully scene! In this town, they learn the undead will invade soon. Hence Seiya wants to buy 1000 holy water! He has to make do with just 10. At the church, the father introduces them to their comrades, Mash and Elulu who are both from the dragonkin. Immediately Seiya pours holy water on the father! WTF!? But wait! He turns into an undead! And then Seiya cuts him up without unsheathing his sword?! The father then reveals how Deathmagla, one of the Demon Lord generals will unleash 10,000 undead tomorrow. Thanks for the info. Now Seiya will burn him to hell with hellfire! Rest of you get out!!! Wow. The historical church is now destroyed too. That’s not all, Seiya pours holy water on the dragonkin, the sister and even Ristarte! Thankfully not undead. Ristarte scans Mash and Elulu’s stats. Not very high but lots of room for improvement. Then Seiya tells them off he doesn’t need them. Scram!

Episode 4
Mash is insulted that Seiya doesn’t need them. Even when the knights offer to help, Seiya doesn’t even need them and wants them to instead defend this village while he goes to face the undead himself. Ristarte thought he is mean but could it be that he is looking out for them? I mean a few hundred more allies won’t mean a thing to 10,000 and he doesn’t want them to die unnecessary deaths. Seiya spots the marching undead. He uses his devastating meteor strike to vaporize them all. And another one just in case. You’d think he would have lost a lot of MP after that and seeing him almost close to collapsing. Nah. His MP balance still high as f*ck! Back in town, Elulu seeks Ristarte’s help because Mash has been missing ever since. And Seiya is busy using all the rewards the knights promised to get some new stuffs as well as learn some new synergy skill. Yup, he created a new platinum sword but the catalyst he used to create it is Ristarte’s hair! Creepy. When a mirror present is sent to them, they see a tortured Mash in the mirror. It is a message from Deathmagla that he is getting back at them for what they did to his undead army. Now he is bored and will kill him. Mash admits Seiya is the greatest hero he will never match. But in return he hopes Seiya will save the world in his place. Seiya wants Ristarte to open a portal back to UDR. Then he uses his phantom blade that transcends dimension to cut Deathmagla’s hand despite being in a remote place. Quickly going back into UDR, Seiya will use Deathmagla’s state of confusion to settle things and buy them time before he kills Mash. So Seiya barges into Ishtar’s quarters to tell them Deathmagla’s whereabouts. Then he has Ristarte open a portal there where he will instantly attack the baddie while she goes to save Mash. All goes as planned until Deathmagla unleashes Dark Firus, a black fire monster created out of many of his experiments. He is so confident Seiya can’t defeat it that he reveals the only way to defeat Dark Firus. Yeah well… Seiya demonstrates it by using his martial arts skills (can’t always rely on his sword, just in case), then freezing it with ice (despite having no ice magic, he created a bracelet using, you guessed it, Ristarte’s hair – as well as many other elemental bracelets!) and then finally burning it with his flaming sword. And while Ristarte takes Seiya to safety, it’s safe to say what is going to happen to Deathmagla… You know who bad it will be when Seiya notes there is going to be a major clean-up after this… Yeah, death becomes him now!

Episode 5
With Mash recuperating well, he has learnt a lot and wants to become Seiya’s apprentice. Do whatever you want. As long as he carries his luggage. Mash and Elulu remember the legend of their village. A dragon descended 16 years ago carrying them. It says to journey with a hero and break a seal at the dragon’s den that will defeat Gaeabrande from evil. Of course Seiya isn’t going to go there now. Yup, back to UDR for more training! Yeah, that Cerceus guy has given up his sword and now a cook?! He is still traumatized about that training… Or was it bully? But don’t worry, it will be Mash whom he will be training. Instantly that guy agrees since Mash is way weaker than him. Elulu is left to Hestiaca to train her magic fire. The mightiest goddess, Valkyrie ‘bullies’ Ristarte and because of that, Seiya gets blunt and wants this exhibitionist to train him. Naturally she wants to kill him but with Ariadoa’s plea, she backs down. Hence she has Adenela to train Seiya. You mean this creepy Japanese ghost is the goddess of war?! Hey, where is Seiya’s caution? Why he accept her training so fast? This girl already a bit broken and you might guess what happens after the first day… Then the second day, hmm, isn’t she dressed up a little proper? Sounds like she’s in love with him and that he has mastered his Eternal Sword whatever a long time ago! On the final day where they are to leave for Gaeabrande, Mash has levelled up considerably but Elulu is depressed. Hestiaca notes she has no talent for magic and wishes she would give up now than be disappointed later. Oh my, Adenela dolled up like a pretty girl now and wants Seiya to take her along in his adventures! Of course he rejects her and even the cake she bakes for him. Poor broken hearted girl. While Adenela trashes the place, Seiya doesn’t give a f*ck and returns to Gaeabrande. During the journey, they meet lots of monsters. Mash can’t show the fruits of his training because Seiya has got a remote fire phoenix that kills all monsters that come within their radius! Then in a cave, no need the dragonkins’ palm prints to open the door. Use the Eternal Sword skill to break it down!!! There is a teleport device that sends them to the dragon village, cautious Seiya sends a lizard just in case. At the dragon village, they meet the matriarch, Leviae. She teaches Mash how to transform into a dragonewt and his abilities increase tenfold. With more training he can become a Dragon God. As for Elulu, she doesn’t need any of this as she has a more important role: She will sacrifice her life to become the ultimate weapon, Igzasion.

Episode 6
Leviae adds that it is part of the legend and she should be honoured to become Igzasion. After all, what is 1 life when the Demon Lord has already ravaged 70% of the world. I guess Elulu is feeling conflicted about this. Made even worse when Seiya being ambiguously blunt as he says it is already obvious what she needs to do that he doesn’t need to say it. Ah well… After the banquet, the ceremony proceeds. Elulu is to dive into this abyss where her flesh and blood will be assimilated and transformed into Igzasion. Of course our young ones are having second thoughts as this sounds more and more like murder. If she doesn’t jump, Leviae will have her guards assist her. That is when Seiya jumps in to kick the guards away. Regarding what he said, he meant for her to remain as his baggage carrier. Ristarte now thinks like Seiya. They’ll find a way to defeat the Demon Lord without Igzasion. This won’t do for Leviae as she saw this coming and had poisoned them during the banquet. Now they are paralyzed. But Seiya still moving? Yeah, he pretended to eat but then vomit it out later. Never eat something made by lizards! Leviae turns into her dragon mode to get things done. He pulls out a Dragon Killer sword made via dragonkins’ strand of hair and 100 of Ristarte’s hair. Say what… Although it deals some damage to Leviae, she also played cautious and had a cursed necklace around Elulu. In 3 minutes she will die and her body will be tossed into the abyss. Leviae then hardens her skin so Seiya takes out another spare Dragon Killer and eats up speed seeds. Then he starts slashing Leviae. It doesn’t chip her damage but his goal was to push and drop her down the abyss! You thought she could fly away but he previously damaged her wings. Down she goes. With Leviae dead, the curse is lifted and Elulu lives. Out from the abyss is a sword. Seiya uses it and scratches Elulu and with her blood, it becomes Igzasion. He considers it a win-win situation since Leviae would have sacrificed her own life to save the world. Uhm, did she say that? As they leave the dragon village, Ristarte talks to Seiya and knows that isn’t Igzasion. True, he just put on a show to put everyone’s mind at ease. After all, Ristarte said they’ll find some other way, right? Gonna be okay. Something will work out. Eh? Isn’t supposed to be overly cautious and prepared?

Episode 7
After exiting the cave, knights are waiting for them. A demon named Beel Bub is attacking a fortress that is commanded by Rosalie. Seiya and co fly over there and it seems Beel Bub and his fly armies are killing the soldiers by dropping them from the sky. This is all a ploy to lure out the hero. It is the only reason the fortress hasn’t fallen yet. Once the attack stops, Seiya goes to meet Rosalie who is glad a hero has come. She brings them back to her fortress to discuss strategy but Seiya being the cautious one, mentions about the possibilities of a demon in disguise and eavesdropping by the enemy. Yup, they wasted time searching high and low through the fortress. Nothing. Rosalie gets mad and screws this strategy meeting. She and Seiya should just go straight up and attack Beel Bub. However Seiya wants to return to training in UDR instead. This leaves Rosalie mad as she thinks he is abandoning them. Even made worse when she learns he just watched and let her men get killed. Ristarte tries to calm things down but is told off that as an immortal she doesn’t understand life. But Seiya tells Rosalie off that it is her own carelessness that got her men killed since she lacked any strategy. Now Rosalie is mad and when she tries to get him, he slaps her! This happens a lot of times that Rosalie’s cheek is now swollen! Damn, is this a childish fight it has descended? Better get going now to UDR before Rosalie turns into a real mad dog. In UDR, Seiya wants to learn something that has missiles or guns. Since this world doesn’t have that, the closest is bows so Ristarte introduces her to Mitis, the goddess of archery. Elulu is left devastated when Seiya easily masters her magic bow first. Seiya starts his training as the rest hang out elsewhere. They see Cerceus who is panicking to see them back here. Remember Adenela? Yup, she has been even more broken ever since. You bet that sick girl is going to kill Seiya if she sees him! They see Ariadoa for help but she offers to help unlock some hidden power inside the dragonkins. Ristarte feels the need to calm Adenela herself but looks like her abode has become some haunted house! Kill Seiya written everywhere! Don’t look now but she’s right behind you… Ristarte runs back to Seiya and tries to tell him not to go to town to avoid Adenela. Impossible. She followed you here! Oh dear! She’s going to kill Seiya right now! But then… Seiya pats her head and asks her how she’s doing. And suddenly Adenela forgives him! Back to being a girly girl in love now, eh? You’re distracting my training, will please get out of my sight? Sure thing, honey! Wow. Speechless…

Episode 8
Ariadoa shows Ristarte that Mash and Elulu have powered up. Mash’s dragon hand increases his attack power while Elulu can slow or hasten things. When Ariadoa learns that Mitis is training Seiya, she is worried because Mitis is a nympho and far worse than Adenela. Hence Ristarte makes haste to save Seiya’s chastity. What’s this? Mitis tied up upside down and butt naked and wants Seiya to shoot her down? This is training? Yeah, Seiya shoots right at her forehead. Mitis then tries to attack Seiya. Butt naked. He shoots more arrows at her. Now she shifts her attention and targets Mash. Seiya anticipates this and shoots more arrows into her. I guess at this point she is so horny that anything long and hard going through her is orgasmic. I suppose that’s the end of the training, huh? Returning to Gaeabrande, it seems Rosalie has gone off by herself to fight Beel Bub. They see her trying to climb into the fortress but Seiya anticipated this. Rosalie will be the bait for him to shoot Beel Bub. Could have done so had not Rosalie’s men greet them. This distraction has Beel Bub capture Rosalie. Oh, Seiya also expected this and wants Ristarte to go distract Beel Bub. Of course Beel Bub is doing this just to lure out Seiya and flies higher, outside his shooting range and above the clouds so he could drop Rosalie. Before he can do it, an arrow misses him. He drops Rosalie but Ristarte catches her. Beel Bub believes Seiya must be hiding in the clouds and doing his sniping because there is no way a magic arrow could fly this far even if he is a genius. He dares Seiya to show all he’s got. Seiya fires multiple arrows in which Beel Bub easily dodges them all. Beel Bub thinks Seiya has given away his position when suddenly a hole in his stomach! The missed arrows turned into some birds that return to attack him. Beel Bub defeated. On the ground, Rosalie refuses to thank him and of course, Seiya’s a pro in pissing her off. As for the remaining flies, Seiya wants Mash and Elulu to show the fruits of their training to destroy them. Finally! But eh? Seiya killing all the flies with his machine gun arrows? Yeah, he wants Elulu to hasten Mash so he can pick up and gather the corpses for him to burn! Oh… Rosalie tells them of a legendary armour they need to defeat the Demon Lord. Of course Seiya thinks it is cursed… Can we get going? In this village where the armour resides, however the village is being burnt down by one of the Demon Lord’s generals, Kilkapul the summoner. He has summoned a demonic turtle beast not to defeat Seiya but to eat and destroy the sacred armour. He has been watching Seiya’s exploits and deemed him a threat. With no legendary sword and armour, his chances of defeating the Demon Lord is slim. Die now!

Episode 9
Kilkapul kills himself so that he could offer his life and summon a grim reaper, Krosde Thanatus. Yeah, its stats are off the mark! Oh no. Seiya can’t even beat it?! All attacks futile and it can clone itself if it is cut in half! Seiya has Ristarte open a portal to UDR. But even when they reach there safely, Thanatus can transcend dimensions and follow them here! You know you’re screwed when Seiya the man himself admits he has no plan to defeat this monster! So run!!! And as Thanatus chases them, it destroys all the useless gods that try to stop it. Seiya even uses Adenela to stop it but apparently the power of love isn’t strong for her. Yup. Owned. Seiya seems to have a plan, though. He runs to Valkyrie and makes Thanatus destroy her painting. Mad, Valkyrie fights the grim reaper with all she’s got but nothing works. Thus she unleashes her seal and summons her ultimate Valhalla Gate to finally destroy Thanatus for good. Of course using her own life force as a catalyst, she starts bleeding everywhere. But don’t worry, she still lives. This is when Seiya insists he wants to train with her. She doesn’t like it but whatever. Ristarte so sad thinking Seiya has abandoned her. Besides, he says she stinks?! Ishtar summons Ristarte. It seems the last of the generals is making his move on Gaeabrande. Better hurry. Ristarte sees Mash and Elulu levelled up from Ariadoa’s training. Vowing to be useful to Seiya, she goes to see him only to see them both naked and Valkyrie on top of Seiya???!!! WTF IS GOING ON???!!! WTF IS THIS SEX TRAINING???!!! Ristarte so disappointed, mad and sad but they assure her it isn’t what it looks like. Ristarte going berserk showing this straw doll she made. If it looks hideous because it is made out of her own hair! WTF… Even Valkyrie freaks out and will stop harassing Ristarte from now on… In the end, Ristarte sheepishly believes in Seiya that no sex was involved in his training. They return to Gaeabrande as Eraser Kaiser is leading an army to attack the capital. Kaiser calls for their strongest human. This old geezer, Warmaster who is Rosalie’s father steps up to the task. In one strike, Warmaster destroys Kaiser and then the rest of his army! Woah! So powerful! No need for Seiya to even step in! So why didn’t he join in the mission to defeat the Demon Lord? Suddenly Warmaster starts to feel pain. Oh no. Is he dying? Actually he turns into a baby! WTF???!!!

Episode 10
Now they understand why Warmaster can’t leave the capital. Rosalie being more of a mother to her father. Heh. Ristarte wants to rest and have some fun but of course our super cautious hero won’t allow it. Heck, he even berates her that’s the reason why she is a third rate goddess below Valkyrie! Think about this world for heaven’s sake! Well… He’s got a point… Ristarte so mad, she tries to redeem herself by healing this badly wounded random guy. Unfortunately some random healer healed him faster and better! Oh Ristarte, your reputation jut tanked. Talking to Rosalie, she claims her father turned into a baby after facing off with the Demon Lord the last time. Because he has not much time left, hence she hopes Seiya could fight in his place so her father could spend the rest of his days peacefully. I think you know the answer. Yup, that old geezer will only get in the way. Even you, Ristarte. And off Seiya goes to fight the Demon Lord with his luggage carriers. Sad. Hence our ‘useless’ Warmaster talks to our ‘useless’ Ristarte. Something about why gods and goddesses live forever because their soul is sealed somewhere safely in UDR. It’s the same concept for the hero as his soul is not in this realm and he can’t easily die. Warmaster warns about this Chain Destruction which is able to sever that virtual soul and kill outright. It seems the Demon Lord has finished creating that into his ultimate god slayer sword, God Eater. Eh, why is Warmaster having that sword?! When he faced the Demon Lord, he was seen through. He realized he will never achieve his dream of becoming a hero. Awed by the Demon Lord’s power, that’s why he turned into a baby. Now he worships the Demon Lord and will kill Ristarte! Oh dear, is she really going to die? She screams for Seiya for help.

And as predicted, this guy comes to her rescue. Uh huh. His overcautious to blame again. And also the rest heard Warmaster’s confession too. Seiya fights him and you know you’re screwed if he has trouble keeping up. But don’t worry. He drops all his heavy limiters. Now he can fight on par. But still not enough! Are we really screwed? Because Warmaster now eats a demonic pill and turns into a younger and stronger demon. Oh sh*t! He cuts off Seiya’s right arm! We’re so screwed! However, Seiya doesn’t feel pain and acts the same. Somehow manages to cut off his right arm too with a higher skill. With that, he is able to defeat Warmaster. He has Ristarte quickly put back and heal his arm. What’s this? He wants her to heal Warmaster too? Rosalie refuses to acknowledge her father anymore. Each time she denies, Seiya slaps her. Until he tells her he will no longer hear her complaints once he is gone. It’s a good thing but sad when Warmaster ekes out his final words he loves her before dying. Rosalie, oh Rosalie… A few days later, Warmaster is put to rest and Rosalie assumes his throne. You thought that Seiya would go back to training and more training once he is healed up. However he allows his team to go rest for a few days and have fun. Is this really Seiya?! Shocking! But it’s true! Oh Ristarte, it’s like she has been dying to hear those words. Now to go all out and have fun! Wohoo! Time to let her hair loose!

Episode 11
Ristarte is really going to have fun. First, she stops by a swimsuit shop to get something naughty. Because the clerk heard about it, she tries to make a fool of her and sell her very revealing outfits. The deal clincher is when there is this swimming trunks with the crotch area cut out. Ristarte wants to see Seiya’s crotch and buy this one including a bra that exposes her boobs! The clerk is so amazed that she sells to her at 90% discount!!! Ristarte probably has the day planned out and the naughty things she will do to Seiya once the kids are asleep. But as they wait for him, he never showed up. They go look for him but the people in town never saw Seiya. When they go see Ariadoa, she’s crying. Oh sh*t. She brings them to Ishtar who then reveals Seiya went to fight the Demon Lord himself after they parted. Ristarte is in disbelief. This Seiya who takes so much precaution would just go fight the Demon Lord like that? It can’t be. Oh yes it can. Ishtar further reveals that Seiya’s skill has peaked and reached maximum ever since they reached the dragon village. That is why he tried to learn other skills from other goddesses. That sex-like training with Valkyrie? Yup, he learnt the ultimate skill that strikes down the enemy in exchange for one’s life. More shocking truths that Seiya actually cared for all his comrades. Otherwise he would never have rescued Mash or Elulu from the enemies. I guess now all our hunches are true. Ristarte knows his current level is not enough to beat the Demon Lord. Even if that is true, he still went.

Ariadoa now shows them the past. 100 years ago in the B-class world of Ixphoria, Ariadoa was the goddess who paired up with Seiya to save this world. It is hard to believe that this Seiya is damn reckless! No training needed. Just go ahead and do what they can! Gonna be okay. Something will work out. The plan is having no plan at all! Woah. Is this really Seiya? Their team also consisted of Colt the mage and Tiana the princess healer. Through his recklessness, they manage to win a lot of fights and the party started to rely on him a lot. Before the final Demon Lord battle, there’s an intimate moment of Seiya and Tiana. After a hard fought battle with the Demon Lord, they let their guard down and the Demon Lord killed and devoured Colt, reviving himself. Then he also did the same to Ariadoa. He targets Tiana next but also sensed she has a baby inside her belly and will relish gobbling both lives. Seiya begs for him to stop but it’s safe to say what tragedy happened next. Ariadoa blames herself for being careless and not asked the local sage for the Demon Lord’s weakness when they had the chance. Now for the final revelation: Ristarte is actually Tiana reincarnated thanks to Ariadoa’s earnest wish. Because of Tiana’s good deeds in life, that helped her to be reincarnated as a goddess. And how cruel fate is to entrust Seiya to Ristarte again. Although both have no memories in their prior life, when Seiya was first summoned to Gaeabrande, he peaked at some secret properties and being the smart guy he is, realized he was summoned before and failed. Ristarte wants to go save Seiya even if he is risking his life to save all gods and goddesses. She even breaks the rule by opening the gate into the heart of the Demon Lord’s base. She will accept any punishment later. Of course she isn’t going alone. Mash and Elulu are coming to repay their saviour.

Episode 12
Arriving right in the midst of Seiya fighting the Demon Lord! Just in time, he uses the damning Valhalla Gate. The Demon Lord gets trapped but he claws his way out. More fighting as Seiya uses his sword to push him until he gets devoured. He is bleeding all over as Ristarte quickly heals him. She disobeys the disclaimer that she will be punished if she is to unlock the seal to obtain her true goddess power. She is willing to face whatever punishment because if she can’t be a real goddess now, when can she ever be one? Seiya is healed and it’s back to that familiar spat. Until they realize Valhalla Gate isn’t gone yet. Yup, the Demon Lord bursting out and trying to destroy this world along with himself. So how? Seiya summons a second Valhalla Gate to swallow the first one along with the Demon Lord! While that finally killed the Demon Lord, it is time for Seiya to pay up with his life. He is fracturing at a faster rate than Ristarte could heal. And the worst fear comes true when Seiya starts praising and thanking his comrades. Oh dear. Getting emotional. Don’t you make me cry too!!! Then the inevitable. Seiya disappears after he realizes why Ristarte looks familiar. Yeah, past life thingy. In the aftermath, Gaeabrande is saved and now peaceful. Mash and Elulu join Rosalie’s Imperial Knights as they see Ristarte off as she returns to UDR. Of course we see her cry and sink into depression. I don’t think trying to cheer her up that she won’t be tormented anymore is the right thing to say. Ariadoa picks her up since Ishtar wants to see her. The committee has deliberated that she has broken some rules and her punishment is to save the SS-class difficulty of Ixphoria. Oh sh*t. S-class wasn’t enough but double S?! This means there could be triple, quadruple, etc… Because that world was failed to be saved, it has turned into a demon realm. She must save it to regain her goddess status back. And doing so without her healing powers. WTF?! Why not just kill her then instead of making this difficult sh*t for her?! Ishtar hints of a hope that a certain hero can save it. Chain Destruction was destroyed when the second Valhalla Gate devoured it. Ishtar is making an exception of a certain failure to return. Ristarte in tears and couldn’t be more happy that she has a chance to summon Seiya again! Though, his stats are real low and there is a disclaimer warning at the bottom that he is impossibly cautious!

Be Reckless At Your Own Risk
Oh, that wasn’t really a cautious ending. I thought they were going to end it with Seiya and Ristarte ending up together again but I guess that wouldn’t be cautious but too cliché. Heh. It wasn’t the most expected kind of ending but it is still a good one (and also heart wrenching) considering that Ristarte and Seiya will eventually meet up again. They have a chance to make amends but it will be at a higher difficulty. Better be perfectly prepared this time. Gonna be okay somehow. Yup, Seiya also increased his overcautious difficulty. How cautious is impossibly cautious? I hope it doesn’t mean that to save the world is to destroy it! Or like that Metal Gear Solid boss battle ‘cheat’ thingy whereby the player can end the boss fight by changing the console clock. Hence the boss ‘dies’ by ‘growing old’! Waiting and waiting and waiting… Yeah, that is so impossibly cautious. Oh wait. How long does a Demon Lord live again? How long is eternity again? So I think the producers will be impossibly cautious to think about making a sequel…

You know, this is one of the very few isekai genres which I actually enjoyed watching. It is just so funny and hilarious that I sometimes forget that it is an isekai genre in the first place. Even though the very cliché outlook that the main character is overpowered, it is how they cleverly make use of this overcautious habit of his and turn it into something funny instead of something boring and expected. I mean, in many such cases, the overpowered hero would just easily find a solution to overcome the enemy. But for Seiya in this case, although we do expect him to come up with something to defeat the enemy, it is that funny takes in between that has us distracted and laughing before he pulls off the miracle. I suppose I can say that it is a different formula used for this genre and that is why this series looks so refreshing and interesting. In fact it could be the best isekai series in recent memory.

So never mind the very typical cliché of the hero forming his own mini group to fight the Demon Lord and his minions and saving a few cities and people along the way. I guess no matter how different you want to be, you still have to be cautious and follow some of the good ol’ formula, right? So cautious that there were 2 instances that this series had its weekly episode delayed! Hence many made jokes about how the production team had to be cautious and not perfectly prepared for that episode to be aired! Yup, the obligatory recap episode that ran its course but I didn’t watch. Because I was already perfectly prepared for it and don’t need no stinking recap to refresh my memories!!! Oh wait. Maybe I should. Just in case. But thankfully, this series didn’t get cancelled in the last minute or get delayed for a few months just to be cautious about whatever that was bugging them. Phew. We don’t need another Seiya in real life! But surprisingly the final episode aired a few days earlier and surprised us all. How is that being cautious?

It is mostly the dynamic relationship between Seiya and Ristarte that what pulls off this series. At first glance, Seiya looks like some uncaring big bully while Ristarte is just some dumb blonde bimbo. It’s almost as if the dumb blonde is being bullied by the smarter guy character as seen in other series like No Game No Life and Itazura Na Kiss. Politically correct and woke people might not like this but yeah, screw them. Seiya sometimes feel like God because he manages to be so cautious that he could be cheating by reading out from the script. Uh huh. This guy thinks like a million times ahead and sometimes when you try to challenge yourself and think what he will do, this guy probably has already seen it coming that we the audience are going to think so and hence pulls off a move that we never expect to see. You think you can outwit and outsmart Seiya? No chance, buster. This guy already thought of that even before this anime is made!!! HAHAHA!!! Long live Seiya! Hey, better worship this guy and not get on this guy’s goat. Trust me, you don’t want to make enemies out of this guy.

Completing this manzai comedy duo is Ristarte whom of course is casted as a dumb blonde. Because of that, she is the object of torment of Seiya and you can guarantee that her emotions are on a roller coaster ride each time she is with him. He is so damn irritating but because she is his goddess and she chose him, I guess she has a responsibility to see it all till the end. She’s got to put up with his sarcasm and insults that would even make a goddess lose patience and at boiling point. I guess Ristarte needs more training in controlling her emotions. Of course, Ristarte doesn’t actually hate Seiya entirely and at times when he isn’t ‘bullying’ her, Ristarte often dreams of getting naughty with this dude. I mean, he isn’t entirely bad, right? He’s got the looks as well as the body. Damn, many girls will die just to make out with this hunk! Sometimes I feel that Seiya and Ristarte is like the subtle and modern day version of Tom and Jerry. You know, Ristarte can never best Seiya no matter how much she tries and whines. But Seiya having his way proves right most of the time. So isn’t it glad you let this guy take the reins? I know there are going to be lots of irritating eye rolling and duh moments but it’s for your own good.

And as we all know and learn from this series, we have to throw some caution to the wind why Seiya acts so. Of course it is also obviously written all over and veteran viewers can pick up that Seiya isn’t actually just some obnoxious hunk who loves to bully Ristarte and pluck her hairs while she is asleep to make some ultimate weapon. Yikes. It always seem tempting to brand Seiya as a baddie because of his less than heroic actions. Especially Ristarte who is always quick to judge him for being selfish, uncaring. etc. The penultimate episode sheds a very good light on how different Seiya was. Still waters run deep. There is meaning for every action he has done. His current behaviour can be simply summed up as once bitten, twice shy. And of course a bunch of motivational quotes like failure is not when you are knocked down but failure to get back up. There has to be some sort of reason, some sort of tragedy that happened in the past that makes Seiya now a training freak. Sure, he is powerful enough to take on the enemies by himself and having Mash and Elulu as his baggage carriers seem like a pretty obvious fake excuse. Oh, we all know he cares about them. We just don’t have the proof. Yet. Real selfish jerks who only cares for himself DO NOT act like this. And now all that revelation and twist have come to surface, I’m sure we will see him in a new light. Of course, it still pays to continue to be a little bit sceptical. It doesn’t hurt to just be safe, right? That is why even overcautious heroes like him has his own charm lines to say. Yeah, if he is so overpowered, why need to recite “perfectly prepared” (although audio wise he says “ready perfectly”) just to calm himself that everything is going to be alright? And you know things are even tougher sh*t when he has to whisper, “Gonna be okay. Something will work out”. And when he doesn’t say that, you know that real sh*t is going to hit the fan.

The only thing that left a bitter taste in my mouth is the unsettling committee that decided Ristarte’s fate and punishment. I mean, who are those f*ckers on the committee???!!! It is also mind boggling that many gods and goddesses have their real powers sealed. I mean, for what?! Shouldn’t they have the freedom to use up the maximum of their abilities in dire straits? Having such warning before unleashing it feels like a slap in the face. Do it and be ready for punishment. I mean, who sets these f*cking rules?! And those committee members must be sadists seeing they don’t care that a world is saved. Rules, rules, rules. You break them, now we give you harder missions to f*ck you over until you die! Basically, mission impossible. Yeah, f*ck whoever those guys are. For all you know, they could be in cohorts of the league of darkness like Satan and other Demon Lords and everything is just for pure entertainment.

So it’s sad for me to say that with Seiya and Ristarte being the main stars of this show, the rest of the other characters feel secondary. Like you know, Mash and Elulu, I was hoping they could do more but for most of the time they are just his baggage carriers and can’t do more to flex what they’ve learnt. I know Seiya is protecting them by not throwing them into battles even if those are fights they could easily win. Hey, just to be safe, you know. The reason why Seiya rocks is because of his dominant attitude and his my pace personality that bulldozes his way through to get what he wants. This is why all the gods and goddesses in UDR fail to get the better of him. Some even having devastating traumatic effects. I mean, see what happened to Cerceus? This guy has his swordsman pride smashed to bits! Now he has become a baker! And look what had become of Adenela. This discount Ju-on clone when from a Japanese horror monster into some sweet retarded girl in love! Like, what the heck just happened?! Yeah, she went yandere before that but after Seiya said the right words, this is Adenela? For real? Seiya’s manliness has got to be so effective that even Mitis turned into some horny goddess in heat! Even top goddess Valkyrie made out with him!!! OMG! This guy can become God at this rate and the whole of UDR will be turned topsy-turvy!

It is a good thing that some of the goddesses like Ariadoa and Ishtar are not effected by Seiya’s personality. I can only imagine utter chaos if Ariadoa isn’t the kind and gentle big sister and Ishtar the calm and wise old lady who watches over UDR. I’m guessing that because they know about Seiya and his past, that’s why they are able to maintain their calm demeanour unlike other gods and goddesses who got totally owned and influenced by Seiya’s pace. I almost forgot about Rosalie. She doesn’t see eye to eye with Seiya and she could have been the next Ristarte and the running joke of she being slapped by Seiya could be unsettling. But Rosalie trying to always push forward and get things done now, now and now, somewhat reminds Seiya of his old self and that is why he doesn’t want the same mistakes to be repeated, hence this unnerving slapping farce. And the final words he said to her about her dying father. OMG. Seiya, is that you? Even if it’s 100% true.

Oddly, the Demon Lord being the final boss of the series is never really given much focus. In fact, half of his generals too didn’t really matter. After Chaos and Deathmagla giving a slight taste of what this tough sh*t is going to be, surprisingly the remaining generals get owned easily. Then come to the big bad Demon Lord himself. I guess there is nothing much to say about this dude. He just wants to destroy everything. Simple. So his bout with Seiya feels like somewhat rushed and he is just looking like a badass just to keep us on the edge of our seat that Seiya is at his limits trying to take down this bad motherf*cker. After all, when the series is reaching its climax, they need to hit up the feels and show us why Seiya and Ristarte are just more than a manzai comedy duo. Sorry Demon Lord, you’re just a stepping stone for that gut wrenching finale. Don’t you dare make me cry again like that!

Of course the action scenes are sometimes over the top because with Seiya having to level up like mad before, therefore he has come up with better and more improved weapons when he fights his enemies. In a way, the fights aren’t anything all that exciting. It is how Seiya manages to pull off a stronger move than his opponents is what makes the fight watchable and also funny. Though be cautioned, there are some blood and gore because we see limbs getting cut off. But nothing that would cause us nightmares or even PTSD in our future. Oh come on, people. Aren’t you already perfectly prepared at this stage?!

Art and animation mostly feel cartoonish. Especially when the characters get into comical moments and Ristarte being the main offender, you can see all her facial expressions and features obviously turning cartoonish. Even their actions like running away in haste or panicking, the animation all lean towards the cartoonish type. Heck, you might think Ristarte is a goddess of a million expressions! So much so you might think it could be a western animation if you’re a newbie in the anime world. I don’t think this would be the new trend in Japanese animation but it sure makes this series stand out a little in terms of visual and animation style. At least for the season. Also, everything is quite colourful and vivid and you might think it is an animation for younger audiences. I mean, Mash and Elulu look like your characters from shows that are targeted for younger audiences like Yo-kai Watch and Duel Masters. This anime is done by White Fox who is best known for Re: Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu, Steins’ Gate, Goblin Slayer, Gochuumon Wa Usagi Desu Ka, Akame Ga Kill and Jormungand.

Hats off to Aki Toyosaki as the voice of Ristarte. This is by far the best performance from her ever since, uhm, a long time? Being the voice of this comical goddess reminds me of her roles in her early days like K-ON!’s Yui. That familiar trademark in her voice brings back all the goofiness that I used to identify with (and loved her for). Because recently the animes that I have watched her in, her characters are all just dull emotionless ones such as Robo in Joshi Kousei No Mudazukai, Angel in Maou-sama Retry, Altair from Re: Creators and even going all the way back to Akane from Kuzu No Honkai. Never have I crave of hearing Ristarte talk more than ever before because she just sounds so damn funny. So it is very much a timely welcome to the voice that I love very much. Once again, kudos to her for a good job well done. Hope to hear more of her like that in the future ;p. As Seiya is voiced by Yuichiro Umehara, I am starting to have this conspiracy theory that he voices such sceptical-like characters. So much so, my conspiracy theory is that he could be Goblin Slayer unmasked! Do you not see how almost similar both characters are? Apparently a few other characters he voiced share such similar character traits such as Ushii from Juuni Taisen, Shizu from the rebooted Kino No Tabi, Charioce from Shingeki No Bahamut: Virgin Souls and En from Binan Koukou Chikyuu Boeui-bu Love. Is he perfectly prepared to be pigeonholed into such characters in the future?!

Thanks to Aki Toyosaki’s sterling performance, she overshadows the rest of the other casts. They’re not bad but nobody can match Ristarte’s voice acting performance. So the rest of the other casts are Kengo Kawanishi as Mash (Rei in 3-gatsu No Lion), Aoi Koga as Eruru (Kaguya in Kaguya-sama Wa Kokurasetai), Yumiri Hanamori as Rosalie (Seth in Radiant), Hibiku Yamamura as Ariadoa (Sara in Island), Shiori Izawa as Adenela (Tanpopo in Witch Craft Works), Atsushi Ono as Cerceus (Giriko in Bleach), Kotono Mitsushi as Mitis (Excel in Excel Saga), Keiko Han as Ishtar (Luna in Sailormoon series) and Ai Fairouz as Valkyrie (Hibiki in Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru). The opening theme sounds like an epic fitting for this series. If Tit For Tat sounds familiar, because MYTH&ROID sings it and if you are familiar with their kind of rock brand, this feels very much at home. As for the ending theme… Erm, it just feels weird to be honest. Be Perfect Plz by Riko Azuna is all lively and cheerful but the fact the animation consists of a weird CGI of Ristarte doing some weird idol dance… Truly weird… Like as though she has gone mad after being tormented by Seiya and this is her way to relief some steam. Haha! Definitely not going to be the next craze like Gangnam Style for sure. Now I’m having second thoughts if I really want to worship her as my goddess idol ;p.

Overall, this has been a fun, hilariously funny and exciting series, especially one that is already from the isekai genre. Was it also due to psychological tactic that they tell us upfront all of it that had us lowered our expectations from the start? Because you know, when you lower the bar, the higher the chances it will exceed our expectations. And this series has perfectly done that. So you see, being cautious has its benefits. Because luck isn’t going to be always there like for some main anime characters. Thanks to this wonderful series, this gives me hope that not all isekai anime series are bad. So are we perfectly prepared in looking forward to more overpowered main characters in isekai genres already? I know, there are still going to be bad ones in the future but don’t fret. Gonna be okay. Something will work out. Hopefully (-_-).

N/B: Next time I’m just gonna wait till a series finish running its course and then read online reviews and comments about it before deciding if this is a sh*tty and crapy anime or not! Hey! Gotta be cautious not to get disappointed watching sh*tty and crappy anime next time!

Okay guys. It’s time to resume the war. Sword Art Online: Alicization – War Of The Underworld continues where it all left all. That weird cliff-hanger of Kirito being hit by the surge and that very weird Asuna coming down to save him as an angel. Sheesh. I suppose that Kirito has defeated the God of this (VMMORPG) world, he now has to face the demon. Sure, ‘God’ was the demon but now it is the real demon’s turn to wreak havoc since Administrator is gone. I guess restarting the game from an earlier save point is out of the question. Oh wait. Did Kirito even save his game somewhere?

Episode 0
Sometimes dubbed as Sword Art Online: Alicization episode 24.5, if you have a lousy memory, don’t worry, we have this recap episode just to refresh all the important moments in this long running arc.

Episode 1
Big shock! We see Alice living back in her hometown with Selka. The shock? Kirito is now a wheelchair ridden vegetable!!! OMFG!!! Somehow he is so attached to his sword and Eugeo’s that it’s like his bolster? Alice takes him out for a walk. Flashback shows after Kirito was struck with the certain power outage, he became a vegetable. Alice just regained consciousness and with Bercouli arriving, she told him what happened. In turn, he told the other Integrity Knights about the imminent threat from Dark Territory. Hence they started training and recruiting but with Alice hearing some of them badmouthing Kirito (after all, he killed the Pontifex which led to this problem), Alice took him back to Rulid Village. So everybody just let her go like that? Arriving at the village, her father of course is shocked to see her returned. Because she was still a criminal, they can’t let her live here and hence a nearby cabin in the outskirts of this already remote village. Could have been sex-with-Asuna-but-Alice-this-time-v2 only if Kirito is not a vegetable! Alice makes some money by helping villagers cutting down tough trees. Like this cocky greedy Nigel Barbossa who is shaming his men for not being able to take down this oak tree. Damn those sexist men think Alice can’t cut it down too. We’ll see who has the last laugh when Alice slices it down with a strike after getting ‘permission’ to borrow Kirito’s sword. Barbossa wants to hire her for other jobs but she is sufficient just doing this. To make things worse, other men knock off Kirito so as to take a look at his sword. Luckily Alice tells them off. Don’t mess with her. They leave but you can tell they aren’t too happy about it. Alice starts to think if this is the kind of world they are fighting for. Back home, they are visited by Eldrie. This guy has finally found them and hopes Alice would come back to help the Integrity Knights. So she took off by herself, eh? And were so busy preparing that they didn’t even notice she was gone for a while? Eldrie mentions they have taken steps to stop the invasion (like bombing the cave entrances) but they still want her back. Thinking Kirito is the reason her heart is astray, he wants to eliminate him but Alice digresses. Kirito fought with his own justice. Otherwise how could all the Integrity Knights lose to him one by one? With that, Eldrie leaves. That night, Kirito starts to act strange. Fire over the horizon. Dark Territory attacking?

Episode 2
Alice drops in on the villagers who are thinking of protecting the village instead of running. All because Barbossa wants to protect his property. Hence Alice reveals casts away her shoddy robe to reveal her Integrity Knight armour, shocking everybody. Using her authority, she dismisses Zink’s orders and to have everyone evacuated. Alice then singlehandedly fights off the goblins and orcs with her powerful move, sending many of them fleeing. As the village is being rebuilt, Alice takes Kirito and flies back to the capital to fulfil her duty and hopes to return here when all this is over. Now we return to the siege on Ocean Turtle. Kikuoka and co have escaped and are minimally controlling things in this sub-control room. Other staffs have also taken refuge in other rooms. They realize the terrorists won’t aggressively use bombs to blow up the place because of the proximity of the Lightcube clusters. Even though the baddies got control of the main room and STL room, at least the silver lining is that their intention isn’t to destroy it. Judging from their gear, they aren’t with any official army and it is safe to know they know about this Project Alicization. Hence their goal is to seize ALICE. The good news is that they can’t interfere or eject Alice’s Fluctlight but Kikuoka’s side also can’t do the same. Noticing the destroyer is not doing anything, it is believed that the terrorists have ties with the top brass in SDF. They can’t attack not at least until Alice’s Lightcube is secured. Hence everything now relies on Kirito as he is the only one who can retrieve Alice’s Fluctlight. However, some mumbo jumbo sci-fi talk reveals that he might not be in the best position to do it. After that attack, his neural network was severely damaged. Placing him here was to treat him but diving into Underworld somehow didn’t block his memories. He has been living in this simulation for 2 years and hence he managed to contact the outside world via reaching Axiom Church. Something about him attacking himself and his own Fluctlight, this causes his self-destruction and ego deactivated when the outage hit him. Thus there is this black hole in his brain scan image that shows he has lost the ability to make some self-image decisions. His Fluctlight is unscathed but is only reduced to reflexive actions triggered by deeply ingrained memories. In short, a vegetable. Oh Asuna, your worried face so worried.

Episode 3
Remember those mysterious guys whom Kirito and his harem fought way back in the first episode of that GGO spinoff? Yup. They are the terrorists. Led by Gabriel Miller, he was approached by a couple of MIBs from NSA who hired him to steal Rath’s technology. Apparently, the damn Americans can’t have the Japanese gain such technology and destroy the military balance in the pacific. So how? Steal their technology first! Hence the raid on Ocean Turtle. Because they made some backdoor deal with the SDF, the Japanese military will not act for 24 hours. Also, say America is not involved! Damn Americans… Now in the main control him, his men, Critter and Vassago Casals are pointing fingers at each other for being locked out. Miller puts his foot down to order them to start thinking of a way to hack in. From what I understand, they have this idea to dive in to smoke out Alice. But all the high ranking accounts have been locked out and they can only dive in as a normal citizen. However they noticed the Dark Territory has the positions of Dark Knight and some Emperor available. Hence Vassago and Miller are going to dive in as these roles respectively. But Critter can’t put his mind around this warning about some final load test that keeps popping up. After Higa finishes explains about Kirito’s self-image thingy and perhaps all that he needs to turn him back on his feet is somebody to forgive him, you bet it is Asuna’s turn to dive in. After all, she has some great sword skills and need somebody to escort and protect Alice to the altar and eject her Lightcube. They have no time because that final load test is when Dark Territory invades the human empire. Thanks to Kirito destroying Axiom Church, who knows what will happen. And what convenience, Yui updates Kirito’s harem and friends about Asuna diving in. Be on standby… You don’t know when help is going to be needed. We now return to Underworld whereby in the Obsidia Palace inside Dark Territory, Dark Knight Lipia Zancale reports to her commander, Vixur Ul Shasta that the Pontifex is dead. Shocking as it sounds, he believes it is time to make peace. He believes Bercouli now in charge, they have a chance. The problem would be the Council Ten. Worse come to worse, he may have to eliminate some of them, especially the chancellor of the Dark Mages as she harbours desires to become emperor. All this bad news, Vixur suddenly proposes to Lipia to be his wife?! But more bad news. Some seal to the throne room is broken. Because Miller and Vassago have revived as Emperor Dark God Vecta and Dark Knight respectively.

Episode 4
When Miller was a kid, he was told insects can live without a head for a while because they have no brain and thus their entire body acts as their brain. This has him thought where would their soul be. In that case, for a human who cannot live without a head, where is their soul? It must be in the brain. And so he was interested in the soul of Alicia, his childhood friend. When he dived in, he saw a vision of her. Now that he has revived as the Emperor, all the tribes and guilds rush to assemble and serve before him. Vixur asks his intentions so Vecta did not hesitate he wants death and destruction. He only wants the Priestess of Light and therefore gives permission to everyone else to kill all other humans. Everybody rejoices that it’s war time. Vecta retires to his room as he makes contact with Critter. It has already been a day here but in the real world just merely minutes. He warns that he must not die or he’ll lose access to this super account and the next login will just be a grunt. When he goes to bed, Lipia offers her body to him. However Vecta could see it coming she was going to assassinate him. Swiftly he pins her down and demands her goal. She claims she is doing this for herself and that this war must stop or else history will be set back by a few hundred years. Vecta kills her. Then it’s like her soul exits from her head. Something Vecta had seen before. The time he killed Alicia, the same thing happened. He absorbed her soul and saw her memories. He loved it. Now he also sees Lipia’s memories. He loves it. Imagine the soul of Alice. He wants that sweet soul. Next day as all tribes and guilds gather before the launch of their attack, Vecta makes it known about that assassination attempt. He dares anyone to do so but must be ready to face the consequences. Then he shows the decapitated head of Lipia. This sends Vixur into rage. A Dark Mage poisons him. Before he dies, Vixur turns Super Saiyan but his tornado mode cannot put a dent on Vecta. He realizes too late that because this man knows nothing about life or love, he cannot be killed with a murderous intent or sword. Vecta orders the assault will go on as planned as all the tribes and guilds praise their awesome supreme commander. Meanwhile Alice has reached the eastern gate. It is breaking down. She sees an invading horde from beyond the horizon. Out of time, huh?

Episode 5
Alice returns to Eldrie. He’s happy to see her. But not so for vegetable Kirito. She thinks he will be a liability impeding her ability to fight against Dark Territory. She reasons otherwise. Then Bercouli comes by. Is he going to kill Kirito? Then some lightning flash attack that is being deflected. Bercouli’s attack was towards Kirito. Kirito deflected it proves he stopped it with his own willpower. He is alive but his mind is somewhere else. Bercouli believes he’ll be back someday. In the tent, Alice thinks of kissing Kirito to wake him up? Oh, somebody outside the tent. Tiese and Ronie. They heard about Kirito being here. Alice shows them Kirito’s current state and believes they will accept this reality. Of course they are overcome with emotions. Tiese even hearing Eugeo’s voice comforting her he will always be with her. Alice asks if they love Kirito. Some excuse why they can’t because of the sin they’ve committed. Alice disagrees and somewhat shows her original Alice form that would had been had she not become an Integrity Knight. All in all, thanks to Kirito, right? Conveniently, the duo will look after Kirito and take the burden off Alice’s hands. Next day, skip whatever Alice talk with Bercouli on Kirito. Also skip her talk with Fanatio who is grateful to Kirito for fighting with her as a true swordsman. Also skip whatever catfight they almost got into… In the strategy meeting, the battle will start once the eastern gate is destroyed. Something about this long narrow dark ravine means lack of resources for both sides and hence unable to launch powerful art techniques. They also have to spare some for healing. Alice theorizes there could be vast resources built up in the ravine over the years and there should be someone who can harvest it in that short amount of time. Fanatio points out only Alice can do it as she has surpassed the skills of an Integrity Knight. After the meeting, Alice says her goodbye to Kirito. It’s like she’s signalling some death flag of her own. She hopes her death might wake him up and bring a miracle to save the land once more. After all, he was the one who defeated Administrator. And then she goes to say her goodbye to Eldrie too. I guess we need to make this guy forget about Kirito and feel his gratitude for his mentor. Whatever. And now both sides of the divide wait for the moment when the eastern gate collapses.

Episode 6
Okay it’s here. The bloody massacre and mayhem of the war. Deusolbert who is manning the front line of the right flank fires away with his flaming arrows. Damn, he took out a bunch of goblins! But there’s more. Manning the front line of the left flank is Fanatio who is dealing with the giants. The Integrity Knights isn’t all doing well. Eldrie’s unit got smoke bombed, allowing goblins to run through since the Integrity Knights cannot simply swing their swords or risk striking their own. And there’s an Integrity Knight, Renly who has already cowardly abandoned his post and hiding in the storage room. When Fanatio unleashes a powerful attack, the hit missed the giant boss. He got so scared that it caused some programming bug whatever. This turns him into some berserker and as he is about to kill Fanatio (somehow her STL got jammed whatever, rendering her unable to move), an Integrity Knight, Dakira protects her. Using all her power until she is bleeding in every orifice to push the giant boss back. With her death, Fanatio powers up like mad and unleashes a powerful attack that slices the giant boss in half. Deusolbert has finally run out of arrows. The flatland goblin boss and his henchmen try to sneakily pin him down and clobber him. A soldier protects him and as the goblin boss is about to kill him, Deusolbert powers up and uses his own sword as a flaming arrow to strike through and burn not only the goblin boss but the rest of his waves behind! Alice is hovering in the skies. Did she just accumulated the souls of the dead into one big ball cluster?

Episode 7
Flashback shows Administrator viewed Renly as broken and deemed a failure. Renly thinks he would only be in the way. Tiese and Ronie then come in to hide Kirito. I guess that’s enough hiding for Renly. And then a goblin comes in. Yeah, everybody’s f*cked. Renly sees Kirito’s shaking hands. He thinks he wants to protect everybody despite being unable to move. More flashback as he was sparring with a friend in some tournament. But Renly broke his sword and slashed through him, killing him. Now he moves as he throws his spinning blades to decapitate the goblin. With his renewed confidence, he goes out and slice all of the goblins. Then he faces off with the mountain goblin boss who tries to get psychological with him, taunting him as a coward for being stationed this far back. Renly admits he is a failure. But not his weapons. And with that, the green boss got split in half. I guess Renly’s ready to go back to his unit now. The dark mages use some flying beasts for aerial assault but were swiftly taken down by Bercouli’s defence. Then they try some wide range incineration projectile thingy. However when they start chanting, nothing comes of it. They are stumped because with so many casualties in the battlefield, the souls of the dead would have been enough. I guess they’re too late since Alice already gathered them all in her ball. Then she uses it to unleash a devastating hellfire blast. Wow. It takes lives to take lives. Literally. So more dead souls, bigger ball, deadlier firepower next time?

Episode 8
Now what? Eldrie in depression because his unit failed to protect the frontlines and the enemy got as far back to the supplies section and luckily Renly took care of it? And that’s shameful? Oh dear. Alice needs to waste time assuring otherwise. They are then confronted by the ogre boss. He was caught in Alice’s hellfire but somehow survived. Observing that power came from her, he knows she is the Priestess of Light and wants to take her to Vecta. Then the war will end and the ogres can return to the grassland. So shouldn’t he take her with him since she sounds willing to go? Instead he attacks her and gets killed. Dark mage boss reports to Vecta about the unexpected art used by the Integrity Knights. He learns that lives and blood were used for this and since 3000 lives are all that she needs, he gives her permission to sacrifice the orcs. Orc boss doesn’t agree to this when dark mage boss tells him to gather his men for the sacrificial ritual. But his men are willing to die for Vecta and so that’s that. Alice tells Bercouli what she has learnt. She intends to head to the Dark Territory herself since the Altar is located there. Bercouli agrees on a condition 1/3 of the men accompany her and he will be part of that group. Alice prepares to head into the Dark Territory, the same time the dark mages begin their ritual. Orc boss can only watch in pain and hatred as his men die before his eyes. Now that a huge dark ball is summoned, it is directed towards Alice. Nothing can stop it, right? Oh well, time for Eldrie to be a hero, using himself as distraction to let the dark ball eat him. Even when he is dead, somebody gave him a push so that he could use his final push to absorb it all. Yup, his life going into negative! I wonder why he still isn’t dead at this point. Oh, it’s to have that final reconciliation and goodbye with Alice. After he dies, Alice gets mad and charges into the enemy lines. She’s like a villain burning them all down. Dark mage boss fears to be killed so she kills her own comrades just to stay alive. Alice then announces herself and this catches Vecta’s attention.

Episode 9
Vecta orders the next group to advance and take Alice in unscathed. This means the pugilist guild is now rushing into combat. Strangely, Integrity Knight Scheta wants to handle this one. Meanwhile Vecta allows Vassago to go sneak up on the enemy’s supply. Sneaky Vassago kills the unsuspecting guards as they patrol around the dark woods. A bulk of this episode focuses on Scheta fighting off the pugilist boss. Because of her poker face and lack of emotions, nobody can read what is on her mind. There is more than meets the eye to her. She has this very thin and flexible sword that can slash through anything bestowed by Administrator. She detected Scheta’s deep passion to slash anything and hence made her this sword. Gee, if she could slice up anything with ease like how she did to many of the pugilist members, shouldn’t she be fighting in the frontlines from the start? So the pugilist boss is the only one who is hard enough whom she can’t easily slash. Sword versus fist. See who is harder. You can say that both enjoyed fighting each other but had to abandon this fight since the main forces have caught up. Vassago thinks Ronie is her next victim but she’s smart enough to use not her sight to sense him. She calls out for reinforcements. So does Vassago. With the supply side compromised, Bercouli calls off whatever ambushed he had intended and request Alice and Renly to support the supply side. He will deal with the incoming enemy forces himself. Well, something will work out. Just before Vassago could kill Ronie, then this goddess Stacia pops up and opens a chasm to swallow up the enemies. Wait a minute. Doesn’t Stacia look like Asuna?!

Episode 10
Before Asuna dived in, she was told that this Stacia’s powers include altering the land. Because it puts a heavy load on her Fluctlight, she has to stop once she feels pain. Ronie and Tiese praise the aid of the goddess but Asuna denies and that she is just human who wants to see Kirito. What convenience. She is shocked to see him in his vegetable state and when she hugs him, damn, some movements and reaction from Kirito. Judging from this little reaction, I think he moved more than he did than the entirety of this season! When Asuna leaves the tent, Alice attacks her, thinking she is the enemy spy. Woah, ladies fighting over Kirito?! Did this turn into waifu wars?! They are stopped by Bercouli who believes Asuna isn’t the enemy because her ground opening move saved him from death at the hands of the enemy. Bercouli then has everyone gather to let Asuna explain. It’s a bit hard to explain what the outside world is. Nope, it’s not the divine realm either. She adds her mission is to extract Alice from this place. Once that happens, the war will stop. Alice is after all targeted by the Underworld who wants nothing more than to destroy this world. They deduce that Alice is wanted because she broke the seal on her right eye. When Alice remembers Administrator quoting the code 871 on it, Asuna realizes there is a mole among the Rath staffs. Asuna believes because Alice was able to go against the rules and broke the seal, the enemies could find her valuable in the other world. But Bercouli doesn’t understand. If this is the case, doesn’t this put Alice on the same level as humans in the other world? Asuna can’t say that for now and wants to take Alice to see the other world for herself. It is not utopia and it is far worse than here but there are still many who want to protect it. Like Kirito. There’s your buzzword. But for now, they will focus on defeating the enemies at hand. Asuna will join in and hopes to leave Vecta in her hands. Later that night, the waifu wars continue. Oh God… Asuna and Alice trying to outdo each other who spent more time with Kirito. Oh my God, Ronie! You want to join in this waifu wars too?! Liena too?! F*ck. The more the merrier. Thank goodness they decide to be more civil and talk and trade info about Kirito.

Episode 11
Administrator once talked to Bercouli how she felt death every day even in her dreams. Because she doesn’t have control over everything yet. Now Bercouli understands what she meant. Kirito time interrupted when Bercouli sounds the alarm. It seems the enemies are trying to cross the chasm with a flimsy rope? Apparently Vecta told them to do it and he doesn’t care if there are casualties. Of course this makes some mad but they can’t disobey their emperor. Of course it gets worse when the Integrity Knights come by to take them all out. Critter has synced the Underworld time with reality. Then he sends a tantalizing invitation to players in America to join this battle. Real blood. Real slaughtering. Oh yeah! Sign me up! Damn bloodthirsty violent Americans! Yui detects this and makes an emergency call to Shino and Sugu to take a taxi now and head to this address. Taxis are available at this time in Japan? That’s Japanese service for you! Kikuoka then gets a call from Rath’s Roppongi branch. A couple of ladies came knocking on their door asking to contact Kikuoka. They warn about the time synchronization and it seems they are going to dive in too. Meanwhile Yui is telling the rest of Kirito’s friends of what is happening. I don’t know about this Alice thingy who has existed since the first SAO and hence linking everybody together. Sounds complicated. Whatever the reason, they’re all going to save Kirito, right? However the problem is the time difference in reality. Right now it is the wee hours of morning in Japan and in America it is noon time so you bet there are going to be a lot more active players right now in America. Also, instead of starting from scratch, Yui suggests they can convert their current character data with all the cool stats to Underworld. Of course there’ll be problems… Lisbeth speaks to all the ALO players and pleads for their help. But when she relays the issues that they cannot log out, will feel real pain, will die and no guarantee they can convert back their character data, she is met with brickbats and scorn. They have no love lost for those SAO survivors. Lisbeth doesn’t give up and continues talking about their reality, truth and connections. Hope those tears did the trick. Back in Underworld, those damn bloodthirsty American players have arrived!

Episode 12
Those Americans attack the Dark Territory side. I guess as long as they can kill, anybody is fair game. Asuna alters the landscape to prevent further havoc. When pugilist boss sees Vecta flying over, he gets mad. Knowing he did not tell them about the other enemies, he does what Alice did last season as he gorges out his right eye. In his rage, he jumps over the chasm and saves Asuna from being slaughtered by the Americans. He then offers a deal. If she can create a sturdy bridge to let his men cross over, he will fight with them against the Americans. Meanwhile, Alice wanting to get to higher ground to incinerate more enemies, this proves fatal as she gets snatched by Vecta. So when everyone else receives this news, pugilist boss finds out from Asuna that it is the end of this world if Vecta gets Alice to the Altar. Pugilist boss wants the Integrity Knights to go after them. Because Dark Territory clans cannot go against the emperor, they might be given orders to fight against them. With Vecta already achieving his goal, it means the Dark Territory clan can do whatever they want. Hence their only choice is to stay back to fight the Americans and buy them time. He also has Asuna give Vecta a message once she catches up to him: That they are not his damned puppets! Vassago has awakened back in reality. He learns what happened and looks like Miller is now taking his solo action, proving that he has gotten the Priestess of Light. However it is detected the Integrity Knights are coming after him and it is going to be troublesome if they do so. Hence Critter is waiting for a second wave of Americans to log in and crush them. Vassago then remembers he lost to Asuna. This means Kirito is here. He wants to go back but with no more Dark Knight super account left, Vassago seems to have a special account for another express pass. Asuna and the Integrity Knight are now surrounded by the next wave of Americans. Renly going to sacrifice himself to make a path? Don’t be. Because here comes another angel to wipe out a bunch of those players. Is that you Shino?! Yes it is.

Kirito, So Thou Art Offline: Waifu Wars
Sighs… They really know how to extend the drama. Instead of making this a continuous double cour, they took a season break before airing the big finale. Hey, it’s all just a game, right? Sure, not for these people putting their lives on the line. I guess we too have to wait with baited breath for the liberation of Underworld. But I am guessing how things will turn out and it shouldn’t surprise me. Unless… And yeah, I find it that this season’s final ending scene to be similarly weird as last season. Because last time we had angelic Asuna extending his hand to save Kirito. Now we have Shino doing the same for Asuna. Is this going to be a trend as slowly Kirito’s other friends and harem join in the battle?

One of the weirdest expects in this season is Kirito being a vegetable. Yes, it was really bizarre to see the best swordsman in all virtual games to turn into some vegetable retard. So much so you could say that the recap episode at the beginning was the most that we will ever get to see him in action or acting normally. But this isn’t the first time that this series has done without Kirito as its main star. Remember that GGO spinoff title? The one where some little pink munchkin was running about and blazing away her opponents? Yup. That. However that was a spinoff but this is the real SAO main series. So to see Kirito being wheelchair ridden like as though he has turned into some grandpa waiting for the day he will kick the bucket, sometimes it also feels unsettling. Sometimes it feels like they are disrespecting the main character but I suppose this is all part of the plot and that at this point it is all too early to jump to conclusions. The great Kirito who defeated Administrator is now reduced to this? Hmm… Not very nice indeed… And he doesn’t even make any sort of appearance in this season’s final episode. Like as though he went missing. Not very nice indeed…

Hence some of the characters from last season won’t come back, namely Eugeo and Cardinal. Of course Administrator and Chudelkin too but they do appear in flashbacks. An excuse for never seen before scenes of them. So for Eugeo, I guess no BL yaoi for you fujoshi out there! He is happy living with the original loli Alice. In some alternate timeline. Hopefully. No wonder Kirito is so vegetable this season… Cardinal got her best hug last season. Yeah, she really needed it. All up to you now, Kirito. Oh wait. Make that next season.

With Kirito out of the main picture, this give rise to Alice as she temporarily takes Kirito’s place as the main character. Alice to the fore. It is most probably her indebt to him that makes her look out for him as much as he can. After all, we’ve seen what Kirito had done for her last season. I’m sure the feelings of the heart had something to do with it too (remember those few trolling scenes of her trying to take advantage of his vegetable state and kiss him?) but with Alice being more of a poker face and the imminent threat of Dark Territory getting in the way, I suppose no time for some disabled romance. Hah. Even AIs got feelings, you know. Yeah, virtual technology is this advanced. At least in this series. We got a little taste of the waifu wars although it started a bit late after Asuna dived in. Better late than never. Now we just need the rest of his harem to jump in and complete Kirito’s harem. The more the merrier. The stronger this team will be. Then we can get along fighting for his attention once the war is over. Real 3D girls and 2D girls fighting for his attention. Damn Kirito, you lucky bastard!!!! You better break out of that vegetable state soon or else there will be another kind of war that will be even more devastating!!!! HAHAHA!!!!! Oops…

Alice doesn’t take 100% of the spotlight as there are some episodes that are dedicated in focusing on a few new Integrity Knights like Renly and Scheta. While they have an interesting background, but it still feels short and like some sort of diversion. I mean, there are 30 over Integrity Knights and it would be a shame that we can count all of the known ones with just our fingers. I’m sure a good number is missing but adding a couple of them makes it look like they have a few more good Integrity Knights on their side. Still, I find it hard to relate them since their flashback is rather short as it just points out their flaws and then during the fight, they realize what is important and overcome it. There. Now the Integrity Knights can look like they have more reliable men on their side instead of just showing the usual ones that we already know and introduced from last season. Oh right. RIP Eldrie. In a way it is a good thing so we won’t have this dude get in the way of b*tching Alice x Kirito romance. Heh. If that ever is a possibility but with Eldrie out of the way, definitely no Alice x Eldrie possibility.

Strangely, I find myself to be more fascinated with the dark factions of Dark Territory. I noticed I was more glued and interested in watching them whenever they appear rather than the Integrity Knights or the recent waifu wars. Perhaps it is because there was not much data and info given about the Dark Territory in last season. So it seems that there are a bunch of lives on the other side outside of the human empire too. It’s a shame that they are being casted as the bad guys because some of them really seemed to have potential and interesting back story. But with Vecta being the cruel ultimate emperor, whatever he says is divine. Hence some dark tribes like the orcs and pugilists could have had better characterization if at least their side were fleshed out more. In some ways, I think I would side and sympathize with them rather than the Integrity Knights! Really.

Action wise, this season doesn’t disappoint as the war between both sides get brutal and bloody. But just as to show how powerful a single Integrity Knight is, that is why the Dark Territory side has the numbers and hence the cliché moment of taking a whole bunch of them out with their single powerful move. Don’t mind if we rake up the body count. Yeah, it feels like all those initially like the goblins and the giants exist in great numbers just to die in the battlefield. Some lesser human soldiers also die but we don’t see much of it. After all, a few Integrity Knights can take out a huge horde. Sometimes the impact of the powerful move is so great that the sound effect also affected my speaker and I have to tone it down so as not to turn my entire room into some sonic boom shockwave or something. And when those bloodthirsty Americans joined the fray, I guess they’re only there to add to the body count. Wow. So many online American players at the same given point in time? I’m sure those players who jumped right in only to be instantly killed by the powerful Integrity Knights are going to have some rage quit issues.

I still never understood all the technical terms and jargons. While the war of the Underworld is the main focus, there are still some scenes back at Ocean Turtle. Safe to say that I am still in the blur of all those jargons and that is the main reason impeding me from appreciating and enjoying this season to its fullest. I guess only the blood and gore speak to me, something a simpleton like me can understand. So whatever linking and synching all those virtual technological stuffs, nah, not really interested even if it is part of the plot. Like when they show certain characters going berserk and then their STL Lightcube being affected or something, like WTF is going on? Is this some excuse to tell us why they power up and could do more than their usual? Yeah, everything is just pixels and codes, right?

It is interesting to see and note that there is a possibility that humans may create AIs that are on par with real human beings, complete with their own independent set of thinking and emotions. As always, there is always debate and up in the air for discussion its pros and cons. When AI becomes too life-like and intelligent for us, probably that is when the nightmare begins. Or in today’s era, perhaps we’ll make more memes and jokes about AIs having rights and feelings! Hahaha! Oops… It is also interesting to see how many people will actually sacrifice what they have achieved just for others or the greater good. It’s a good opportunity to see their real character. So would I exchange my stats and put my life on the line for Kirito? Uhm… Erm… Uh… Let’s move on to the next topic, shall we?

This season’s art and animation is on par with last season. Superb stuff to say the least. You bet they can’t skimp on the quality as this series is such an important and popular name. But there are some CGI moments that are weak. Especially those that are of the battlefield and in the background. You won’t notice the first time round when the focus is on the main battle in front. But if you look closely to all the grunts and foot soldiers fighting each other, you can see the CGI animation is somewhat lame. This season’s opener is sung by Haruka Tomatsu. Resolution is your typical rock outfit that fits the pace of this season. But it is the ending theme, Unlasting by Lisa that attracts me. It is a slow ballad and despite its sad and gloomy outlook, it is also somewhat sounds beautiful and dramatically powerful.

Overall, this season isn’t all that bad but my only pet peeve is that they had to split this second half into 2 cours. I suppose we are heading into the final stretch of the longest arc in the series and they want to make the finale as epic as it is acclaimed to be in its original works. There is some great action this season but depending on your preference, that could be bad or good. And that factor is Kirito. Non Kirito fans will not matter since we can see how other characters are also capable in defending themselves instead of relying on the main character. But Kirito lovers might be crying foul for what they have turned him into this season. Oh well, this is to be expected if you’ve read the light novel. Hopefully when the final of the final comes around, the anime will do justice to its epic awesomeness. A lot of AIs died for our entertainment, you know.

Docchi Mo Maid

March 13, 2020

Well, well, well… Is this coincidence or is this fate? That I stumbled upon an obscure ONA series, Docchi Mo Maid. You bet I’m going to watch this single 2004 ONA episode that lasts only 13 minutes. As long as maids are the theme, hell yeah I’m going to watch it. What’s this? Lewd maids from outer space trying to save Earth from monsters? Oh, this sounds funny bad… But I can’t contain my curiosity just to watch how bad this is going to be. I’m pretty sure the maids will end up saving this series. RIGHT?!

Earth’s in trouble but the maids are ecchi…
Wow. Bath scene staring Mei and Ido! Oh yeah! Then when they get out of bath, they got the audacity to blame it on their mascot, Frilly (whatever this piece of sh*t is). As narrated, thanks to humans being the ultimate polluters, hence the recruitment of these maids from outer space to save the world. Currently they are residing in the house of this taciturn girl, Izumi. I think Izumi doesn’t give a damn what those maids are doing. Better head off to school. Along her way, her bicycle’s brakes snap. Downhill all the way. Fortunately, she fell on a giant lizard monster. Frilly sees this on TV and sorry to interrupt your yuri time, maids. Time to go save your friend! The monster seems to like Izumi. King Kong? However with its multiple tongues around her, you bet it’s going to be tentacle rape time! Of course the maids won’t allow such rape scene. As Mei is about to fire her beam, a tongue whacks her and her beam destroys the mountain in the back!!! Then the maids get paralyzed by some aroma or something. Not sure. But it looks like their face is preparing to be raped or something. You thought Frilly might do something but instead a jet fighter bombs off the monster’s head. Everybody cheers when suddenly the monster reverts to its true form: A cute seal. Oh damn. Everybody now so sad. Is this seal gonna die? Frilly points out it isn’t. It just needs water. And hence the maids start making out in public to transform into nurses. Then they just drop a drip of water on the seal to revive it. But it still can’t do anything but swim, right? That is when the crowd will help. Help cheer for it to stand up and go to the sea! Ganbare!!! Tatte! Tatte! Genki ni nare!!! Oh yeah. That sure helped. Yes it did. And so the seal made it into the river as Izumi and the maids wave goodbye and go home.

WTF… WHAT THE F*CK DID I JUST WATCH???!!! It was so horrible and so bad that it was just utterly good. Really. It is a shame that this didn’t get more episodes because I would really love to watch more of this crap even if it is the worse! Uh huh. Just bait me with a couple of maids and I’m all good to go! Heh. So to sum it up, everything is utterly nonsense and doesn’t really make sense. It is so crappy that you wonder whoever thought up of this sh*t was drunk and wrote the story as they go along. They try to bait us with the maids being yuri but you know, seeing this in current era, this is really nothing. Maybe it was back in 2004 but now this is like nothing. Even their ecchi bits are just meh. Yeah, me standards are so high. The lazily named maids are one thing but the main character Izumi is like, why do we even need her for? She hardly does anything and if there was a ‘funny’ character, it was Frilly. Sort of. Funny in the weirdest sense. And Izumi is like having no emotions or she puts on a very good poker face. Sometimes I think is saying that she has had enough of those maids living with her and is hiding her emotions to put up with them. Whatever. Everything is so crappy that you don’t want to care for everything, right?

And of course, you can tell from first looks that the animation quality is just crap. Even if this was made in 2004, it is still crap. Everything is so poor quality like as though the producers got their young nephew and niece toddlers to draw the art animation. In fact, the animation style reminded me of another mini series that I watched a long time ago, Mahou No Chocolate. Doesn’t Izumi look like that protagonist of that series? The similarity is because both series are animated by the same studio, Ishikawa Pro. Probably by now that studio is already closed down. Even the opening and ending themes, Docchi Mo Daisuki and Yura Naruse and 5-jikan-me by Kozue Kurage respectively sound as plain and minimal as it can be. The singers sound like they have no proper training and were just told to sing it the best and in the cutest way they can. Wait till you hear the part that needs them hitting the high pitches… Yeesh…

Overall, looks like this is another one of those watch and forget crappy anime. A trash masterpiece, if I should say. Should be in the running for the Razzies. For consecutive years! No wonder this didn’t get any further updates. I thought at least this would be somewhere near the level of Yuri Seijin Naoko-san but unfortunately this is way far from that nonsensical yuri slapstick. Thank goodness my love for maids didn’t diminish after watching this. So next time instead of using maids to save the world, probably it is best to get maids to save the anime industry first. Yeah, that would be better. Ganbare! Tatte! Tatte! Genki ni nare! That should give you people enough motivation to make better animes!

Assassins Pride

March 8, 2020

There is honour among thieves. So goes the saying. So I suppose this means that even as an assassin, there must be some sort of faith and principle that separates them from just being bloodthirsty mercenaries. That’s what I thought when I heard about Assassins Pride. Apparently an assassin who is sent to assassinate the daughter of a noble, has a change of heart and decides to help her because he saw some sort of potential in her. There are very tight criteria in order to keep the status quo. You know, can’t let anybody find out about this, need to keep this and that a secret. Isn’t that outright just breaking the code? Like a fugitive? Well, technically you’re not breaking any codes if nobody knows or realizes you have broken them in the first place.

Episode 1
Kirito, uhm sorry, I mean Kufa Vampir from the assassin guild of White Night is despatching his targets. But only 1 got away and Lord Elsnes is dead. As he narrates, Flandore is the last standing city within the lantern. The never ending darkness outside lurks monsters known as lancanthropes. Alighting from his train, he helps a lady with her luggage before heading to a manor. Here, he will be the private tutor and attendant of Melida Angel. Cue for Melida to fall off the balcony she so nonchalantly dances on. Cue for Kufa to catch her. Is this the start of a beautiful relationship? Not really. At St Friedeswiede school, we can tell Nerva Martillo is a b*tch as she calls out to Melida to spar in which the latter loses. Kufa narrates that nobles are gifted with mana and they should manifest this power at age of 7. However Melida has displayed none and her House of Angel is one of the big aristocratic houses with the Paladin title. Nerva then mocks Melida’s dream to join an eminent guild, Crest Legion and everyone joins in laughing at her. More salt rubbed into wounds when she mentions Elise, Melida’s cousin who is primed to join Crest Legion soon. Flashback shows, Lord Mordrew, Melida’s grandpa had doubts if she is a legitimate child of House of Angel. It is believed Elsnes had an affair Lady Melinoa who is Melida’s mother. Hence Kufa’s job is to work from the inside to ascertain this. Kufa has observed Melida and notes she is useless. Seeing that she is not the biological child of Felgus, Kufa’s next mission is to kill her. This is the best for someone who works hard but the sad thing is that the day she will be rewarded for her hard work will never come. He is about to complete his job but Melida has fled her room. It seems she is trying to fight lancanthropes by herself. Is this her idea of force awakening her mana? Not going too well. Kufa observes and is stumped she doesn’t call for help. Melida is very particular about her hair. It is her only link to her mom. Seeing her pitiful state and somewhat admitting she isn’t a child of House of Angel, Kufa jumps in and easily slays the lancanthropes. Then he offers himself to help save her and will lend all his support. After they both entrust their lives to each other, she lets him drink a potion. It feels like drowning but soon after she is teeming with mana! With this, Kufa knows there is no turning back now. Melida cannot know about her mom’s illicit affair, his real job as an assassin must remain a secret, he must conceal her true lineage and support he is getting from Mordrew who is his client as well as White Night. He hopes the day won’t come where he will have to kill her.

Episode 2
Kufa scans Melida’s for any irregularities. After all, he shared his mana with her. This also means that her class isn’t a Paladin, but a Samurai like him. He wants her to keep this a secret since there might be those who would spread nasty rumours. This means she has to continue to be bullied by Nerva. Later Kufa and Melida stumble into Elise and Rosetti “Rose” Pricket (the lady from the train). Rose is Elise’s new private tutor and is quite famous as she is the youngest to ever join Crest Legion and granted a special title by the king. Rose would love to be Kufa’s friend but Kufa instead rejects her and finds her a bad influence on those around her. It’s no surprise she’s having bad blood with him. Melida is already nervous before the start of her school’s public tournament and Nerva comes to throw more insults. So much so, Kufa tells her straight to STFU. Obviously Nerva won’t have that and starts mouthing him as well only for Melida to push her away and tell her off not to pick on her instructor. Kufa notes Melida’s strength comes from not for her own sake but for others. As the tournament begins, Melida heads straight for Nerva. Everyone is in shock seeing Melida suddenly summoning mana. Surprise, mother*ckers! She uses a few tricks to rile up Nerva. Nerva even did some devastating move that looks like it devastated the arena but still to no avail. Melida is still superior. And then suddenly Melida runs out of mana! Time to run. Tables have turned. Now it’s Nerva’s turn to b*tch about being superior. Flashback shows Melida was ostracized just because she had no mana. And then Nerva came along and promised to be her friend. Yup, some friend she turned out to be. Before Nerva could deliver the final blow, suddenly Melida’s mana comes back?! Kufa is shocked to see her use his phantom skill that she had only seen once. Did she train in secret? After incapacitating Nerva, Melida goes on to win it for her team in this whatever capture the flag game. In the aftermath, Melida talks to father but apparently Felgus isn’t amused. Beginner’s luck? Prove yourself by winning against other schools first. Kufa is nevertheless happy for Melida. To show Nerva isn’t a total b*tch, she apologizes. Wow. So meek now. Melida’s next match is against Elise but the latter just wins it in 13 seconds!!!

Episode 3
Melida invites Kufa to the festival. Unfortunately he will be away for some duty but promises to return on the final day to dance with her. Meanwhile, Othello the head maid for Elise is praising for her win over Melida. Only if the match would last a little longer so she could make Melida kneel before everyone and prove she is the worthy successor of House of Angel. Othello sees the skimpy dress for the festival and disapproves. She’ll make another one that will make her stand out. Less skimpy but still skimpy nevertheless. This has everyone think Elise is trying to show off. Elise feels hurt and as Melida tries to console her, they are being kidnapped by Williams Gin from Guild Grimfice. He is part human and part lancanthrope. More precisely an artificial lancanthrope with transplanted genes inside him. Knowing Melida isn’t a Paladin, he wants to mix Elise’s genes into hers. Though, the success rate is pretty much low. With Elise having trauma of lancanthropes, Melida isn’t going to play damsel in distress in the first place so she improvises (thanks to Kufa’s teachings) to fight against those lowly lancanthropes. Williams gets weakened when something in Melida and Elise resonate that harms him. He believes they will become a threat to them in the future and orders them killed. Just in time for Kufa and Rose to barge in and rescue their students after getting word from their guild. Kufa faces off with Williams who then unleashes a totally manmade lancanthrope. Even with Williams trying to seal Kufa’s mana, he still can fight on par. Well, until he loses an arm! Williams mocks his goal in nurturing Melida till she one day surpasses him. Kufa shows his true nature as he powers up to destroy the lancanthrope. Guess what? Kufa is also part lancanthrope and is the strongest one of them all: A vampire! I would have guessed it from his name… Yeah, he attached his arm too. Williams is now scared but Kufa won’t kill him but relay a message for his client instead. Williams warns that he will become hunted when Melida surpasses him but Kufa is fine with it. Just in time to return to dance with Melida. Also a timely vow from Melida that she wants to be worthy of him and stand by his side.

Episode 4
Time for the Luna Lumiere Selection Tournament that is also conducted with their sister school, St d’Authriche. Chosen cadets from both schools are selected in this battle royale to earn the title of Luna Lumiere. The cadets are chosen based on everyone’s votes and so it is quite shocking that Melida and Elise’s name pops up. Each cadet also needs to choose their teammates and with Melida unsure who to pick, Nerva volunteers herself as well Shenfa Zwitoque who was last year’s queen. After the ceremony, Melida is disheartened she didn’t do this but Kufa assures her he will always believe her. Nerva and Shenfa train alongside Kufa and Melida. While they take a break, Kufa catches Othello wandering around suspiciously. He makes her reveal that she was the one who switched the names. With the cat out of the bag and the young ones hearing this, Othello discloses her intentions to make both ladies compete so that Elise can be seen as the much better girl than the incompetent one. She doesn’t view Melida as equal to her. Melida maintains that her bond with Elise is irreplaceable. If she manages to defeat Elise, she hopes Othello will acknowledge her and let them form a unit together. That night, Kufa goes out to meet Black Madia. It seems the superiors at White Night have suspected him of hiding something because his report seems lacking. Kufa asserts he reported the truth but Madia wants him to bring Melida’s blood as proof. Kufa can’t do that as he is under the employment of House of Angel and doesn’t want to arouse suspicion. In that case, Madia will do it herself. Both clash until Rose shows up to help. She has also called reinforcements so Madia is forced to retreat but warns Kufa she will always be watching him in his shadows. Kufa explains Madia’s class as a Clown. A class that can imitate all 7 classes (Fencer, Gladiator, Samurai, Maiden, Gunner, Wizard and Cleric – so Paladin isn’t a class?). And she’s the strongest Clown in town. Elise confronts Melida with a plan of her own. She will purposely lose to her so they can convince Othello. But this isn’t what Melida want because it’s like saying she can’t beat her and that she won’t be using her best abilities. But stubborn Elise has already set her mind on it. She wants to keep being her little sister forever.

Episode 5
Kufa and Rose try to get the tournament selection since Madia may be lurking around but apparently the school has made its decision. Yup, it’s going to go on. With Melida having troubled thoughts, Kufa talks to her and learns about Elise’s proposal to lose on purpose. He gives her some advice to let Elise know her true feelings and since she loves Elise a lot, he believes their relationship will not crumble. As the tournament gets underway, Melida and Elise quickly clash swords. During the midst, Kufa suspects Madia may be impersonating as a student so he goes to confront and attack this supposed student. He then realizes his mistake that she is not. She is Mule La More and is a member of one of the 3 big Knight-Duke Houses. Kufa realizes where Madia is now as he makes his way to the battlefield. Elise finally breaks her silence and thinks Melida is weak. The reason she held back is because she doesn’t want to know that Melida is weaker than her. She doesn’t want to be on equal footing with her and instead prefers to be second best below her where she stays out of the limelight. Can we return to those days where she was always her little sister? Melida makes her statement that she is not weak and overpowers her. She asserts that even if Elise becomes a strong Paladin, she will always be a step ahead of her. The cousins reconcile and this touching story is heard by Nerva who is actually Madia in disguise (real Nerva ambushed and left unconscious somewhere). Madia attacks them and even destroys the sentries guarding this place. This allows Kufa to enter the scene and take on Madia. I don’t know what happened because the next scene suddenly shows Madia being stripped to her true form. So she’s some meek girl? Kufa hands her a letter to be given to Father. Upon reading it, he will make his judgment on it and Madia will bear not be reprimanded. The tournament ends with Keira Espada winning. Kufa is puzzled because if Othello had no mana and cannot enter the place, who guided her in to switch the names? Mule is pleased because her mana recorder has recorded all the mana of the students here, including Melida. Melida tells Elise she is creating a new unit and hopes she could join. Of course. Madia is left to rue her fate because now she is made to be an instructor to this school…

Episode 6
What’s this? There is an unofficial closing ceremony for the tournament? Looks more like a girl’s slumber party to me. Mule and Salacha “Sala” Shicksal tell Melida and Elise about a sad love story that also serves as a horror one. A husband and wife came to Flandore but the husband unable to find work felt pressured and abused his wife until one day he killed her by ripping her heart out. Realizing the atrocity of what he had done, he ran away with her heart. However he heard the heart of his wife asking him if he is okay. He realized his wife loved him despite all he had done and drowned himself. But since the corpse of his wife was abandoned, it became a zombie and roamed around looking for its heart. She kills women and rips out their heart and is known as the Grey Witch! Speaking of which, there has been a spate of murders following this tale. Suddenly the lights go out and before them all is a witch figure. Is the legend true?! Keira is defeated easily as the girls run for their lives. Melida, Elise, Mule and Sala walk through the underground waterway and it becomes creepier when they step on something soft and squishy. Human entrails?! Then it turns out to be, uhm, pink slime? For some reason, their perversion got the better of them because all of them wants to take the slime off Sala’s boobs. Because of that, here comes the witch! Trying to use their own abilities is no use. What to do? Run some more. They manage to get out of the waterway and thankfully Kufa is here. However… He needs their help to look for his missing heart! Kufa has a hole in his body???!!! Scream fest! Of course this turns out to be, uhm, prank? Rose warned Kufa about the unofficial ceremony. I guess that’s why it’s unofficial. The right word should have been illegal but I guess that would be a dead giveaway. The girls get lectured by Kufa as he reveals the witch is played by Rose. That pink slime? It’s supposed to be some pixie gem toy. Now the girls get mad at him and calling him all sorts of perverted names. In the end, the girls are put to bed and looks like Kufa has to keep watch. Not because they’ll sneak out and do anything illegally. I think they’re scared to sleep alone…

Episode 7
As the school prepares itself for a school trip to Shangharta, suddenly Rose seeks Kufa’s help. She wants him to marry her! Of course Kufa deduces that her father, Blossom has got a fiancé for her. Not wanting to marry him, she cooked up an excuse that she already has a boyfriend. Spot on. Shockingly, he agrees to play her boyfriend. Well, this doesn’t sit very well with Melida. Looking very jealous, isn’t she? And because the ladies are tussling over him, this earns the ire of Ms Stachie who is one of the board of directors. But she quickly kisses up to Elise. It seems Blossom will also be joining on this trip since that is his hometown. Blossom relays the good news that their entire hometown will host Rose’s wedding. She disagrees to it and claims Kufa as her boyfriend. Father doesn’t like Kufa but gets scared thinking he recognized him somewhere. Apparently there was a serial killer many years back and he had Kufa’s face. Strange… With Kufa acting strange, this has Melida worried. And then an incident whereby a girl got attacked. Though she is not physically hurt, she is unconscious. Blossom uses his magic to find the culprit. From his magic flames, the only one who fits the description is Kufa. Kufa does not dismiss the fact he has no alibi to prove his innocence. And then upon arriving in the subterranean city of Shangharta, a commotion in the town square as some guy ravaged with some disease goes berserk. The only way left is to kill him. Wow. You mean killing him right in front of all the school girls? Blossom says this isn’t public execution but salvation. Because Kufa hangs out with Rose, when he gets back, Melida is acting like a jealous wife. Yeah… To shut her up from her incessant b*tching, he asks if she would like to go on a date with him now. Instantly all is forgiven. Women… In this beautiful underground cave, we see them dance gracefully in the air. Thanks to the rocks giving off some magnetic field that allows them to float. Kufa then puts Melida to bed and she hopes they can go on another date like this. Anywhere is fine. Melida dreams of a strange dream whereby somebody wants to suck her blood? She is awakened by Elise who comes running to inform her that there has been another victim. Oh dear. Kufa not by her side this time…

Episode 8
All the children in the church are dead now?! Kufa is nowhere to be seen so everybody suspects him. Melida skips training and bumps into Madia. Seems Kufa left instructions to take care of Melida should something happen to him. Disguising herself as a student, both of them interview with the locals about Blossom and the mysterious spots that Blossom prohibit others from entering. One of them is this crooked house. Madia investigates and believes the house was built this way to conceal something. Aha. A hidden passageway. An underground lab with dead corpses. She can tell they are failed loup-garous experiments, humans infected with night gene factor and can’t transform. Hence there is no mystery disease going around and it could be that Blossom is faking it all to cover up some experiment. A voice in Melida’s head has her feel another incident has happened. This time Elise is attacked. Although she is unhurt and unconscious, it was Rose who protected her and paid with her life! Oh no! Rose dead?! Now everyone is calling for Kufa’s head. Desperate Blossom heads off and believes he can bring his daughter back alive. As Melida puts Elise in bed, the angry mob is here. Luckily Shenfa was quick to warn her that they intend to kidnap her as bait to lure out Kufa. She holds them back as Melida runs. Another a boulder which is another mystery spot, Melida slices it open with her sword. Aha. A hidden passageway. Another underground lab. This time filled with notes from Blossom indicating he is experimenting with night gene factor on humans. Then that voice in her head speaks up. Melida introduces herself as a Paladin but the voice laughs and decides to test her. Out comes Rose. Because of the mana possessing her, Melida believes she is the real culprit behind the incidents. Before she could suck her blood, here comes Kufa to the rescue. He tries to tell her snap out of this possession. So thinking about her loved ones and human bonds is supposed to be the key? Maybe Rose isn’t that strong so she escapes. Kufa deems the Ice King is behind this but Melida is in shock to see Kufa’s changed appearance.

Episode 9
So Kufa is going to seal her memories and start anew? Wanna bet Melida can change his mind after kissing him and saying those nice words how she accepts him for who he is? Yup. Thought so. Flashback reveals a giant arachnid monster, Naqua attacked Shangharta and wounded many of the children including Kufa and Rose. Blossom wanted to end the failed loup-garous experiment but thanks to his wife continuing to emit some miasma, Naqua wants to experiment to continue since there will be supplies of new test subjects. Kufa saved Rose by biting and turning her into a vampire. He also sealed her memories so as not to awaken her blood sucking instinct. Together with Father’s help, they defeat Naqua. Kufa begged for Rose to be spared and in exchange, he will join his guild and will never remove Rose’s seal. Even if she will never see him again, he will always watch her from a distance and wants her to be happy. So Kufa makes a deal with Melida. She must bring this secret to her grave or it’s curtains for her. Knowing that Blossom is in cohorts with Naqua who somehow survived, the reason Rose was brought back here as to draw out her power. That is why Kufa cannot be seen in public, otherwise he would not have left Melida alone.

So this is how they’re going to deal with the situation: Melida barges in to interrupt Rose’s wedding, challenges her by declaring she kissed Kufa twice, obviously Rose got jealous and fights her (you mean nobody else run but continued to watch?), Melida attacks hit Blossom instead and snuffs out Naqua who has been hiding on him, Naqua escapes but Rose gives chase, flashback shows it is Naqua mind controlling Rose to attack others but when she attacked but refused to harm Elise, Naqua had her killed, Naqua almost kills Rose but is saved by Kufa who then unlocks her vampire powers, their combo allows them to defeat Naqua but because he can split into many tiny pieces (the reason how he can avoid death) and tries to escape but for some strange reason he runs back the same route and conveniently all the Friedeswiede girls have been waiting for him to pop up so they fire all they’ve got at every last bit of this damn spider to kill him forever, Kufa seals Rose’s memories again despite she wanting to be with him. Better this way, right? Kufa then confronts Blossom. He knows he made a deal with Naqua in exchange for using Naqua’s powers to slow down the process of his wife turning into a lancanthrope. To thin Blossom for taking him in as an orphan, here is an elixir that changes her back to human! Wow. So convenient. With his wife back, she takes over his church while he surrenders himself to the authorities. On the train back, Rose admits to Kufa that she joined Crest Legion because there was a boy whom she can’t remember that was always beside her. By becoming famous, she hopes that boy will find her. Nice goal but… Anyway, Melida comes to rub salt into Rose’s wounds because she snuggles up close to Kufa. Since Rose’s act to play Kufa’s lover has ended, time for the real lover to take her place. And about that kiss…

Episode 10
It’s that time of year where seniors will venture into the Vibria Goat Library for a certification exam to pass. It is huge maze consisting of hundred millions of texts. Melida and Elise despite being juniors are invited to participate since they were representatives for Luna Lumiere and they don’t need to go deep but just casually explore the first layer. Meanwhile Mule and Sala report back to some group of nobles about Melida’s mana being very different from a Paladin. This has everyone believing there is a scandal going on in the House of Angel. Serge who is Sala’s big brother suggests to expose her to public. Mule further suggests to use a text in Vibria Goat called Anders’ Codex. One day, a strange man comes to Friedeswiede to proclaim he is Melida’s father. Of course everyone is shocked. He escapes only because Kufa prevents him from getting any closer. In her room, they talk about her enemies making their move to bring her clan down. The only way to send a warning to them is to actually do the certification exam. Of course she is scared she will fail. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And of course for further motivation, she wants a reward from him if she passes. As the headmistress leads the students down into Vibria Goat, she warns them of ghosts of the place who might attack intruders, thinking they would steal their books. So Vibria Goat is just one big freaking haunted library?! And you don’t say because suddenly the elevator stops and they’re attacked by tentacles!!! Wow, was this part of the deal? Meanwhile a nun calls for Kufa. It seems Felgus is here. He wants Melida to stop taking this certification exam because she doesn’t need it. In fact, he is here to make arrangements to pull her out of this school. He believes he has made a mistake to put her in a public school that makes her a visible target. Kufa tries to plead for time and he can prove otherwise. Then a letter bearing the seal of Grimfice is received. It claims the girls in the certification exam will die. Melida and Elise are brought to some parts unknown of the library. Of course they are attacked by ghosts but remembering Kufa’s sword teachings, you bet those ghosts can’t even touch them. Haha. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts! Don’t rest yet. Because the ghosts now has reinforcements! Oh sh*t! Don’t despair. Here comes Mule and Sala to the rescue.

Episode 11
Mule has some ‘cheat’ books that serves as a map around the area. We take a detour as Mule uses a text that has them change outfits. This must be some conspiracy just to fondle Sala’s boobs, huh? I bet that is why no ghosts were attacking and simply watching this delicious scene. On to a serious note, they reach a level from what I understand, they need to clear and put away the books while fighting off mini cheeky imps. Some weird puzzle. They manage to do so and they earn some book that prints their name on it. But soon, Sala tries to steal Melida’s book. Though Mule confronts her, Sala warns Melida that this is a trap. Mule then steals Melida’s book just to peek at her class. Yup, it says Samurai. She then escapes to go report back to her brother. Meanwhile the headmistress and other students are fighting off, uhm, zombie mages? Led by Crodoll who is an artificial lancanthrope who specializes in necromancy and is a member of Grimfice. When the headmistress is wounded, cue for Kufa to drop in and save the day. If you’re wondering why he defeats Crodoll so easily, yeah, that old geezer returns as an undead now. How do you kill something that is dead? Not even Kufa can handle this. So how? Herald Williams’ turn. Kufa expected him to help out and he kept his promise by doing so. His bandages suppresses super human abilities so Crodoll dies again. Let’s hope he stays that for good. Williams reveals that the letter was just a distraction to keep him away from the enemy. Because the target this time isn’t Melida but the lives of the students of Friedeswiede. But thankfully, those dumb Grimfice members aren’t anything near the level of Nerva and the rest. Those guys really underestimate these girls, huh? Father is also here and he heard Williams wants to join their guild. Williams wants a way to be turned back into human. In exchange, he will become their spy. Father won’t agree now and will only do so after evaluating his performance. Father then tells Kufa about the opening of 2 unusual gates into Vibria Goat. One is managed by Mordrew Arms Association of Commerce and the other by the House of Shicksal, one of the 3 big Knight-Duke Houses. Looks like Kufa is the man for the job.

Episode 12
So we’re having an Alice In Wonderland themed court? Are they trying to make a fool of Alice AKA Melida? I bet she’ll make them look like a fool. Anyway with Serge as the judge, the trial is accusing her of not being Felgus’ real daughter. Though this Samurai class isn’t concrete evidence, however she can’t answer why her mana suddenly just materialized. Can’t she not just say it so happened to materialize just like that? Anyway, you can tell the jury are just out for her blood. Because they badmouth her parents, Melida snaps and tells them off. Serge then has her prove it by letting Sala fight her. I guess nobody is watching the lesser fight between Elise and Mule. To the untrained eye, it looked like Melida is just avoiding Sala’s attacks. Melida waits for the chance to strike back and does so. Now the unruly crowd thinks she is Felgus’ daughter. Yeah, this means this baseless accusation can amount to treason! Serge’s only way is to use some magic pen and rewrite everything. You mean turn everything into nothingness? Better run. Because it will really suck you into nothingness. Melida and Mule put aside their difference (was there any? Was Mule just pretending?) to help those jerks to escape. Once done, they are trapped as they face off against the imposter who claimed to be Melida’s father. Since Melida can’t handle him himself, cue for Kufa to jump in. Hence we see why the duo are a deadly combo as they take him down. Mule ‘accidentally’ drops Anders’ Codex into the nothingness. In reality, the imposter is reeling from the pain from ‘dying’ in the story. He seeks Serge’s help but is killed off. After all the girls return to safety, in the aftermath it is narrated that a few days later, many claim to be Melida’s true father. This was somewhat solved by Serge who revealed the culprit to be Bijou Niese, a member of Crest Legion who harbours doubts about the current state of affairs. However he has gone into hiding. To deal with this aftermath, Felgus stays with Melida for the time being. Before he departs, to appease her fears, he remembers that a relative of her great grandma was of the Samurai class. Gee, that’s so vague but thanks for connecting the dots anyway. And duh, Melida of course resembles her mom! WTF is that no-brainer statement? Maybe it’s his way to accept his daughter? Yeah, maybe it is. Because Melida starts crying like a baby. Later, Melida renews her vow to Kufa if she passes her certification exam. But this time instead of entrusting her life to him, she would prefer to risk her life for him. Uhm, isn’t that the same thing?

Assassin’s Creed: Pride & Prejudice
Theoretically, if this never gets another season, Melida’s secret will be forever safe! Hahaha! Oops. So apparently Melida is going to have a lot more tough time to convince the rest of the world that she is truly the daughter of Felgus but apparently with Kufa by her side and with her convictions stronger than before, it’ll be a breeze. Because detractors and naysayers are mostly just spineless cowards who hide behind the mask and accuse-cum-blame everything else. Just like the internet. Hahaha! Oops. So screw the initial mission to kill her if she is not the real child of Felgus. Anybody who accuses her otherwise, just cut through them and everything! Isn’t that the Samurai way? Or am I missing something?

The story seems to be all over the place and although I expected to be Kufa-Melida kind of trials and tribulations, what we mostly get are some weird tournament, a trip back to Rose’s hometown that turned into some pseudo detective work and then some weird certification exam. Lots of stuffs happen in between just to confuse us. Like, what the heck is going on? Perhaps they do not want to stray too much away from the Kufa-Melida pair but even so I don’t see anything significant. Because of that, the lore and setting of this world somewhat suffers. It would have been interesting had they take the time to explore the eternal darkness that engulfs this land instead of just briefly skimming through it. Like as though they just want to get all that out of the way (to satiate our curiosity why this world is always night time) and pay no more further attention. It would have also been nice if they could expand on the different types of classes instead of just gliding through and just to make us feel amazed that there are 7 classes. 7 CLASSES, BABY! Count ’em. What about Grimfice? Are they a threat or not? And what we get are lots of girly stuffs instead. From tournament battles to even that girls’ secret slumber party. WTF do we need this sort of f*cking filler?

Basically, whatever ‘misadventures’ are shown here in this series are supposed to put Melida or Kufa in some sort of predicament that would ultimately test their bond. Unfortunately I fail to see any significance of that. There are some private moments between them but it feels like Melida is just being an insecure kid who needs to get lots of assurance from the suave and charming Kufa. They grow close but you just don’t really feel it with all the weird distractions in the plot. Making it worse is how they don’t get any more back story like how Kufa is a vampire or what half lancanthrope or something. His revelation of being one didn’t really come as a surprise (I suppose being an assassin with special skills means he has somewhat a special origin?) and when it did, it felt more like a plot convenience. Heck, the final episode felt like the need to grow Melida’s character and Kufa was almost close to non-existent. I suppose we still need to see some Kufa-Melida combo, that’s why that final fight feels a bit forced.

Melida being prejudicially casted as some untalented noble leaves more room and excuses so that enemies could target her and do bad things and drag everybody else into this mess. Standings and class castes are probably important in this world but Melida has shown her worth so many times and yet they are still so sceptical. Just because she doesn’t display any Paladin traits. Like, WTF? Just say so you hate this girl! And perhaps she is just an excuse and stepping stone so that others who crave for power can disrupt the power balance whatsoever. Elise on the other hand feels more like a side character. What a mismatched pair. Elise doesn’t want to be in the spotlight and prefers hiding under Melida’s shadow and on the other hand Melida is fighting and trying to prove against all the discrimination and stands out more, for the right or wrong reasons. Sometimes I feel Elise is just like an excess baggage since she is useless most of the time and depends on Melida, clinging on to her cousin just because she can. And also the need to show and increase Melida’s reputation as such a reliable girl.

This series is also in danger of turning into some weird cheesy romance especially Rose and Melida subtly trying to win his heart. Sort of. My guts say Kufa will go with Melida because surprise Rose’s back story, they knew each other and he had to erase her memories just to keep her alive. Yup, he is find without ever her knowing the truth so I guess he made his peace with that. But for the ‘new’ Rose… Might be a different story. So don’t give up! If Kufa can erase her memories like that, can he just do it to everybody else? Save the trouble of keeping all this secret. Yeah, it would be a herculean task to turn everyone into his vampire slave but if it’s for Melida, why not? Yeah, that Shangharta arc felt like so plot convenience. Surprise! Kufa and Rose knew each other. Surprise! Kufa is not the perpetrator! Those who fall for this cliché move are total amateurs. And surprise! Big bad Naqua still lives. Naqua who? Surprise! Now he’s truly dead. Geez, get over with this arc already.

Other characters fail to live up to the intrigue. Like Madia who just feel so redundant and unnecessary. The most ‘downgraded’ character ever in the series. She started off as a reasonable threat. Then after her easy defeat, she became a teacher and what’s the point of that? Pointless role if you ask me. Same case for Shenfa. So how does last year’s tournament queen is relevant to what’s going on? At least Nerva’s role is to be Melida’s b*tch and get on her nerve (is that how and why they named her character?). Then she softens up and tones down a lot after her humiliating loss. I’m guessing Melida has to always step up her game and continue being superior or else I fear Nerva might that that opportunity to step all over her head again. Nerva does sound like she repented her bullying but you know such grudges are hard to quell. Especially when you’re the queen b*tch. But the irony is that Elise could be the new b*tch because it seems she is getting more and more jealous to others who are close to Melida. You can see her pout and close to throwing a tantrum. In that sense, Elise might have really fallen at the same time Nerva started to rise back up again.

Mule is like taking a huge roundabout way just to expose Melida’s truth. Does she prefer to see Melida’s shock when she betrays her as a friend? Keep your enemies close, but your friends closer. So I don’t really understand the final arc of her needing to do all this crap. Because it’s because she’s her friend that she does all this? Because she likes Melida a lot? Huh? I don’t get it? Unless it is just one big roundabout way to expose whoever that Bijou culprit is by using Melida as bait to lure him and his allies out. Thankfully it all worked out. After all, Mule is so calm and cool that I don’t really feel any sense of animosity coming from her unlike Nerva. Maybe that’s why I’m confused whether she is friend or foe.

The action bits are just passable and nothing exciting. It just feels forced and they needed something to show why Kufa is a great Samurai as well as Melida following his footsteps to become one. And when some of these characters power up, they’re like having some sort of weird glow all over their body. I suppose it is to help protect their delicate smooth skin because otherwise, don’t you think it is quite absurd for the female characters to be fighting in that sort of garb? Leave it to anime to make such clothes not even a factor in any sort of battles. Either they are too skimpy or too clumsy but somehow anime makes it work because the girls have great exceptional fighting skills!

Art and animation, I don’t find anything wrong but nothing special either. Of course the first thing to note is how Kufa is designed close enough to Sword Art Online’s Kirito that one might think this is another virtual game. Of course some characters look like they’re taken from other anime like Melida looking like a distant cousin of To Love-Ru’s Yami and Elise having that uncanny resemblance to Ryuuou No Oshigoto’s Ginko. Another weird thing I find is how Friedeswiede’s uniform, the boobs’ part looks like cat’s eyes! Huh? WTF?! Can’t… Stop… Staring… This series is done by EMT Squared who produced Renai Boukun, Ame-iro Cocoa, Nyanko Days and Hyakuren No Haou To Seiyaku No Valkyria.

Voice acting, I recognized Ayane Sakura as Nerva. All in familiar territory. That kind of bratty voice fits a bratty character like a glove. The other recognizable one is Houcuu Ohtsuka as Blossom. It could have been one step a bigger conspiracy had Kufa been voiced by Matsuoka Yoshitsugu. Fortunately, not so and hence conspiracy put to rest of yet another swordsman voiced by this dude. Kufa is voiced by Yuuki Ono (Isami in Shokugeki No Souma). The other casts are Tomori Kusunoki as Melida (Hazuki in Marchen Madchen), Yui Ishikawa as Elise (Mikasa in Shingeki No Kyojin), Marina Yabuuchi as Rose, Sora Tokui as Madia (Nero in Tantei Opera Milky Holmes), Maaya Uchida as Mule (Rikka in Chuunibyou Demo Koi Ga Shitai), Azumi Waki as Sala (Maika in Blend S), Toshiyuki Morikawa as Father (Naraku in Inu Yasha) and Tatsuhisa Suzuki as Williams (Ban in Nanatsu No Taizai). The opening theme, Share The Light by Run Girls Run, I just find it really weird. I mean, it really sounds like a bizarre one. Maybe it is just, amidst all that lively vocals, there is some ominous feel to it. Not sure if it fits the series but I don’t think so because of the lively pacing of the song. The ending theme despite being a slow ballad is much more bearable, Ijin-tachi No Jikan by Tomori Kusunoki.

Overall, this anime fails to be exciting despite I read the internet is split on this. Some really loving it while others calling this unnecessary hype some sort of deception. Of course for me, this is really one mediocre series and it could have been done better had they explored the setting of this world further. Even had they not, the development between the main characters also leaves a lot more to be desired. Therefore everything comes off as mostly uninspiring and boring. Many would have dropped this early on but as my pride as an otaku, it is a good thing I managed to stay and finish this. Thank goodness only a dozen episodes. And it is also that very same dumb otaku pride that I will continue to watch bad animes for a long time to come.

Shin Chuuka Ichiban

March 7, 2020

You thought the Fruits Basket remake was the longest interval for an anime to be given the reboot. Uh huh. 18 years is a bloody long time a gap to remake one of the most endearing childhood animes. But that record is ‘shattered’ with Shin Chuuka Ichiban. A remake of the original Chuuka Ichiban that ran its course back in 1997-1998, that’s 21 years for a series to take a hiatus and then suddenly pop back up with a new makeover. Well, I can’t say I’m pretty excited for it after what I read that this remake is going to be (spoilers: It’s not a continuation) but that damn nostalgia keeps getting in the way. Ah yes, if Shokugeki No Souma is too contemporary and international, going back to my Chinese roots may whet my appetite and make me like all those traditional Chinese foods (and ‘yucky’ vegetables) that I never liked as a kid. Maybe my tongue and tastes have matured by then. Or not.

Episode 1
Remember that black chicken episode? No. Yeah, I forgot all about it. Let’s rewatch this again then! Anyway, Mao and co stumble into this little outskirt town whose reputation has the best chicken dishes. When Shirou tries to steal persimmon to eat, its owner, Tia stops him. But she lets them eat since they’re hungry. Learning that Mao spent all his money on a cookbook and that’s why they have no more money, this reminds her of her own brother’s naivety. You see, before he died, he bought lots of black chickens. Despite having low vitality and egg quality, each time they die, he would rush to get replacement and higher quality feed. Of course the townspeople mocked him for raising such birds of misfortune till the day he died. Tia is only caring for them to carry out his dreams. So far nothing good for her. And after hearing this story, you bet Mao is going to enter tomorrow’s competition. Everyone cooks their chicken dish and of course nobody has high hopes for Mao’s black chicken. As usual, being the last participant to get his dish taste, the judges think he is insulting everyone because it’s just rice. Just take one bite. You’ll understand. And with that, here comes the exaggerated reactions! Oh yeah. Mao explains how he used the chicken’s body to stuff the rice as it absorbs its rich flavours. Then he reveals this is no black bird of misfortune but rather the mystical bird called silky fowl. Wow. You mean everybody didn’t realize that? That rare, huh? And realizing Mao’s Super Chef emblem, it is a given that he wins the competition. Thanks to Mao’s help, Tia now has renewed confidence to carry on this business and even better, the entire town will help support to rear these silky fowls.

Episode 2
Remember that episode when they first met Shell? I do! At least most of it. Let’s rewatch this again! Shirou being the smartass he is, thinks he can cook a simple dish when Mao is temporarily away. Of course it sucks and the customer who is no other than Shell calls for the one responsible. Mao takes on the responsibility and the challenge to cook him something satisfying and doesn’t disappoint when he cooks his requested dish containing 3 distinct egg flavours. Because of that, Shell wants to seriously challenge him to a shumai battle. Shell makes a shumai using his golden ratio that contains 4 different tastes. Unfortunately Mao got the same idea so had to scrape this if he is to avoid defeat. With half of the time remaining, he brainstorms and realizes what he needs to do. In the end, he creates this super huge big bang shumai that has distinct flavour everywhere depending on which part you pick. It is without a doubt Shell considers Mao the winner and even thanks Shirou for everything because otherwise he wouldn’t have this opportunity to meet Mao. Meanwhile Mei Li is feeling sad. Unlike Shirou, she didn’t fully believe that Mao could pull off this feat. Furthermore, Mao said Shirou was his one and only partner. She has been studying so hard to be useful to him but could it be she has no talent? Then a strange man hands her an invitation for her and her father.

Episode 3
Remember that episode where Mei Li got poisoned and Mao had to step in in Chouyu’s place to save her life? Uhm… I think so… Let’s rewatch this again! Chouyu and Mei Li accept the invitation for this dinner party. Did they invite Mao too? Because he tagged along. There are also top chefs from Guangzhou invited and everything seems to be fine until they get to the main dish. This dove dish is actually a poisoned brown frog in disguise. Too bad the chefs and Mei Li ate it and they’re out cold from the paralysis. The perpetrator is a masked chef, Li Yan who is seeking revenge over Chouyu. With Mei Li’s life on the line, he can’t back out. Just like last time, they will participate in best of 3 lobster battles and the first one is a decoration battle. However they must do it blindfolded. During the match, suddenly Chouyu collapses. Mao discovers a scorpion hidden in Chouyu’s lobster. He calls out the cheating but the mask chef claims Chouyu did the same thing the last time. Of course Mao will continue to battle him and despite Li Yan having no need to oblige, somehow he does because Mao is probably bugging him. The second battle is all about speed. Mao finishes first. Because Li Yan’s dish is incomplete, Mao won’t taste it. Li Yan thinks Mao’s fried lobster is also incomplete but after much bugging, he tries it out and realizes this is one helluva good lobster. Realizing his revenge won’t be complete unless he defeats Chouyu’s pupil, I guess we’re going to have a third match. But there is an additional condition. If Mao wins, he gets the antidote. Otherwise, he will drink this poison too.

Episode 4
Continuing from last episode, before the third round of stewed hotpot begins, Li Yan narrates his revenge began 16 years ago. So this is one big love revenge, huh? Apparently they were in love with the same woman, Meika and she was fought over via a cooking challenge. However Chouyu cheated by putting a poison needle hidden in his basket. Bitter by this lost, Li Yan threw away his chef pride and sought revenge and trained via Cooking Underworld. Both sides make their stew and who is going to judge it? Conveniently, Shirou was kidnapped for this. He is of course scared to make the wrong decision. So Mao tells him don’t choose his dish. Choose the best dish. That is his dish. Uhm, so technically still choose his dish? And of course Shirou tastes both and chooses Mao’s. He didn’t cheat or anything. Just that Li Yan’s dish was soaked with rich seafood that it enveloped the taste of the lobster which is supposed to be the cooking theme. Mao on the other hand, enhanced and supported the lobster. The victory means the antidote is administered to everyone. Wow. It works so fast considering the time they were being poisoned. Chouyu confronts Li Yan about this disgrace. It is revealed that Meika was the one who rigged the match. You see, Chouyu and Meika loved each other but her dad organized the contest in which Meika set up for Li Yan to lose. Chouyu never said anything because his feelings for Meika was too pure and he thought it is best if he just suffered from Li Yan’s hatred. Yeah, maybe he thought wrong. Suddenly Li Yan is like a changed person. Realizing his erred ways, he praises Mao to be the next big thing in the cooking world but also warns the Cooking Underworld will come after them for defeating him. He unmasks himself to show the scars on his face, proof of the trials and tribulations he went under the Cooking Underworld. Because of that, he drank the poison. He is going to die anyway for his failure. Everyone realizes the house is on fire and needs to get out. Oh no. They’re locked in! Don’t worry. Shell is here to rescue. You mean his dim sum tool is the one that barged open the locked door? Whatever. Everyone is safe except for Li Yan who let the fire burn him and the house collapse on him. Wow. Triple death.

Episode 5
Remember that episode where Leon first appeared? Let’s rewatch this again! Hearing news that Leon will return from his training after 4 years, you bet she is more than happy that this kind chef has returned. The night before, Shell got assaulted by someone and got his staff stolen. The only clue he has on the perpetrator is the Cooking Underworld mark on his hand. Next day as the gang prepare to carve up the buffalo, here comes Leon to carve them up so perfectly that there is not a single drop of blood. This punk is Leon? Then he gets rough with Mei Li when she accidentally touches his tools. This jerk is really Leon? Shell confronts him as the one who stole his staff but was overpowered. Then he forces his way to see Luo and demands the legendary utensils as promised. Shell then reveals his Cooking Underworld mark and warns about giving him that. Chouyu then decides to hold a contest at the Daxian temple to see if he is worthy of the utensil. His opponent will be Mao. The contest has them cut up a large sea bream and make 4 dishes out of it. We see Leon using all his knives to cut and prepare the fish with great speed and accuracy. As for Mao, he starts off using a metal wire to scale the fish. Just in time, Shell has got the knife that Mao requested. It is a very flexible knife because it has 100 holes in it. Everyone is shocked because it is a knife only known in the Cooking Underworld. Gosh. Is Mao a member too?!

Episode 6
Mao’s knife was made by Shell as per requested and it took him almost the entire day. Leon presents his dishes first and without a doubt, they’re all outstanding. Chouyu notes that despite this impressiveness, Leon has not used a single Cooking Underworld technique. Mao is up presenting his dish. In a single fish, he has 4 different tastes that represents the 4 different cuisines of China: Peking, Sichuan, Shanghai and Guangzhou. So good the judges can’t stop eating. So what will their decision be? It’s a draw! Too tough to decide! WTF?! Leon is not satisfied and will settle this with an extra round. With only a sea bream left, he lets Mao choose whatever parts first and will take the leftovers. But Mao respects him as a great chef and cuts the fish in exactly half. Chouyu and Shell believe Mao is at a disadvantage because Leon has yet to use his final knife. And now that he has unleashed it, it looks like it is made from some cold ice. Cutting so precise that the judges could see their reflections on the thinly cut fish strips?! How will Mao counter this? He uses the metal wires as hook into the holes of his knife to cut and ‘explode’ the fish meat. Leon creates an exquisite ice cold sashimi dish but this is at the expense of turning his right hand frostbite. As Mao hasn’t finished, Leon lets the judges taste his dish first and without betraying any expectations, they are sent to blue heaven. Now it is Mao’s turn. What’s this spring rolls he created? Everybody is sceptical if Mao will win because the window peak of the sea bream’s taste has passed. Hence the taste is dead.

Episode 7
The fish is alive! In their mouths, that is! Wait a minute. Dead fish come back to life? Like, zombie fish?! Just kidding. Everyone realizes Mao also sacrificed his hand. The knife was burning hot and that heat was what sealed the taste and freshness of the sea bream. Like Leon who has frostbite, Mao has severe burns. In the end, the judges choose Mao as the winner. Oh well, they didn’t have hopes for him and suddenly he came up with a bright idea. Worthy to be the successor of this legendary utensil, the ever soul knife. Proof that he is the real successor after 400 years as a dragon mark appears on it. Because Mao views Leon as worthy as his cooking makes others happy, he also lets him have it. Woah! The dragon mark also appears. Even better. His Cooking Underworld mark vanishes!!! OMFG! It purifies too?! Time for Leon to tell his side of the story. When he was wandering around southern China, he didn’t feel anything exciting to learn. Until he stumbled upon a secret entrance of the Cooking Underworld. They let him joined and his harsh training began from there. Despite so, he enjoyed it. But it also made him arrogant. Then he made the mistake of trying to leave it because he found out how terrifying the organization is. That is why he decided to get the legendary utensil from Luo to fight against them. But how did Mao know about 100 hole knife? First he cooks some pork cubes that of course tastes delicious. Then he shows this old book that isn’t just your usual recipes from his mom, Pai. This book also contains her battles with chefs from the Cooking Underworld and hence all the strange and mysterious recipes and tools used during those battles. Phew. You relieved now that Mao isn’t from the Cooking Underworld? Because the Cooking Underworld do not show themselves, hence this is Mao’s only clue and he doesn’t want to show it off in fear he might attract unwanted attention. But after battles with Li Yan and Leon, he realizes he needs to realize his mom’s dream and defeat the Cooking Underworld. After hearing all that, Luo finds it is time to tell him about all the legendary utensils.

Episode 8
Looks like word has reached the Cooking Underworld about the ever soul knife. I don’t know how the info spread so fast before the age of the internet but whatever. Time to steal it, if you know how their thinking works. So we have a little history on the creation of the 8 legendary utensils. Crafted by Shuri who created it out from some meteorite. However he had to seal it away in different places as it was a period of strife and hardship. So I guess the utensils couldn’t unite the people, huh? As Pai once searched for it too, Mao wants to continue his mom’s search. Luo and Chouyu find it dangerous for him to go alone but Shell and Leon will accompany him. After all, they caught the Cooking Underworld baddie who was trying to steal the ever soul knife. Leon intercepted him and Shell knocked this guy out. This is the real culprit who stole Shell’s staff. With Mao’s determination, I guess they let him go. Luo also gave them maps, possible clues to the next legendary utensil in Shanghai. Oh, Shirou is coming too? Shouldn’t he be helping out in the restaurant instead of following Mao? Oh well, I guess no more foul ups in the restaurant. Next day as they leave, Mei Li didn’t see them off. Turns out she is also coming with them. She doesn’t want to wait for them to return! Yeah, it can be lonely for a girl waiting for the guy who worked here, went on a journey and then come back here. Yeah, Mao could’ve been the third guy… Also, Chouyu gave his blessings since it is her wish. I didn’t know ancient China was so lax in their children’s freedom but whatever. During the boat journey to China, we have a very brief skim through some of the ‘important’ events in Mao’s life. Like how Shou An betrayed Pai and stole her restaurant’s earnings. Pai gave Mao her book just before she died from overworking. A month later, Shou An returned to challenge Mao to become the new head of the restaurant but was soundly beaten by the mapo tofu theme. And then that pairing with Sanche that beat Chouyu but Sanche soon left for training in Shanghai. Not forgetting Mao’s Super Chef tournament in which he and Fei both won the title after giving full marks to their own dish. Ah, isn’t it so nostalgic remembering them? Meanwhile the captured Cooking Underworld dude killed himself. The higher ups realize he is useless for not being able to defeat Leon. Herald Shou An who wants to move in next because he has a personal grudge against Mao.

Episode 9
Remember Mao and his team battling the Cooking Underworld on a huge boat? Let’s rewatch this again! Arriving in Shanghai, their only clue is to seek the advice of the Grand Alliance. However they are confronted by ruffians who think they are from the Cooking Underworld since Leon is with them. However their boss chastises them for thinking so. He is Sanche and he welcomes Mao to his restaurant. Serving him his improved cooking, they get down to business as Sanche learns of Mao’s intentions. Recently Shanghai has been in uproar too with the Grand Alliance receiving daily threats about the legendary utensils. Sanche will ask his father once he returns from the Grand Alliance meeting. However somebody fell through the roof! It is a member of the Grand Alliance. The Cooking Underworld proclaims they have taken the Grand Alliance members as hostage. They want Sanche to come if he knows what is good for them. Hence everybody is blindfolded and taken to that huge vessel belonging to the Cooking Underworld. Inside the hall, Shan gets straight to the point she wants the map to the legendary utensil. Her side also has some code but they aren’t smart enough to decipher, I guess. Sanche proclaims it is not him who has the map but Mao. Hence it is a battle for the right to see who gets both the map and the code. Gee, the Cooking Underworld trying to fight fair for this? Something smells fishy. Shan introduces the judges who are high ranking governors of the Shanghai trade. They claim they aren’t working for the Cooking Underworld and don’t care who rules Shanghai as long as they are strong and can maintain order. Thus they will judge dishes fairly and since they know Sanche’s cutting skill weakness, they advise him to sit this out. With that, Sanche leaves this contest in the hands of Mao and the rest. With the first battle being a dim sum battle, Shell steps up. His opponent is Lakon who is some legendary dim sum master who served during the Three Kingdoms era. Damn, this gramps is a living fossil! And the dim sum’s topic will be manjuu. Did Shell purposely picked Lakon’s family specialty?

Episode 10
After both sides finish their dim sum, the judges taste Lakon’s 8 treasure manjuu first. Then it is Shell’s laughing buns. They have a hard time picking the winner but when they finally decided, remember that drama when nobody chose Shell? Yup. Shocked, right? Nobody chose Lakon either. So it’s a draw. Hence Shell and Lakon eat each other’s manjuu and give sarcastic remarks about it. Yup, they’re even nit-picking on unnecessary stuffs before laughing it all off. Eh? Are they friends now? After Shell explains how he came up with this idea, Lakon realizes he has been stuck inside Cooking Underworld for too long and wants to go travel and see different styles of cooking. Yup, he is leaving this organization. Hence he gives the victory to Shell. Note, Shell didn’t win. He was handed the victory. Still not happy? Lakon throws him his staff. Come back in 10 years and they’ll fight again and crush him. Till then, hold on to his staff. Damn, this old fart still going to be around then?! Shan won’t let him leave for admitting his loss but apparently Lakon is also a ninja because it must be those dough that did the trick to make him vanish. Next up is Leon against Shan. It will be a seafood battle and Leon is shocked to see that Shan also has the same set of knives as him.

Episode 11
Shan shows she can use the knives as good as him as she slices open the fish, takes it its roe, puts it back in the water! OMG! The cut just disappeared?! And the fish continues swimming like as though it has never been sliced?! Is the fish high on drugs? With Shan getting psychological on Leon that his sins can never be washed away, Leon drops his tools and, uhm, scream?! Apparently he did something unforgivable. In search for the best knives, he stumbled upon a legendary knife maker. After forging the best knives ever, Leon killed him so as to ensure there will be no more better knives! When he reported this to the higher up of the Cooking Underworld, they praised his actions. That was when he learnt this organization is truly scary. With Leon not believing he can stand beside Mao anymore, Mao punches him! A reminder that if this is what he wanted when he journeyed with him. If that sin cannot be cleansed, then cook to make millions happy! Yup, that basic is enough for Leon to get over and move on. Now that we can start the competition proper, they are to cook a Shanghai crab dish. While Leon skilfully uses his knives and cooking knowledge, Shan seems to be fooling around with the judges. Just short of turning this into a striptease. Once they’re done, Shan reminds the judges to keep their promises. They taste Shan’s dish first. Hmmm… Nothing extraordinary with this crab eggs dish and crab soup. Next is Leon. You’d think he has bagged this but it seems the judges spit out his food and are angry it takes like sh*t!

Episode 12
The judges announce Shan as the winner. Leon’s team of course are furious. They taste Leon’s crab dish and find it extraordinary. Tasting Shan’s ordinary dish, just meh. Mao then has Shirou as the guinea pig to drink all the crab soup that is the culprit. Now eat Leon’s dish. Tastes like sh*t! Due to the rich concentrated crab content, it numbed the judges’ taste and hence her sneaky tongue exhaustion technique. Shan continues to brag and Leon continues to be depressed. With that, Shell confronts Shan and somewhat knows the truth. You see, the only reason she has the same set of knives as Leon is because Leon didn’t deal the fatal blow to that knife maker. Yup, Shan (conveniently) found that dying blacksmith and resurrected him back to life with her underworld techniques. Grateful for saving his life, he granted her request to forge another set of knives. Then she killed him!!! Yeah, she made sure he stayed dead. Damn, this guy sure is bad luck with this set of knives! Leon is so angry that he is going to kill her and then himself. But wait! The spirit of that blacksmith returns! WTF???!!! Did he come down from heaven just to tell Leon not to use his cooking to kill people? He views Leon as the rightful owner of his knives so Shan’s set miraculously shatters. Leon renews his motivation to carry on his will to use his knives for the better. Leon mans up and accepts his loss. For the final round, Shan hints Mao’s opponent is someone he knows. You guessed it. It’s Shou An. In addition to the map and code, he wants to wager Sanche’s father’s life. Should Mao lose, Sanche’s father will die and Mao will live with the guilt of his own failure letting someone die. Mao isn’t pleased he is doing all this but Shou An beats him up and tells him off this is all so that he will know the pain of all the suffering he went through. Don’t know how Mao got the strength to rip off Shou An’s shirt. See all the scars? Hence Mao will settle their past grudges once and for all. Yup, a tofu battle. But readymade tofu won’t be fun so the judges want them to make it from scratch. Bring it on!

Bland Undercooked Copy-pasta… Im-pasta!
Oh God… OMG… F*ck… F*CK!!! FFFFFUUUUU!!!!!! Is this how they handled the remake?! Is this how it even ended?! Because well, there is going to be a second season. And because of what I have seen in this remake, I am very worried for the next season of this remake. Watching the first episode already made my guts have this bad feeling. And true enough my worst fears come true. Now that it has ended like this, my zawa-zawa senses are tingling that they might butchered the next season and make it even worse. Thank goodness for nostalgia of the original TV series ‘shielding’ me and preventing me from breaking down even more. I didn’t taste the dishes in this remake but I already feel like I want to puke and vomit blood. Sorry for the exaggeration but it’s not joke. This remake feels bad. Worse, in fact.

I thought ‘Shin’ in the title would mean new because obviously this is a remake. However I soon found out that it means true. WTF?! It’s a lie! Don’t fall for the lies!!! Although the original manga did add that word back in the late 90’s, this anime remake doesn’t feel anything than that. It feels so fake that it is close to being an imposter… An im-pasta! Hahaha!!! GEDDIT???!!! Oh, I see that pasta isn’t a Chinese dish. But do you know that Marco Polo came to China and ‘stole’ that ingredient and brought it back to Europe and ‘recreated’ a dish that Italians are so renowned for today? You can thank China for that. Food, weapon, economy, technology, they’ve got it all covered! Hahaha!!! Oops, getting side-tracked there… I hope at this rate the ‘Shin’ won’t become ‘Shinu’ AKA death… Please, don’t…

One of my biggest hopes for this remake is to at least be a continuation of where the TV series left off. Or at least dedicate a few early episodes and breeze through it with a few scenes of the original series faster than Sonic the Hedgehog before giving us new and fresh episodes. Even if that is not the ideal kind of remake but at least it is still better than this copy and paste remake. Yup, the entire first season of this remake adapts the middle parts of the original anime, leaving out the initial episodes of seeing how Mao became the youngest Super Chef and the final part whereby Mao and his team fought Fei with their Super Chef title on the line. I might not remember every detail of the original series but I still remember the important parts. That is why I still understand and somewhat expected what is going to happen. Hence if you are a newbie and just jumped in watching this remake, you will be so lost and wondering why this and this are like that. As the original series spanned across 52 episodes, breezing through a dozen episodes in this remake could hardly flesh out the story and the characters, hence some might be confused over what is happening. And for those who still praise this remake is good, please go rewatch the original. You haven’t seen anything like the original yet. That is way much better despite being retro.

However, it would be wrong for me to say that they completely copy and paste everything. I noticed that there are some parts whereby they changed the story a little. For example, the part whereby Leon’s fake double was exposed. In the original, he used the ever soul knife to kill himself and turned that knife into a useless utensil. Though, it was never explained later how the knife got ‘resurrected’ and regained its shine. In this remake, the culprit poisoned himself. Though it saved us that plot hole, I just wondered how this guy who was so tied up could reach for his poison and drank it. You mean nobody was keeping a watch on him? Seriously, nobody? His hands were all tied up, you know… Unless he convinced somebody to feed him the poison… Another major change which I particularly didn’t like is how they cut out Sanche’s battle! I know we’re running out of time but they really messed this one up by omitting Sanche’s fight with a Cooking Underworld chef whereby he won the soup battle despite the latter using underhanded tactics. Thus reducing Sanche’s character to merely a sideshow. And you wonder why Mao’s team already needs more ‘useless sidekicks’… Because of this omission, they made Shell technically win his match whereas in the original, it was clearly a draw (though, Lakon still got away).

A big obvious factor that ‘differentiates’ this remake with the original is the art style. To put it shortly. It’s hideous. It feels like the animation quality is not there as the characters look simple and at certain angles, they look cartoonish. Like Mao, I thought he look more cartoonish than anything. Save for Shirou. This Japanese kid is already cartoonish in the original so he doesn’t look any different in this remake. Hahaha!!! And Mei Li… Oh boy. She’s not one of the hottest anime chicks in my list but this remake somewhat makes her plain and ugly! Oh damn, you mean this is the remake of the Mei Li character? She looks slightly better with her hair tied up and Chinese qipao but that was just for a very short scene before she reverted back to her usual style. Leon and Shell don’t look menacing as they should. Not to say that they look scary but at least they look respectable in that sense. Here, Shell looks more like a second rate joker and Leon some delinquent. And why does Lakon look more like some old desert punk geezer than an intimidating living fossil dim sum master?

The animation quality is so bad that some characters look weird like those judges on the Cooking Underworld vessel, they look more like perverts than tough influential people! Honest! It pains me to see that this means that all the other background characters that we don’t care, they look simple and generic. Worse, why do I notice that white strip of line in the art style in just almost everywhere? Like as though the characters are shining! Must be the good food and cooking. Not! Are they too lazy to put in proper hues or something? In addition, the animation is bad enough that the exaggerated reaction scenes are more laughable than anything. Yup, the character animations are already stiff and then you have this supposedly hilarious reaction scenes which are supposed to be funny but it comes off as bad. Just bad. Even though the remake’s colours and hues are brighter, it pales in comparison to the much dated and retro feel of the original. Yes, the original’s animation still beats this sorry crap anytime even though the remake has some better sceneries and updated effects to go with it. The original series was made by Nippon Animation. Now Production I.G helms it. They have got a lot to do if they’re going to make the next season.

As for the characters, there is nothing more for me to say. It is a disaster having just 12 episodes to try and flesh out everything. It couldn’t. Like I have said before, newcomers will be confused and not fully understand the dynamics of Mao’s team unless they go rewatch the original. Mei Li and Shirou are already deadweight in the original since they can’t cook on the same level as Mao, Shell and Leon. They are even reduced to even more so here. Imagine a novice joker and a daughter of a famous chef walking around in broad daylight accompany history’s youngest Super Chef. This is such a weird combo. Thank goodness Shell and Leon can fight… Also said before, because they skipped the earlier stories from the original, Mao’s character is not given enough justice as to why he earned that Super Chef title. That fast flashback did not do his character justice. Only because of my nostalgia and memories, the reason why I didn’t hate it so much. Otherwise, I would have gone full blown unforgiving sarcasm, ranting and beating the dead horse about this. So I guess those who watched the original, we won’t need to stay tune to find out how Mao and Shou An’s battle turned out. We already know it like, 21 years ago! And this remake hasn’t even begun their battle yet… Sighs…

And so sorry for those hoping to see some Mao x Mei Li romance. Sure, the original trolled us on this and there is no such budding romance at all. At least it is just one-sided because you know, how obvious Mei Li’s body actions are and the reason why she puts herself in danger following him around. Because she is in love with him! Duh! Of course with Mao thinking about cooking, that will always be his first love and romance. Yup, making millions of customers happy instead of the only girl before him happy. It wouldn’t be a cooking themed show if that happened. So that hinted romance is totally missing in this remake and Mei Li is often seen as some worrying girl. She worries a lot about Mao and the expression on her face doesn’t make it look like it is because of love. Worried that she is not useful to Mao? Definitely. He is Super Chef material, you know. Worried that Mao is from the Cooking Underworld? Oh well, internet and background checks didn’t exist then. I don’t if it is a tradition for Chouyu’s restaurant to have prodigy chefs to leave on a journey to become better chefs, for better or worse. Look at how Leon and Sanche turned out. I guess it would do some good for Mao. Mei Li and Shirou too. That’s why he has no qualms letting them go with Mao.

Ah yes, the original series still resonates with me so much that if you noticed I used the original names of the characters here in my blog. The remake has the characters’ names written in their pinyin format, which is of course more accurate. So it was odd for me to see that Shell has become Xie Lu, Leon as Lei En, Chouyu as Zhou Yu, Sanche as Sanjie, Shan as Xiang, Lakon as Luo Kong and Pai as Bei. Of course come to think of it in retrospect, it is weird for ancient China to have Chinese people named as Shell and Leon. You can thank bad translation for that. But it was impactful enough that it still got stuck in my mind until today.

Being a typical remake and after so long, it is only obvious that an entirely new set of voice actors being casted for this remake. Though, ironically that some of the veteran seiyuus who voiced the characters in the original TV series are still somewhat active in the voice acting scene today (namely Satsuki Yukino, Daisuke Sakaguchi, Ryotaro Okiayu, Akio Ohtsuka and Juurouta Kosugi). So before Mayumi Tanaka became famous and synonymous with her role as One Piece’s Luffy, she was the voice of Mao. Yup, I clearly remembered her. Obviously she is too busy in that role since that anime is still running and hence they casted Natsumi Fujiwara (Dimaria in Fairy Tail) as the role of Mao. I guess she sounds okay, close enough to the original Mao. Unfortunately with a few talented and popular seiyuus lending their talents to this remake, it is still not enough to pull this series out of the doldrums. Felt pity for Yuuichi Nakamura as Shell, Tomokazu Sugita as Leon, Ai Kayano as Mei Li, Yuko Kaida as Shan and yes, a ‘downgraded’ Nobuhiko Okamoto as Sanche voicing their characters. They did their best but clearly other factors prevented them from shining through. Like I noticed how Tomokazu Sugita narrated just the title of the next episode in the next episode preview, he sounded so half-hearted and drab saying his lines that I wonder if he ever regretted taking up this role.

The rest of the newly casted casts are Yukiyo Fujii as Shirou (Latifa in Amagi Brilliant Park), Keiichi Nakagawa as Shou An (Sakaki in Beelzebub), Yoshimitsu Shimoyama as Chouyu (Alzack in Fairy Tail), Shinpachi Tsuji as Luo (Makarov in Fairy Tail) and Junya Enoki as Fei (Jack in Beastars). On a trivial note, I think Chouyu’s voice sounds a bit, uhm, evil? Doesn’t give off that feel that he is a fearsome chef (in a respectable way, that is). The opening theme is Koufukuron by Qaijff and the ending theme is Paradigm Shift by Brian The Sun. Typical lively anime songs that suit the pace of this show. But nothing attractive enough that caught my attention like those songs from the original TV series. The remake’s BGMs aren’t anything that stands out like the original. Some few Chinese-like music but mostly weird ones. Nothing memorable.

Overall, this remake is terrible. It would probably taste worse than that tongue exhaustion technique and even as bad as sh*t. Sorry, but those are my sentiments right now. Only thank nostalgia from preventing me blowing off steam 100%. How dare they butchered my childhood anime like that with this raw uncooked remake. Such standards of mediocrity will not fly in today’s era. Not with all the updated technology and creativity that has been growing in the anime industry for the past couple of decades. I don’t know if this remake is to soften the impact as Shokugeki No Souma is going into its homerun stretch. Its manga already ended so the anime is probably reaching that stage too with the fifth season rumoured to be its last. But if this is the way this remake is heading, sad to say that it will not only leave very bad aftertaste in everyone’s mouth, but I think Gordon Ramsey will also be screaming his head off at this atrocity with his insane insults. Enough to make Mao give up his Super Chef title. Enough for the Cooking Underworld to give up cooking forever and become monks in the mountains of China. Enough for me to still not like those yucky vegetables I never liked as a kid. Pizza, anyone?

Again… Sighs… WHY, JAPAN?! WHY OH WHY???!!! Trying to outdo yourself again? Oh well, it was unexpected since it was announced right after the first season ended. If you couldn’t get more of your horny desires of watching women with irked and sickening faces while showing their pantsu, then you will definitely love the sequel, Iya Na Kao Sare Nagara Opantsu Misete Moraitai S2. Yup. More or less the same thing. Those girls somehow agreeing to flash their panties at us just because we are ‘persistent’ enough to beg. But in exchange, we also must see their disgusted face. I suppose that’s a fair deal. That’s why we’re here in the first place. Again. Now hurry up and show us your pantsu!!!

Episode 1: Chitose Itou (Maid)
Wohoo!!! The best character has been retained!!! We go see our favourite maid again and we can obviously see from her chiding face that screams, “Oh, why it’s that perverted master again”. She claims she won’t show her pantsu even if we beg and kneel. Oh, so she’s just putting up a tough act, huh? Because the moment we prostrate ourselves, she panics. She didn’t expect us to do so and feels sad!? WTF?! So she rather throw away her own self-esteem than see us go this low? Okay. Whatever. That logic seems to actually make her calm down and we get to see her cute face. We are actually fine with this and should have just f*cking agree that we want to see her pantsu just because she is wearing it. But for some stupid reasons, we say we want to see them because it’s there. Uh huh. Doesn’t matter who. Anybody wearing the pantsu, we want to see it!!! WTF???!!! WHAT THE FFFFUUUU????!!! WHY???!!! And with that, our maid gets angry and does her trademark mean face. Sighs. Oh well. What is the name of this series again? A very annoyed maid then barely pulls up her skirt just for us to see…

Episode 2: Yuno & Kano Futaba (Twins)
What is better than seeing a single pantsu? Why, seeing double pantsu with twins! Our twins are so happy with us sensei because we helped them score better. But Kano is teasing Yuno that she did slightly better than her this time. Then Kano tries to get us to take her to the park as promised but Yuno disagrees since she scored higher the last time but didn’t ask for any reward. Then probably this yuri wrestling awakened our horny desires. Because when the twins ask for our answer, we say we want to them both… To show your pantsu!!! Initially shocked at first, they are even more disgusted when we start laughing and remain firm in seeing their underwear. I guess their respect of us has tanked. So they eventually want to get over with this quick. Yup, just show their pantsu as the minimal thanks for helping them in their exams. Then GTFO of here and never show your face anymore! Don’t come to us for the next test then…

Episode 3 Shiori Matsuura (Bookstore Clerk)
Shiori is happy that her favourite customer is back to get more books. After she happily recommends a book, we complain that she made a mistake in the book we ordered. She panics that this is the third time she has made this mistake. She’ll do anything to make it up to us! Anything, you say?! Show us your pantsu then!!! You heard that right. We’re bored with words and now we want picture book! Save us your fancy reprimanding words of how disappointed you are in us. Enough of words. Just show us your pantsu! Yeah, bet you never knew we also read other kinds of books, porn!!! Hahaha!!! But the reason why she put her disgusted face is because she is disappointed that we are a straight person and not gay!!! Sorry to disappoint you!!! Not all guys who love books are yaoi material!!!

Episode 4: Natsumi Hayakawa (Dentist)
Open wide!!! Cutie dentist assistant seems to be flirting with us as she cleans our teeth. She even hints that if we manage to get through this, she’ll give us a reward. Aha… Once we’re done and we are making bookings for the next appointment, she hints the reward as certain days where she has free time. I guess we’re pushing our luck as a big idiot because we know she likes us but instead of agreeing to a date we want her to show us her pantsu!!! WTF?! We even admit that this is a good chance to see her pantsu???!!! Wow. We’re really f*cked up. And just like that, she lets her see what’s underneath. Yup, agree with her we need not get our teeth fix the next time but our pervy personality!

Episode 5: Riko Fujino (Childhood Friend Imouto)
Our little sister is so happy that we took her out on a date today. She even thinks if we look like a couple. Oh, you bet it is going to be ‘better’ than that. In return for this wonderful date, she would like to give us something to make us happy. As long as it is inexpensive. Okay. How about priceless. Like showing your pantsu!!! Not a joke! Show it to us!!! Otherwise today’s date is meaningless! Wow. She looked so disappointed and even dropped the spoon to see if we picked it up. We did! Surprised, no?! And because we couldn’t see it clearly, we specifically tell her to lift her skirt! Yup, that’s what we really want. She takes off the bracelet we bought for her and throws it away before giving in to our immoral request. Saiyaku. Saite. Hope it was all worth it. Damn it was!!! HAHAHA!!!

Episode 6: Maria Takayama (Nun)
Previously, lots of people might have converted into Christian. That’s why her character came back this season!!! Hahaha!!! Anyway, our sister thinks we have returned and repented. Heck, we even wrote a letter to show our true feelings. She reads it and praises the Lord that we have indeed repented. But wait. She read it wrongly. Instead, read not horizontally but vertically. The hidden code to our true desires. Oh yes. Show us your pantsu!!! Uh huh. We’re still sinners. Then we go into prayer mode and promise this will be the last time!!! Our sister is starting to lose faith in us as she lifts he skirt. Oh yeah! We can see heaven coming!!! We’re cumming, heaven!!!!!!! Oh Maria, you wised up because with that pervy face you know this isn’t going to be the last time. Best Christian anime sequel ever!

Don’t Get Your Panties In A Bunch!
Oh well. Not sure if there is going to be another season but I won’t be surprised if it will. Because it still feels incomplete!!! HAHAHA!!! Despite a few new characters, I guess a few more types and tropes are missing. Like the policewoman. Uh huh. Perhaps too dangerous to put this profession here because she’ll right away arrest us and lock us up in prison. Worse, police brutality as she pulls out her gun and pumps a few lead into our heads!!! Woah! That would be a shocker. But it could be worthwhile. You know, we could die happy after seeing her pantsu? So die!!! And I did a sneak peak to see other kinds of characters not featured yet that they might want to show us their pantsu in future seasons. A baseball player, huh? Strike and home run, baby! An air stewardess too? Mile high club here I cum come! Hot chick in yukata? Tamaya! What’s this Anubis character too?! Bow down before your pharaoh now! Foxy girl? Finally something furry to pet. Wow. There is so much more they should make a whole proper season and compilation out of these pantsu, oops I mean, girls. Well, there’s the illustration and book compilation if you really can’t wait and available online… But if you want to see your favourite ones get animated, that might take a while the pervy producers contemplate whether or not they should make another season out of it.

As usual, this kind of series caters to depraved and perverted people who watched it. Oh yeah, you must be thinking that yours truly is too. I guess that is why we never learn. We come back for more. All the great rapport we as the main character have built up somewhat tossed away in jiffy. All just for a few seconds of the desire for the pantsu. But still, it is mind boggling that these girls would continue to oblige with us. In the real world, they would have slapped us, beat us up, call the authorities, sue us and still not show us their pantsu. Uh huh. They keep their dignity intact and then they call the police to arrest us. Hence it is still mindboggling how they still lift their skirts to let us feel good. Like as though there are no other options to get over this. I mean, this is after all anime and the logic is that it ends like that in every episode. But to really think about it that they would still show their pantsu, are you sure that deep down they don’t harbour some sort of twisted deep love for us? That’s why this unholy obligation? Just saying… For your information, I’m so depraved that I was laughing throughout the twisted pantsu showing logic instead of feeling horny. Honest.

Seriously. Something is really wrong when you have the silent main protagonist (that’s us) being casted as a total pervert maniac. Take for example Chitose’s case. It is already amazing that this maid is still under our employment. She should’ve resigned the last time but for some reasons, she still stayed behind. Anyway, the moment she relented and was okay in showing her pantsu voluntarily, we already had the key to her heart. But instead, we screwed it up by saying the worst thing that a woman would want to hear. Had we gone along with that game even if it’s a lie, we could have had multiple if not unlimited access in seeing her pantsu!!! Anytime we want too! DO YOU NOT THINK THIS IS MUCH BETTER?! Because we’re such a panty crazy lover and desperate to get our short term fix, we had to slip up and say any pantsu on any woman would do for us. That’s it. I’m sorry, but I’d like to slap this master myself. I’m sure many of you would agree too.

There is one complaint of mine that makes this season feel less great than the first. The real pantsu shot only lasts about a second! OMFG!!! THAT’S TOO FAST!!! SLOW DOWN!!! SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!! Because right after they lift their skirt, that one second camera angle shot is then quickly moved up to focus on the girl’s disgusted face. Sure, we could pause that moment and enjoy it as long as we want. But considering that each episode is slightly over 5 minutes and we got a second or two just to see that delicious scene we’ve all been waiting to see, then it is over too soon. After that ‘lengthy drama’ to get to that end scene, that’s not even 1% of the entire running time of the episode. Are they trying to subtly hint that perverted otakus like as cum too quickly???!!! Oh well, we got our desired pantsu, now look at those disgusted face. Oh well, you’ll get used to that appalling face anyway. Roll safe meme: Can’t really see their repulsive face when you’re watching and keeping focused on their pantsu. Hey, also better to see their revolting face than their crying face, right? Works better on our conscious… That’s why we don’t learn :-).

Until the next time, we can dream of more girls in different outfits doing the same thing. Not enough? There’s always the ecchi stuffs around the internet. Even hornier? There’s porn if you know where to look to get your horny fix. For better or worse (most likely the latter), society in this era has reached this stage that it is no longer the question of morally good or bad series. We can argue this is a form of art, but hey, who are we to judge? You like it? Good. You hate it? So be it. As long as men will continue to be fascinated with women’s panties and Japan continuing to exist, I think it is safe to say that we’ll be seeing more of this morally questionable form of entertainment for a long time to come. In the meantime, can we suggest that for the next season of this series that the girls don’t just lift up their skirts? They have to take off their clothes and show us their bra and panties lingerie as a whole set too! OH YEAH!!! Never have we prayed to God so hard for this to come true!!!!! WHY, PERVERTS?! WHY OH WHY???!!!

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