Guardian Hearts

November 10, 2006

What more can I say about Guardian Hearts. It’s your usual hentai-cum-comedy-cum-harem anime. Be warned, though. The hentai scenes here are a little bit ‘extreme’. Not only you could see the girl’s breasts, but you could also see the lower anatomy. Albeit the latter part isn’t drawn in detail, but it’s enough to make you notice it… ahem ahem. I was a little shocked (no, not the happy kind of shock, mind you) when I first saw it. So I would say that it’s short of being a hardcore hentai.
 
It’s a good thing that it has only 6 episodes. Well, more like 3 episodes, meaning the series airs 2 episodes at 1 go. Which means, each episode is worth approximately 15 minutes of all those crap. Well, not to say that I really really really enjoy the series, but I find it fun to watch because of the comedy, though some of it may contain some hentai elements.
 
In the opening of the first episode, we see this girl, Hina, who’s being sent off by her sisters to planet Earth as a last chance to do her duty as a Guardian Heart. Well, it’s some sort of people who champions justice and righteousness. However, Hina is being reminded that during her stay on planet Earth, she cannot reveal her true identity to anybody or else, she’ll be considered as a failure.
 
The moment she arrives, she’s already been spotted by some guy called Wataru Kazuya. Actually, this guy doesn’t know what’s going on, though he witnessed that whole ‘arrival’ thing from Hina. A shocked and desparate Hina then pleads to Kazuya to take her in as she’s afraid of setting the record as the fastest failure. Meaning that, she needs to be part of Kazuya’s family in order not to be deemed a failure. And that means, Hina’s suggesting to be Kazuya’s bride. Yeah, she somehow rubbed her breasts on his face in her desparation. Would Kazuya accept her suggestion? Not at first.
 
Just then, Kazuya’s mom, Tosaki, came by and chided him for not taking responsibility of being a man after ‘seeing a girl’s private places’. Uh-huh, you’ll think of Tosaki as the scheming kinda of mom at first glance. And before you know it, she accepts Hina as her daughter in law and vice versa for Hina too. Yay! Now Hina’s happy that her ‘failure’ problem is solved. But as for Kazuya, this is the start of his nightmare. Also, the start of his harem. You’ll see what I mean.
 
To cut things short, here’s who’s who in Kazuya’s unofficial harem. Why unofficial? That’s because Kazuya didn’t exactly approve of their stay but since he’s such a nice guy, he doesn’t shoo them away either. Plus, I think his mom loves it when there’re many girls by his son’s side. Some mother.
 
Let’s start off with Hina first. Yup, we know she’s a member of the Guardian Hearts team. And because she’s unofficially proclaimed herself as Kazuya’s fiancee, she’ll get jealous easily and will try to stop any other girls who’re trying to hit on her beloved Kazuya. Plus, unknown to the some of the other girl’s in Kazuya’s harem, they hold a grudge to the Guardian Hearts without knowing that Hina is one. So it’s sometimes that sticky situation where Hina has to play both parts. And sometimes too, due to her save-the-weak duty, she has to transform and go somewhere half way round the world to do her job. Also, when she’s in a pinch or dissatisfaction, she ends her sentences with ‘-hinya’.
 
Then we have Maya, some sort of a ninja spy. Also like in Hina’s case, her identity’s busted when Kazuya accidentily spots her in her ninja outfit, thus she has to kill him to keep her identity safe. However, her plans were disrupted when Hina (in Guardian Hearts outfit) tries to stop her from harming Kazuya. And in a way, Kazuya protected Maya from Hina’s attacks, thus Maya felt that uneasy gratitude towards him. But the thing which made Maya had to stay with Kazuya is the fact that she strongly believes in her clan’s oath of having to become the wife of the first man who sees her body naked. Yup, you’ve guessed it. Kazuya’s the (un)lucky guy (by accident, of course).
 
Another weirdo is Kurusu. Why is she weirdo. Firstly, she’s an alien. Secondly she collects (steals, according to Hina) all sorts uniforms to become more powerful. Yeah, some sort of uniform thief. And thirdly, she gains whatever powers associated with that uniform when she dons it. Unlike in Maya’s case, Kurusu is in love with him rather than in some circumstances to be Kazuya’s wife.
 
Next, we have Chelsea. She’s some sort of a magical girl with magical powers from some magical planet. The reason she’s living with Kazuya because she believes in some Japanese person saying that if someone bumps into a transfer student and sees her panties, then they’re fated to be together. What the?! And you’ve guessed it too, Kazuya is that first guy to bump into her and experience that unfortunate event.
 
Since Chelsea is a magical girl, she has a magical pet called Daisy, who looks like a miniature and a lot more meaner version than Dejiko of Di Gi Charat. Anyway Daisy and Chelsea don’t really get along very well as the former always despise and tease the latter. Some kind of a love-hate relationship, huh? Unlike the other 3 and Hina, she isn’t in love nor wants to marry Kazuya. Probably just part of his harem. Can I even consider her to be part of it? Well, since she’s living in his house, I suppose I can safely assume that Daisy’s part of the gang.
 
Another girl living with Kazuya but doesn’t harbour any lovey-dovey relationship is Kotono, who looked like some shrine priestess. Though, I’m not sure why she’s living with him in the first place. There isn’t any explanation at all. Maybe just to make up for the numbers, huh? She excorsice things whenever she has the chance, but often it doesn’t go all too well. Oh yeah, she has a large appetite and likes to eat. How ironic for a such a little girl.
 
Finally, there’s this bird-girl, Powawa. She sometimes transform into some round yellow bird. Also a monotonous-sounding girl  (reminds me of Guu of Jungle Wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu) with her sentences ending with ‘-tori’, narrates the story. Also at times, she comments or explains certain things during the show to let viewers know what’s going on. And nope, she’s not part of Kazuya’s harem. At least, it seems that way.
 
So the 3 girls who really harbours a grudge against Guardian Hearts are Maya, Kurusu and Chelsea. In a way, they see her as an ‘obstruction’ in their attempts to steal Kazuya’s hearts. Yeah, we see them telling some short back story how everytime Guardian Hearts interrupts their ‘moment’ with Kazuya. And the ‘fight’ for Kazuya’s attention is usually among these 4 girls.
 
Thus the 3 decides to cooperate together to defeat Guardian Hearts. Thing is, they decided to use Hina to lure Guardian Hearts out as part of their plan. Looks like she’s in a pinch. But on the day of their plan, Hina manage to give them the slip and transform into Guardian Hearts and a battle among them ensued. Then this is the weird part, during the battle, dunno how some UFO got involved, got zapped by them, felt angry and blasted them back with some transparent beam. Yup, the girls are naked. Maya, Kurusu and Chelsea felt embarrassed by their nakedness but Guardian Hearts wasn’t. Not until she realized it later and started to feel so. I guess that battle ends in a draw. Since this isn’t a pay-per-view show, I guess the girls wouldn’t go on fighting naked. And that’s what Daisy quipped at the end… "And we don’t give any discounts"… If you know what I/she mean.
 
In the second episode, Kazuya fell sick and the girls take turns to try and take care of him. Like how Kurusu transforms into a nurse and tries to inject Kazuya with a BIG needle to cure his illness. Or how Maya tries to give Kazuya some poison and non-poison soup. Er… She says something like how people in her clan will be able to make life or death decisions when they’re pushed to the limit…?! Also, how Chelsea decides to use her love magic to heal him but flops instantly. All of this of course made Hina jealous as she tries to thwart them.
 
Hina gets her turn to make Kazuya feel better later that night. Yeah, she decided to strip to her undies and sleep with Kazuya. Why? Because earlier on, Chelsea tries to do the same too but Daisy barges in with a sack, tie and wraps her with it and kidnaps her off to somehere…?! What in the world?! Anyway, I guess Kazuya felt a little better when Hina does so. Though, I’m not sure he’s enjoying as a pervert or is he too kind to refuse Hina’s efforts.
 
Well, just then Hina receives some message from the headquarters of the Guardian Hearts asking her to return for some medal award ceremony presentation. Looks like they recognize her progress and hard work. But Hina declined and said that there’s something more important than the medal right now. And the both go back to sleep. Aww…
  
Episode 3 is just when Tosaki brings the whole gang including Kazuya to some hot spring. There the girls get involved in some contest because the winner get to be ‘in love’ with Kazuya. Fight some monsters here and there. In the end, the winner’s decided by Tosaki by pointing her bat at Maya, much to Daisy’s delight. Where’s the logic in that? Maya’s seem to be daydreaming, shy and that kinda stuff. Anyway, suddenly Guardian Hearts crashed into the male section of the hot spring where Kazuya is (somewhere during the battle she got blown away). As the gang rushes there they saw Hina and Kazuya unconscious together. And Maya became angry and jealous. But Tosaki said something like "we’ve got to keep what we promised". What does that mean?
 
In episode 4, we see how mean Daisy is to Chelsea. Yeah, things like filling her shoe locker with lots of blackmail letter when Chelsea thought it was love letters, screwing up her maths solutions on the blackboard, switch the spotlight to another person in some swimsuit contest and make it look like that person won when the real winner is actually Chelsea. Poor girl. Furthermore, Chelsea’s birthday is coming soon. And she’s all excited. She thinks everyone is secretly preparing her a birthday bash by ignoring her. But actually everybody doesn’t realize it’s her birthday. In the end, Chelsea was sad and shocked to hear this. And though, it may seem like Daisy’s fault (I felt that it was hers), she still didn’t admit it, though she was softer to her towards to end. Finally, Kazuya shares a cake with Chelsea (who’s sitting all alone on a swing at the park) and cheers her up, much to Hina’s jealousy. But luckily, the other girls manage to keep her at bay while Kazuya and Chelsea have their moment together.
 
The school has rumours about some ghost in the girls’ toilet in episode 5. So Kazuya and the gang went to check it out. Well, actually it wasn’t really a ghost and is one of Maya’s childhood friend ninja clan member, Aya (she ends her sentences with ‘-na no’). Yeah, something like she’s a runaway ninja like Maya too and according to her clan, all runaway ninjas must be exterminated. So it’s a showdown between the 2. However, Maya found out that Aya wasn’t the one sent to hunt her down but another ninja lady called Remu. She even took Kazuya as a hostage (hanging from some giant kite). So as the 2 fought, thoughts of Maya being together with Kazuya flow through her mind and because of that she had that ‘extra’ power to finish off Remu. Unfortunately, Maya’s power was too great that it cut the kite’s strings and caused Kazuya to fall. Luckily, Kazuya landed first and in a way caught Maya.
 
Maya got a little injured and is carried away by Kazuya. Uh-huh, some moment of intimacy between the 2 (in fact this whole episode there’re accidental moments of intimacy between those 2), but it’s nothing much. And while Aya pack her stuffs and leave school, she didn’t think Maya would be in the same school as the place she made her new home recently. Well, I think she’s off to find a new place to stay. And yeah, that’s the only screen time you’ll get (she complains that she doesn’t have enough screen time in the end. Is that suppose to be a joke?). Hey, no interception from Guardian Hearts this time. I guess this is a Maya-Kazuya episode.
 
The last episode sees Kazuya and the girls working as some waitresses during the school cultural festival. During Hina’s shifts, she met her senior, Ren, who’s supposed to be on a mission to locate and retrieve an enemy’s weapon of mass destruction. Hina seems pretty ‘respectfully afraid’ of her.
 
Suddenly, Daisy who wanted to ‘make her appearance’ gets ready to pound on Ren. This is the funny part. Ren then ‘slashes’ Daisy. As Daisy falls ‘dead’ to the ground, we can see a lot of blood oozing out. Hina was shocked to see it. But eventually it’s revealed that Ren only used some tomato ketchup bottle to slash and stain Daisy’s dress. Yeah, and Daisy got up in a surprise too. Hahaha.
 
Then Ren proceeds to ask what Hina truly wants. Hina enthusiastically replied that she wants Kazuya’s heart. And with that, Ren sets this as a test for Hina to achieve it by the end of the day… or else, she fails and must return back to headquarters. Shock for Hina! Oh well, I suppose she has to get it done then.
 
As Hina’s looking for Kazuya, she spots him with Maya, much to her horror. She sneakily snatched Kazuya away from her by telling Maya that she’s got some self-destructing device in her body which’ll activate if she steps of of the school area. And poor Maya believed her 100%. And off Hina and Kazuya go, on their not-so-perfect date. Yeah, somehow Hina fainted and Kazuya had to take her to some hotel to cool things down.
 
Just then, Chelsea saw them entering the hotel and misunderstood the situation and thought that they’re gonna ‘do it’. So she decides to play the ‘hero’ and rescue Kazuya from Hina’s evil by transforming into some magical girl. Also, at the same time her transformation has caused her to hit Ren, who just happened to walk by, unconscious. Yup, Ren dropped some Anti-planet Heavy Armour Power Monster Mobile Doll suitcase in Chelsea’s hands. And Chelsea’s already hatching some devilish plot to use it in her plans.
 
Meanwhile, Kazuya accidentily pressed some button on the bed which made them ‘bounced’ into a really ‘compromising position’. But Hina says it’s okay and at the same time confesses to Kazuya that she loves him, that she doesn’t want to be separated from him. Well, their mood is interrupted with Chelsea, now in that giant rabbit mobile power suit, terrorizing and destroying the surroundings of the festival… by unleashing explosive cans…?!
 
Hina who’s still wanting to complete her test, is then told by Ren to complete her final test as Guardian Hearts by putting a stop to that rampaging monster. Now that rabbit has tons of missiles as its arsenal from nearly every part of its body. And Chelsea is shooting missles like rain. Hina seems to be losing to Chelsea, now AKA The Goddess Of Destruction, with all those missiles and laser beams pounding on her. Hey, Maya’s still standing there waiting to be diffused by Daisy. Oh well, they didn’t manage to finish it as the missiles blow them away first.
 
Then this part I don’t get. As one Hina tries to protect Kazuya using her body, one of the missile’s impact was so great that it caused Hina and Kazuya to locked lips. And then Powawa used her powers to turn Kazuya into… a Guardian Hearts?! I guess this is Powawa’s most prominent part. And together with Hina, they both combined their powers to blast away The Goddess Of Destruction. Thing is, the canon that the 2 used is somewhat of a wedding parody. Yeah, they pulled the lever of the canon just like cutting a wedding cake. Is this the premonition of things to come? Maybe. With that wedding chapel and Guardian Hearts in her bridal gown. Just maybe.
 
As things settle down, we see the place in a real mess. Kazuya lost his memory of what happened today due to the canon blast, as mentioned by Ren, much to Hina’s horror. But Ren told Hina she passed her test and can therefore stay on Earth with Kazuya, at the same time giving her blessings. A delighted Hina then hugs Kazuya. Even back at home, Hina hugs Kazuya like nobody’s business. She must really really really like him. What about the others, then? I guess they’d sit this one out for now.
 
The final scene as narrated by Powawa, sees how Chelsea’s being blown away to another dimension. Yeah, she’s deliriously happy and scattering flower petals on some weird floating flower bed in space. Will Chelsea be back? Will she be normal and okay again? Well, let’s just leave it there.
 
Overall, I guess the comical and funny parts made this hentai anime a little enjoyable to watch. Though, I’m not quite fond of the naked and chest baring moments especially when the animators made them go all ‘exaggerately bouncy’ at times. Well, also the girls here are just averagely cute, nothing more than that. And that’s all I’ve got to say. Nothing much really. Haih…