Kandagawa Jet Girls

March 29, 2020

Okay, people. You know it is time to put up another series with some sleazy fanservice. What’s the best way for girls to bare their boobs and butts and dress all sexily without having us questioning too much? That’s right. Water sports. The only time when we horny otaku guys get to legitimately peek on girls with more skin than their clothes. But we’re not going for just any realistic water sport. We need to mix it up with some sort of fantasy either. So I guess beach volleyball is out, huh? Yeah, we had that back in 2018. Remember Keijo? Yeah, that was too obvious. So what a way to get boys who like their big machine toys by introducing babes and jet skis. Yes, people. Jet ski racing. Herald, Kandagawa Jet Girls! Don’t you just love it that hot sexy chicks in tight outfits riding their hot sexy water craft machines faster than the stars? Is it no wonder why this ‘futuristic’ sport is all female only?

Episode 1
When Rin Namiki was young, she watched her mom become the new champion of Jet Race. I hope she just isn’t admiring those huge boobs… Many years later… Her mom’s dead! Oh dear! That escalated quickly! It is also at this strange point Rin decides to transfer to a high school in Tokyo and he father gives his blessings. Countryside girl is of course amazed at the new sights of Tokyo, meeting weird girls whom we’ll know will serve as her future opponents. The big city is also confusing for her as she gets lost. And robbed! She chases down the thief but luckily Misa Aoi trips him not because she wants to but was trying to nurse her swollen foot (from kicking the VR machine!). So inside her bag is a giant dolphin bolster that she can’t sleep without? Is that the only thing she packed when she came here?! Misa isn’t the friendly kind so she leaves. When she returns to her dorm, guess what fate has in store for her? Rin will also be living here and yeah, she will be her roommate! Hyper Rin tries to bug Misa to be friends at school so much so Misa just finds her annoying and avoids her at all cost. Not until she hears Rin’s dream to become a Jet Racer and how she loves riding a jet ski. So Misa relents and lets Rin hang out with her. But as they do so on a pier at Kandagawa River, the snobbish Kaguya Shijuin and her maid, Kuromaru Manpuku tell them to get out because they are going to use it for their jet ski activities. Misa being obedient moves but Rin stays put and believes the river belongs to all. Hence Kaguya is going to teach her the rules of the place. Yes, they’re going to settle this via Jet Race. Rin accepts because she wants to become a pro Jet Racer someday. Misa feels conflicted of not stopping Rin. Obviously something has happened to her as she once harboured those dreams but has given up on them. Anyway she prepares for the race with Rin. Rin being the Jetter while Misa as the Shooter. Race day is here and while it looks like Rin-Misa (known Kandagawa Jet Girls AKA KJG) is in the lead, I guess somebody had the naughty idea of putting Shooters in this aquatic race. Because Kuromaru shoots Misa’s ass till her pants drop off!!! WTF?????!!!!!! WHAT THE FUUUUUUU???!!! WHY NOBODY MADE THIS MOVE ILLEGAL???!!!

Episode 2
So we are explained about pants being shot off as a safety device. WTF. We are worried if Misa’s ass is going to be okay?! Obviously more rules explanation and there is more to a Shooter’s role than just shooting pants off. But of course. It seems there are certain points of the jet ski one can aim at. Once it reaches a certain critical point, the jet ski will forcibly shut down its power and go slow. WTF is this stupid rule?! Might as well just have Shooters shoot ass all the way! Of course it won’t be shooting all the way as we see the Jetters pulling off some manoeuvring. Rin makes a few surprises as she is able to surpass Kaguya at certain times. Seeing Rin serious must have made Misa not fool around too. Uh huh. Serious enough to shoot of Kuromaru’s top! In the last spurt, Kuromaru has shot enough to forcefully make Rin’s jet ski slow down and that is how Team Dress (Kaguya and Kuromaru pair) win at the last moment. Of course Rin doesn’t feel sad but enjoyed every bit of the race. Later Misa asks her why she did not use the boost system. Simple. She doesn’t know how to use it! She only knows how to use those on old models that her mom used. Rin learns that Kaguya wasn’t being a mean bully trying to monopolize the river. They had booked it earlier on and there are sets of rules to do so that everyone can share and use the river. Of course only clubs and association can do that. Unfortunately their school has no Jet Race club. Did Rin pick the wrong school? And of course, that won’t stop her because she’s going to make a new club! Certainly she’ll overcome all the procedures needed to create her new club. Like the case of an advisor, plead with puppy dog eyes until Yamada sensei gives in! Need more members? Plead and bribe Hina Tsuruno with more food till she gives in! Maybe Rin is too eager that she tries to submit for club approval to the student council president, Fumika Shinshijuin without getting enough members and will think about that once the club is running. Too bad she is kicked out. Then she tells her ‘sob story’ to Misa and in some ways she takes pity on her and decides to join her club. Wow. That was easy. Big thank you girly hug coming your way!

Episode 3
This is also how you snag a new member. Because Kiriko Yoshitoku is a mechanic and loves to fix jet skis, Misa offers her to dabble with their jet ski as long as she joins. You bet she’s in. Eager beaver Rin goes to submit to Fumika but gets thrown out again! Puppy dog eyes didn’t work this time. But hearing her lament she wanted to challenge Kaguya again, Fumika asks her if she can really do that. Because Rin says she can, Fumika will join her club! But Rin has to be careful not to pronounce her name since her family is a branch of Shijuin family and she doesn’t like that. With the club approved, Rin talks to Misa about it. Eh? Misa says she didn’t say she joined her club?! WT?! Did she forget last episode?! Rin feels so bad she misinterpreted her words and will go take off her name. But Misa stops her. What’s done is done. First club meeting, they discuss about Kaguya. Yeah, never lost before. Going to break some consecutive wins record if they win this year’s Kandagawa Cup. Misa throws in some tough training regimen for Rin and is surprised she is still hanging in there. Maybe she does have what it takes to defeat Kaguya. Hence Misa asks Rin for an outing this weekend. Our first yuri. Of course they get separated and with Rin getting lost, she stumbles into the typical pair of spunky-foreigners-who-love-Japanese-culture-so-much-they-pretend-they-are-Japanese, Jennifer Peach and Emily Orange. They are grateful she picked up their dropped item so they decide to take her around as treat. When Misa finally finds her, she is not pleased. Somehow she hangs out with them too and is further displeased the weeaboos have already taken Rin to all the places she planned to take her. Rin tries to calm them down by letting them choose souvenirs she bought but Misa and Jennifer end up picking the same yellow keychain. WTF?! Rumbling boobs to show the intense of their rivalry???!!! They’re ‘roaring’ away!!! And you’ve guessed it, the only way to settle this is via Jet Race. Oh boy, it really came down to this, huh? And that fake Rocky theme song so epic…

Episode 4
Wanna bet that Jennifer and Emily AKA Unkai Surfers are top scholarship recipients at a prestigious American high school who are studying abroad and a powerhouse in their field? Yup, thought so. The race starts and apparently when you boost your jet ski, it also changes shape. We’re not here to see jet ski transformation, right? We see Unkai Surfers taking the lead while KJG making a few mistakes. And then Emily’s gun is a bazooka! OMFG! Is that even legal?! No wonder Rin’s top got blown off despite not taking a direct hit! Also apparently at a certain stretch of the river, there are ramps you can use to jump over if not traverse through the obstacles. Misa doesn’t want Rin to use the ramp and save her boosts. And you know things are going to get serious when Misa know turns a sharp shooter that a single shot blows off Emily’s suit. Emily tries to use her bazooka to put up a water screen for distraction but I guess the downside in having a bazooka is that it has very limited ammo. She’s all out of them. Then on the last leg of the final lap, as Unkai Surfers uses the ramp, Misa’s idea is that when they are directly underneath them, she puts all her power into a single shot at their engine and forces their jet ski to shut down and go slower. With that, Rin presses and zooms ahead and overtakes the foreigner duo and wins it. In the aftermath, Rin still gives them keychains and of course they get so emotional about it because the true treasure is their friendship, right? So rivals become friends but still remain rivals? Misa is happy to keep her yellow keychain but refuses to say why she really wants it so badly. Hey, let’s not ruin today’s great race over something so trivial.

Episode 4.5
WTF???!!! WHY DO WE EVEN NEED A RECAP EPISODE?! Oh, the plot must be so convoluted and confusing that we need to remind viewers what happened to the story so far. Oh yeah. Because viewers are too lazy to go back and watch those episodes. What’s this about production issues?! You mean those delicious asses and tits weren’t enough to motivate the staffs to finish the job?! You guys failed in giving us our weekly fapping material!!!! On a serious note, while they only show recycled scenes from the early episodes, some ‘new dialogues’ are narrated by Rin and Misa so you can’t say that it isn’t entirely copy and paste. Oh well, have some fanservice better than none at all.

Episode 5
Rin makes it sound like she and Misa have become one! Not sure if the rest understood the real message but their reaction sure make it look like it’s a big deal. Later the duo try to practice their VR but then it broke. Kiriko tries to fix it and realizes the core is busted. Time to go get spare parts. Rin is happy to go with her and apparently Misa doesn’t want to be left out and also tags along. Worse, we see Misa feeling worried because Rin looks pretty close to Kiriko. Then as an excuse, Misa suggests to take Rin sightseeing since Kiriko is better off shopping for the parts. Sorry, but this isn’t Gordon Ramsay’s Hell’s Kitchen making its debut. Instead, it is the name of a pair of lesbo Chinese idols, Ziyu and Dina. Yeah… They’re quite popular too. Also here are Jennifer and Emily. They patron one of Hell’s Kitchen’s idol café (don’t worry, everything here tastes sweet and delicious) as the foreigners talk about the idol duo not only being famous idols but pro Jet Racers. More woes for Misa because Rin gets a call from Kiriko that she is done shopping. So what’s wrong? How the f*ck did Kiriko get Rin’s number when she herself doesn’t have?! More sad cat Misa face as Rin is all clingy to Kiriko on the way home. And then Rin goes out with the foreigners to Hell’s Kitchen’s concert. Now Misa is so ‘traumatized’ that she is sitting by herself at some dark corner that she almost scares the sh*t out of Hina. She gets the hint after Misa mumbles something about wanting to get a friend’s number. Hence we see Misa practising by herself on how to ask Rin for her number. Painful to watch. Real test comes when Rin suddenly returns. Now’s your chance… Nope. She left. Next time maybe. KJG finally have their go to practice on Kandagawa. However suddenly they get word from the association that their slot has been cancelled. What gives?! Turns out the one behind this is Hell’s Kitchen after using arm twisting tactics to get the association to bend over and f*ck them in the ass. Yeah… And when they start badmouthing others, that is where Rin draws the line. Their win had nothing to do with luck. Prove it. And as expected, this is going to be a jet ski duel. The winner gets the rights to use Kandagawa. As expected too, the idols take an early lead and leave our favourite duo in the dust. Make that water trails.

Episode 6
Hell’s Kitchen navigates the water better and Misa suffers from her jacket being shot off. You’d think all this is part and parcel of the drama when suddenly… Plot twist! They cut short this race as Hell’s Kitchen wins!!! WTF???!!! TOO FAST!!! And of course KJG returns to their daily lives. Obviously Rin is putting up a fake front and you can tell with that fake happiness. Misa tries to cheer her up and bring her on an outing. As they take a selfie, a pair of gals, Manatsu Shiraishi and Yuzu Midorikawa accidentally walk by and ruin their selfie. Rin recognizes them as they were the ones who helped take pictures for her when she first came to this city. The gals lack tact since they also point out they recognize them via their recent loss to Hell’s Kitchen. Misa is not pleased and asks who these b*tches are. Wanna bet they are also pro Jet Racers known as Baba Girls? Yeah. Misa doesn’t want Rin to hang out with them for they could be bad influence on her. Since when is Misa her mom? Unfortunately Baba Girls take that as an insult. Oh no. I can see where this is going. Yup, they’re going to settle this via challenge. And that challenge… Bowling?! Damn they trolled us… Obviously Baba Girls are good. Then a few more other challenges too like ping pong, basketball and some dance game. Why do I feel it is to showcase their sexy curves? Of course Baba Girls beating KJG flat in all games. Unkai Surfers happen to be here and just in time to be the commentators of this pool version variation snowball-cum-dodgeball game. In the end, Baba Girls trounced KJG. And of course the lesson of it all that should make our heroines realize what they lack: Communication and teamwork. On their way home, Rin admits she got worked up when the loli duo badmouth Misa. Hence blaming herself for the loss. Misa hugs her and suggests the only way to get better at communicating is via exchanging numbers. Yeah, nice. That did the trick. Rin is so happy that she never thought she’d ask. Wow. Rin bawling like a baby in public. Embarrassing… We hope the duo can communicate better because they seem to be doing so during their bedtime. Yup. Lots of texting to each other. DESPITE THEY’RE JUST SLEEPING A BED BUNKER AWAY!!!!!!!!!!

Episode 7
It is rumoured that a monster named Nyunyu lives beneath Kandagawa. Hence Hell’s Kitchen is doing so pseudo documentary to go catch it. Ziyu accidentally fishes off Dina’s top. Nothing fishy about those little monsters but I’m sure the fans would appreciate it. Hahaha!!! Meanwhile the test is coming up and Rin is confident because she has never failed one before. And that jinxed it because she failed! She has to buck up because as Fumika warns, if she continues to fail the make-up tests, she will have to take remedial classes and this means no Jet Racing activities. And the Kandagawa Cup is just around the corner… With Misa agreeing to this, Rin can’t even sneak in to practice on VR. At the library, Rin spots Kiriko reading an old Jet Racer magazine. Yes, Misa is in the article and it seems she was quite a pretty famous Shooter then. Why she transferred to this school without a Jet Racing club is beyond them. So Rin goes to ask her directly. Though she didn’t get mad, Misa reminds her to get her priorities right. Luckily Rin listens so she burns the midnight oil till she finally passes. When she resumes normal training, suddenly she falls sick. Poor girl. I hope studying didn’t cause her to burn out like that. That night, not sure why Misa suddenly got some panic thoughts on Rin. Hence she stares at Rin while she is sleeping! I swear this girl is getting creepier by the episode. Next day, Misa is out training, she spots Baba Girls trying to catch Nyunyu for social media likes? With that small net? They learn Rin is out sick. You know the cue of visiting her, right? Back at the dorm, Misa washes Rin’s back. Because of the ambiguous noises they make, the eavesdropping Baba Girls get the wrong idea. But nothing more to it as Misa lets them in. Apparently the best way to help one down with the flu is to eat lots of snacks! Yeah. Here’s the full course. Even Unkai Surfers is here to help Rin recover with their canned fruits. Yeah, it’s getting noisy and I’m sure Misa is not happy her private time to monopolize Rin is gone. That night, Misa catches Rin crying in her sleep. It’s yet another one of those dead mom’s dreams. Rin explains to her how mom died when she was young. Because she wants to experience Kandagawa the same way she did, the reason she transferred to this school. Misa assures she is here for her. Next morning, Rin wakes up and finds her sleeping by her side. I’m sure it was not the hand holding all night long that cured her flu.

Episode 8
Hell’s Kitchen are now doing… Bungee jumping?! Man, the things they would do to get ratings… Don’t push or you’ll both fall first… Too late… Regarding that Nyunyu hogwash they did last week? Yeah apparently many are starting to believe that monster is true. Rin is watching the race they lost to Hell’s Kitchen. She thinks she got what they’re missing: A weird team pose! Misa vetoes it of course. As they head out, they see Baba Girls still trying to catch Nyunyu. Apparently rumours say that if you catch it, your wish will come true. We know it’s nonsense but seeing Rin really wants her friendship to deepen with Misa (and also accept that weird team pose), she’s in for the ride! And yes, Misa who didn’t want to tag along, has to tag along. Because, friendship issues. Underneath the maze of sewers, obviously Misa is scared so Baba Girls can’t help tease her especially with ghost stories. Reaction so priceless. Especially when Misa trying to pretend to play tough. Even Rin got into the teasing! And when everyone starts tickling her, who is tickling her feet? WTF?! Mice?! Then there’s the whole pack of them! Run! WTF?! MICE GONNA RAPE THEM???!!! They got lost but no worries, that light at the end of the tunnel has them come up a well of the shrine house of Inori Misuda. Japan is so good that they even invite strangers to a bath, even those coming out from your abandoned well. Of course this leads to some bath time fanservice. Baba Girls really ‘exploring’ the boobs of KJG. After bath, Inori even treats them to a nice meal. Great hospitality. Then she ‘warns’ them about Nyunyu. It could be the reincarnation of the local Kanda God as it was once a paddy field. Hence they must not encroach on this land will ill intentions or be met with divine punishment. After they return home, I guess Rin still has mommy and friendship issues so the next day, she returns to Inori to seek advice. Something about leaving her friendship to the will of God. Seriously? Inori then explains she must also work hard for it. Pray is just to declare your intentions and not just to hope God will make your wish come true. Here that, all you people out there! Work hard! And so Rin goes to pray at the shrine that they will be in sync to win the next race. Gotta start small.

Episode 9
The Kandagawa Cup is around the corner. Here is how it works: In the preliminary rounds, the 6 teams who score the most points move on to the finals. That’s it. That’s all you need to know for now. I guess for KJG, if they want to face Hell’s Kitchen who is seeded in the finals, no prizes to guess they must succeed in the preliminaries. As KJG duo go on their routine training, they see a girl, Fuuka Tamaki seemingly wanting to jump off the bridge. They go restrain her and she explains she didn’t have such intention. However, since she was reflecting upon her disgraceful self, she thinks off jumping off anyway! WTF?! KJG stops her and of course the cue for them to listen to her woes. To put things short all her grand poetic words, I figure she has some love problems and the person whom she is in love with is in danger of going away because of her overbearing ways. With Rin talking about feelings and believing, you bet Fuuka will change her mind. For now. Back at the shed, don’t get surprised if Rin can’t fit into her suits because her boobs have grown. Nope. Misa feels her up and notes it isn’t her boobs. Phew. Has she gotten fat?! Nope. She now has muscles! Trolled us! I suppose the suit is so tight that they didn’t make provision for muscles, huh? Not that I can see Rin’s bulging six pack either. Anyway, Inori and Fuuka enter and stumble upon this yuri scene. Sorry to interrupt. After clearing the misunderstanding, you would have guessed that the only reason why the duo popped up before KJG is because, yeah, wait for it, they are their competitors in the preliminaries. And hence KJG will be up against Inori-Fuuka pair known as Sea Serpents. When the rest starts, KJG is shocked that Fuuka’s character changes 180 degrees! Why, she is like a crude and aggressive gangster girl! Then they realize that because she has a split personality, it could be this other ‘person’ that she meant she was talking about. In this tight race, we see Fuuka f*cking aggressive. Is it even legal for Inori to be carrying a gatling gun?! For added ‘suspense’, both sides shoot off their suits. Time to show those boobs and asses. In the final stretch, just when Inori’s gun runs out of bullets, Misa shoots to slow down their machine. Then it is a mad dash to the finish line. Too close to call. A photo finish will see who wins. Guess who? A DRAW???!!! Wait. So how? Anyway, Inori calms down Fuuka who now reverts to her repenting meek personality. It’s not touching. It’s just weird, seriously.

Episode 10
Based on their last performance, Kiriko thinks some power unit upgrade is necessary if KJG wants to win their next race. Unfortunately a decent one costs 300 grand but luckily a more compatible is cheaper. Just 200 grand. Oh well. Time to beg for money. Hence Misa goes to beg Fumika for funds. You might think she would give in after hearing the buzzword to defeat Kaguya. But she’s not dumb. Defeat Kaguya first, then we talk money. An argument ensues. Basically a chicken and egg situation. Once they defeat Kaguya, then can get all the money they want. However they need the money to defeat Kaguya. See where this is going? Eventually the only way to assure funds is to get it themselves via part time job. Gee, I wonder if there are high paying part time jobs. Aha! Sell their bodies! Thankfully, that didn’t cross their minds so we see them do convenient store jobs to food sampling to maid cafes. And when they pool their money, they are just short of 20 grand. Damn, these jobs pay that high for a short period? What timing when Jennifer calls, claiming she has a high paying part time job for them. You mean they’re going to sell their bodies now?! Just kidding. Working at a beach house run by her aunt. With those cute sexy girls, it’s no wonder business soared by 200%!!! Once they get their pay, it’s all fun in the sun and sand. Even Baba Girls are here. Oh, Hell’s Kitchen too. Since they’re in public, they are on their best cutie behaviour. Also in good timing, there is a beach volleyball tournament that offers 100 grand prize money. You know what’s coming. Hey, I thought this is a jet ski anime???!!! We see all the jet ski girl teams bulldoze the competition. In the first semi-finals, Hell’s Kitchen defeat Unkai Surfers. In the other semi-finals, KJG beat Baba Girls. The finals is really a close race. Dina is on the verge of losing her patience but suddenly the match is stopped! It is their manager coming to pick them up for slacking on a tight schedule! Hey. Can she just waltz in like that and do as she likes? Who the f*ck is she?! Anyway, with Hell’s Kitchen forfeiting their match, KJG wins. Damn, come to think of it, for an obscure mini tournament, they sure offer a f*cking great prize. Oh well. Goal achieved. KJG will get their parts and we views got our weekly fanservice. It’s a win-win for everybody!

Episode 11
Suddenly… KJG has qualified for the finals!!! Woah. I suppose the other competitors weren’t that good or important, huh? So as they celebrate, we hear them note that KJG blew away their competitors without the power unit because their order will take some time to arrive but it’ll be here before the finals. Uh huh. Just to tell us how much more powerful KJG can be. And so we have 6 finalists for the finals, all of whom we already know. Yup, no new faces here. And you bet KJG is going to be the dark horse of the race. KJG practice but it seems they aren’t able to get the results they want. Cue for Misa to have a flashback why she doesn’t consider herself a genius. Her sister, Risa was the talented one whom she looked up to. Then one day Misa blundered and cost them a win. Because of that sole incident, she decided to quite Jet Racing and enrol in a school where there is no Jet Race club. Talk about giving up so easily, huh? I suppose the finals must be far away because Rin decides to return to her hometown. And with Misa being alone, she stumbles into Sea Serpents as they invite her to a training camp. Not sure what this training camp is about but looks like they’re just cleansing themselves under the waterfall. Meanwhile Rin has returned. She thought the huge crowd was to greet her but too bad, only her dad. The crowd is because Hell’s Kitchen is also on the same ship. Rin visits her mom’s grave and is lost on what to do next. You mean racing her heart out wasn’t enough? Coincidentally, Hell’s Kitchen are also here to pay their respects. They confirm Rin is the daughter of Ran, the person whom they admired and the reason why they got into Jet Racing. Ran told them to just be themselves because they are different people. With that, Rin’s blues are blown away. She realizes mom has always taught her what to do but she had always tried to follow in her footsteps. You bet she’s going to try her best now. Misa finishes her training with a clear mind. When she returns, Rin has also returned. Man, what a quick trip? This time, Misa has something she wants to talk to Rin about.

Episode 12
We see Kaguya holding a lavish party. I guess it is to explain to some uncle why she is into this sport. You see, being born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she wanted to show she could achieve something with her own strength. So I suppose Jet Racing > feeding the hungry kids in Africa, huh? I guess confused uncle just agreed and his face looks like it’s written ‘whatever’ on it. So the thing Misa told Rin was about her past, her sister as a talented Shooter and how she almost gave up on Jet Racing. So she’s telling her now to get this off her chest because they’re about to enter the biggest race of their lives. Good thing. Don’t want this past to haunt you and mess up during the race, right? Also, Rin tells Misa about wanting to follow her mom’s footsteps but realizes it wasn’t the right thing to do. So now they’re friends? You bet. Because Misa accepts their chibi face logo as KJG’s emblem. And so the much anticipated race is here. As it starts, we quickly see where the teams stack up. Dress and Sea Serpents fighting for the lead, Unkai Surfers and Hell Kitchen’s battling in the middle while propping up the back are KJG (as expected) and MKHU (you mean this is the official team name for Baba Girls?!). As we also expected, KJG needs to boost up if they’re going to win this. So they boost ahead to the middle of the pack and shoot off the suits of those 3 teams! Like, WOAH! Because they’ve given us their role of fanservice, it’s time to make them crash out. Uh huh. KJG’s boost causes a tidal wave that has them just bump out of the race. You’ve served your roles, ladies. Thanks. With the field halved, KJG and Dress got this same idea to gang up on Sea Serpent. So after shooting off their dress, their role too is over and hence they are shot out of the race with their jet ski going into tailspin. And in the final lap, KJG and Dress go head to head as they race towards the finish line. It’s a close finish, but not close enough for a photo finish because KJG wins!!! OMG! From last to first! Everybody rejoices! Our losers are grateful in defeat including Kaguya. Time to return to more training. It is hinted that her trainer could be Risa. Rin so happy that she cries and hugs Misa in front of everybody. Isn’t friendship embarrassing?

Go Jetters: Girls Gone Wet & Wild!
Oh wow. I didn’t really expect that kind of ‘rushed’ ending. Me being so sceptical at this point was thinking that it could end on a cliff-hanger and not resolve anything. Then they surprised me and end it with the typical fairytale ending because our dark horse favourites pull of a come-from-behind win to take the ultimate trophy. Wow. Such a sweet and lovely ending. Now we don’t have to worry if there is going to be another season or not to settle this. And so KJG has risen to popularity to become champions faster than the stars after giving Dress their first ever loss in this important cup. No wonder. And whatever record that Kaguya was going to break, nah, no more important.

It feels like the whole story and everything is half baked and all over the place. Like as though they’re writing it as they go along. Because you can tell that they are dragging out the drama and not having loads of Jet Racing action. I mean, isn’t Jet Racing supposed to be the main attraction and theme of this series. Oh wait. I forgot! It’s the fanservice! But anyway, you can’t entirely blame that this series feels unfinished because it is part of the bigger project of developing a video game of the same time. So after the anime has finished its run, the game is scheduled to be released in early 2020. Hence this series feels like one big promotional stint just to promote the game. Initially I was confused that the game had already been released because my lazy Google search has netted results of various screenshots of the game. So why is it not released during the run of the anime? Oh well, I subsequently found out that those were just promotional screenshots and trailers of the game. Sighs. I only I had just reading a little harder. It goes to show that I just need to put in more effort if I want to blow away any misunderstanding. Oh well, not that I’m actually interested in playing the game anyway. Besides, doesn’t the rushed ending feels like a big promotion for the game? Not satisfied with how the anime ended? Go buy and play the game then! I guess there are new characters and sexy girls for you to shoot off their suits!

Speaking of promotion, there was an OVA released after the TV series finished. It was supposed to promote the video game but even if I guessed correctly it was going to be filled with the same sleazy fanservice, I didn’t bother to watch through the entire thing. Uh huh. I just skimped through, making this 22 minute OVA over in less than 5 minutes. So basically it’s about Kaguya calling the rest of the jinjang gang to help do a promotional video about Jet Racing as per requested by the association. Yup. Those men in high powered suits know nothing about it and entrust this to a bunch of sexy hot babes half their age. And as you could guess, the girls have no clue on what to do so it turns out mostly with lots of fanservice, a typical cutie Hell’s Kitchen idol video, more fanservice, some weird American ninja weeabo sh*t, and hell lots more of fanservice. In the end, those executives are probably gay because the filming done by our amateur film shooting girls came out looking more like some sexy porn teaser. So they reject the whole damn thing and replace it with some stupidly boring mascot to stupidly boring explain what Jet Racing is. Yup. Wasted all their effort and even rushing to submit it for the deadline. What are the chances the video game will also be toned down because of this? Is this some sort of premonition?! Well, doesn’t concern me. Not going to play the game.

Because this is not your usual jet ski racing, there are certain terms on how this race is conducted and some of its rules. Very briefly. It’s weird they are racing in canals all over Japan and do they have to clear out all the boats that are parked there each time a race is held? I mean, some of those boats are homes for some people. Do they really need to clear the area? Because jet skiing in circles is boring, that’s why they incorporated another player just to shoot and make it more exciting. Except for fanservice reasons, the shooting is as boring as the race. Uh huh. Weird obstacles in the race too? Time to show your flying skills or your weaving abilities. Not that it’s that exciting either. Furthermore, when the series reached halfway and particularly after KJG’s loss to Hell’s Kitchen, there has been a dry run of jet ski races since! You’d thought that there would at least be 1 jet ski race per episode but in the second half, they took a detour like trying to find the mythical Nyunyu and WTF a beach volleyball competition?! I know variety is the spice of life but is Jet Race that boring that they need to incorporate this bunch of other stuffs?

And you thought Kandagawa Cup being the most important of all the jet ski racers, the Holy Grail of the Jet Race, you’d thought there’d be more competition but what the heck? Only 6 finalists? Maybe six sounds close to sex. Like, sextet. Sexy, geddit? Like where is everybody else?! Plus, is there some sort of Jet Race agency or union or association that is supposed to exist at least in the setting in this anime? Right: JJRA– Japan Jet Race Association. Because even if they do exist, they sound like they don’t because we have ragtag teams of the girls coming from all over the place. Heck, high school and teenage girls racing. Is this sport really regulated? Or it’s just one big pastime in this alternate setting of Japan and the adults just sleazily approve and close an eye on this sport because they want to see boobs and ass. Yeah, whatever. And isn’t it unfair that the Shooters, one team only has a pee shooter and the other some bazooka? Doesn’t the rules regulate this too? Talk about inequality. So who is holding the BFG 9000 then? Yeah, whatever again. As long as the clothes come off faster than the stars, we shouldn’t be complaining :-).

The other odd thing about the Kandagawa Cup as I noticed, if it was such a big and important event in Japan (at least in the setting of this anime), why are the streets somewhat empty? If you take a look at the bridges where all the audiences are watching, they are just paltry. Just a handful of people standing on the bridge watching. And you thought the bridge will be jam packed with cars but apparently there is no traffic at all! It looks so much like a dead town! Heck, even those buildings by the river, nobody is peeking out their windows to watch this race! So where the heck is everybody?! Is this just an elite sport for the few? Those JJRA buggers should just increase the number of teams in the finals, to attract more viewers. Is it me or do I also notice that many of the audiences are girls. Are the guys in this town gay because there are a handful of hot sexy girls and yet none of them even came out to watch. I understand why women only enter this sport and there might not be even a men’s category. But something wrong with this sport when it’s supposed to attract male boners but instead girls are interested because of the potential yuri. Just saying…

Of course everything in this series screams about fanservice. So much so that there are 2 versions of the anime while it was running. Yup, you’ve guessed it. The censored version or the uncensored one. Because I’m such a high class hentai noble, I watched the censored version as I am using my ‘superior imagination’ to visualize those tits and asses that have been blocked out by ‘blinding white lights’. Ah yes. I can see them so clearly now! It’s all in my mind!!! Rin and Misa’s tits and asses! Only amateurs and newbies as well as hardcore horny lowlifes will desperately watch the uncensored one. Oh yeah. Keep watching and enjoying those uncensored ones for visual eye candy, you lowly peasants! I’m now part of the elite group of aristocrats! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh damn, I forgot that despite the different taste in fanservice levels, we’re all still lowlife scumbags of perversion! Once a pervert, always a pervert. You’ve seen one pervert, you’ve seen them all! Sad… Sh*t, I’m getting side-tracked here…

Anyway, I believe that they are trying to come up with something different using the jet ski racing model while also incorporating fanservice into it. Because of that, there are a few mind boggling questions that you would have probably wanted to ask. For instance, the suit that they wear that can be shot off. If that doesn’t scream fanservice to you, I don’t know what is. Now, I read an article that the producer did provide an answer the necessity of wearing such suits in the first place rather than just hopping on the jet ski on their skimpy bikini. According to his answer, to briefly put it, it is to serve as security and protection. You know, when Shooters shoot their guns (some of them whom have bazooka-like firearms!), it is to protect their skin from being ‘damaged’. Okay. Cool. But why the f*ck then can it be shot off???!!! Do you understand what I mean?! This shows that the security suit is not doing its job properly if it can be shot off!!!! And so it leads back to the typical answer that it is just for some cheap fanservice. Nice try. But try again, dude. So, if the suit can be shot off, why not their normal shirt or pants underneath? Damn, these are more durable than the suits! Can those be shot off?! We’re waiting for the day it can! Dude, think and try harder again!

More fanservice galore when you realize that the reason a Jet Race is a team sport because when both girls huddle closely to each other when the race is close to the finishing and when the Shooters have run out of ammo, doesn’t this riding in tandem look like some sort of sex position? For example, Rin is always bent over as she is steering the jet ski as a Jetter. Once Misa is done shooting and of course they need the drag and aerodynamics science crap for them to go faster and hence Misa will also bend over, making her boobs touch Rin’s back and her crotch close to Rin’s ass. It’s like some backdoor sex position but on a jet ski! Is that high class or what?! I’m sure this is the best ‘ride’ ever. HAHAHAHA!!! Oops… And of course fanservice literally scattered over the rest of the series like the girls having some weird bonding in the bath, girls touching each other here and there (yuri cue!), ambiguous angles that show those delicious parts as well as the mid-intermission eyecatch that has some of them close to being porn potential. Seriously.

And the best part of the fanservice is how they trolled us Rin can’t zip up her suit. We’re thinking, oh damn, her boobs must have grown because she’s been pushing those twin mountains against her jet ski all the time. Mind boggling but literally somehow it worked. And then they tell us it is because she has developed muscles, that’s why her suit is so tight!!! WTF???!!! MUSCLES???!!! WHAT THE FFFFUUUUUU?????!!!!! Can they just get a bigger suit? And with the exception of the loli twins, why the heck are the rest of the other girls have big boobs? Is there some sort of prerequisite for one to enter this kind of sport? Boobs must be this big if you want to participate in Jet Race. Unless you’re a bunch of famous flat chest idols with the backing of a popular agency strong-arming your way through.

The characters are a big fail and there is nothing that makes you want to support any of them. Not even KJG despite being the main characters and the supposed star of the show. As you can see, both of them have their past and their reasons to enter this kind of sleazy sport. Both of them are the polar opposites of their characters because it makes better drama, I guess. Like Rin who is so bubbly and my pace, the kind of genius and advent in the game because she knows nothing about it (or at least, her knowledge of the sport is still stuck and outdated when her mom was the ‘world’ champion), only to somehow let her inner talent burst out at crucial times to deliver the desired ability. She wants to be her mom but I have seen lots of animes like these to tell that people like her usually need to follow their own footsteps to achieve greater heights. That admired person is just a guide and stepping stone. Everything is up to you. Uh huh. It’s that cliché moment that a character needs to have at least a parent dead so that it serves as motivation to go achieve greater heights. And as always, mommy will always be watching you from the stars, my little darling. Wow. No wonder Rin no more lost. You go get ‘em, girl!

If you find Rin’s liveliness annoying, at least it is not as annoying as Misa who is being somewhat a tsundere. She has this conflict about becoming Rin’s friend. Yes, she wants to become her friend but I’m not sure why she is so scared of doing so. Is it because Rin will tease her or something? Hence, she’s putting up that b*tch face and rejecting all of Rin’s attempts while in the background when nobody is looking, rues another loss chance. Is this what you call friendship drama?! It sucks, by the way. Sorry folks, no outright yuri too. But a little yuri is hinted so use your imagination. And then of course, to make her the brooding character who is opposite of Rin’s, to explain that, that is why we had that short flashback of her being a failure. Just 1 damn failure and she used it as an excuse to quite Jet Racing???!!! An excuse to continue painting her sister to be the all-time great. So where does it leave her? In limbo. Ironically she’s doing it now with Rin but her heart is not in there. I can see why KJG can’t easily win races all the time. We’re going to need a miracle like Rin’s 1000% optimism if they really want to beat all the favourites if Misa is going to continue to have low self-confidence. Luckily, all they need to do was to come clean about each other and hence the miracle of them suddenly working together like a charm without the thorn of their past bugging their performance. Heck, it’s like they didn’t even needed the latest boost system at all. Their friendship is the booster! Want more firepower to that boost? Get more yuri! HAHAHAHA!!!

The rest of the other characters are just meh. Especially the club mates of Rin and Misa. They actually don’t really matter. Even for the silliest reason that they need the minimum number of members to form an official club, they still are sure lacking in almost every way. Okay, to be fair, perhaps Kiriko is valid because she is the mechanic who tunes their jet ski. This gives Rin and Misa time to practice their skills instead of tinkering with the machine. But for Hina and Fumika? Why the heck do they even exist?! Maybe Hina is like the big sister, the manager who handles the other stuffs but I don’t really see her doing it. She’s so forgettable that at times I even forget she existed. We need a b*tch character like Fumika so that this snobby noble could one day rub it in her higher status family member that she’s no pipsqueak. However, it is Rin and Misa doing all the work and she just sits there doing nothing but give lip service sometimes. Otherwise her character is just redundant. Since KJG won, I didn’t see her bragging about it. Yay. So we beat Dress. So what? No effect at all. Because of that, Fumika feels so ‘absent’ in the final episode. Like we’ve forgotten about this somewhat. Same feelings to for Yamada sensei. The club just needs an advisor so it doesn’t look like a bunch of rogue girls gathering illegally in some illegal hideout to discuss Jet Race issues. Really.

And as you would have guessed, the rest of the characters who are the main rivals-cum-friends for KJG do not fare any better as well. Like always, variety is the spice of life and that’s why you have a really colourful bunch of weirdoes with their own weird personalities just to make things interesting. Somewhat. So like Kaguya the high class arrogant b*tch and her glutton maid Kuromaru, you bet somebody needs to bring them down from their high horse. Then we have a bunch of loli b*tches AKA Hell’s Kitchen who are equally as b*tchy because we need a loli version of b*tches in addition to big boobs noble b*tches. Don’t want any more b*tches to overlap the characters already. That’s why now we have a bunch of weeaboos, Unko Unkai Surfers who speak in weird accent just to show that they are foreigners who love Japan’s culture. WHO DOESN’T LOVE JAPAN’S CULTURE OF ANIME, MANGA AND GAMES???!!! Next, we have a pair of sluts AKA Baba Girls MKHU. Somebody needs to be hyper sexualized and thus the reason you have them. Because the way they talk and act, it’s like they’re itching to get f*cked. Like as though they just came out from some porn shoot and want more. Lastly, the very odd pair of Sea Serpents (should I call them snakeheads?), one with a personality disorder and one is a miko priestess. Are you sure it is not against their faith to do this kind of thing? Okay. Whatever. All in all, these characters serve as KJG’s main rivals and due to the lack of episodes, they are not fleshed out properly and that is why like me, you get to form stereotypical bias perception on the kind of characters they are. Hey, don’t blame me for pigeonholing them so. You didn’t tell me their back story so and so, so how am I going to understand why they’re acting like that?

Art and animation aren’t anything special. Just passable. Sometimes they use CGI during the jet ski racers but they’re palatable. I’m sure this is how the game is going to look like using this kind of graphics. But the one thing I find weird is that how some of the girls look fat! I mean, the way the characters are drawn, some of them really look chubby. Take a closer look at Kiriko, Rin and Misa’s face. No, take an even closer look. Do you not see the slight plumpness in them? Even more so with Kuromaru because she is actually a fat girl but her overly huge hentai-like boobs prevent us from seeing those flabby belly. Yikes! The jet ski designs are also not bad but too bad they aren’t given that much prominence compared to the curves of our girls. Sad… This anime is animated by TNK who produced the High School DxD series, Sin: Nanatsu No Taizai, Kenzen Robo Daimidaler and School Days.

I must be hearing things because I thought I heard Kana Hanazawa as Fumika. Nope. Wrong! It’s Hisako Kanemoto (titular character in Shinryaku! Ika Musume). Didn’t recognize any of the other casts. Well, maybe except for Satomi Satou. Barely. In a very soft spoken voice lacking of all emotions, she is one of the commentators of the Jet Race but her character is so insignificant for me to remember. Sad… Oh, Minori Chihara as Risa? Wasn’t paying attention to a character that had just a few seconds cameo. Anyway, the other casts are Yuu Sasahara as Rin (Akari in Tonari No Kyuuketsuki-san), Riko Kohara as Misa (Rokka in BanG Dream), Ai Fairouz as Emily (Hibiki in Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru), Lynn as Jeniffer (Maya in Sabagebu), Naomi Oozora as Dina (Kiriha in Tsugumomo), Rumi Okubo as Ziyu (Aguri in Gamers), Chika Anzai as Manatsu (Reina in Hibike! Euphonium), Kaori Maeda as Yuzu (Mari in Back Street Girls: Gokudolls), Aya Uchida as Inori (Kotori in Love Live), Ayaka Asai as Fuuka (Hazuki in Hibike! Euphonium), Azusa Tadokoro as Kaguya (Kotori in Gokukoku No Brynhildr), Aya Suzaki as Kuromaru (Mako in Kill La Kill) and Maki Kawase as Kiriko (Yakumo in Val x Love).

The opening is dung by the KJG duo. Faster Than The Stars Bullet Mermaid is your typical lively beat with some techno in it. Great for this series but not likely to end up in my personal list of top 100 songs of the year. The ending theme is Rivals by Azusa Tadokoro. Another generic rock music. Same, great for this show but not really to my liking. Now, the one that personally takes the cake is that fake Rocky BGM theme song. Even if it isn’t as epic as it is supposed to spoof, hearing this song each time never fails to make me break into a smile. You know, “Oh God. It’s that song again…”. Yeah… Also, my ears might be playing tricks on me because I think there is one BGM which I think sounds very close to Hotel California but in shamisen version. At least there is just one line that sounds close to that Eagles’ all-time hit. Other than that, many of the other soundtracks are made out of dramatic techno beats that are used mainly in the Jet Race.

Overall, this feels like a series just trying to cash in on the fanservice. Obviously the only memorable thing about this show which is otherwise so very forgettable. The story, the mechanics of the sport as well the characters are not properly written out and sometimes when you think about it, it’s that feeling that it’s just bad that it’s good. If you really want to watch a water sport series that is filled with ‘satisfying’ fanservice, go for Keijo. When you are already going for the fanservice goal, might as well go all the way of using the basic tits and ass instead of some machine to make it less obvious. We’re only lying to ourselves. No matter how sleazy and pervy the reason, we just want to see boobs and butts in action. That’s why Keijo was so highly successful that they couldn’t get another season. Heh. Sad… So whoever wins the Kandagawa Cup, we the audience are the biggest winners as we get to see the wet girl on girl action. And if we’re lucky, all their clothes come off during the race! Faster than the stars! Oh yeah, lots of huge cups for us to savour! So why aren’t we making jet skis the next popular sport in the world?!

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