Yoiko

March 2, 2012

These days you can’t really tell a person’s age or background based on his/her looks. An old person may turn out to be someone younger or a person looking like a teenager may actually be a middle-aged person. You can’t go by the book anymore. The world is topsy-turvy, chaotic. Before this blog will make it sound like an apocalyptic confusing doomsday review, rest assured that Yoiko is more of a comedy than anything scary.

If you look at Fuuka Esumi, first thing that comes to mind is that she might be a gorgeous model. Why, she has the height (163cm if you want to know), the slender bodyline, the curvaceous curves, the busty boobs. Everything that every man and woman would dream of. However there is a catch. Despite her physical appearance as an adult, she is actually an elementary school kid! You read that right. And since she is just a kid, her mentality and thinking is just exactly like one. So when you put this conflicting inconsistencies based on society’s norms, you’re going to get some misunderstandings especially from the people around her. Sounds like fun, right? Not if you’re Fuuka. Who says being a kid is easy?

Episode 1
Fuuka’s mom is packing her things because she is going overseas due to her work. So this means Fuuka will stay at a relative’s place while continuing to attend elementary school like other normal kids. Well, if only her appearance was. At class 5-3 of Tonbori Private Elementary School, the class is abuzz that they are receiving a new teacher. Yeah, maybe their teacher Saeko Noguchi got pregnant or something. I assure you, it’s nothing like that. To the class’ disappointment, that ‘teacher’ turns out to be a fellow transfer student, Fuuka. How can this ‘giant’ be an elementary student, you say? Bewildering. As Fuuka introduces herself, her backpack filled with cosmetics fell out! Yes, Fuuka likes putting on make-up despite being a kid so can you blame the rest for being sceptical if she’s a kid? Fuuka sits next to Kenji Amimoto and even as a kid, he is pretty conscious about her bodacious body. Even Noguchi. Jealous of her hot bod? Yeah, she even tried to impress the class with her own boobs. Is she starting them young to be perverts? Not that they understand anyway. The girls of course are curious about Fuuka’s height and all as they talk to her but the guys especially naughty Ozeki starts teasing her that she is a big breast monster. Miki Kashima stands up for Fuuka telling Ozeki off that there is nothing wrong with big breasts because those twin peaks will conquer the world! Okay, so everyone in this class has a screw loose in their heads. Later Fuuka thanks Miki for that and would like to walk home with her. But Miki couldn’t so she runs away. Meanwhile, Fuuka’s cousin, Jiro is seen meeting a suspicious person. To cut things short, Jiro is a pervert and is exchanging some adult video. Too bad his steamy secret life will come to a crashing halt with Fuuka living with him. Even if she’s a kid, he can’t help getting nose bleeds seeing her well-endowed body. No more watching those videos in his safe sanctuary. No more playing with himself whenever he feels like it. No more!!! Making things worse, Fuuka loves sleeping without her clothes. Good thing is that he doesn’t pound on her and tries very hard to hold it in. If he did, will that make him a lolicon? Wait no. Oh, maybe yes. But then again… Deep into the night when they’re sleeping, Jiro hears Fuuka crying in her sleep calling for her mama. He felt sorry for her till her hand accidentally pressed the remote control to play the steamy video. Life is going to get tougher for that guy…

Episode 2
Jiro once again nearly ‘discharges’ himself when he sees sexy Fuuka taking a bath. He notes her adult panties and warns her about arousing the boys in class. Like she’d understand. Meanwhile, Noguchi is so down because her boyfriend dumped her for a woman working in a lingerie pub. So see any lingerie poster, she takes out her frustration on it. Scary… Miki once again gives Fuuka the slip to walk her home. Noticing Kenji and Ozeki following behind, to Ozeki’s jealousy, Fuuka smothers Kenji in her boobs when he agrees to help her find Miki’s house. Not to be outdone, Ozeki also offers to help out but what he got was her arm smack right across his face. Don’t worry. She didn’t harbour any grudge for those teasing that day. Rather, she got too excited. Excited people do that? The trio find themselves in a place where adult people go. Miki sees them so she has no choice but the let them in. Looks like her home is a shop but it’s closed since summer. The gang learns of Miki’s situation. Her dad ran away to parts unknown while mommy has to work in another bar to pay off debts. Yes, Miki is a poor kid in many ways but she still manages to put up a smile. So poor, she has to share her scarce food. Fuuka decides she is going to help her. Fuuka sees Noguchi to get permission to work part time but the conversation drifted off to bras and boobs. Since Fuuka doesn’t know what a lingerie pub is, Jiro tries his best to explain to her in a way she could understand. Well, hope she got that right. A group of drunk men see a poster outside Miki’s shop that has elementary student giving great service. Of course they didn’t think it really exist after seeing Fuuka but what the heck. They find her sulking cute. Then Miki serves the drinks but it’s milk actually. Hey, they’re elementary kids, right? Kenji and Ozeki put up a kiddie show. Don’t they feel ripped off? Elsewhere drunk and heartbroken Noguchi drags passing by Jiro to Miki’s store. They can’t serve her milk because she might dirty the floor like the guys did when they vomit all over. Noguchi is fluctuating between happiness and depression. Then she starts stripping and tries to strip Jiro. At the end of the day as the kids calculate, the cost outweighs the profits. But Miki doesn’t mind because it was fun teasing drunk men. Plus, she wants to have more fun with them.

Episode 3
The class prepares for pool lessons as Fuuka nonchalantly changes in front of the girls, much to their envy. It’s like showing off her nice body, eh? So Miki teaches her how girls change their clothes without completely stripping. As for the guys, they’re in their own competition to see who can change into their trunks without taking off their underwear the fastest. They start teasing fatty Matsumura because he still uses a towel to change. So when they strip him, they find out he is the ‘biggest’ of them all. Noguchi shows off her swimsuit to her students but they’re not interested. She gets even more jealous when she sees Fuuka’s erotic body. Noguchi has a special coach for today’s lesson: the muscular Sawanomori. Yeah, Noguchi is totally falling for him. She even gets excited when he wants to demonstrate mouth-to-mouth but he is more interested in Fuuka. Despite Noguchi’s explanation she’s a kid, he didn’t listen. Fuuka prepares herself but her pose was too sexy for all the guys to handle. Sawanomori is getting funny ideas on Fuuka, like releasing the pressure in her chest. Ozeki isn’t going to let anybody touch his Fuuka and is going to protect her. But his punch is like a tickle to that tough guy. In the end, Fuuka hits them both away into the pool, asserting she hates perverts. With Sawanomori taking his leave, Noguchi learns that Ozeki isn’t moving in the pool. She panics and rushes off to get help. Fuuka dives in save him. Taking advantage of her kindness, he fakes his breathing difficulty. Fuuka ‘kisses’ him and sends the other guys into utmost jealousy. Yeah, Ozeki could even do the victory sign! This has all of them jumping into the pool to get Fuuka’s treatment!!! It’s like a watery graveyard! But don’t worry, Sawanomori returns and he is willing to do CPR on all of them! Gather up you boys! Oh SH*T!!!!!

Episode 4
Miki is so poor that she gathers whatever edible food she can even if it they are scrawny. Makes you feel lucky and grateful, eh? Fuuka and Miki are on feeding duty at school. On their way, they see a cute hairy dog and Fuuka tries to kidnap it to raise it at school!!! Of course she gets reprimanded by the owner. At school, they find the rabbits in the cage missing as they have escaped and Miki starts panicking if they report to the police, she thinks they’ll accuse her for stealing and eating the bunnies! Fuuka assures her everything will be alright if they put something in. So the girls along with Kenji and Ozeki are at Tonbori’s deer park to catch a deer. Seriously? With only a deer cracker, suddenly all the deer are attracted to them. Which to choose? Well, the one that starts snuggling up to Fuuka’s boobs. Now this is the tricky part. How the heck can they sneak a deer into the train without having everyone looking suspiciously at them? You can’t. Heck, the deer is in human clothes. An otaku thinks it’s those grey aliens! Then a couple of police officers come on board. Thinking this ‘kid’ isn’t feeling well, Ozeki feigns that he has stomach pains. They mistook Fuuka as their guardian and chide her for not bringing any medicine. Then the deer starts shitting. For your information, deer’s discharge looks like little round pills. Ozeki has to swallow his pride to swallow the ‘pills’. SHHHHHHHHH*T!!! Coming out from the train station, they see Noguchi furiously waiting for her date but he never showed up. She kicks off her high heels and this causes the deer to run wild. Noguchi thought she saw a healthy child till she saw the deer face and fainted. Fuuka and co think the reason why the deer acted like that was perhaps it wanted some friends. Fuuka decides to get it some friends. Next week as Noguchi is going to feed the animals, she is shocked to see a zoo in the compound!!! This is very mind boggling. How can a lion stay in the same shed with a dog, penguin and deer without eating all these animals? And why is there a whale in the pool? HOW THE HECK DID THE KIDS BROUGHT A WHALE INTO THE POOL?! How can they bring so many animals in without getting caught?! Somebody not doing their job…

Episode 5
Noguchi isn’t happy her students aren’t participating in her class. Thus she throws a 1 million Yen reward for those who can answer. Instantly everybody raises their hands! Wow! Young kids these days learn the value of money too fast. They’re even hounding her to be picked!!! Everybody except Fuuka. Something is wrong with her. She knows the answer but doesn’t want to raise her hand. So Noguchi has her answer it. Yeah, see how disappointed everybody is. Fuuka trudges forward with the table and chair intact till she crashes! In tears, Fuuka reveals her body grew too big that she got stuck each time sitting down (thus the red rashes on her thighs). The class decides to make her a desk of her own and seeing how motivated they are, Noguchi will cover all the expenses. After getting all the equipment and expressing their dream desk, the construction begins. It must be one helluva big time desk because you need a crane to help out! Yeah, there are even livestock running around! Noguchi’s nightmare begins when the shop owners start showing her the bill. The cost comes up to about 2 MILLION YEN!!! F*CK! I don’t know how the kids manage to create a fortress-like desk for Fuuka in no time but they better hurry seek shelter because one mad teacher is coming their way. It’s so high-tech that these kids should be drafted into government R&D departments. Fuuka accidentally hits the missile button (they even installed that?) and the missiles barely miss her. After a few hit and misses, finally Fuuka rolls out. Still stuck to her desk but at least her desk has wheels and she is more mobile than before. That simple?! And all these for 2 million! Can you blame her for blowing her top?

Episode 6
As Fuuka is bathing, the water stops running. She tells this to Jiro who is in the midst of watching his porn (and probably climaxing in a funny position – oh he did anyway. In his pants). Since the pipe has been clogged up, Jiro suggests going to the public bath house. Jiro accompanies her and he got the fright of his life when he enters the men’s section to find all the old men staring at him. Are they gay? Actually Fuuka followed him in. Fuuka doesn’t want to go in alone but thankfully Miki is there. Miki mentions how she hopes this place won’t close down seeing that this is the only place she takes bath and with public bath house not popular these days, the lack of customers may force the closure of this one. Fuuka has an idea to help out. First she tries to persuade Noguchi come to Matsu’s Bath every day. Then Ozeki and Kenji but they’re embarrassed. Miki and Fuuka apologize to the bath house owner for not being able to bring more customers but he thanks them for trying to help out and is happy. As the duo help clean the bath house, Ozeki and Kenji surprisingly visit. However they cause the owner to go into near heart attack mode when they reveal their fake pubic hair. Too bushy, don’t you think? That was their mom’s wig? With the old man out, the girls reprimand the guys. Ozeki didn’t take this lightly as he throws Fuuka into the bath. A couple of guys enter the bath house to see wet Fuuka coming into the counter. With that, rumours start spreading and all the perverted guys start to patron the bath house! Are they here to bath or just stare at Fuuka? Noguchi is surprised at how crowded this place is but the horny men think she’s a new companion and takes her inside! As more guys stream in, the place couldn’t handle the capacity and crumbles! Oh damn. How are the kids going to compensate for this? But the owner thinks this new open bath house concept isn’t a bad idea.

Episode 7
Noguchi is out with a cold. The class rejoices that it’ll be free period as they start throwing things in the air. Why is there a cat, dog and a computer monitor among the items? But Fuuka and co pay Noguchi a visit. Though she’ll be fine and back tomorrow, they have bought ingredients to make her a meal. She is taken in by their kindness but who knows this is the start of her trouble. She can’t get some shut eye because the kids are struggling with a wet and slippery ugly monkfish! Is that her meal? It slips off their hands and into Noguchi’s pyjamas. Scary. I don’t know how it’s able to live so long without water because it’s still struggling in the fridge. The girls help Noguchi wipe off her sweat but make comments about her nipples. Then Fuuka accidentally opens the wrong drawer (despite being clearly told which drawer to take her extra panties) to find her kokeshi dolls collection. The boys think only a maniac would have this much collection. The girls decide to make her okonomiyaki for food (here comes Miki poor ranting drama gain). Needing to get some meat, they release the monkfish (still unbelievably alive) and it’s on a rampage. The kids innovate and use the egg beater as a gun and kokeshi dolls as bullets to kill the fish. However it ends up on Noguchi’s head. Her condition is getting worse so the kids panic. Fuuka doesn’t know how to use a telephone and somehow calls the weather station instead of the ambulance. Ozeki takes over but seeing they don’t know her address, all that’s left is to carry her the whole way to the hospital. Everybody is shocked to see them carrying a ‘dead body’! Miraculously they manage to as Noguchi recovers in hospital. The kids give her their okonomiyaki to get well. The next day, Noguchi is absent from class due to food poisoning. At this rate, they’re going to kill her!

Episode 8
It’s physical examination day and the old doctor was so surprised in seeing Fuuka’s body, she thought he is a molester! Too bad he had to leave because he suddenly got ill. So Noguchi takes over and as she measures Fuuka, she somehow understands how that doctor feels. Yeah, Fuuka is happy of her bust measurement of 86cm (D-cup worthy!). That’s because it has grown smaller the last time! No need to show off… The new replacement and young doctor turns up but he too gets the same reaction after seeing Fuuka. Later Miki teases Fuuka about her sinful body so Fuuka starts crying because she doesn’t want to have an adult’s body. She runs away and will go to a place where everybody is big. America? Does she know where that is? Oh, the nearest America is the one that costs 120 Yen because that’s all she has. However she is stopped at the gates by the officer. He thinks she is trying to get away by paying a child’s fare. Despite Fuuka telling the truth, the officer doesn’t believe her. Back home, aunty notices Fuuka not eating her usual portions. Though she gave dieting as an excuse, Jiro warns of the downside of being ‘small’. But she didn’t understand what he meant and runs away, thinking she is fully developed already. Then Miki shows up and tells her plan of transforming her into an adult. First, putting her in kiddie clothes seeing adult clothes will make men turn on. But does she really look like a kid in one? Nope. Yeah, Miki just gave up. As they walk in town, Miki notices the shop owners giving them extra services because of her sexiness. Extra toppings on their crepe. Getting a toy model free. Even the baby that they were temporarily taking care of starts fondling Fuuka’s boobs! Man, they’re useful. Actually, the baby’s hungry and sucks upon her breasts. I wonder if she really has milk. At the end of the day, Fuuka notes that though that there are bad things for an elementary kid with an adult body, there are more good things that come with it. As she crosses the street, the wind blew up her skirt and every guy who saw it was so amazed that it caused a near big fatal accident! Dangerous!

Episode 9
Oddly, Fuuka has no qualms about being naked in front of Jiro but now she is warning him not to peep her bathing. Though he isn’t interested (really?), she warns that Daruma (the doll) is watching him. True enough, curiosity got the better of Jiro as he tries to peek but doesn’t find Fuuka bathing though the water is running. It’s a trap laid out by Fuuka to catch him red handed. Regretting it, buddy? In school, the boys and girls are in a dodgeball match. With Noguchi representing the boys’ side, Ozeki is sure Noguchi will win and their lunches are guaranteed. Noguchi and Fuuka are the only ones left. Fuuka throws the ball and it somehow ended up in between Noguchi’s legs. She got so pissed off that in her fury chases Fuuka all over, stepping on the flowers. Noguchi throws the ball but it bounces back hitting her face. She squirms in pain and her rolling crushes the bed of flowers. Noguchi realizes what she has done and apologizes but the kids aren’t happy since the judging for their gardening competition is next Monday. Plus, with all the teachers commenting on the sure-win of Noguchi’s class, she has no choice but to live up to their expectations. Lamenting the expensive cost of flowers, the kids show up and they know a place at Mount Inari where they can get beautiful flowers. So Noguchi along with Fuuka and co take a ride to the mountains to get those blossoming flowers. Say, can Noguchi drive? I mean, her income is so low that this car is actually rented. Scarier fact is that she has never driven before!!! Hold on to your seats! They start blaming Fuuka about the dodgeball thingy and argue among each other. They also think their doom is near when Noguchi activates up the wipers instead of the blinkers. Yeah, she doesn’t even know where it is. Then she panics upon hitting the windscreen washer. Hell ride just begun. It is a miracle that everyone reached the destination safe. Well, the car crashed as Noguchi laments that it would’ve been cheaper to buy flowers instead. As for the flower field, turns out to be a vegetation site with various uses. Only during the fall equinox they will have long stamens and several red petals. Yeah, it would’ve been cheaper to buy flowers.

Episode 10
With the car out, now they have to trek back. Yeah, Noguchi is the one complaining a lot. They stop to have lunch and it seems Noguchi is on a bad streak. She forgot to take hers out from the car. Fuuka offer hers and she becomes a monster devouring what she can get her hands on. Now filled up, she’s like bragging and so energetic to continue searching. But they are surrounded by wild dogs. Oddly, they listen to Fuuka’s instructions to sit. Then when they run, the dogs chase after them. Miki and Fuuka got separated when they couldn’t jump over a broken bridge. I don’t know how one of the dogs got stuck in Miki’s backpack but once again, they obediently listen to Fuuka’s instruction to sit and play dead. Fuuka then throws Miki across but she falls short and into the raven and the boys caught the dog instead. Luckily Miki is hanging on a log below. Fuuka and Miki continue to walk along the river. As they squat in the river to do their business, they felt something entering their panties. Yeah, they caught eel without using bait. Don’t tell me the eels are perverts too. They come across a bunch of imitating monkeys. Yeah, monkey see, monkey do. The odd part is that they follow exactly what the girls do so Fuuka has this idea of hitting her own head with the rock. She backs out at the last minute but the monkeys fell for it. Sad to say, Miki actually hit herself too. I didn’t know they’re this dumb. The duo meet up with the rest hiding in the cave. They can’t get out since the dogs are guarding outside. But Ozeki found a path deeper through the caves and this leads them to a beautiful flower field. Noguchi can be real annoying as she pesters Ozeki to give her his overcoat since it’s getting chilly. Hey, those monkeys are still there imitating them. Meanwhile Jiro’s mom tells him to bring some clothes to Fuuka at the foothills of the mountain since she received a call from her. Yeah, he can masturbate later! Haha!

Episode 11
Everyone must be feeling a fool for putting their trust in Fuuka. Yeah, she doesn’t know anything about yo-yo and is a klutz. The only thing she somehow managed to pull off was pulling down her panties with it. There goes their grand prize trip for five to Hawaii. Even Noguchi is so fired up because she really thinks that she’ll be the fifth member on that trip. Perasan betul. Miki laments on letting Fuuka participating since the girl’s division have low numbers of participation so her chance of winning is higher. But they didn’t expect her to be this klutzy, eh? Even after a week of super hard training, Fuuka even admits she’s a dunce and no yo-yo prodigy. But is Noguchi going to throw in the towel when the Hawaiian trip is on the line? Noguchi demonstrates her yo-yo skills and is so pro that she should’ve just entered it herself!!! Noguchi tells of her story of participating in a yo-yo tournament but failed at the preliminary stage. Disheartened but never gave up, she underwent intensive training at the mountains (what does yo-yo have to do with fighting a bear?). By the time she returned as a pro, the trend had already died down. Fuuka tries to cheer her up but Noguchi takes the wrong idea and thinks Fuuka will work hard to realize everyone’s dream. Yeah, she even starts packing for the Hawaiian trip. Counting her chickens, eh? Tournament day arrives and Fuuka wasn’t able to master a single move! Sawanomori is the emcee and he is thrilled to see Fuuka there. Yes, he still thinks she’s an adult. Her friends chide him for his thinking when Miki tells them Fuuka hasn’t even had her first period yet. Yeah, see those perverted faces of the judges? Noguchi realizes the advantage of this and wants Fuuka to use her special move on the horny old men. Instead of the yo-yo pulling down her panties, it hits her own crotch. To Noguchi’s dismay, she is wearing pantyhose since it’s chilly. In the end, they didn’t even come close to winning. You didn’t expect a miracle, didn’t you? More woes for Jiro because he thought he could enjoy some porn but Fuuka accidentally destroyed his video player with her yo-yo.

Episode 12
Jiro is reading a book on how to date. Fuuka barges in to tell him something interesting. Something about when you touch your own nipples… Then Fuuka realizes Jiro is going out on a date. With the prettiest girl in the neighbourhood: Amiru! But Fuuka asks him if he knows how to kiss. When did she become an expert in this area? She even offers to practise with him. If not for that green seaweed stuck on her teeth… Jiro teases her for being a kid but she grossly mentions about unwanted hair sticking out of certain places and tries to pull them out! Jiro tells her to do such things discreetly because she’s a woman. But Fuuka says that even among girls no matter how pretty they are they do things in their own room that people won’t know like scratching their butt, picking their nose and smelling their own toenail clippings. WTF?! Still worried about Jiro having no knowledge on dating girls, Fuuka and Miki spy on them. Yeah, that guy is really dating Amiru and is quite nervous. His eyes start wandering to her breasts so she says she hates people talking about them. He wanted to consult his date advice book but realizes he has dropped them somewhere. Well, Sawanomori somehow picked it up and Fuuka is going to give it back to him. How? Disguise as a waitress. Though surprise to see Fuuka, Jiro doesn’t admit this book is his but to Amiru’s relief. Fuuka and Miki leave thinking Jiro is alright. Just when he thought he got the conversation going (because Amiru was cool about farting as everybody does it), she slaps him when he mentions about her smelling her toenail clippings. I guess the date is off, eh? Jiro gets a nightmare of being comforted by Sawanomori. Geez…

Episode 13
Fuuka is taking a bath when the water stops running and something creepy happening. But before she could finish, Noguchi screams like hell. Actually the kids are with her telling ghost stories at school and she’s not good at handling it. The truth is Noguchi has night patrolling duties at school and thought they will accompany her in exchange of helping them study. Yeah, she really can’t take all the scary stuff but has to put up with them. The kids take turn telling their ghost story like Ozeki’s woman’s cry in the women’s lavatory (the guys who explored and saw the ghost that looked like their teacher got their groins possessed and paralyzed every night), Miki’s roach motel one whereby all the cockroach in town tried to get into the trap and thus causing the entire house to be filled with roaches (more disgusting than scary) and Kenji’s missing takoyaki (it was stuck on the lid’s top). Fuuka tells them a true horror story. She bought daifukus and ate 5 of them. Next day, she gained 48 grams. Uh? That’s supposed to be scary? Noguchi decides to start her night patrol but the kids aren’t aware of this. They leave seeing their parents will be worried if they don’t. So she put up all these all for nothing? She still has to patrol, though. She thought the kids were kind enough to return and accompany her but unknown to her, they have no face!!! EEEKK!!! Real ghosts!!! Whatever happens to her that night, we’ll never know…

Episode 14
The class has a weekend assignment to draw a portrait of their mom. But Fuuka doesn’t seem up to it because she can’t remember her mom’s face since she went overseas. Noguchi realizes she has stepped on a bomb and tries to diffuse it by allowing her to draw her dad. Oh, her dad isn’t around too. Now it’s Miki’s turn to get dramatic about her missing dad. So how? Drawing her aunty will be enough. After the girls let, Noguchi takes a peek outside to see if they’re really okay. Uhm…Fuuka is breaking down while Miki is trying to console her. Yeah, she really did step on a landmine. As Fuuka and Miki walk home, they see a stranded puppy in the drain and go to rescue it. They can’t abandon it and since Miki is too poor to feed herself, looks like Fuuka will have to take it in but will aunty accept it? Talking to Jiro, he mentions that aunty hates dogs because back when he was in elementary, he tried to bring some back but had to get rid of it. Jiro suggests they should find another owner but Fuuka is reluctant because she knows how it feels to be abandoned like her mom did to her. So I guess the only way is to make aunty feel happy first. Fuuka requests aunty to be her model for her sketch. She is delighted but Fuuka feels she is lying to her. Aunty returns with her horrible make up and as Fuuka starts drawing, she brings up the topic on dogs. Why, aunty loves them so much that she’ll instantly bring it back home. So about Jiro’s case? Well, he brought back 5 of them but it was too much for her husband. In short, she doesn’t mind if they bring back one. Yeah, asking directly was a lot easier. Oh, Fuuka drew aunty like a magical girl! As the kids rejoice, uncle comes back and has bought a puppy on a whim. Aunty thought it was this puppy so looks like dejected Fuuka has to return the one she found. She and Jiro place it at the crowded park in hopes a kind soul will take it in. Though she feels sad, she eventually can’t abandon it. Suddenly the puppy gets out of its box and dash towards the road. For that moment, you thought it became road kill, eh? Amazingly it didn’t. To Fuuka’s delight, it is reunited with its mother. Lastly, the portrait that Fuuka drew was the mother’s dog. I guess it’s an exception for her.

Episode 15
Noguchi’s class are on a field trip to the aquarium. Realizing poor Miki has never before eaten toro (expensive tuna), Miki tries to sneak one out underneath her shirt! Is she serious?! She gets reprimanded by Noguchi and was told to stand outside while the rest go to watch the dolphin show. Fuuka sees a guy pleading to a lady who is refusing to do a job. Desperate, the guy begs to Fuuka as replacement and will do anything. Anything? I guess eating toro is now possible, eh? Fuuka becomes a mermaid riding on a dolphin, Iru-kun. Yeah, everyone is surprised to see her. Fuuka realizes Iru-kun struggling and in pain when another guy tries to make it do some trick. She tries to tell this to the hostess but was being told to shut her trap. She is resolved to save Iru-kun. So by gathering Miki, Kenji and Ozeki, what the heck are the quartet doing on a boat in sea? Well, Fuuka’s plan isn’t about sneaking Iru-kun out, but rather to catch a friend for it. SERIOUS?! How the heck are they going to catch a dolphin with a net and bat? Fuuka thought she got everything covered by watching that American show, Flipper. She starts stripping and this causes Ozeki to nose bleed. As he washes himself, his blood attracts… SHARKS!!! It’s amazing they didn’t get eaten. Anyway, it’s not boobs that Fuuka mentions dolphins are attracted to. She dives into the ocean and feigns for help. Eh? She thinks a dolphin will come to her rescue this way? Wrong! Seeing that it didn’t work, Fuuka thinks dolphins are smart to differentiate her bad action and needs someone genuine who can’t swim. Who? Kenji! Fuuka turns into an evil woman and throws Kenji into the sea! Heartless! He’s really drowning! Suddenly he resurfaces sitting on a dolphin. Did it really work or just coincidence. Now Fuuka wants Kenji to knock it out with a bat. So that’s what the bat for? Hey wait, can you really knock it out like that? Anyway Kenji can’t do it because the dolphin is his lifesaver. But evil Fuuka insists. Before he could whack it, the dolphin takes him on a ride. In the end as the kids wait outside the police station after reporting a missing child, it seems Kenji has been found. Yeah, all the way to Okinawa! Footage from the scene shows Kenji being restrained like a mad man, yelling to treat dolphins kindly and stop making them put on performances. Why is Kenji spotting that unshaven look if he’s just a kid? But after this incident, Iru-kun was returned to the sea.

Episode 16
Noguchi thinks of making a home visit to Fuuka’s home. Her real intention is so that she could get free dinner. She even tells Fuuka that her aunty doesn’t need to go through the hassle of dropping her routine of making dinner. Yeah, her rumbling stomach is a dead giveaway. Aunty is so looking forward to it that she makes a gourmet meal fit for a king! Isn’t that a little too much? I think she wants to have Fuuka look good in her teacher’s books too. Uh huh. Everyone has their own ulterior motive. She even has the cheek to tell Jiro not to masturbate when the teacher is around! Yeah, he should do it now since he has the chance!!! But for Jiro, he still remembers her as that drunkard who stripped and boomeranged her bra. Fuuka leaves to pick up Noguchi but was being hit by a couple of guys. When Noguchi arrives, she decides to go with the men despite being told dinner from aunty is ready. That’s because she thinks having a fancy hotel meal beats home cook meal anytime! Some teacher. Not only that, she tries to make Fuuka and pretend that they are students of some trade school. Being a pretty bimbo will allow them to have free meals, eh? That’s how the world works, eh? Well, Fuuka wonders about her teachings never to accept things from strangers and you know what Noguchi’s reply was? This isn’t school! Oh, this teacher… While the guys are contemplating which girl to do in, Noguchi is already drunk with a few drinks and is perhaps looking forward to getting one of the guys herself. However she still forbids Fuuka from any alcohol and reveals that she is still a child. The guys realize that Fuuka may be a virgin and argue that they want to do her in. Yeah, see her eating that creamy banana? So stimulating isn’t it? Noguchi thinks they’re fighting over her so they tell that old wench to shut up and that nobody wants a stupid bimbo like her. Feeling the heartbreak, Noguchi drinks the entire bottle of sake to drown her sorrows. So it’s no surprise she is drunk and emotional on her way back to Fuuka’s house. Yeah, she’s clinging to a lamp pole. She is going to puke so aunty brings her in to the toilet. I guess she has to sleep in Jiro’s room (how on Earth did this happen?) and as Jiro take a good look at her, she suddenly wakes up and gets all horny on him? Dream come true? Well, she’s going to puke on him…

Episode 17
Fuuka gets the shock of her life when aunty wakes her up while trying to do a horrible ventriloquism with an equally horror-like doll named Humming Boy. Fuuka is so scared that she is clumsy over breakfast and it doesn’t help when aunty continues using it to unintentionally freak her out. Seems aunty is doing this because she and her group volunteered to do so at a retirement home. Speaking of volunteer, Noguchi has her class split up into groups to do volunteer work. Fuuka gets this ventriloquism idea and shows it to her pals. Yeah, they’re freaking out too. It’s like watching a horror show. Is this a cursed puppet?! Even Fuuka is afraid while using it. See how Humming Boy’s eyes pop out when he ‘speaks’? Eventually Fuuka too can’t continue. They tell this to Noguchi as it’s Miki’s turn to put up a demonstration. Same result. Too scared to continue. Noguchi shows them how it’s done. But it soon turns into an erotic show and she is enjoying the puppet getting all horny with her. So much so she passes out. Can’t rely on her, can’t we? Ozeki suggests using a human doll instead. With Miki as the ‘doll’, Fuuka’s strength accidentally twists Miki’s neck! It’s amazing she’s still alive. They try to readjust her neck by doing several wrestling moves but it got worse. Ozeki tries his hand next. Literally. Fuuka sits on his lap and his inner demons start to unleash. Yeah, his hands start to wander behind her back. Unstrapping her bra and fondling around while Fuuka gives off ambiguous sounds. So stimulating that he passed out. So at Tonbori Kindergarten where the kids will be showing their ventriloquist play, it seems that the gang have blue-black eyes and stitches all over their body. What happened? Then they bring in the ‘doll’, which turns out to be Kenji but he has lots of clips over his face! Fuuka starts the show by pulling the strings, causing the clips to pull open Kenji’s eyes, mouth and ears making him look like a horror and disfigured face! So is that why everyone else were bruised? So scary that the kids didn’t cry or scream. But see how wet the floor became? I bet it is enough to fill a bathtub.

Episode 18
Fuuka and Miki prepare themselves to head to the summer festival. Don’t you think the yukata on Fuuka is a little too short? Well, aunty kept it for her when she was young. Apparently she had grown bigger. Sexy new trend? At the stalls, Fuuka only has 300 Yen to spend while poor Miki only 150 Yen! She saved that up for a year by picking up cans! She can live off this amount for 2 days?! You people should be grateful. At a secluded spot, the girls see a goldfish scooping stall. Fuuka is concerned that the goldfish aren’t looking well. The owner says they are tired after travelling from one festival destination to another. Fuuka decides to play and save them all after hearing that they will be used as bait tomorrow (not sure if the owner is lying). There goes her 300 Yen. But it seems Fuuka is an expert in goldfish scooping. She knows all the tricks and what to look out for, especially how to handle the paper scooper called poi. Man, she knows her stuff! Fuuka manages to scoop 3 full bowls of goldfish!!! AMAZING!!! But don’t they look cramped up? This attracts a large crowd but soon her poi breaks. She is unable to continue as she is out of money and feeling down but the owner gives her another poi. With the crowd cheering on and the owner pointing out all the remaining goldfish, Fuuka is able to save more. However this is part of the owner’s nefarious scheme to see Fuuka’s boobs and panty at a particular angle. Fuuka’s poi breaks again and she is depressed but owner is willing to give her many more pois for free and is going to have her do it 100 times if needed! Pervert! Her friends question him he should just save the goldfish himself but he gives excuses that he is tired and has the right to be entertained! Fuuka picks herself up and not only scoops all the goldfish but every turtle as well! In the aftermath, Fuuka and her pals free the goldfish into the sea and turtles into the sea. But they end up finding and collecting all the turtles because they aren’t sea turtles, dummy. Fuuka thought they’re so cramped up that they forgot to swim?!

Episode 19
After taking a hot shower, Fuuka goes eat with Jiro. However she is eating the cucumber and licking the ice cream in a very stimulating manner! Is this how she eats them?! I guess you can say she’s a natural. Then the cream drops onto her breast. She tries to prevent them from dirtying her shirt and panties by letting them slip through. Are you already stimulated? When it reaches her leg, she manages to lift it and it lands splat on her face. I’m sure you are very stimulated by now. Then she trips and falls down and got cream everywhere in a sexy pose. Jiro blows his top thinking she’s mocking him because he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Later Fuuka spots Miki trying to steal a matsutake mushroom! Luckily (or not, depending on how you see it) after seeing Fuuka, she backs off. Learning from Ozeki the wonders of eating that mushroom (including being able to attract woman – something that Fuuka feels Jiro needs), they decide to go mushroom picking. Er, why is Noguchi following them too? Ozeki confidently leads them to an area with black pine trees but as pointed out by Noguchi, matsutake mushrooms only grow on roots of red pines. The kids have given up but Noguchi continues to search. She really believes she’ll find one? Ozeki gets this idea to use an animal, a pig to sniff it out but all he found was animal droppings. I don’t know why but Noguchi is acting like a pig, on her fours and sniffing out the mushroom. She’s so into her role that she’s making pig noises. Oink, oink! Maybe she really is a masochist. They couldn’t find any at the end of the day when suddenly Noguchi starts running wildly. Following her, they end up in an area filled with matsutake mushrooms. To their delight they start picking. However they came home empty handed since this is a private land and have to return the mushrooms or be charged for theft. So sad… Miki and Fuuka talk about it to Jiro at home when aunty comes back with lots of matsutake mushrooms she won at a shopping district lottery. Fuuka is relieved that Jiro can attract all the women he wants. Then she proceeds to hold, smell and play with it like… Oh, this is too much for Jiro to handle!!!

Episode 20
After Fuuka takes a bath and cleans it, she feels she is forgetting something. Meanwhile Noguchi is lamenting she didn’t make any wonderful memories this year and never went anywhere. Hawaii was only a dream and the furthest she went was Mt Inari. So much so, she is oblivious to the principal calling her. Many times. Anyway he is here to remind her that her class is on duty to clean the pool tomorrow. Crap. She totally forgot about it. So how? She ropes in Fuuka and co who are passing by. Always them, eh? Next day, Noguchi seems to be having trouble fitting into her swimsuit. Has she gotten fat or her boobs too big? I think I’ll stick with the former. The ladies see Ozeki and Kenji trying to fish something out of the pool since they heard a ‘plomp’ in the water. Noguchi wants them to stop but when Ozeki mentions it may be a large koi that will be worth millions, Noguchi instantly reverses her decision. Yeah, she can go to Hawaii. No, Europe. No, travel the world! She takes the broom and throws at the supposed koi. But wait. How come it made a human ouch voice? Fuuka thinks she knows what it is but is reluctant to say. Then when a bald head surfaces on the top, everyone runs for their lives, thinking it’s some kappa that is after their shirikodama (some energy ball located in your anus). But then Ozeki has an idea. If they capture this kappa, it’ll be the find of the century! Yeah, it’s back to all those fantasizing and daydreaming of what they can do with the money. If they can get it. They corner the supposed kappa as the boys beat it. When they do, it struggles and causes Noguchi and Fuuka to lose balance and drop into the pool. However Fuuka isn’t resurfacing. As she is half unconscious, she thought she saw her own shirikodama (actually it’s a wig), the ‘kappa’ brings her out of the water and it’s revealed to be the principal. Well, he’s here to help clean with the pool but got carried away in taking a dip. Then his wig fell into the water so he dives in to get it. Fuuka concludes that the principal was a kappa in his previous life. Of course not! Back home, Fuuka remembers what she forgot: Summer vacation. Too late, it ended. But didn’t she have fun all the while? Maybe she doesn’t realize it. And why does it take the principal till nightfall just to retrieve his hairpiece?!

The Curious Case of Fuuka Esumi…
I’ve always been wondering if Fuuka really does have a mentality of a kid. Sure, she sounds childish but her tendency to like doing certain things that adult does such as wearing sexy lingerie and putting make-up doesn’t make her really feel like a kid in an adult’s body. In a way if you look at it, she’s more like a ‘dumb blonde’. But other than that, Fuuka is just like any other girl her age. Sometimes she makes mistakes, she has got her friends to support her, likes helping out as much as she can. So if she really continues to grow, would it mean that she will be a middle-aged woman by the time she enters college and a granny when she’s only hitting 30 years old? Only time will tell. But as of now, I’m sure those who do not know her will definitely view her as a busty teenager. She may be a candidate for Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.

The stories are pretty random and silly but I guess you can’t have a proper plot and flow of the story if you have this kind of premise. Sometimes things do not make sense like the episode whereby the kids sneak zoo animals into their compound. How they cleaned the mess up whether they returned the animals to their rightful place is still a mystery. It’s like in some episodes there are no continuity and felt like it has been ‘reset’. But I guess these parts are good for laughs and tickle our funny bones. So don’t mind these details and not let it spoil the misadventures of Fuuka and co. Plus, do not attempt to try and imitate what Fuuka and her friends do even if they look simple, fun and harmless.

So basically it boils down to the few characters that help make the show enjoyable. For instance, Miki. She is such a poor girl that sometimes that instead of feeling sympathetic at her, you’d want to laugh out loud. She is so poor that any decent food is like a luxury. She is so poor that every little cent to her seems like big money. She is so poor that each time you talk about her dad, she gets so traumatized and can only think of a way to track him down. It’s amazing how she gets by with such little stuffs each day. So I guess in Miki’s case, we should all be grateful that we have enough to enjoy even the simplest things in life. At least Miki has her friends so I’m pretty sure she is not ‘poor’ in this area. Noguchi tries hard to be a good teacher but when it comes to her personal desires, she becomes the devil. Is it no wonder why she can’t get a real man for herself? And like Jiro, he can never get a girlfriend of his own. He blew his only chance with Amiru. Better stay a bachelor virgin and masturbate every night, eh? It’s real funny that Jiro moms knows of her son’s habits and isn’t ashamed of saying it in front of his face. He must have done it so often, eh? Or maybe his clothes reek of semen when she washes them? Ozeki may be a pervert but he doesn’t do it often and even so just his tendency to get his hands on Fuuka’s boobs. Kenji is just like any other normal kid and doesn’t stand out much. Feels like he’s just making up for the numbers. Every group has to have a normal guy, right?

I would consider the fanservice level for this series to be mild and the most, moderate. While the series is focused on a bunch of elementary kids, it isn’t for young audiences because you can see a full view of Fuuka’s boobs. And at home she likes running around naked. Sleep around naked. With some of those panty shots and ambiguous scenes with sexual innuendoes, this series should be for those looking for harmless ecchi fun. At the start of each episode, you’ll see Fuuka showering naked in the bathroom because she loves keeping clean. Likewise, every episode ends with Jiro lamenting to the God of Masturbation over his frustration that he can’t ‘release it’. Jiro may be a person who is just bad in picking the erotic videos he wants to watch. Every time he picks a tape that sounds like something worthy of a porn video, it turns out to be something literal like what the title of the tape suggests. Something educational or documentary-like. No wonder he is so frustrated. And at times when he’s not watching his porn, he’d be doing something else with himself. Either way, it doesn’t end well. Why else would he cry out loud for help in the middle of the night to this God of Masturbation? If ever there was one.

On a trivial note, over the series there will be a narration voice done by a boy and a girl. The way they narrate Fuuka’s opening shower or other stuffs during the episode, it gives an impression that they are bored and lethargic. It’s like as though they are forced to narrate. But if you don’t look it at this way, they can sound pretty creepy too. Especially that one creepy episode that who knows what happened to Noguchi during her patrol with her ‘ghost students’. Surprisingly the opening theme by Juliana Schano, Akane-iro No Omoi is to my liking. It has a nice and moderate pace to it. Probably it’s the strumming of the guitar. I just wonder the use of the kokeshi dolls during the opening animation. It’s not like they have any memorable or important bearings in the series besides something Noguchi loves collecting.

Point to ponder: If you take a liking for Fuuka, does it make you a lolicon? Heck, this is a tough question. So it goes to show that in today’s time, you can’t really judge a person by his/her looks anymore because there are things hidden beneath that are more than meets the eye. Before you form your stereotypical views on a particular person, it’s best to find out more to avoid any embarrassing misunderstandings. Well, but if you ever up dating a little girl trapped in an adult woman’s body, I guess it’s better than dating a very beautiful trap and then finding out very much later. Not even the God of Masturbation can help you.