Bikini Warriors

January 15, 2016

With a name like that, I suppose it won’t take long to figure what kind of show Bikini Warriors is. Yeah, you might even think that this is some sort of sleazy porn video. But fear not! No porn but lots of fanservice. That’s safe, right? As I found out, Bikini Warriors are actually a figurine line. Heh. I can only imagine the kind of otakus who buy such stuffs whose characters are portrayed from typical classes from RPG games. And when you have a toy line adapted into an anime, I figure that it must be something to do with increasing sales. Something like G.I. Joe? Well, this one is only sexier.

Episode 1
Our bikini heroines, Fighter, Paladin, Mage and Dark Elf are getting owned by the dungeon monsters. They complain to the store owner that the armours don’t work. They’re in luck because new stocks have arrived. However they look totally the same as the ones before. Fighter won’t buy them. But when they face the dungeon monsters again, the rest are saved from harm. Not even a scratch. So now Fighter begs to buy a bikini armour. They love the attention they get from the crowd (I’m sure guys would just love to ogle at them all day). When the owner has new armour stock, the girls chide him that they are just skimpy swimsuits and are too embarrassed about it. But don’t you think it is no different than the bikini armour they were wearing?

Episode 2
The king is praising the heroic deeds of our bikini heroine quartet. He laments he should have known them earlier to prevent many tragedies. As he sends them out for a mission to stop evil, the quartet remind him about proper preparation and arrangements. The king only gives them a measly 10 gold coins for their entire journey! This is an insult right? Staying at an inn per night costs higher than that and somebody’s grandpa’s pension is worth 10 times that! The king admits this is all they get. They want to use legendary weapons from his treasury but he says there are none. Since they continue to complain and threaten ‘no pay, no save kingdom’, the king throws them into the dungeon and ties them all up naked. BDSM style!

Episode 3
Not enough money! It’s going to be a real pain. Such desperate situations call for desperate actions. Invoking the Hero Special Supply Law, this gives them the right to barge into any house to take anything they want deemed necessary. Heck, is this even legal? Because it looks like daylight robbery. I wonder why nobody gives a sh*t about them coming in and taking things as they want. So if you’re a kid saving up to buy papa a present, too bad the safety of the kingdom comes first. So what is the first thing the heroines do with all the stash? Enjoy themselves at the pool of a luxurious hotel! WTF?! At the end of the day, all the angry people storm in to take back what they have left and throw them out. Yeah, they even took their bikini and leave them out in the cold.

Episode 4
In order to get a key to the next town, the heroines must do as they are told by the mayor. This doesn’t sound good. So of the many chores, it includes chasing after a dog (pervy dog gets pervy on her), drinking some potion (making Fighter feeling horny) and fighting a pervy monster that got all its tentacles over Fighter (who isn’t feeling horny anymore). Finally when all the tasks are done and the heroines to claim the key, the mayor tells them the key is already inside them. By doing those tasks, they learnt to cooperate with each other and that is the most important key for a heroine. No prizes for guessing what happens next to this guy.

Episode 5
The bikini heroines need to buy an Ice Staff to defeat those cave dwellers. Since they don’t have enough money, they decide to sell their junks. Man, they sure have a lot of them. Even after selling their bikini armour, it still isn’t enough. Noticing they have lots of elixir that restore health and mana, they realize they have never used them because they were never in a pinch and thus gathered a lot of them. And so they sell it all enough to get the Ice Staff. However they are left defeated and low on magic and life right before the cave dwellers’ entrance. If only they had some elixir… Regretting it now? No use pointing fingers. Then they see a treasure chest nearby. Could it contain elixirs? Oh, just another Ice Staff! FFFFUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 6
The heroines learn about a monster in a nearby monster that attacks women, raping them and steals their items. So the quartet venture into the forest and confront the monster. As usual, his horny technique strips them of their armour and doing tentacle rape. Paladin likes it especially. Then the rest defeats it and everyone baths together at a waterfall, vowing to defeat evil and save the land. I’m baffled with this episode. No doubt it’s for fanservice with strategically placed objects as censors, why were they walking around naked? In the final bathing scenes, we see their armour strewn on the ground. But as they leave, they left naked and forgot to take them. Huh? What?

Episode 7
Fighter, Paladin and Mage were looking for a comrade to take down some demon and that is when they stumbled upon Dark Elf who brags she is good in sword and magic. After recruiting her, she got them lost in the forest for hours and a giant starts some licking perversion attack on them, Dark Elf plays it cool that she has got it all covered when we all know better it is all just exaggeration and baseless confidence. Then after finding the entrance to a secret lair, the girls are shocked that they are going to fight the final last boss, Deathgedd the Demon King. So soon? Obviously the girls are not ready but Dark Elf challenges to final boss to en garde. She’s going to get them killed!

Episode 8
Hunter and Valkyrie would like to join the quartet. The former is like a country bumpkin and the latter an arrogant cocky b*tch bragging about her godly status. Since only one is needed, the duo try to show what they do best. Hunter cooks a delicious meal for them but once they found out she used slim carcasses, it doesn’t taste so nice anymore. Valkyrie shows her true strength by easily defeating a monster. But she starts complaining they have to walk instead of riding a horse back to town. Like a spoilt princess, eh? The only way to decide is to face off. Guess what? They start fondling each other’s boobs among other various fanservice fights. Ironically in the end, it brought them closer as they will form their own party. Happy ending?

Episode 9
After defeating an enemy, Mage has been cursed by the dying enemy’s magic. Against her body’s will, she attacks her comrades and they think it is because she is mad. Mad for giving her small food portions, ripping her bikini and peeking at her in the bath. Yeah, they did all those petty things. Mage isn’t mad but it’s disheartening to know they did all that. They have no choice but to kill her. And they really kill her and bury her body! However Mage’s spirit hopes that like in all RPG adventures, a donation to the church would revive her. But do they know about it?! OMG! Mage is going to die for real as little cherubs pick her to heaven!

Episode 10
After another long dungeon trawling, they have run out of power. They stumble upon another treasure chest and hopes it would be some sort of recovery item. However they remain cautious because all the chests they open were traps. Dark Elf uses her magic to sense what is in it. Something is inside. That doesn’t say much, eh? When they open… Slippery eels fanservice attack! Then another treasure chest. Another trap or real treasure? As they open, the Goddess of Truth appears. She asks them to choose between a Badge of Courage or Crest of Justice. They want neither. Because of their honesty, the goddess will give them both. However they start b*tching to give better items as they are in a dire situation and chide her uselessness. The goddess quickly returns to the chest. She’s not coming out ever. You girls blew it.

Episode 11
Our heroines are in a pinch once more. Yeah, clothes melting slime. Whatever. Paladin offers to sacrifice herself to save her comrades. Of course she gets resurrected later and Fighter isn’t amused that she loves doing this. Something about doing her service to God. Then on a mission to pass a town, one of them must marry the perverted mayor. Again, Paladin steps up to ‘sacrifice’ for them. That night she prepares to lose her virginity to him (and he’s really eagerly waiting) but her friends beat him up for trying to defile her. They felt bad for letting her sacrifice herself like that. That little act of ‘kindness’ made Paladin a little happy, though.

Episode 12
A montage of all our heroines’ adventures. Not to be mistaken as a cheap summary episode as all scenes are never seen before. We see the quartet going through hard times, tough times, sexy times. Fighting hordes of monsters, discovering one of them is their father (Star Wars parody?), discovering the legendary holy sword, more sacrifices, more sexy moments and finally facing off with the evil Demon King. Of course, it ends with a typical cliff-hanger that the Demon King defeated was the weakest among the brethren and a shocking discovery for them that is left up to our discretion.

Episode 13 (OVA)
After defeating some sorcerer, you’d think that all will end well, right? Right before they leave, the sorcerer casts some spell on them. Back in town, suddenly Fighter starts molesting Paladin’s boobs! Can’t control her actions, eh? Wow. Tits fondling and crotch violation! OMG! Bare nipples! Is this turning hentai?! Then the same thing happens to Mage as Dark Elf outrages her modesty. Can’t control your body too, huh? I’m sure there is some reasoning Mage says about the sorcerer’s legendary power to make you go horny but I guess we’re not interested in listening to all that and instead feasting our eyes on the most delicious and unashamed yuri fanservice this series has to offer! Oh yeah! Carry on girls! The public loves a free show too! How often is it do you get to see gorgeous babes getting horny with each other? Don’t forget to lick all those delicious parts too! Mage finally reaches her staff and zaps everyone back to normal. Fighter and Dark Elf apologize for their unruly and uncontrolled behaviour but Mage is still pouting. Speaking of Paladin, where has she gone to? She is trying to find that sorcerer and wants a taste of that spell again. She likes it, huh? Yeah, we too.

Indecent Exposure Saves The World!
I guess now you know why in RPG games, female characters tend to dress so scantily and go into battle without ever freaking worrying if those exposed parts will get damaged. Either the enemy must be perverts so their boner makes their shots miss or somehow every shot fired and targeted at them ends up hitting the miniscule bikini armour! Oh yes people! Never underestimate the bikini armour that just covers a few inches of skin! No wonder female characters dress up so sexily when going into battle unlike guys who are ferociously armed to their eyeballs and they still lose. Discrimination! But we like it :-).

Depending on how horny you are, I think that will determine how much you will like this very short series because with each episode so short and not related to each other, it is hard to classify this anime to be anything near epic. Maybe except the bikini armour. And thus the only reason and real motivation why we watch this is basically the delicious fanservice that every episode has to offer. For odd reasons, there will be close-ups on certain parts of the heroines while a conversation is taking place. People always tell me to look at a woman’s eyes when they talk. Freaking bikini distractions… And sometimes in battle when they take damage or something, you hear them in their ambiguous moan. If you walked right in at the moment while this scene is played, you might think this could be some sort of cosplay porn! Serious!

With only 4 minutes to each episode, there is hardly anything else to expect for and certainly you’re not going to tell me you want to know more about the heroines, don’t you? I suppose the only thing they have in common is big boobs, an excuse for us to ogle at something or enemies to perform seemingly perverted attacks on them. But you can guess a little bit of their behaviour after a while like Paladin who is some sort of perverted masochist who dreams of getting down and dirty. She could be a slut and prostitute if she wasn’t a heroine. Strangely, Paladin somewhat reminds me of a British girl in Infinite Stratos… Dark Elf could be a really smooth operator insurance salesman thanks to her poker face and baseless confidence even when things don’t work out at the end. Then you have the hot headed Fighter and the soft spoken Mage. I guess that is so much about it. What do you expect when you have main characters that are ‘lazily’ named after RPG classes? Heck, even the short so called ending theme may be interesting, as it sounds like some classy instrumental piece but the odd part is that it is void of any end credits! Maybe they don’t want to ‘ruin’ the perfect view of showcasing our quartet?

Overall, short anime with fanservice is a series that you watch when you’re bored and something to entertain you while you are trying to guess the next series to take on. Otherwise, this show could be considered as one of the feminists’ enemies as it objectifies women as sex objects. Well, sex sells, right? Now you know why beer promotion posters will have a sexy babe in bikini posing with the beer, right? Yeah… Hey. At least they’re not walking everywhere in their birthday suit. I guess lots of men wouldn’t mind that too. Who knows? Maybe all it takes to save the world isn’t super powers, great strength, magical legendary weapons and a group of super legendary high level stats heroes. It could just be a simple bikini that will do the job. The question is just a one-piece or two-piece :-).

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