Are we still curious to find out what happened to our couple in that Matrix-like room? Well, Boku No Kanojo Ga Majimesugiru Sho-bitch Na Ken OVA will answer that. But for those who are hoping to see if the duo really get it on, don’t place your hopes. After all, being a ‘veteran’ of this kind of genres, they’ll show and give you a very close idea of it but refrain from doing the real stuff in the end. This is after all not hentai. It could be if it wanted…

Exciting room
We put together the narration of the next episode preview from the TV series to see how it all happen. Akiho and Haruka were at the video arcade and it started raining. Needing to find shelter, the nearest they could get was a love hotel? Ah, screw logic. Akiho bathed and put on a bath robe but after that she fell asleep. Bummer. Morning came and nothing happened. What a disappointment. As they leave, they somehow entered the Matrix-like room. A computer voice congratulates them for being the 72,169th customer and they have an hour to get it on. Do one of the many approved sexual positions if they wish to get out. Otherwise the male will be penalized with this dildo thingy through his ass! OMG! Because Haruka tries to force his way out, he is going to receive this painful end! Akiho decides to do take the penalty on his behalf as the robots strip part of her clothes. The dildo just touched her ass and she finds a new sensation? Haruka agrees to just do it and get it over with. As Haruka tries to untie her and button back her clothes, the hilarious part is how they turn this conversation of ‘putting it back in the hole’ into an entirely sexually charged innuendo. Maybe he should also try ‘2 holes at once’, huh? When he manages to untie her, Akiho is somehow stripped naked. She is willing to let him do it. Finally Haruka decides to be a man and also do it. Is this the moment we’ve been waiting for?! As they are about to get serious, the plushie in their bag drop out, coincidentally forming a sexual position. Because of that, the computer detected they have done their part and throws them out. Bummer. The duo are left stranded and confused outside the love hotel. How the heck did they get fully clothed while they were falling? Ah, screw logic. It may be disappointing but thanks to that hotel, Akiho is grateful they managed to get a bit closer.

Ball game
Looks like the usual gang fail their PE test so Aoi is going to have them take a remedial test. Of course, expect her to make sexual subtexts about focusing on one spot (the school subject, she means?) and fill in the holes (fill in the blanks, she means?). As Akiho scored highly, she will be Aoi’s helper. She leaves her with an equipment resembling gigantic balls. They’ll learn all they need to know about health from here. Oh dear… So in this ball game that they’re going to ‘play’, Akiho says they have to worship those balls. Referring to the manual, they are supposed to pull out slips of paper inside and execute what is on it. Of course they are all relate to balls. Like balls balancing, balls rolling and balls tossing. The rule says the person with 2 balls should get all this experience. That’s you, Haruka. And hence your sexual subtexts in the form of the girls imagining how gentle they should handle the balls accordingly as well to how violently and crude too. From heaven to hell for Haruka just for imagining them. Finally something that is not of balls and a stick pops up. Oh dear… Too big to fit into your mouth? Finally all the girls are excited to ‘knock his stick down’ and fighting who should monopolize his ‘stick’ but Haruka is fed up and tries to leave. Apparently Aoi is outside and won’t pass them until they really do it. She has her own naughty suggestions but Haruka is not giving in to it. But the lesson is not yet over yet so Akiho teases us the next game they’re going to do is up to our imagination.

Damn Cock Teasers!!!
As expected, this OVA is just as sleazy and slutty like the TV series itself. Yeah, it feels so much like home. I still find it pretty much enjoyable and fun despite my guts tell me that many ‘normal’ people would find it offensive and childish. Uh huh. Sex jokes told by adults are childish. Whereas having a group of dirty minded girls is considered offensive because in a way you are objectifying women as sex objects. Well, screw you people with no sense of humour. All that matters is that this series made me laugh while being horny at the same time while dreaming that I would have such a harem of naughty girls! And then only to realize how much of a lonely otaku loser I am and cry myself to sleep. Boo hoo! Damn you Haruka! You lucky bastard! Is it because he has a girl’s name so the girls really want to get naughty with him and it’s just like being yuri? At least on the name level? Ah, screw logic. Because even if these characters are all still virgins, just like all of us in real life, nobody are virgins. Because life has got us all f*cked since the day we are born!

Oh dear. With a name like Boku No Kanojo Ga Majimesugiru Sho-bitch Na Ken, I am sure you can guess what kind of anime this is. Furthermore, if you take a look at the promotional poster whereby it is shown from the point of view of supposedly the leading male character. From his first person perspective we see all the girls in the series gathered before you as they stare in curiosity, delight, amazement, shock or horror the banana that you are showing them. Mmm… So delicious. Oh yeah. That really says it all. If you think what this series is going to be, then you bet it is so if you have problems with this kind of ecchi fanservice show, this poster is a good indication (as well as that long ass b*tch title) to stay away. Me? I want to know what it is like to have a b*tch as a girlfriend. Really. Okay. Maybe not. I’m just here for the dirty and sex jokes.

Episode 1
Akiho Kousaka lifts up her skirt to let Haruka Shinozaki see what’s underneath. She’s not wearing anything! Damn dream… Haruka narrates he has always liked his class rep, Akiho. One day he manages to confess to her and she accepts to go out with him. Yahoo! It should have triggered alarm bells when the next thing she says she will remember all 48 sex basic positions! It gets even stranger when she wants to know his fetishes. Because she heard guys will get sexually frustrated if their girlfriend doesn’t understand their sexuality and is trying to resolve this quickly! Whenever Haruka tries to help her, she tries to think and associate he is some sort of masochist and tries to reply in that appropriate way. Haruka asks for a picture of her. Better be more specific or she’ll send you her naked body. Just her face will do. An erotic face… Haruka’s childhood friend, Shizuku Ariyama comes in to bug and tease him. With those ambiguous words, it makes him sound like a pervert. She is introduced to Akiho for the first time and with more of those ambiguous words, she makes it sound like they’ve got it going for a very long time. When Shizuku gets too clingy on him, this activates Akiho’s yandere face. Luckily Shizuku gets the idea and backs down. She then takes them to an arcade so they could have their pictures taken together as atonement. However she photobombs it and makes Haruka pay. Since Haruka ignores Shizuku, she tries to get his attention by fondling Akiho’s boobs. This might have given Akiho some weird ideas that they need to make their relationship more intense. Could it be secret sexy time at the gym shed? Nope. Some weird gym clothes dominatrix play… She tries to hint if there is something he would like to try out in this erotic magazine she planted in his bag. But taking a look at them is too much for her. Need more studying? Akiho gets desperate to intensify their relationship by planning to hug him from the back and whisper in his ear. But he turns and her boobs got in the way, causing her to fall on top of him. As she is still worried about their relationship, he tells her not to think too much of what Shizuku says. It is something they will decide and will be resolved in time. When she calls him by his first name, he flusters. She thinks he wants to be called pig instead. For the umpteenth time, he isn’t an M.

Episode 2
It’s raining so Akiho thought she could run through the rain just to let Haruka see her bra line. But s is disappointed when he has an umbrella to share. Kanata is Haruka’s little sister. She enters his room to bug-cum-seduce him as usual. Then she finds out he has a girlfriend. World crumbling? She tries hard to hide she isn’t jealous. Next day in school she meets Akiho for the first time. The moment she lays her eyes on this beauty, Kanata tries to show her standing by mentioning all the stuffs she did with Haruka. Ambiguously of course. And Akiho believes them all! Haruka manages to resolve that misunderstanding but Kanata comes to bug them again during lunch time. During the fuss, she accidentally pushes Akiho. Akiho is alright but just disappointed it didn’t turn into some perverted situation. Kanata regrets what she did and in no time, the girls now become friends. The school cleans up the local neighbourhood. Of course Shizuku and Kanata doing very ambiguous stuffs just to tease their guy. When Akiho hears some guys talk about switching girlfriends, this causes her to worry as she asks Haruka if he throws away his belongings. He would but then again he wouldn’t because he would have gotten attached to it. Akiho is so relieved and she hopes he would continue to treasure them. He doesn’t understand why she likes his stuffs. Inspired by an anime, Akiho decides to make bento for Haruka. From the looks of it, it doesn’t look good. Here comes Shizuku to show off her cooking. And tease she specializes in cooking and men… Akiho then begs her to teach her how to cook. Master, please! Got more than she bargained for. And so Shizuku teaches Akiho how to flirt, oops I mean cook. Yeah, can’t help insert all those sexually charged and ambiguous lines, eh? After eating the beef stew, Shizuku teases she wants to eat his banana. What’s this? He agrees?! Shizuku panics and flusters. She didn’t think he would let her. But that’s just it. Letting her eat that banana fruit. Her sexual teasing power has considerably decreased… Haruka walks Akiho home. As it is raining, she pretends she doesn’t have one so she could share it with him. Everything looks fine and dandy until he comments they better walk faster or else they’re going to get wet. She doesn’t mind a guy getting wet, if you know what I mean. Wink, wink.

Episode 3
Natsuo, Akiho’s dad is shocked when she tells him Haruka is visiting today. Your wonders on Akiho’s sexual awkwardness is answered here because she got it from her mom, Fuyumi. When Haruka arrives, only Fuyumi is at home so she entertains him and he is starting to see how this is running in the family genes. A few flashbacks regarding Fuyumi’s ‘education’ of Akiho. No wonder. Double whammy? So when the rest get back and Haruka seems to be happy that Natsuo is a normal guy, the girls think he swings that way! Dad is shocked learning his daughter will go on a first date with her boyfriend. Don’t worry. Just go watch a movie. If mom could not give those ‘extraordinary’ advice… As advised to do research, that head tilt advertisement has Akiho tilting her head to the exact degree to be attractive. Not that Haruka would notice anyway. During the date, Akiho seems to be concentrating on observing others around her. Like the lewd ugly couple about to make out on the train and the movie despite a romance genre has a few soft porn scenes. At the end of the date, Akiho realizes too late that she was so focused on her research that she didn’t do anything fun with him. He tries to cheer her up by inviting her to see the sakura blooming next week. She might be too eager as she is thinking of preparing large portions of everything. So serious that she falls sick in school. Man, the way she drops on her knees and coughing is like as though she is giving him a blowjob. WTF?! Taking her to the infirmary, yeah the busty nurse, Aoi Koshimizu is another of those sexy cock teasers. While Haruka waits for Fuyumi to arrive and pick her, looks like Akiho is starting to break down as she starts spilling drink all over her body. Mom better get here fast or the sexual ambiguity will be getting worse. Oh wait. It doesn’t make a difference. It runs in the genes. Thankfully she gets better and they head to see the sakura blooming. Unfortunately they have withered from last night’s rain. Akiho fails badly in trying to hide her disappointment so Haruka tells her they can come back here next year and watch it. This makes her very happy and for the first time we see her most beautiful smile.

Episode 4
Rina Saijou was from a super rich elite all-girls’ school. Guess whose class she transferred into? At first she sounds like a normal person wanting to make friends. Till she mentions her hobbies are romping with hairy males. WTF???!!! It’s no wonder other girls shy away from her. Akiho and Haruka soon discover the ‘hairy males’ are her pet dogs. Dogs are treated equally like humans in her home. As Rina comes from a school with only girls, so her transfer here is to research on relationship with men? Uh oh. I can see where this is going. And hence you’ve got all the sexual innuendoes from her like how it is a natural thing for Rina to molest Akiho as a girl’s greeting. And Akiho had to recommend Aoi to coach her about guys… When Shizuku learns about Rina, she claims she is Haruka’s mistress. Rina is ecstatic and wants to become his mistress too! Then there is comparison between their boobs. Shizuku is flat enough that she starts crying. It looks bad on Haruka like as though there is some harem fight so Akiho dispels the misunderstanding there is no adultery. Because Haruka is a loli pedo! At the end of the day, Rina leaves the duo in more shock as she gives a goodbye kiss on the cheek. Haruka and the girls hang out at the zoo and you can bet they are seemingly more interested at the animals mating… It gets worse when there is a dog petting section and they start comparing the dog’s to Haruka’s, you know, that. And hence all other subsequent animals are now compared to him. Haruka is now the most observable ‘animal’ at the zoo… Meanwhile Kanata is also here visiting with her friend, Misaki Aikawa. Her tendency to nickname her ‘sakicccho’ causes her much distress and confusion because it roughly means the tip. Also at this zoo is Natsuo and Fuyumi as part of their old people date. As Natsuo sprain his ankle, Fuyumi had to support him on the way out. There is where they bump into Haruka and Akiho. It gets even awkward because they are right in front of a love hotel! Yeah, we can rest here…

Episode 5
Rina finally gets a handphone. She test calls Akiho and as expected, they talk about dirty stuffs. She has Haruka teach her how to take a selfie and edit it with effects. When she wants to show others, she lets the whole world know she got a facial pic with Haruka! You mean facial filter? In order to be a better girlfriend, Akiho doesn’t want Haruka to tell her anything so she must guess what he needs. At first all her guesses are correct (and surprisingly non-sexual) to provide to his needs. But soon in the eyes of others it looks like he is turning her into a slave. Rina and Shizuku also join in on this but you can expect what kind of prediction they are going to make. With Haruka looking tired from it all, Akiho thinks it is because she didn’t have the power to summon the ghost of a young girl. During the meeting between class reps, Saori Igarashi is always wary of Akiho because of her tendency to suggest seemingly lewd stuffs. Like there’s this one time somebody suggests a changing room for the boys, she doesn’t think it is a good idea because it will turn them into gays! Saori has to spend most of her time shooting down her ideas. And now, refusing her suggestion to allow guys to bring their own porn magazine because of individual fetishes. Akiho then brings up she overheard Saori doing some ‘tongue training’. Although it was for her saxophone practice, soon everyone falls into Akiho’s pace to really think it was a different kind of tongue training and sully her character. Akiho has hiccups and methods that seemingly protrude the boobs don’t work. As she is putting lab items away with Haruka, Shizuku is hiding in the closet hoping to scare them. Then she hears very risqué and ambiguous words from them. Panicking, she gets busted. I’m not sure about this strange method Haruka is trying to cure her hiccup. But all is cured when she sneezes. However now Shizuku has hiccups. Haruka has her drink some water. Yeah, she is ‘swallowing’ it. Kanata didn’t realize she got a box of condom in her cart. Because it had chocolate flavour written on it, she assumed it’s a snack and puts it back on the snack aisle. Misaki sees it and is shocked to see a box of condoms there. However she thinks she might be thinking too much. It could be just some high premium snack, right? So when she buys it, the cashier feels odd. Because they’re talking different things, she thinks she is going to do in several guys because ‘one box isn’t enough’! And she is going to use it and share them right after school! Bon appetite! Imagine all her friends’ shocking face when she decides to share it with them. And then her smile turns into tears when she truly learns what it really is.

Episode 6
Seiya Hoshikawa returns to class and all the girls swoon over him. Yup, he is that popular. This has Haruka thinking if Akiho would fall for him too and his worst fears might just come true as he sees her talking to him. Seiya showing off his chest?! Haruka goes a bit crazy as he thinks of hugging Shizuku to show it to her. Eventually when he sums up his courage to face Seiya, long story short, it seems Seiya wants to be friends with him. That is why he was talking to Akiho who is his girlfriend. Phew. Nothing wrong about that. But when Haruka says something about a hole, this turns on Seiya and wants to prepare one for him! OH SH*T! I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHERE THIS IS HEADING! Even this is sending shivers down Akiho’s spine! Everyone writes their wish for Tanabata. As usual, lewd wishes. Haruka thinks Akiho might have done the same thing too but she really gets disappointed he thought like that. Her wish is to spend next year’s Tanabata with him. As Akiho puts away some gear in the storeroom, she sees Haruka and Seiya in a compromising position at the back! Holy mother sh*t! What the f*ck are they doing?! After all that ambiguous gay talk, the real deal is actually Seiya teaching him how to bat. So when Akiho confronts them, Haruka doesn’t want to let her know that he was practising his batting and wants to show it to her in tomorrow’s game and hence only raises her suspicions about them being overly gay. The next day as the softball game begins, it is Haruka’s turn to bat. He will put all that he learnt to use. Too bad he bats into Seiya’s balls!!! Not painful but EXCITING???!!! Great stick handling?! Making the situation worse is how Haruka goes to ‘examine’ it, making it look even more ambiguous! Thankfully Akiho is a straight girl after witnessing such gay antics for so long and she can’t bear to watch it anymore. Later she learns the truth of his practising and notices the bruises on his right hand. She considers it as proof of thinking of her while he was at it. If you get that lewd joke…

Episode 7
Haruka and Akiho stumble upon a weird dog at a park and play with it. It fetches back weird things. Like this bondage thingy. Then it sniffs up on Akiho’s crotch but looks down on Haruka’s. This dog turns out to be Rina’s family member. Akiho’s class will be going camping so she thought of handing out a pamphlet on understanding outdoors. Why does it sound like it is for a dog? Saori thought she could show off her genius by helping her classmates with the outdoor questions. Looks like everyone knows what to do. So disappointed… Till the other class reps show up to ask her for help, she couldn’t be happier. At the camp, Seiya’s cooking attracts the animals. Yeah, they are going for his ‘mushroom’. Haruka thought he brought real mushrooms but luckily Akiho stops him from going over there. With Haruka away, Shizuku hugs the wrong person and Kanata waits anxiously for her brother to call. When he does, she acts like he is the one who misses her. Night falls and the class plays kimodameshi. Haruka and Akiho are paired up and with Seiya’s encouragement, Akiho uses this chance to cling onto his arm and Haruka thinks she is scared of the darkness. Saori and the boys try to scare them but some slipup occurred. Saori finds herself in the unfortunate fanservice end as the boys take picture of her instead. When Rina’s scream is heard, it seems she and others who were playing the ghosts are also passed out. Turns out to be Seiya in a weird getup and I don’t know how in all that confusion, they end up in a pretty ambiguous position. So much so when Saori decides to scare them herself, she sees this ‘horrifying formation’ and freaks out. Yeah, she is the one who is most scared and traumatized by it that she wants to sleep with Sayo Shizumori. Not that she minds being lesbian with her… Later as the girls take to the bath, they learn Akiho has a boyfriend. This leads to various talk and certain ‘outdoor fetish’ and night visits. The boys are eavesdropping every part of it since Saori is the one blowing her top. That night as Akiho wonders if Haruka will pay her a night visit, he suddenly shows up. Why does he have this sexual harassment look on his face? He takes her to a quiet spot as her mind starts to go crazy if he has decided to go that far. In that case as his girlfriend she shall honestly answer to his needs. Turns out he just wants to walk hand in hand with her to a nice scenic spot. Disappointed? But she accepts his invitation and laments her lack of experience being his girlfriend.

Episode 8
Saori notices after the camping, there are now lots of couples. Noticing a pair just came out of the science room, she checks to see if anything fishy. Sayo hiding in the closet and breathing heavily. No, not an illusion. I guess she got turned on watching the previous couple’s amazing performance. With someone coming in, Sayo forces Saori into the cramped hiding. Lesbian fondling? Haruka and Kanata come in. She gets down on her knees, touch his something and suddenly white stuffs squirt all over her face! What is it that he said about everything comes out with a touch?! Actually it’s a milk packet and they are here to eat lunch. He tries to find a cloth and opens the closet. Lesbian fondling? Saori and Haruka are on different wavelengths. She thinks he is being horny and he thinks it is about his lunch. When he gets a clue to what she means, he says Kanata is his sister but this causes a bigger misunderstanding as she thinks he is into incest. Later Saori forces Haruka to write an apology letter. Little does she know, her skirt is tucked into her shima pantsu. Haruka notices this and he knows he will be in a situation where damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t tell her. The only option is to make her realize it herself but his gestures sound so lewd! With Akiho coming by, Saori thought she could get her on the same side but with Akiho noticing her slip, her answers are mainly towards that and not Haruka. When Saori finally realizes herself, she realizes Haruka has been trying to hint to her. She fears he will not forgive her for doubting him. Not sure about Haruka now being some enlightened angel to erase all her fears. She also goes along with his pace but feels confused by everything. In the end, he still has to write that letter.

Akiho realizes she forgot to bring her panties. She wore her swimsuit initially but forgot about the latter part. With Sayo noticing this, she gets her thrills by observing the sticky situation she is put in. Akiho’s ‘faith’ is being tested when Haruka suggests doing many ‘dangerous’ activities that has a high chance of lifting her skirt. From getting bread at a crowded area and then having lunch together in the secluded forest, every step is such a heart pounding paranoia for her. Finally it gets to the part where she thinks everything is all clear so she tells him she is going to show him her no pantsu! Haruka realizes what is going on but had to smoke out spying Sayo. She really wanted to see more… Haruka is glad Saori isn’t here to catch this for who knows what might happen. Meanwhile, she has this premonition somebody is talking about her. History repeats itself as her skirt is again tucked into her pantsu. Akiho is pretty flexible during stretching but Haruka is stiff. She sends the wrong signals to all the guys believing stiffness is good for a boy’s health. Rina on the other hand is also stiff. She thinks she is soft but this sends all the wrong signals to the other girls over that soft part. As Rina puts away the net, she trips and somehow ends up in a BDSM position. Haruka and Akiho try to free her but the stupid teacher lock them in without checking. With Rina afraid of the dark, she is holding onto Haruka in a compromising position. Even Akiho trips somewhere… Haruka needs to take control of the situation and turns on the lights. Akiho and Rina in a sexy 69 position!!! How did this happen???!!! When Rina’s agents bust in and see this, they commend Haruka for his NTR. Later they send him an inflatable doll for him to use. Returned immediately! It’s a good think Kanata doesn’t know what it is.

Episode 9
As Haruka waits for Akiho at a mall, he gets a call from her that her dad has sprained his back so they’re taking him to the doctor. While it is unfortunate their date is cancelled, fate has a way to replace it. And because it is time for Shizuku to get her fair share of screen time. Spotting Haruka there, she has him go out with her. We see her trying to sexually tease him like having him open the changing room while her bra is unhook and then having him go shop for a swimsuit with her (which backfires because the saleswoman just revealed her A-cup size). Then she hints to come to her place because her parents aren’t home. However she panics when she didn’t get the desired reaction because it seems he is okay with it and doesn’t want her to be alone. At her place, suddenly she screams for help. Looks like she is handcuffed in her room. Is there a robbery? Nope. She thought she tests this out but somehow she forgot where she placed the keys. And hence another round of making Haruka do things for her with lots of her usual teasing style like going to the toilet and brushing her teeth (so erotic…). She hopes he would romantically carry her back to her bed but he carries her over his shoulder like a rug. So disappointed… Some flashback how Haruka used to come stay at her place because he was scared and despite they both have changed a lot, she notes he still has not changed. At least not his kindness. Haruka then realizes the key is in her own pocket. Somebody trying to play dumb. As he tries to get it, she makes it sound like he is f*cking her.

Akiho needs to make up for the date. She overhears Shizuku wanting to make lunch for him. In order not to make it sound so obvious, Akiho also hints about it but Haruka can see how obvious and tempting she is. I guess he too has to play along a hints he wants somebody’s cooking. As Akiho cooks, Seiya comes from Haruka’s behind to teach him how to use a knife. If that wasn’t bad enough, Akiho is in shock staring at them that she didn’t notice her cooking is on fire. Haruka wants to warn her but Seiya holds him back. This back and forth motion makes it looks so gay!!! OMFG!!! Looks like somebody got eaten! In the aftermath, Akiho hypnotizes herself her burnt cooking is good. That’s why she loves it even when she eats it. For further proof, she lets Rina eat it. Hmm, nothing happens. But behind the scenes, Rina is almost dead! She doesn’t want Haruka to let Akiho know because of this friendship thingy. Eventually Akiho finds out and is disappointed about herself. She thinks Haruka is trying to be considerate when he wants to eat it. She doesn’t want him to get sick. In that case, she’ll just have to take care of him. The fact she made it for him makes him happy. Akiho is so touched and happy that she is ready to take care of his body. From top to ‘bottom’. Shizuku who has already made something for Haruka, decides to let Akiho steal the limelight. Later Akiho and Shizuku discuss the things in Haruka’s trash. Used tissue papers, silicon pipes and a bunch of little girl pictures?! When he protests he has nothing, they get the wrong idea it means he is fantasizing about someone. Even more ‘shocking’ when Haruka wants to prove it all by inviting them to his room so he can show it properly to them. Gasp! What are they thinking?!

Episode 10
What’s this? Haruka is dating Akiho who is acting like a pretty decent girlfriend?! This is the kind of girlfriend he always had in mind. Could this be a dream? Yup. It is. F*CK!!! Haruka tries to study maths when Seiya comes by to help out. Oh no. However he cannot go further after hinting his knowledge is only in ‘filling holes’. Kanata wants Haruka to teach her about insemination! Actually she meant biology. Misaki works part time at an ice cream shop. Shizuku comes in and is asked if she wants a cone or cup. Mega cup size please, while crying… Next is Seiya. He orders a popsicle and gets another one free. He gets excited because he has never done it with ‘both hands full’ before. Akiho orders her topping with double scoop and a banana. What male anatomy does this look like? Then she takes a selfie of doing ambiguous stuffs with it. Misaki becomes worried and paranoid wondering if she is the one with a dirty mind. Finally here comes Haruka. He can’t remember the name of the ice cream so he describes it as something round, has a tip that pokes out and milk comes out when you suck it. Misaki really lost it. So much so she starts thinking if she has to give sexual advances to customers!

Haruka fell asleep in class and even when it is time to go home. Attempts to wake him up fail so Akiho thought of touching his head. Suddenly he wakes up from some loli nightmare. This forces Akiho to ‘improvise’ as she pretends to sleep. When they walk home together, Haruka wonders if he has done something wrong as he thinks she is mad. She then says how unfair it is for him to pat her head while she didn’t get a chance and wanted to. He thinks she is trying to kiss him from the way she prepares herself but she pats him with both hands. On a hot afternoon, the class has to go outside and sketch. Haruka doesn’t know the danger of sketching with Seiya because he is suggesting to sketch something bitter and slimy! Luckily Akiho is there to take him away for a change in scenery. Haruka then sketches Shizuku and Rina. He wasn’t looking when the wind blow up their skirt so when they tease for him not to get excited, he exclaims he wants to look at it even in more detail! This causes embarrassed Shizuku to beat him up and only subsequently he realizes what it was all about. Finally he settles to sketch Akiho. Looking at her reminds him of all the times they spent together. She looks so beautiful as he sputters he loves her. Embarrassed Akiho took a while to regain her composure before she also returns the favour by confessing she loves him too. Later he shows her his finished sketch. Well, we don’t get to see how bad it is because Akiho is obvious pouting. Nothing Haruka can do to fix this. If they were on a sexual relationship, I guess this means no sex.

Life’s A B*tch. Then You’re Screwed!
Oh wait. So that was the end of the TV series? Man, I didn’t know it just ‘ended’ like that. You see, I thought this series had a dozen episodes but subsequently looks like they only have the same number of fingers on both our hands (the balance was probably reserved for the OVAs). Because that little feel good moment between Haruka and Akiho didn’t feel like the series had ‘ended’. I thought it was just one of their usual ‘progress’. Yeah, so it did caught me off guard a little there. After all, they’ve already been out on a date so what is a little sketch in the woods and hand holding got to do? Oh, I should have read the signs. When Akiho says and does something really sensible and Haruka coming to summarize how much he still loves her, that should be the hint. The catalyst to bring about the ‘end’. Oh heck. I’m going to b*tch about something even if it does try to end properly. You can’t really ‘end’ this kind of show at this point, can you?

The bulk of the dirty jokes and fanservice comes from the girls themselves. Feminists would surely be screaming off their heads about the sexual objectification of girls but anime and Japan don’t give a f*ck to those b*tches. It is definitely male fantasy to have girls acting and talking dirty because for many of them here, it looks like they could be potential porn stars! And also, having females being the perverts look less ‘offensive’ because if it was the guy who is that freak, everyone would just scream rape regardless of the context.

You know you’ll be in for some fanservice ride when the opening credits animation shows our very Akiho choosing her panties to wear. What a starter. More fanservice too with the ending credits animation as we see the girls posing seductively for a camera. Are they really in a porn shoot because it looks like a movie studio… With moves, expressions and camera angle shots that parodies closely to porn to the ambiguous one-liners in the mid-intermission eye catch throughout the series, either it will force you to be turned on and go fap after the episode is over or you would get so irritated with the shallowness and cheapness of it all that you’ll… Nah! Since when did you get over your immature and childish dirty jokes for something more refined?! It’s okay to like sleazy and sh*tty fanservice too!

The ambiguity of sexiness continues even till the end of the episode at the next episode preview. Not really so much of a next episode preview as it is a series of Haruka and Akiho’s trip to the love hotel! Gasp! With ambiguous lines and that slow sexy jazzy saxophone in the background, it leaves us up to our imagination of what the duo might be doing as the journey sees how they end up in a love hotel room and get it on. Of course, don’t expect it to really happen and falter in some unspectacular fashion. Disappointed or relieved? And what the f*ck is this Matrix-like room?! Just to promote the OVA?! Can’t leave until you ‘get some excitement’?! Oh, looks like the journey isn’t over. On to the uncensored of the BDs!

Therefore when you have decided to watch this kind of show, you are going to have to set your expectations that some of the characters are going to be dirty minded and hence lots of sexual innuendoes abound. Some of them but not all of the girls here aren’t actually as horny as you think they are. They just sound and look like it but they are far from being a nympho and just wanting to get laid. For example, Akiho who contributes to most of the sexual innuendoes is primarily a socially awkward person. You can partially blame her mom since she got half her genes. In her bid to please her boyfriend, and I mean please in the normal sense to make him happy in a normal couple relationship, she thinks too much and hence making her look like some sort of pervert. But one good thing I find about Akiho is that she is straight instead of being a bi, lesbian or BL fanatic. This is evident each time she sees Seiya getting close to unsuspecting Haruka, she would panic and hope for her boyfriend to realize and get away!

At first I was thinking why Akiho is considered a b*tch since she doesn’t act like one. If there needs to be a b*tch, it would be Saori’s character. At least she is closest to it. But then again, my definition of b*tch seems to be a woman who is hard to please and makes life difficult for others. It’s a slander, right? Then I found out this b*tch term could also refer to a lewd and immoral woman. Well, I figure in this context Akiho fits the bill then. I also thought Sho-bitch in the title was a play on words meaning, sure-bitch but it is just short for shoujo-bitch. Can guys be b*tches too? Well, long ago, many decades ago, a famous American video game programmer once proclaimed his next greatest game ever that he will make you his b*tch. Sorry that didn’t happen.

Shizuku is the other dirty minded girl but she is only acting so. She is not a horny girl who wants to have sex or let Haruka do her in. This is evident as we see her often tease Haruka in a very sexually ambiguous way in hopes to catch his reaction. However when her plan backfires and it might seem the potential of getting on with some sex act is real, she panics and withdraws. It goes to show that Shizuku only wants to see Haruka’s embarrassed reaction and is using her childhood friend status to get it. Kanata on the other hand may also look like a horny little sister but all she wants is the attention of her big brother. Not really sure if she is really ignorant at her age because there are some sexual terms she is unaware of its meaning. Maybe if she was in elementary school maybe but she is like a year younger than him. Hard to believe that girls in this anime has not lost their innocence yet. Innocence of the mind, that is.

Rich girl Rina too sounds horny at times but only because she has lived a very sheltered life and treating her dogs as equals. Rich in wealth but poor in sexperience… Oddly for girls who come from an all-girls’ school to not freak out seeing a man her age, she is kinda cool. Maybe she has interactions with men before outside her school but if the reason for her to transfer here is just to explore more about the opposite sex, is she in that desperate of that experience because very rarely a popular onee-sama of a school would leave all her imouto slaves behind just for a dick. Really. Sure, online research can only do so much. And of all guys in school, why Haruka? Because other guys are being pussies for not liking girls who explicit talk dirty even though she isn’t. No wonder Haruka gets all the dirty talking girls. And there seems to be this small running joke that she often ends up tangled in a 69 position with Akiho. Just somehow. Lesbian fanservice?

Non-perverts like Saori and Misaki are in danger of becoming perverts themselves. Because when you have so long been surrounded by girls who talk dirty, the influence is sure strong. Saori tries to play by the book, the strict b*tch whom guys wouldn’t like. Most of the time her plan backfires and this makes her look bad. Like as though fate is trying to corrupt and tempt her to the dark and dirty side. On the other hand, I blame Misaki for being around Kanata for so long that she is starting to fantasize and overthink non-sexual and normal stuffs into some sexual delusion. But unlike Akiho, Misaki is already embarrassed at the thought of it while Akiho has no shame and says all that comes to mind.

There are true perverts too here. Especially Aoi as the school nurse. I don’t think she is socially awkward and all the sexual innuendoes that she posed are actually on purpose. This is one dangerous woman and if you’re not careful, you’re going to be eaten alive by her. Sayo is another pervert but she is more of the watching kind. She likes to observe the actions of others and gets her kicks with all those heavy breathing and possibly wetting herself in the process. And Seiya… Oh God. Girls scream when he enters the scene but his true love can be the one and only guy who has the name of a girl. Yeah. Each time Seiya pops up, I’ll be screaming, “Egads! It’s Seiya!!! Run, Haruka!!!”. It will be everyone’s worst nightmare if gay things were to happen. Far worse than that running joke of Haruka being falsely labelled a pedo loli. Or a masochist.

Last but not least, Haruka himself. The most normal guy ever like any other main leading protagonists who is surrounded by perverts. Especially girls. See Seitokai Yakuindomo and Shimoneta to understand how it feels to be a guy trying to be normal but dirty minded girls around him just keep forcing him to make him resist like hell. You got to respect Haruka for trying to be the best boyfriend that he can. He is trying to resist the urge to devour Akiho although he won’t likely turn into that big bad wolf because he is such a nice and considerate guy. Sometimes it feels that Haruka’s case isn’t like winning the lottery but biting off more than he can chew. In the sense that he confessed to the girl he likes and instantly got her to be his girlfriend. Hooray. Then suddenly she wants to show him her pantsu. Got more than he bargained for, eh? It’s not such a bad thing for a guy but there is always this worry that even though guys love their girls to be sexy and horny, there is a possibility this might attract other men and she doing the same to them as though it is nothing. Because, men, right? It’s good to see Haruka and Akiho taking things in the right direction albeit a very slow one. But I’m guessing he has to endure more sexual innuendoes and misinterpretation because it doesn’t look like Akiho is going to change any time soon. I suppose to truly love a person is to also love all their faults.

The art style of this anime makes the characters look a bit leaning towards the moe side. If you have seen series like NouCome, Kodomo No Jikan, Astarotte No Omocha, Ro-Kyu-Bu and Shinryaku! Ika Musume, the characters look almost like these. Those series are animated by Diomedea and jointly with Studio Blanc. One think I would like to note is how some of the girls’ faces have this slut and nympho-begging-for-sex look. Especially Shizuku and Aoi. Just by looking at their faces, they have this I-wanna-get-banged-now look. Also, something about their eyes that make them look weird too. I don’t know, do they look a little bigger than they should? Uhm, come to think of it, it makes them look a little like aliens… Must be just me.

One thing to note is Aoi Yuuki as Akiho. From my guess, it is like she has lost her voice after voicing and screaming her way through that idiotic main character in Aho Girl. Yeah, it takes quite a lot of energy to pull off that character. So for this season, I figure she might need a little rest and hence the very emotionless and ‘tired’ sounding Akiho. Well, this isn’t the only series in that particular season that Aoi Yuuki is voicing a character in this similar fashion. Because in that same season, she also voiced the titular character of the Kino No Tabi remake. But as far as this series is concerned, there were a few times when she almost went into her usual trademark voice especially when Akiho is in shock or surprised but didn’t cross over that line.

The rest of the other casts in the series include Mitsuhiro Ichiki as Haruka (Kazuya in Freezing), Rarisa Tago Takeda as Shizuku (debut role), Yuki Yagi as Kanata (Gabriella in Augmented Reality Girls Trinary), Natsumi Yamada as Rina (Nico Saruwatari in Busou Shojo Machiavellianism), Juri Nagatsuma as Saori (Hayuru in Masou Gakuen HxH), Marin Mizutani as Misaki (Sadako in Brave Witches), Miki Hase as Sayo, Iori Nomizu as Aoi (Haruna in Kore Wa Zombie Desu Ka), Jun Miyamoto as Natsuo and Aya Saitou as Fuyumi (Satoshi in HaruChika). The voice behind Seiya is Arthur Lounsbery who is an American born Japanese. He has roles in other animes which I didn’t see like Haikyuu and Starmyu.

Aoi Yuuki sings the opening theme, Eien Labyrinth. Not to say that she is singing in her usual upbeat voice in this generic anime pop. Her singing still has that cuteness in it but sometimes I can sense that there is that tiredness from Aho Girl. I know it’s all a coincidence and she might be singing in this fashion to be as close to her character. The ending theme is very idol-like, Ai No Himitsu by Pua:re (a quartet idol group consisting of the voices behind Kanata, Rina and Misaki. The fourth member, Miyuu Ogura is only a singer).

Overall, definitely one of those low quality and cheesy productions of the season and year. I can see why so many with ‘refined taste’ bombarded this series mainly targeted for loser otaku males as they find it so cringe worthy. Oh well, I guess there are more sophisticated porn out there that you can get if you pay a little extra. But since I am such a simpleton, I did laugh and find all the sleazy sexual innuendoes funny. Yeah, I had an enjoyable time. Somehow those childish dirty jokes never get old. At least not for me. Because one day all the good stories will run out and we have to revert back to tasteless sex jokes and cheap fanservice. One day when all the women have more refined and superior tastes in men and all things, the power to choose and reject whoever they want, whose b*tch will you be then?

%d bloggers like this: