Namiuchigiwa No Muromi-san

We have heard so much myths and legends about mermaids. We heard stories of how beautiful and enchanting they are and we have heard how some entice and lure us to our deaths at sea. But have you ever heard one with an attitude? Well, take Namiuchigiwa No Muromi-san for instance. Not your typical goody-goody mermaid like Disney’s Ariel. She’s just… Weird. I suppose people who get to see a mermaid in their life would be jumping with joy and perhaps keep one. Unless you are talking about Muromi. A boy’s encounter with this mermaid would probably hint to us why he didn’t make this mermaid his prized pet or go bragging around town about his catch. More importantly, can he escape from this mermaid’s attention? With 13 episodes of 12 minutes each, this short series is nothing more than fast paced nonsensical and random comical misadventures of them and the other scaly friends of the sea.

Episode 1
To his disbelief, Takurou Mukoujima AKA Takkun fishes out a mermaid! Herald Muromi! After introducing herself, she eats all his worm baits. Tastes good? Because she is so bored, she starts throwing starfish like shurikens to him. Then she purposely lets him hook her bra before easily falling victim to a fake bait. Muromi is attacked by seagulls but luckily Takkun protects her. He wanted to put some ointment on her for the wounds and she thought he was going to rub her in a sexy way so he throws it to her and tells her to rub it herself. Muromi wants to repay him for saving her life so Takkun thought just like in fairytales, she is going to take him to the underwater palace of Ryuuguujou. Does it really exist? Not really. Having a mermaid standing by his side already defies this fairytale thingy. Muromi says the palace does exist but was gone a long time ago and now it serves as a memorial. Yeah. There’s a mall located right next to it. Muromi fears another predator: Cats! Oh no! How low are mermaids on the food chain? Later Takkun realizes he can’t fish as the sea is being occupied by jellyfish. He sees Muromi getting stung and wonders if she is immune. Actually she isn’t but I think she is an ‘M’ seeing she loves the pain. Speaking about jellyfish, their appearance was due to global warming. Muromi explains about Earth’s history and cycle of being destroyed and recreated. This has been happening since the dinosaur times. It occurred to Takkun that Muromi lived through those ages! How old is she?! Till she points out she learns history from school from a guy called Poseidon. The Greek God? Takkun is smacked in the face with a jellyfish when he tried asking her age. Never ask a woman her age. He wants to leave but she wonders if he’ll stop by again. Of course he will. And when he does, she has a favour to ask: Fertilize her eggs!!! NO WAY!!!

Episode 2
Because of the mermaids’ singing, it was the reason why Japan was saved from Mongols invasion!!! For real?! So how old is Muromi actually? Don’t ask her age! Muromi gives Takkun her number and they can exchange mails. Oh no. Wait. Mermaids have handphones? She wants him to text her on just about anything. He’ll try. Next day, Muromi is upset that he did not send a single mail. And there she was sending him 372 texts and each hitting the 5000 character limit and he still had nothing to reply?! I can see why he had nothing to say… Later Muromi’s friend, Sumida notices her engrossed with her handphone and finds out this boy she likes. Muromi types a long message about this and that. Finally she is happy to receive a reply. “Okay”. Oh, the heartbreak… He’s not much of a talker, is he? Takkun thought he fished out Muromi again but it is a different mermaid, Levia. She is Muromi’s senior and was to meet up with her using Takkun as the meeting point. Takkun realizes Levia is that sea monster named Leviathan that breathes fire, though Levia says she hasn’t done that for a long time. Looking back at one of the photos (they have that hundreds of years ago too?), a photo of Levia destroying a city brings back fond memories. What city? What civilization? Mu continent? Super advanced science? Overthrowing gods? Olympus? Valhalla? Odin? Zeus? Are we even talking about Earth?! It’s like the serpent fighting and defeating some alien life form with her fiery breath! Takkun is disheartened that the mermaids played fireworks and didn’t clean up. I mean, he doesn’t want the ocean polluted and guess who will be affected most when the sea is dirty? Talking of fireworks, they remember watching the lovely sky lit up with them. Till Takkun realize those ‘fireworks’ were actually arrows on fire at the Battle of Troy!!! Though Muromi likes fireworks, she doesn’t have good memories of fire. Because she was once put on the stake at France and accused of being a witch! Shouldn’t she be afraid of humans? They’re much scarier, right? Anyway Levia didn’t like it and rained fire on everyone. That led to the abolishment of witch trials. Wow. I take that back. She’s much scarier. When it’s time to leave, Levia hugs Takkun and hopes he would look after Muromi. She might run around cheerful but she’s quite lonely at heart. The same night, Muromi enjoys playing sparklers with Takkun.

Episode 3
A couple of dolphins are doing well for a sea show. Muromi showed up to mock the good life they are having. Seems as pointed out, Muromi has this deep hatred for aquatic mammals especially fish who develop lungs. She wanted to give them a piece of her mind but the park keeper stopped her, thinking she is some cosplay freak. She goes on to rant about the sensitivity of dolphins but this has Muromi further insulting dolphins as blood sucking profit makers. Why the hatred, babe? Flashback 200 million years ago (wait! How old is she?!). Muromi liked some monster dolphin ancestor. However he got bored with her and went out with his own kind. He called her a stalker. And after all these years, the hate still lingers on. She never got over it, eh? Hii-chan is the opposite of Muromi and loves dolphins and whales. She wants to help Muromi make friends but the pissed mermaid breaks their ribs instead! They did no wrong! For that moment, she was persuaded to pet one of them but the thoughts of her ex-boyfriend changed her mind. Another set of ribs broken. Noting the problem is worsening, Hii-chan pleads to Takkun to help Muromi overcome her hatred of dolphins since he is the best human who understands her. He doesn’t even know what’s going on… Before Hii-chan reveal further, Muromi screws her from the back to mind her own business. Dismissing Hii-chan as her little sister but just somebody who grew up together in the neighbourhood. Hii-chan tells this problem to Levia and Sumida. They agree to help out and invite her under the pretence of a mixer. Levia explains there are land creatures that evolved into sea creatures but has never the other way round. So for her boyfriend, he either evolved into something else or died out a long time ago. Muromi realizes her hatred has been misplaced for such a long time that she swims away in embarrassment. To recover from the shock, she stays by Takkun’s side for a while. But when she returns, her view of aquatic mammals didn’t change. She continues to yell at dolphins for no reason. Hard to change a 200 million year old habit, eh?

Episode 4
Takkun is happily fishing away when a weird girl appears behind him. She is Yeti, a well, yeti from Himalayas and is here to meet her friend Muromi who said to meet her at the fishing boy. Used again, huh? How did she arrive in Japan? Illegally via hiding in the aeroplane’s crate. Anyway Muromi wants Takkun to come along sightseeing with them at Kyoto but he refuses. So the girls went off by themselves. Some time later, Muromi returns a happy customer with lots of Shinsengumi souvenirs. Yeti has returned to the Himalayas and is crafting a Shinsengumi sword! She handles it well and cuts loose a harpy in a trap. She brings it to make friends with Muromi but since Harpy is part bird, you know what this means. Look who is looking good as dinner? Muromi is keeping her distance and her worst fear comes true when she sees the predatory eyes in Harpy. Yeti tells Harpy that Muromi is her friend and not to eat her. But after 3 steps, she forgets and starts biting her! I don’t know how she survived that but she’s real messed up. How does a mermaid taste? I guess she can’t escape the food chain’s curse because here comes Harpy biting her once more. Yeti brings Harpy to Takkun. Why are more mythical creatures slowly starting to enter Japan? Takkun introduces himself to her but after 3 steps, Harpy forgets. Remembering birds and mermaids don’t mix, Yeti believes she can drill it into Harpy’s mind that Muromi is not food but friend. Suddenly Muromi jumps out of the water with a surprise attack on Harpy. Clearly she has no intentions of getting along. Both sides fight but in the end it is Harpy that emerges victorious. Muromi beaten to a pulp even when she is in her underwater home turf. Pathetic. In the end, Takkun feeds Harpy some food and the latter perfectly understands Muromi is her friend and cannot eat her despite looking delicious. The rest are appalled to realize that to train something, food is always the best start.

Episode 5
Muromi excels in jumping a great length over water like a flying fish. Another record? But Fuji feels envy of her body because her small boobs that have less water resistance allows her to jump and swim far. I’m not sure if Fuji is intimidating Muromi because she’s groping her own super size boobs while saying that. Obviously Muromi doesn’t like it and abuses-cum-insults her. Muromi breaks Takkun’s concentration to go ask him if he prefers small or big boobs. He starts thinking different scenarios and realizes they are all bad end! So which answer? Run away! Humans run faster than mermaid on land, right? Fuji sees Muromi dancing and swimming in the water. Her tail makes her look so beautiful. Fuji wants to be like her. When she follows Muromi up to land, she is shocked to see how tattered her tail is, thanks to dragging it on land all the time. Muromi is not interested in her lectures that their bodies are meant for water and smacks her boobs (because she is somewhat flailing them). Fuji starts hating the land for changing Muromi. But each time she badmouths about the land, Muromi targets her boobs. Big is easy target, right? So Fuji goes to check out this Takkun. Normal guy. He made the right decision to escape before he gets caught up in some misunderstanding but Fuji won’t let him leave. Because Takkun says the mermaids always put him in a fix, Fuji hopes he can say that directly to Muromi in hopes she will stay away from the land. But Takkun is sharp and can tell what she is trying to say. Fuji explains about Muromi’s tail but this is Takkun’s chance to run away before he gets caught up in something weird. In town, he sees Muromi skateboarding! I don’t think the heat is getting to him or everyone. Because everyone is friendly with her. He notices her ragged tail. Fuji wants Takkun to persuade Muromi to stop coming to land when Muromi once more targets her boobs (sea urchins?). They argue and of course they want to hear Takkun’s opinion. Takkun says the tail belongs to Muromi and what she does with her own body is up to her. This is what it means to be friends and to respect that decision, right? While Muromi is awed by his mature words, Fuji isn’t as she rattles his brain. In order for him to get away, he throws his bait into the sea and the mermaids fell for it! Well, how did this even happen? The bait getting hooked in both their mouths?

Episode 6
Takkun is talking about men even though they have ventured into space, the deep sea remains as the last undiscovered frontier. What gives about this documentary? Because he just fished out a rare oarfish!!!  You only find those in the deep sea, right? Or at least in the Ryuuguujou legend. And it’s talking too! But as Muromi points out, this oarfish once worked at Ryuuguujou before it went bust. Yeah, it was a sleazy joint. Anyway the oarfish is bugging Takkun to give him any work to do. What kind of work can a fish do? Why not Muromi do it herself? Well, she did but everywhere she brought him, he was turned down. When she mentions about the oarfish’s ability to bring rain, it suddenly rains and Takkun throws him back into the sea! I guess this is why fishermen hate them. But Muromi says it is more than a curse inflicted on Otohime rather than a blessing. Otohime the slave driver? Yeah. She really ran that sleazy joint, eh? Next morning, Takkun is surprised to hear the weather report about a sudden downpour yesterday in the Kantou region. When Takkun is getting supplies at the fishing store, he notices the employee’s name as Otohime. Could it be? The way she denies and reacts pinpoints that she may be the real deal. Later he confirms Muromi of Otohime’s whereabouts. Although the palace went bust, the assets sold off to repay debts, she has no idea where she is accept that she has fallen from grace. Next time he returns to the fishing shop, he makes her feel more uneasy especially when he talks about the oarfish and Ryuuguujou. Before he knew it, Otohime treats him like some sort of stalker because he has been coming here all the time (it’s the only fishing shop in town). She throws a tantrum that he is planning to do something and to at least blackmail her to put her heart at ease (WTF). In order to free himself from this misunderstanding, Takkun wants her to follow him after her shift. He takes her to see Muromi, the one who told him what he knows. Instantly, both girls are appalled to see each other and start squabbling. Muromi blames her for kidnapping men and sucking their life essence. Otohime blames her for spreading rumours that closed down her palace. Even Otohime did a bone breaking submission move on the oarfish and dislocated its joint! Brings back painfully familiar memories, eh? I don’t know how Takkun was able to stop their squabbling and name calling. And so he gets an earful by Muromi to not get too close to her because nothing good comes out from her, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. A lot of things to say about the person you don’t like. But at the fishing store… Otohime lectures him to stay away from that mermaid because she does stupid things, blah, blah, blah… I guess Takkun can never be free, huh?

Episode 7
Muromi purposely dresses in a school uniform to let Takkun peek underneath her skirt. Nothing but scales… When Takkun is fishing at the river, he thought he could relax but fishes out Muromi! Tail slap! Apparently mermaids can live in both salt and fresh water. Muromi is on her way back after meeting a friend. When she starts sneezing, she takes off her top and wants Takkun to warm her up! Suddenly a kappa appears before them! Another mythical creature! Kawabata looks very muscular and has this yakuza-like attitude! Don’t like Takkun very much… Scary! He is one of Muromi’s friends and passes some medicine to her before diving back down quickly. Muromi hopes Takkun won’t take it the wrong way because he doesn’t like humans (he almost killed Takkun just now!). One reason was because his brother was persecuted by them. And now his body is being treated as some religious artefact in some temple. At least it’s being preserved. Later Muromi swims up to Kyushu and meets with her tsuchinoko friend, Houman. Together with Kawabata, they pick poisonous mushrooms. Why do all the mushrooms give out a piercing shriek when they get pulled out? They have a feast with their abundant catch and get high. Like drugs? Takkun gets the fright of his life when Kawabata suddenly appears behind him! Can’t run! He is here to see Muromi but Takkun doesn’t know if she’ll turn up. So as he sits there fishing, he is afraid on how to handle this scary guy. Kawabata gives him a cucumber. Not to offend him, Takkun eats it even though it is raw. Kawabata is impressed he can tell its true taste unlike those mass produced and starts talking about cucumbers this, cucumbers that. He loves cucumbers, doesn’t he? Takkun can’t maintain a proper conversation and an eerie silence is what they usually have. Seems Kawabata has texted Muromi (even kappas have one of those these days) about meeting up but she still hasn’t turned up. Takkun starts to panic and for once he really wished Muromi is here to save him and tries to call here. He hears a familiar ringtone nearby and to his dismay, Muromi and her friends were hiding nearby and eavesdropping on them! So Muromi consoles our pretty frightened by relieved kid. Kawabata hands Muromi his harvest, a sack of cucumbers before diving back into the sea. Muromi points out even though Kawabata doesn’t like humans, Takkun is an exception. He shared with him his cucumber and you have to be pretty close for that to happen. Although Takkun still doesn’t understand him, he feels Kawabata is a nice guy.

Episode 8
Muromi seeks Houman’s advice since Takkun isn’t paying attention to her. She suggests giving him a present. Guess what? Muromi wraps herself as the present. But Takkun won’t fall for it and can tell someone gave her that weird idea. Muromi swims to Antarctica but is surrounded by penguins. They’re birds, right? Food time! No matter how hard Muromi tries to escape, she can’t outrun the group. She lies on the ice awaiting her fate to be eaten and become the most beautiful penguin poop in the ocean when Levia happen to pass by. Because Muromi is being negative that she will always be bullied by penguins, Levia will help her out. First she warns the penguins not to bully her friend anymore. And then she transforms into her true form and fires a warning shot! NO!!! Don’t hurt the cute penguins!!! The penguins scurry for their lives. Levia decides to take a nap and wants Muromi to wake her up if anything happens. But she is too deep in her sleep that she can’t hear Muromi warning her about a polar bear! Why is there a polar bear in Antarctica?! Fresh fish food… Takkun sees a seal at the pier. He thinks it is one of those friends Muromi is supposed to meet. He calls her but it seems she knows nothing. Oh, she’s in Easter Island now. I don’t know if she entered a magical portal or not, because how can she suddenly appear from Takkun’s behind when she’s at a place with 14 hour time difference? She rushed back because she didn’t want some funny creature to steal her Takkun away. But all the seal is interested in is biting her tail! Fish food… Takkun wants her to lead it back to its natural life. Muromi wants a motivation present to do that. Say, a kiss. But all he does is gave her a fish bait. So disappointing… A few days later when Muromi returns after sending the seal back, her body is one big mess. Big struggle, huh? Hii-chan tries to coax the living fossil fish, Coelacanth to come up to the surface but it asserts it is scared and swims away when Muromi arrives. Hii-chan blames her for scaring it off. As they ponder why it doesn’t go up to the surface, Sumida is surprised Muromi has forgotten. Oh no. Sounds like it is her fault. Flashback a few hundred million years ago, Muromi and Sumida tried to help the Coelacanth go up to land. But soon, Muromi experienced her heartbreaking break up with her dolphin boyfriend.  When Coelacanth was inches away from breathing air and reaching land, psycho Muromi grabbed its skull and drag it back deep into the sea while drilling into its head how scary the land is and that the bottom of the sea is the best and happiest place. So yeah. It’s Muromi’s fault. So scary that the trauma has become something of a genetic level! Hii-chan wants her to take responsibility so Muromi tries to persuade the fish but they all swim away in fear. It’s all in their genes… Scary…

Episode 9
Takkun fishes out Muromi’s top but he is unfazed with her silly ploy. He’s not giving it back unless she comes to get it herself. Wouldn’t that expose her top? She’s been so daring recently so what’s there to be shy? To stop her blabbing, he hooks her nose!!! Takkun notices Muromi’s shell is like Doraemon’s pocket and can keep anything! She won’t let him see so he entices her with that same bait trick. However he can’t see anything since it has some security feature. Muromi tells him some guy made this for her and even her handphone and the technology mermaids have now. Remember the Mu continent? Yeah, one of those guys. And some crap about why he has been forbidden to be in contact with humans. Takkun wants to see this guy but Muromi becomes arrogant. No choice, he has to play along with her. Now in a good mood, she shows him his picture. He’s an alien???!!! Although, his body has rotted and now has taken a mechanical form. Muromi takes Yeti to go see this guy, Wiseman so that she could have a handphone of her own. Yeti is afraid to see the little mechanical spider. More scary is his perverted otaku fetish! Loli? Shota? Cross-dressing?! Yeah. Even if he digitized his brain, I figure it must have been short circuited somewhere. If Yeti wants her handphone, she must put on a tail. Whether she needs it or not doesn’t matter. What will it be? Cat? Dog? Rabbit? Muromi picks rabbit and because Wiseman becomes a pervert, Yeti slices it to bits. Don’t worry. There are lots more of himself around. He cloned himself. Scary, huh? Because Harpy hasn’t been giving Yeti real answers lately, she fears someone has been sneaking in to teach her weird stuffs while she is out. The only way is to fix a tracker and to see Wiseman. Oh no… On second thought… Before she could say no, Muromi brings them there again. But Wiseman is now a stylish android? He says if she wants a tracker, Harpy must take off her panties. Yeti slices him open. The little mechanical spider crawls out. I guess he’s still the same pervert. Harpy doesn’t like the tracker on her feet as it is too tight. Yeti is appalled she spouted several bad words. Where did she learn them? Wiseman admits he is the one who taught her. When Yeti was away, Wiseman sent one of his drones to go talk to her. It is his way to protect and alleviate her loneliness. Yeti will not tolerate this crap and hacks and slashes Wiseman to bits! Cool!

Episode 10
Takkun felt hungry so he walked into a tempura store and ordered a mermaid tempura meal. Guess who that mermaid is? Don’t worry. It’s only a dream. An island girl sees Muromi beached on the shore. She doesn’t look too good. Had too many drinks perhaps. After getting her coconut to drink, she witnesses Muromi slicing it with her fins, talking to her friend via handphone and trying to make an appointment for a mixer (they’re at Malaysia and she’s pondering which direction is the best to reach the Baltic Sea) especially trying to teach that Kraken some lesson. At the end, the girl is so dumbfounded so Muromi gives her scale as her token of thanks. The girl happens to meet Yeti and they happen to know each other. The girl is waiting for Muromi to give her shell collections as thanks so Yeti mentions Muromi is based often in Japan. How to get there? Just then, Sumida is beached on the shore and doesn’t look too good either. Had too much drinks too… After giving her a coconut, they ask her to call Muromi. She too isn’t looking good. I don’t think she’s in a mood to receive any presents because both mermaids continue throwing up. The girl gives Yeti her shells instead. Back home, Yeti remembers how she first met Muromi. She plucked her out in some frozen ice during her journey. As thanks, Muromi gave her a scale in which she keeps in a jar. She always cherishes it. One day when Yeti went out for a delivery, Harpy is left alone to guard the house and so happen they ran out of food. See where this is going? When Yeti returns, she is disheartened to see Harpy eating the scale! She is so sad that she calls Takkun in the dead of the night. What else can she do? Besides, how the heck did she come up with that hologram visual?! Does Takkun handphone have this feature?! Yeti tells him her problem and he believes she has nothing to worry about since it is Muromi they’re talking about. Next morning, Yeti is suddenly hugged by Muromi. Takkun called her after that and told her everything. Muromi is so happy that her scale meant so much for her. Muromi and Harpy start hugging and kissing Yeti with lots of love. Yeti later calls Takkun to thank him but he is embarrassed since he is attracting the stares of other students with this visual feature. Even after school when he is fishing, all the other mermaids start ‘video conferencing’ with him.

Episode 11
Before you’re wondering if this Masuda guy working as the convenience store clerk is going to be a new character or not, Muromi puts a stop to this comedian wannabe. I don’t get the joke… Takkun buys a popsicle but realizes the seller is no other than Otohime! It’s not like she can’t have more than one job, right? So she needs the money that badly? For Ryuuguujou’s revival? Well, more importantly her goal is to dominate the land! However bad decision making during the Great Depression and Lehman Brothers scandal caused her to lose everything. During the ECO (Economic Convention in Ocean), the other mermaids brushes off her plea for assistance and mock her. That’s when Otohime vowed to become better on land and beat them. Wow. She’s burning with hatred. But Muromi wasn’t part of those mermaids and in fact sometimes helped out with the business. Yeah, she made humans go broke (even losing their clothes) and somehow they won’t hate her. But it is after some false rumours, Muromi spread them and Ryuuguujou went under. Takkun wonders why she just couldn’t tell her it’s a mistake. That’s because she believes you can only clear up misunderstandings through action. No matter what you say will only come off as an excuse. Takkun buys another popsicle but surprises this one as Otohime’s treat. Later when Otohime and Muromi bump into each other, war of words start brewing. Let the insults flow! It ends when Takkun baits Muromi. Otohime then leaves. Takkun learns that Muromi doesn’t really hate her and although she says she only cares about Ryuuguujou and not Otohime, without her running the place doesn’t feel right. Oarfish had to butt in to comment they’re both not honest with each other and gets a bone breaking manoeuvre. I think his sternum is done for this time. Takkun walks into the conveniences store and is surprised to see Levia making her purchases. Even more surprising, she is a regular customer here as pointed out by Masuda. They realize behind them is Otohime. Levia invites her to drink together but the latter refuses. Takkun realizes there are hints of undertone seriousness in their speech. And it is going to get worse if Muromi joins in! Otohime wants to leave but Levia won’t let her. And they ’party’ outside the convenience store till morning and Masuda had to clean up the mess…

Episode 12
The mermaids are enjoying their cucumbers. This lead them to talk about if Kawabata and Houman are in some sort of lovey-dovey relationship. While their imagination goes wild, in actual fact, they’re not really sleeping together in some love hotel bed. Because Kawabata makes a grave-like tombstone for Houman to hibernate. Fuji and Muromi seem to have opposing views about human. Wondering why the former hates humans so much, Sumida hints because that the person she likes was taken away by them. Fuji thought Muromi is sympathizing with her but it turns out she is just abusing her boobs! She’s going to tear it off! I’m not sure if it’s pain or pleasure Fuji is feeling. Later Fuji talks to Kawabata and Houman if there is any medicine to help heal Muromi’s tail but they think it is up to how Muromi takes care of her body. Fuji then wants Takkun to help her out in her plan to make Muromi’s tail look beautiful. Why not ask her herself? Fuji believes Muromi will listen to him. Suddenly Muromi uses an octopus to attack her boobs. She doesn’t like Fuji trying to devise such a scheme behind her back. I guess seeing Fuji in such pitiful state, Takkun intervenes by saying he wants to how her beautiful tail once looked like. But Muromi tells him off for thinking such a way because it is the inside and heart that counts. She’s not the one to speak… Muromi decides to rip off Fuji’s tail to let her have a taste of what it feels like. I’m not sure if this scene is about Fuji in pain or pleasure while anticipating her tail going to be torn off. Maybe it’s both. Takkun stops Muromi and of course the latter mentions she was only joking and won’t do it. Takkun feels a spiteful glare from Fuji towards him. What just happened? Did he just save her or ruined her fun? Although Muromi makes funny faces at Fuji, Fuji notes that she wouldn’t mind if she was the one doing it to her. I guess this proves she is a masochist. Whenever Fuji wants to join Muromi, she realizes the sudden distance between them. It’s growing bigger by the second…

Episode 13
Takkun ponders about his future so Muromi lends an ear. Getting advice from a mermaid? Won’t hurt, right? Of course the concept of future differs between men and mermaids. Muromi takes Takkun and dives into the sea together to have fun. Then she wants him to relax and take it easy. It’s her way of saying that sometimes if you struggle, you’ll drown and it’s better to do nothing and go with the flow of the current. She understands that humans have a short lifetime and the reason why they are always busy. Takkun should take his time to float around. If he finds something he likes, he should swim for it with all his might. I guess the first thing he needs now is a warm bath! He’s going to catch a cold after jumping into sea at winter! Next morning, Takkun returns to the shore but sees Muromi doing a lame Merlion joke. It’s for her year-end party. She misunderstands humans’ Christmas party is all about orgy. Takkun gives her a charm made out of a broken hook as thanks for yesterday’s advice. But Muromi is upset that he doesn’t want her orgy present in return and blames him for leading him on. I think his brains will loosen if he shakes him like that anymore. Muromi does her Merlion joke at the party and all the mermaids burst into laughter. She thought Takkun didn’t have a good joke sense. All the mermaids are soaking in the hotspring for the New Year. Yeti can’t take it and goes out (she’s only used to cold places). The heat must be getting to Fuji’s head because she’s seeing how sexy Muromi’s flesh is. Otohime is also invited but remains distant. Only Levia is not around because it is not hot enough. She is currently soaking in lava bath! Oh, the water is too hot for Hii-chan’s dolphins too. How the heck? Once done, they prepare to go watch the sunrise. Kawabata and Takkun are waiting at the shore. Once more, that kid feels the awkwardness between them and can’t help feel so relieved when Muromi and co arrive. Never been so grateful in his life. As everyone watches the first sunrise, Yeti gets the honours to pound the mochi. But she pounds too hard that it is knocked into the ground. So they have nothing to eat… Happy New Year everybody.

OVA
The OVA lasts twice the length of its TV series. I guess more of wacky Muromi the better, huh? It begins with Muromi playing a sleeping Snow White. It’s one of her failed attempts trying to get Takkun to kiss her. However the seagulls and cats are gathering and ready to pound on this easy fish! Can Takkun give her the much needed kiss before she becomes fresh food?! Well, Takkun doesn’t give a damn so Muromi gets bitten everywhere! Poor girl. She deserves it. After beating him up for spurning her advances and not kissing her, Takkun find out that the idea of Snow White’s story originated from her. Seriously? Around 150 years ago, she was lying on the shore and had this urge to be kissed (WTF). Somehow the Grimm Brothers stumbled upon her and liked the idea and stole it. She is still sore they died and she didn’t get a single penny for royalty. WTF. Takkun thought of cheering her up by saying if the story of The Little Mermaid was by her too. However that only brings back painful memories. Flashback time. Long ago when the world’s continent was still as one, the Pangaea Super Continent. There was the Pistachio Kingdom where humans and mermaids lived harmoniously together. WTF?! Civilization?! Venice?! WTF indeed. Muromi and her pals were school mermaids. She didn’t get along well with Fuji then and they always argued about breast size with Muromi using Mana as the perfect example of a washboard (something Mana is proud off too – heck she has legions of fans!). I’m not sure if Takkun is transported back into this story because there he is, a tanned version named Takkukun. We are introduced to the other male humans in Muromi’s class like Oohashi who got permission to touch her hand but gets disappointed on the idea that touching any part of her skin is like molesting her boobs and nipples (but of course), Tooru who somewhat plays the straight guy, another weirdo called Sudou and Masuda who is a big Mana fan (trying to get her to sell her swimsuit?). Levia is their teacher and for some reason when she enters class, she initiates some passionate lovey-dovey thingy with her students because she loves them all very much. So much her love that she doesn’t mind burning down the world for them. Scary.

After class, everyone parties hard at Ryuugujou with wild Otohime leading them all. Muromi experiences her usual hang over after that and as she lies on the beach, she sees a handsome prince on his flying horse. Not just handsome but rich! Love at first sight! Muromi wants to marry him but he refuses, citing he has fetish for legs! WTF?! And so for the sake of love, Muromi wants Takkukun to split her tail into two! It’ll hurt like hell… He won’t do it so Muromi insults him the virgin he is. But the other guys back him and know the pain of that is to be a virgin. Be proud to be a virgin! Virginity rules! Since Mana only understands Muromi, they go on a journey to find pretty legs for her. It brings them to Kawabata and his brother as they advise Muromi not to get close to humans as they will bite her back (Mana eating the cucumber like oh so stimulating…). They also meet Houman but why the hell do they ask a creature without legs for advice?! Anyway Houman can’t entertain them since it’s hibernation time. At the end of the journey, the solution lies within Pistachio Kingdom itself. What a waste of journey. A school girl named Chieri Wakana has Muromi’s solution. In order for some white powder (she claims it is legal), Muromi must give 10 of her scales. Painful as it is as she plucks them out, it’s for the sake of love, right? Before crazy Muromi is going to inject this drug and get her rich handsome prince, Takkukun tells her that he likes her the way she is and shouldn’t resort to such methods. Muromi is so happy but got clumsy and accidentally injects the syringe in her forehead. The results? She has beautiful sexy legs!!! Wow!!! But sticking out from her tail???!!! Hideous! Ugly! Mismatch! It’s like a bad cosplay.

When the prince sees Muromi, he quickly flies to her. Is marriage finally in her hands?! Actually no. The prince falls in love with Mana instead because of her flat chest, swimsuit and backpack. Lolicon?! Wait a minute. I thought he is into legs? Yes, but he likes those fetishes more! Mana agrees to marry him! Muromi is so enraged (could you blame her for all the trouble she went through?) that she whacks the prince. He turns out to be Wiseman in disguise! Now that the secret is out, Mana rejects wanting to marry him and beats him up till he explodes. Muromi reflects on her actions that all this happened just because she wanted to become human and marry somebody rich and handsome. The rest feel pity for her so it’s Levia’s turn to console her student. She’s going to make her forget her woes by messing it up real good. Don’t expect something yuri because what Levia meant was that she is going to burn down the kingdom!!! WHY???!!! Because she loves her students so much that she’ll burn the world down, remember?! And so that is how the Pistachio Kingdom was destroyed and Pangaea split into the continents as we know today. Back in present time, Takkun can’t even begin where to believe such story. Muromi admits that this dumb story is made up and would prefer a man who will accept her for who she is. Takkun agrees and likes her the way she is (I guess this includes how annoying she is). Muromi even tried to publish this story of hers via doujin with her friends having some contribution in making them. Takkun wonders why publishing the story brings back painful memories. During a doujin convention, a guy named Andersen came up to her booth for her signature. Little did she know, he ripped her story off after that by changing bits and parts of it before publishing it as his own. So Muromi is upset she didn’t get a single royalty? She wants Takkun to give her a kiss to cheer her up. She gets bitten by Harpy instead and then bugs Yeti for a kiss. Meanwhile Wiseman continues to stalk Mana and she continues to beat him up. How long has this been going on through the ages?

The Slutty Mermaid
I guess when you live as long as these mermaids do, you tend to get bored with life and doing something different, live for the moment or you just end up hating it for the rest of your very, very, very, very, very who-knows-when-you-will-kick-the-bucket life. Besides, I thought with them having lived so long since the dinosaur ages, I think they may be the first living and intelligent beings on this planet? Noticed how they never aged? Perhaps just a change in hairstyle but everything else pretty much remains the same. So are they some kind of gods? Which makes it ironic because since they are at the bottom of the food chain with so many predators from birds to cats and fellow fish, the same bunch are still hanging around and haven’t been eaten alive yet. Either they must be very lucky or those animals find that mermaids are not digestible. Haha! Have you ever heard of mermaid meat? See how gullible they are to baits? Isn’t it amazing that they have never been caught throughout the ages despite never learning from their lesson?

The nonsensical plot of this show that has everything goes and thrown into it makes me wonder too that if all the fairytales, myths and stories around the world originated from mermaids. Of course I would know better that they aren’t (because in real life, mermaids do not exist, right?) but the way Muromi pulls a fast one and the way she narrates those stories seem to tell us that humans are such sneaky creatures and lack imagination so much so they resort to stealing original works from mermaids and become famous for it like we know them today. Well, only winners write the history, right? Curse yourself for not knowing your rights to copyrights better. And with all sorts of mythical creatures gathering in Japan, it’s like the best place in the world for anything supernatural to happen, no? Otherwise, why would you have demons, angels, aliens, monsters, ghosts and vile spirits attacking the country and you only have high school kids with special powers, weapons or equipment to save the day? Wow. I really need to visit Japan one of these days.

So for Muromi, I think she is one crazy mermaid because she has lived so long and carried the heartbreak of her first love throughout the centuries. It’s a good thing humans don’t live that long. Who knows what kind of grudges we will hold till our graves. I’m not sure if Takkun is the only guy she goes crazy with since he is the only person to be seen fishing at the pier. What else is there for a bored mermaid like her to do than to hang around with him, mess around, play around and maybe get lucky? Don’t get your hopes up. Don’t get our hopes up. Takkun isn’t the kind of guy to fall for a mermaid. At least not after he has seen the kind of wacky attitude she displays. As much as I want to say that Muromi likes Takkun, but that feels it is just to a buddy-buddy kind of sense and nothing deeper. It may be because Takkun won’t allow her to get closer to her despite her bold flirting. But if she was that desperate, she would have made her move a long time ago. So she might just be fooling around just to see his reaction and pass the time. Likewise, Takkun doesn’t really hate her because if he really did, he would have moved to another fishing spot. But since she can travel anywhere as long as there is water, what are the chances he’ll bump into her? It’s a small world after all. So small that she can travel halfway round the world and back to Japan in less than 10 seconds. Really. Absurd. Thus feel Takkun appreciates her company even though she is annoying. I mean, how often do you find boys his age take fishing as a hobby? Those are for middle aged and old dudes, right? But where are they? Therefore Muromi and her friends are somewhat his companion in that sense.

Other than Muromi, her other mermaid companions are zany too but the series is too short for them or the rest of the other characters to have any impact or whatsoever on the overall series. Heck, I don’t think there is even time for character development. Who needs them seeing that we’re here just for the antics and boobs, right? Boobs? Well, I thought Fuji’s role in this series is to provide some fanservice since her oversized breasts are something that could only exist in hentai animes. And the way Muromi abuses it like as though she is extremely kneading some bread dough makes it as though you might be watching some S&M play and it doesn’t help when Fuji has awakened to her true calling as a masochist. So is it true that big breasts are only in the way when it comes to water resistance? That’s why you don’t see any mermaids with humongous breasts, don’t you? Either that or they’d just sink to the bottom of the ocean… Sumida seems like the normal one among the lot as her only quirk (for now) is that she is Muromi’s drinking partner. Seeing mermaids get drunk, vomit and getting the hangover really diminishes your perspective of them. Hii-chan is probably the closest to what we perceive in as a mermaid because of her friendly and innocent nature (I don’t think we ever normally perceived mermaids with oversized boobs). She gets along well with all the creatures in the sea and perhaps maybe in time she’ll get along with humans on land seeing that the people in town aren’t even bothered or shocked with the existence of mermaids (because you would have seen exclusive news coverage and government agencies trying to kidnap them for secret experiments). Maybe they think it’s cosplay.

The rest of the other characters are wacky themselves. It makes you wonder if mythical creatures do act such a way as contrast to our current beliefs that they are to a point dark and ferocious creatures. Of course the comedic nature of this series is meant to portray them as such. I don’t think I have ever seen such a stoic and buffed up kappa like Kawabata in all the animes that I have seen (not that I can remember). I wonder why Takkun feels the need to talk to that guy. Can’t he just sit there quietly with him? Otherwise, if he wanted to talk, there is always Muromi, right? Maybe it has something to do with that man to man thing. Just that Kawabata isn’t any ordinary human, Levia’s good nature now may not reflect her fiery past but it’s better than raining fire and burning everything down. Unlike the large and elusive Abominable Snowman that we know, Yeti is very much smaller and somewhat shy. Likewise, Harpy seems cute and docile compared to the ugly ferocious Greek creature we are familiar with. Except when it comes to mermaids. So far Harpy is making great strides in not trying to eat every mermaid she sees. I wonder how long that will last.

The series has made this a running joke by making the oarfish something that Otohime loves to break and snap his bones. I don’t know if the bones of fish regenerate but that kind of blow can even kill. I know this is a joke each time we get to see x-ray close up of the oarfish’s bone breaking scenes and he limps away (or swims away rather) like as though it is a minimal injury. Maybe the sea water is supporting its bones. Otohime seems to have fallen from grace ages ago and the rate she is trying to rebuild back up from scratch, it’s going to take another age seeing she always makes bad investment. I thought she would have what it takes to be the CEO of some multi-national conglomerate but it seems she is just good to be a small time store clerk. It really diminishes her respectable reputation as told in the legends, eh? Wiseman is the most depraved among the characters. Despite boasting lots of technology and invention, I guess his mindset is like a perverted otaku. Even when his flesh his gone, his digital mind and body still remain dangerous. It is somewhat a good thing that he is forbidden to come into contact with humans otherwise mankind will fall faster before Armageddon arrives. I thought Wiseman should change his name to Pervertedman, or Perman for short. Oops. Forget it. That sounds copyrighted! I suppose thanks to Wiseman’s advance technologies, he keeps the mermaids ahead of time with all the modern conveniences that humans only now have access to.

Yukari Tamura did a splendid job in voicing Muromi thanks to her trademark squeaky voice, especially when she throws her tantrums or in one of her mood swings. She’s like the mermaid version of B Kata H Kei’s Yamada. Daisuke Sakaguchi as the oarfish didn’t sound like his usual such as the rebutting Shinpachi in Gintama because he sounded like an old man instead. Other casts include Takahiro Mizushima as Takkun (Furuuichi in Beelzebub), Ai Nonaka as Hii-chan (Tama in Sasami-san@Ganbaranai), Sumire Uesaka as Sumida (Sanae in Chuunibyou Demo Koi Ga Shitai), Mai Nakahara as Levia (Juvia in Fairy Tail), Hitomi Harada as Fuji (Himeji in Baka To Test To Shoukanjuu), Saki Fujita as Otohime (Ayano in YuruYuri), Chiwa Saito as Yeti (Aika in Aria The Animation), Kanako Sakai as Harpy (Kikuri in Jigoku Shoujo series), Kenji Hamada as Kawabata (Jouji in Paradise Kiss), Yuka Inokuchi as Houman (Tabitha in Zero No Tsukaima) and Houchu Ootsuka as Wiseman (Shiro in Arakawa Under The Bridge). The craziness of this series can be seen reflected in its opening theme, Nanatsunoumi Yori Kimi No Umi by Sumire Uesaka. If the crazy lyrics doesn’t get you, then seeing how crazy everything is from Muromi’s funny faces to ultimately saving the world from a huge Earth sized meteor crashing into the planet and then having everyone zooming past and barely missing the camera (except for Muromi who smacks right into it) should give you an idea what to expect. Just too bad it would have been super epic if there is an episode about the meteor crashing one.

Seeing Japan is a melting pot for all sorts of mythical creatures to meet, it won’t be surprise to see other creatures like Nessie, unicorns and leprechauns to appear. Don’t even discount vampires, werewolves and zombies too! Ironically, making plain Takkun as a landmark has those creatures easily finding their way. Maybe Takkun isn’t such a plain guy in their eyes. He has got this ‘talent’ to attract such creatures because ever since he fished out Muromi, he has been meeting one weird creature after another. Theoretically if you need to prove an existence of some life form, just get him or get whatever to go meet him. It will be easier than spending millions on research and yet yield nothing. And if science really does find mermaids like these, it might just shatter the world’s perception on them so I think it’s best that there are things we are better off not knowing. What you don’t know won’t ‘kill’ you.

N/B: Here’s a ‘related’ joke: What do you call maids who work at sea? Mer-maids. Nyuk Haha! I hope not only mermaids get that joke.