Anitore! XX

May 26, 2017

I see for the past year we haven’t been moving our lazy asses very much. All those fats and residuals have settled down as we get comfy sitting on our chairs watching mindless anime series. Because of that, some people think it is a good reminder to give us lazy weeaboos a second season of a short anime exercising series, Anitore! XX. What are those people, silly? Are they insulting us by thinking that we can only move our fat lazy bums whenever there are cute 2D girls telling us to? Well, seems like it. So once again, we otakus need to get our asses off the couch and do some simple exercises and stay a little healthier and a little longer. Because nobody cares about a dead otaku… I mean, really. Nobody cares… :’-(. Who else are going to buy those cheap rip-off workout videos if we don’t stay healthy enough to live long enough?! Think about it!

Episode 1
Asami wakes us up from our sleep because instead of dreaming pervy stuffs, what better way than to look at sexy girls while helping them clean the house, right? Yeah, look at her new sexy sportswear. Don’t blame us for having horny thoughts. When then help Eri clean the floors but can’t help look at her nice butt. After helping Yuu with the bookshelf, we get fanservice reward from Shizuno because her ferret pet starts making itself home in her boobs. We freak out Shion as we see her in her normal form instead of her chuunibyou. After all that, we get to the proper training of lateral side bend to hone those abdominal muscles. I think if you really want those abs, you have got to do it more than a minute… Damn our fanservice reward at the end with a bath scene didn’t materialize…

Episode 2
We follow Eri to school via train. She tells us a couple of simple exercises we can take while we ride to our destination. Like the invisible chair which is supposed to improve our leg muscles. Then there is the calf raises to improve your calf muscles. It’s like stretching up your feet/toes like as though you want to get something from a higher place but your heels mustn’t touch the ground when you repeat this exercise. We get to meet Eri’s friend too as she teases Eri about her relationship with us. And there is Shion in a dilemma showing her chuunibyou and her normal side to Eri and a customer. Can a girl be at 2 places at one time?

Episode 3
Double pleasure because Shizuno is going to help Yuu do mat exercises. Good for balancing and motor skills, we start off with somersault which actually feels like doing a front roll on the ground. Then they do some hands and legs spreading to loosen up further (why does this sentence sound so dirty) before they continue with an extended somersault which has you stretching your limbs at the end of the roll. Shizuno hugs Yuu for her effort, making her fluster. Not lesbian enough after all that hard work…

Episode 4
Pay no heed to Shion’s complicated words. Since we still remember her working at that station, she is going to erase our memories via this ritual exercise. This supine hip lift will help train your spine, butt muscles and hamstrings while this sit-up will improve your abdominal muscles. Nothing about erasing our memories… When her mom comes to pay a visit and thanks us for taking care of her daughter, Shion then ‘dies’.

Episode 5
Asami likes the pool to be made out of pudding. But whatever it is filled with, we must first do our stretching, right? Shizuno is here again to help out because these stretching exercises need a pair. Like this stretching that stretches from your waist to your back with one partner lying on top of the other (did I describe it to sound dirty?). Next stretching involves pulling each other’s hands while in a sitting position. There is also the leg stretching exercise to loosen your butt and hamstring muscles. But I’m sure we’re bored with all that so the ferret excites us all by stealing the girls’ bikini top. Asami chases it down in the pool while swimming like a dog.

Episode 6
Our new character finally makes a proper debut. Sakura Izumi starts off as a princess brat. She makes you massage her shoulders and when you massage too hard, she threatens to call her papa but will forgive you if you become her horse. Sorry, no S&M play here. So she rides you (why does this sound dirty?) and she gets worried when you complain she is heavy. Luckily, she didn’t get insulted and decides to lighten up by doing sit-ups on a balance ball. After that, doing wide squats to show why she is the ruler of her empire. Huh? Actually, otherwise we won’t become her horse. I didn’t know this princess is so cute to bully. Once done, she is too tired to ride you but as a reward, you give her a princess carry. Hence you upgraded from her horse to her retainer.

Episode 7
We follow Asami and Eri do some kind of aerobics jogging. Not that I understand it very well because I was paying more attention to some ‘fanservice’. Anyway there is some sort of posture you need to maintain when you jog. Not that I care. We see them jog across town with Asami almost getting distracted with everything. Finally they reach back their dorm and we are greatly rewarded with a bath scene with all the girls! Yeah, this workout was worth it! Eri fondles Asami’s boobs but to her dismay realizes it has grown bigger than hers. Really? She can tell?

Episode 8
Shion is giving Yuu some massage after her jogging. As usual, don’t pay heed to all that chuunibyou crap she spouts. Just massage her body, will you? However Shion faces competition in the form of Sakura as she considers Yuu her subject. Yeah, in short they are really arguing over her friendship. So Yuu lets them both massage her but the competition gets too intense so Shion and Sakura start doing submission moves on each other while saying how Yuu is important to them. The fighting is just getting crazier so Yuu can’t take it all and also becomes equally crazy. Because it is like something inside her switched on and now she turns into a chuunibyou ruler! Bow before your empress!

Episode 9
We now do rope skipping with Shizuno. Now I understand why this method was chosen. Guess which body part bounces the most when you skip ropes? That’s right! She ups the next exercise with criss-crossing for even more bouncy effect! We don’t care how she is explaining her fun and motivating life with everyone else. Because we are thanking her pet ferret who did us a favour by wrapping Shizuno with the skipping rope and pushing her towards us! So to thank us for saving her from her fall, she feeds us sweets. Hell yeah, everything was so worth it.

Episode 10
Yuu guides us how to do push-ups. Because she is still afraid to put on her new contacts, she thinks of doing more exercise to relax. Hence we have this prawn back extension style. Once done, she puts them on with confidence. She is about to show the other girls but bumps into Shion, causing her contacts to drop off. Worse, Sakura accidentally rolls over it with her 2-wheel electric scooter. While they are panicking over this, Yuu has no qualms going back to glasses. Yeah, she looks cuter this way, right? Megane fetish…

Episode 11
Asami is going to do some dumbbell training. If you don’t have dumbbells, water bottles will also do. Once done, we go help out all the other girls in their chores and it seems all of them wants to make an appointment with us and tell us something. Man, I didn’t know we are that popular. We can’t even get a single girl to talk to us and know these girls want to tell us something?! Banzai 2D girls!

Episode 12
Get your mind out of the gutter! The girls aren’t going to ask us for anything risqué. Instead, all they want is to tell us how grateful they are and their wish to be with us. That’s all. We return to the dorm for a Christmas party. It feels like an irony because after all that training, they really let loose on the food. So to cover it up, everyone does the invisible chair training while eating. The real competition starts when all the girls want us to be the ones sitting next to her. If only we are this famous and in demand in real life. But the ‘end’ also feels like a trolling reminder because it might be just a dream as Asami wakes us up and tells us to wipe that pervy grin out from our face. Or could this be the aftermath of the party?

Round Is A Shape…
And so nothing really much changes… Just like the last time, there is no way that we would really seriously get up and attempt to just emulate in the simplest way the training those girls did, right? So did you right hand do all the exercise then? Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Sorry. Just kidding. But really. Did you? Therefore this series only exists as an excuse to make us lazy otakus who are too lazy to think about it that this is just some cheap money grabbing move in the guise of cute girls doing some exercise. Because I am very sure that it will take more than just 10 counts of every exercise to even make a little difference. Wow. You really need all that effort to just get in shape? What’s that you say? Something about getting those six-pack abs? Well, remember the lazy rule of can’t reach it, then don’t need it. The six-pack that some of us will only be getting right now is the beer in the fridge. Haha! Lazy joke…

Anyway, as so obviously seen, just like last season this exercise series is some blatant excuse to cover up the fanservice because that is where our eyes and minds will be focusing. And because that is where the cameras will be pointing. And also we are looking through the eyes of the main protagonist so it also shows how pervy we are while those naïve girls think we are so kind in helping them. Yeah, let’s keep it that way. I just want to note that I have seen so many risqué fanservice series that this one is so mild that I would even recommend my toddler nephew to watch it. The fanservice level here is nothing compared to even other mild ecchi animes. Therefore at this point if I want to say this sequel is a fapping material would be a lot inaccurate because nothing here about the girls doing their exercise while the camera focuses on their delicious parts would constitute to anything suggestive and stimulating. You have got to be really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really horny or just extremely desperate and deprived to jerk off to this. I do notice that when I try my best to describe some of the exercises, it makes them sound unintentionally dirty. Well, it’s all in the mind.

By introducing a new character, it hardly makes any difference at all. Just another extra cute girl to look at. And with a princess attitude. That’s all. Even if they add another 100 cute girls to the mix it still wouldn’t make any difference. It is like Sakura’s introduction is the ‘bait’ to make us watch this season. Otherwise why the hell would we want to watch another season of exercise if it only involved the same bunch of girls? Yes, fanservice is a motivation but imagine our curiosity piqued just because of that new girl. We want to know and see how cute she is, right? Dang. We have fallen into that psychological trap.

Even as a new character, I have a feeling that Sakura doesn’t have much screen time compared to the rest too. That is why I said she too hardly made any difference. Because with the extremely short duration of 4 minutes per episode, why the heck do we even need the girls to have some sort of background and back story? You could even say that porn has better back stories for their leading female porn star than this one. Haha! I remember that funniest scene in the final episode of the first season whereby the girls imitate strange animal poses in some sort of weird music video. That didn’t happen here and it seems they turned into some sort of dating simulation. Yeah, we’re so important to the girls that they can’t do any training without us. I wonder if they are willing to go further than these exercises in that case. Get what I mean? Naughty, naughty…

Overall, if you really want to do some real workout, you can’t just rely on this sequel and then brag about it as an achievement that you have exercised. It is a real commitment and perseverance that takes more than jut 2D girls guiding you on what to do on screen. Hmm… I wonder if they do make another season, would they call it Anitore! XXX? See where I am going with this?! Holy crap! Looks like this series has only corrupted my mind instead of turning it healthier. Come to think of it, the porn version might have even more outrageous and rigorous exercise that would really get us to move. That right hand. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! No, seriously. So until the next exercise video comes up, we otakus are going back to our usual lazy attitude like as though we have learnt nothing. I know it is true that nothing is impossible. But I’ve been doing nothing for many years and I’m still fine! Suddenly the health and fitness theories have all been lazily debunked…

Anitore! EX

March 25, 2016

Do we need another exercise anime? Wasn’t that Hinako one enough? I guess not. I suppose with so much animes every year, we otakus have been building up the fats and sitting on our lazy asses. Our sedentary and inactive lifestyle is going to help contribute to the statistics of cardiovascular diseases and deaths. Don’t want that, do we? And so it is timely we have another exercise themed anime that will have you move those arms, legs, flab and body. This time you won’t have one busty chick that looks like she came out from some hentai show to guide us. We have 5 cute girls to help us. So get ready you fat lazy otakus as we watch Anitore! EX and at the same time move our bodies to reduce those fats percentage by 1000%! OMG! Did I read that right?! By 1000% seriously?! This would make The Biggest Loser look like a baby.

Episode 1
Hosted and demonstrated by Asami Hoshi. Push-ups for your arms and boobs. After doing 10 of them, she wants to head to the convenience store to eat ice cream. Oh yeah. I’m sure most of our workouts are like this. Next is sit-ups for your abs. She is struggling to do 10 but gets motivated thinking she could have ice cream at the end. Finally she finishes and when she heads to the store, the ice cream is already sold out! Healthy body, broken heart. What’s the use?!

Episode 2
Eri Higuchi watches us do push-ups but she thinks we are peeking underneath her skirt thanks to our very low visual position. Thus she is forced to demonstrate a different push-up, Hindu style. Not hinnyuu! After 10 counts, she demonstrates reverse push-ups using chair as support. She turns into a typical tsundere when we give her a towel to wipe her sweat.

Episode 3
Shizuno Saotome joins us in exercising after cooking. She demonstrates squats for the thighs and butt. While she is counting to 10, we hear her talk about the kind of meal she was cooking that is supposedly good for our body. This means no cheeseburgers and ice cream? Next is back extension. This one has you lie on your tummy and try to extend your body upwards. Somehow I have her feeling that her boobs are help propping her up. All that exercise is making us hungry so she cooks more than enough and even feeds us. I hope we don’t get back to square one… Or round one in this case :).

Episode 4
If Akiko “Shion” Tachibana is speaking using fancy words that you can’t understand, it is because of her chuunibyou. Don’t worry, there is a literal translation of what she meant by all that. So why does some witch girl have to exercise anyway? But be warned that this might be the most challenging exercise yet as the bow pose and camel pose are derived from yoga. So if you are a beginner, I believe this is not to be attempted since I myself can imagine all the pulled muscles and broken bones just by contorting like this. Yeah, they make it look so easy…

Episode 5
Asami, Eri and Shizuno come together to teach us dancing. But first, Eri wants to come up with a name for their group and she calls it Eri With Dancing Flowers. Because Eri is the group’s leader. So she thinks… Anyway, the dance moves that they’ll be teaching us are enough to learn if you ever wish to dance like an idol on stage.

Episode 6
Soft spoken Yuu Hiraoka believes that if she exercises, she could sleep better seeing her gloomy face is because she lacks sleep. She demonstrates back kick to us. Unlike previous exercises, she only counts to 8 seeing she needs to do them for both legs. She even reveals to us her klutz nature whereby she thought she lost her glasses but it was on her head all along. Next is reverse trunk twist and this one too is count to 8. Yeah, that little exercise is enough to make her sleepy. Sweet dreams.

Episode 7
Asami and Eri team up to demonstrate a harder push-up exercise. This time each push-up you will need to clap your hand. Eri plays a prank on her by holding her boobs as support but gets jealous after realizing how big they are. I guess this exercise is hard enough so the count is only until 5. Next is Hindu squats. Not hinnyuu squats! Since Eri is pouting about her small boobs, Asami shows pictures of herself when she was as flat as a washboard. Regular exercising and not being a fussy eater helps. This mean Eri has to like natto? Hindu squats are easier so they can do up till 10. Asami helps Eri stretch to cool down but accidentally falls on her. Eri feels her enormous boobs pushing on her back and vows to have a great body at the end of it all.

Episode 8
Another dance exercise and an extension of the one a couple of episodes back. This time Asami teams up with Shion and Yuu for the demonstration. Shion is spouting those exercise lines like some sort of dark magic ritual… Once done, Asami wants to go get ice cream but Shion panics since Asami knows she works at that convenience store. Shion denies everything and maintains she is a dark fallen angel.

Episode 9
Finally. A poolside exercise for swimsuit fanservice exercise. Eri and Shizuno demonstrate how to do stretching before you dip into the pool. These exercises takes 2 to tango so you can’t really do them all by yourself and need a partner. Before they could do the final stretching, Shizuno’s naughty pet ferret steals her bikini top for a little nip slip. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see any tits.

Episode 10
Asami and Yuu visit the gym to work out on some of the machines like the butterfly machine to build chest muscles. Yuu notices everyone is friendly with Asami. It makes her worry what she should do to make more friends and stop being shy around strangers. Instead of worrying, she looks up to Asami and wants to be like her. They try out more machines.

Episode 11
Shion leads Eri and Yuu to do some resurrection ritual which is basically Tai Chi. Her fancy words are confusing Yuu but thankfully there is Eri to translate all that. I believe Yuu has some self confidence problems so Eri blows all that away with her encouragement and past experience. Not that I care anyway. Asami and Shizuno join in but the rest won’t tell them what secret training they were doing.

Episode 12
This entire episode is basically one big exercise dance music video with snippets of previous episodes put in to get you to move and grove along with the girls. And what better motivation for all of them to don their swimsuits, right? The highlight of this dance is when each of the girls imitates a strange pose from animals. I mean, does that look like a panda whose husband cheated on her? What about an intense seaweed? A rebellious penguin? Fried Mexican salamanders? WTF?! I don’t know but they sure look funny. The funniest scenes and dance moves ever!

Get That Ass Moving! ;p
Let me guess. You didn’t really move along with those exercises, did you? Yeah… Guilty as charged. We are all still sitting here watching those cute girls doing all the moving just because we figure out that the only reason this show was created is purely for fanservice purpose masked under an exercise category. Do you not agree? I mean did you not notice that the camera angles keep zooming in on those delicious parts of those girls? It is just short of showing any tits or panty shots. With the camera angle supposedly to be the viewers’ eyes and point of view, I guess we really enjoyed watching them do we?

Therefore I am deducing that the only body part that would get rigorous exercising would be your right hand. AM I RIGHT???!!! Hahaha!!! I mean, how can 4 minutes of each episode be enough time for us to exercise seriously? Even 30 minutes should be the minimum and that is if you focus and concentrate, cutting out all the nonsense and crap. Thus this is the reason why I believe that most of us guy viewers didn’t really move along with the girls because the duration of each episode is so short that it is not worth getting up from your comfortable chair and move a little because by that time the episode has already ended. Whaaaaaaaat?! I just got up and getting warmed up and it is already over? This sucks. I’m not moving anymore. Yeah… That. Besides, the number of exercise examples here I believe aren’t just enough and if you just plan to do just all these featured here, I don’t think it will turn you into Mr Universe even in 10 years. But hey, this series is meant to make you healthy (albeit slightly) and not buffed up.

So as not to make this just some mindless exercise and cute girls to bait and lure you to move, I suppose they try to put in some personalities for the girls. However I do not think we will really care what kind of problem they had or overcome since we don’t really see or connect how relevant it is to the exercise they are doing whatsoever. Therefore it feels like a waste and with mixed feelings for the girls to have a little personality but in the end it feels wasted. We have the typical tsundere, the generic tomboy, the shy bespectacled girl, the chuunibyou and even the elegant beauty, all typical stereotypical tropes of anime girls and yet we don’t really care about them except to see them moving their bodies.

In the end, this series might not be a proper exercise video but if it is supposed to motivate you to get you to do some exercise by yourself, then I think it also fails in that. Because you can get even more detailed exercising tips from Google or even old proper workout videos compared to the ones featured here. At the end of the day, it all depends on your will power on whether you really want to get up and move about. Cute anime girls can only motivate you so much. Eventually, you otaku slobs will have to get up from your chair and go take a dump, right? So let us not give otakus a bad image and name as we shed some pounds and strive to become a healthy otaku. Can we all do that? Shucks. I guess I’ll have to put this one off indefinitely since I have a tight schedule of anime shows to watch for the next few months… No, I’m not lazy! I’m just busy, damn it!