Upotte

Hold on a minute. Guns personified as middle school girls? Just like those with fetish for babes and bikes, Upotte has girls and guns. Yeah, fire straight right into your heart, eh? So I thought the girls here were just being ‘brainwashed’ to think that they are a certain rifle model but nope. I guess they really are guns being personified as girls. Just like how they personified countries in Hetalia: Axis Powers, eh? By mixing guns and middle school girls, you can expect some gun totting action as well as some antics that middle school girls go through. Thus I conclude that if you are a hetero gun freak otaku, this is your paradise anime. Albeit this ONA (original net animation) only lasts for 10 episodes. A little too short? Well, how many rounds do you want it to last? Just sit back and watch the lock and load, baby. Bang! Bang!

Episode 1
Funko, Ichiroku, Eru and Shigu go see Fujiko who is planting a bed of flowers. She is disappointed in planting those she can’t eat. And just when she planted the Japanese edible chrysanthemums, it was bloody bitter. She lets them know due to some error (like hell she knows) a new teacher will be coming to your section. Genkoku (literally means Japanese teacher. That’s what we’ll call him) is lost finding his way to Seishou Academy and stumbles into a festival. A pair of young siblings at the shooting gallery felt cheated because the stall keeper tells them they have to knock it over the stand to win it instead of hitting it. Funko decides to help out and in a single shot, the prize fell off. However the stall keeper says it doesn’t count because she’s a pro from Seishou. Then Genkoku tries his hands claiming he’s just an amateur. The way he holds the rifle, Funko knows he’s not an ordinary person. Like as though he’s taking a stance for firing an assault rifle. Is this love at first sight? Is she going to climax?! But once Genkoku fires, the shot ricochets and hits her head. All the shots! That bad, huh? Genkoku notices her uniform and has her guide the way to Seishou. Mentioning about what he heard that they’re pro shooters, Funko says they are guns. She is an assault rifle. Say what? I guess it was unbelievable to believe coming from her mouth and since the wind is blowing up her skirt, all he remembered was her thongs. Back home, Funko can’t really get Genkoku out of her mind. Genkoku meets the Principal and is shown around. He brings him to the field to let him witness their daily morning practice. He notices the walls riddled with bullet holes and warning posters pertaining to guns. At the firing range, he sees the girls firing assault rifles! This is morning practice? Principal says the girls are assault rifles. So… Guns firing guns? Funko turns up late and since Genkoku barely remembers her name, he greets her as the girl with thongs. I can’t believe in a noisy shooting range, everybody could hear that and the gun sounds instantly died out! Funko got so embarrassed that she rapidly fires at him! Though all the shots narrowly missed him, the holes in the wall means the building collapses over him! So as Principal tells the class their new homeroom teacher will be out for a while. And Funko doesn’t feel it’s her fault! She asserts it’s not thongs but skeleton stock.

Jiisuri and Ichiyon talk to Faaru, Funko’s older sister about how she put the homeroom teacher in hospital on his first day. Yeah, unbelievable. As Genkoku recuperates in hospital, Principal gives him a book on how to understand ‘guns’. In case of emergency, he could also know how to apply first aid on them. As far as I understand, each part of the gun is associated to some body part of the girl. You’re interested to know where the butt and boobs are, aren’t you? Be careful when you touch certain parts or you’ll get ‘burnt’ ;p. It’s been a week and Genkoku is still in hospital so the girls get an idea to go visit him but Funko isn’t so thrilled. Shigu suggests recording themselves via camera as introduction. So we learn a little more about the girls. Like Funko is Belgian and her gun code name is FNC. Shigu from Switzerland, code name SIG SG550. Ichiroku is American and her official designation is M16A4 while Eru AKA L85A1 hails from England. Since Funko still disagrees in visiting him, she leaves. However she sees him smoking outside. First thing when he saw her, all the traumatic memories came flooding back! Don’t worry, she won’t shoot him this time. So they talk things out as he catches her unaware by petting her head. She’s going to climax again? She thought he was being concerned for a girl to have her lower parts get cold when he says it’s a pity the school rules has all the girls wearing thongs. Oh. It’s that word again. So embarrassed that Funko takes out her gun and fires away!!! Not again! Woah! Destructive! And so Principal has to once again inform Genkoku will be out longer than expected. Oh, Funko is suspended for 3 days. Still think it’s not your fault? You just got mad? But you nearly killed him, right?

Episode 2
In a test to shoot a silhouette target 500 metres away, seems Shigu is the only one doing well in the long range department. Since Switzerland is full of mountains, the closest target is a mountain away! The trio thought they could slack off and the instructor, Garland wouldn’t know the difference. On the contrary he did and got chastised. Not that I understand but Shigu uses different rounds than them. So the test results are out and you can say Funko, Ichiroku and Eru are way down the other half of the table as compared to Shigu. Because of that they’ll be having remedial classes. Till Faaru and Ichiyon show up to tell them they’ll keep taking them till they score 100 on all their make-up tests! Did Ichiroku admit defeat when she says they’ll never be able to do it even in 300 years?! But if they beat them, they’ll be exempt from all their remedial classes. What have they got to lose? The school will be turned into a big battlefield after school. To win, they must steal their flag but if they all ‘die’ (the balloons on their head indicates their life so if it’s popped, they’re out), it’s the remedial classes for them. But back in class, seems Genkoku is well enough to return teaching. He doesn’t develop fear of guns but somewhat hates them! He throws away all the ammunitions when he enters class! Is this Funko’s fault? Anyway the game beings after school as Funko, Ichiroku and Eru make their way to Faaru and Ichiyon’s camp. Hiding in the woods and devising a simple plan, first they need to be careful to not let the branch pop their balloon. Pop! Oh God. Eru’s already out! Ichiroku nearly got taken out by Ichiyon’s sniping so Ichiroku rushes to the building to close the distance. As explained, Ichiroku’s gun utilizes her burst mode. It’s a technique to fire 3 shots consecutively instead of full auto mode to prevent wastage of bullets. Also explained is the type of ammunition you use that will classify a student’s class in Seishou. The more powerful and those with better range will be in high school. Though the bullets they carry are more powerful, there is more recoil and thus harder to control when in full auto mode. For those with not so powerful bullets, they are light, easier to control and are allowed to carry more rounds. However due to air resistance, energy is lost and the bullet becomes weak. Thus their range is very limited. So this battle is the one who can get an advantage out of their range.

Funko tests by touching a door and true enough Faaru behind it starts firing warning shots. She goes round the wall but unknown to her, Jiisuri is aiming to take her out from the top. Before she could do it, she drops her plan and dodges a sniper shot. Looks like it is from Shigu and she has decided to join in last minute. Jiisuri ditches her team’s plan so that she could engage in a sniping battle with Shigu. Funko thought she had found the enemy’s flag but the room is filled with boys changing clothes! Embarrassed, Funko runs away. Faaru laughs as she notes that the flag is not in the room and is moving. Make a guess. Yup, Faaru is the flag. Ichiroku and Ichiyon face off and the latter thinks it’s her victory because Ichiroku is hiding underneath a tree filled with sharp chestnuts! It could go pop any time. Ichiyon starts firing at the tree to drop the chestnuts. Because Ichiroku doesn’t want to lose to her (especially her bad puns), she uses the butt of her rifle as a baseball bat and accurately pops Ichiyon’s balloon with the chestnut! But it’s double KO when the falling chestnuts also pop hers. Faaru learns about this and tells Jiisuri all she needs to do is keep Shigu company. Faaru and Funko face off and only a fountain between them. Funko thought she had the advantage since she closed the distance. However the water causes her light bullets to go off trajectory. And she can’t get out since Faaru won’t let her leave her hiding spot. So what is she going to do? Funko places her gun through the fountain and fires! Almost hit Faaru but she grabs her gun, pulls her out and pops her balloon. She praises Funko for grazing her balloon and to not forget that feeling of never giving up. The match between the snipers ends with a draw. In the end, the gang manages to escape remedial class. Except for Eru who got an earful from Garland. It is learnt that this battle was their remedial class to see how good they are. Seems Faaru and her friends tried talking to the teachers to get them out of remedial class in exchange for this. Faaru notes they have talent but just aren’t motivated. Asking about Jiisuri of her match with Shigu, she mentions it was good to a point that she needs to use her secret technique to keep the recoil down. It’s too embarrassing for her to explain but since Ichiyon insists, she demonstrates. First take off your socks, sit on the ground, then place the rifle between your legs and view the telescopic sight through your knees. Oh sh*t! Embarrassing indeed! Almost looked like a hentai position!

Episode 3
What’s this?! We begin with Funko and friends (including Ichihachi AKA AR18) washing themselves?! Guns cleaning themselves?! Ichiroku starts rubbing Funko here and there with the excuse she is ‘good with her hands’. Shigu couldn’t stand it and stops her. Genkoku trips on an empty bullet in the hallway and gets pissed off. Since the culprit is Ichiroku flaunting the rules once more, she gets a knock on her head and innocent Eru also got hit. Funko thought she should cheer him up seeing he is in a bad mood. But he pats her head and makes her feel all soft. Because he needs to attend a meeting and is not familiar with the place in school, Funko guides him. Along the way, they meet Faaru and her friends as they try to explain the meaning of their alpha-numeric meaning gun names. I’m not sure if they know or just guessing. They see Shigu demonstrating shooting off all the heads of the target with a rifle in a straight line! Seems she is using the rifle as a samurai sword and calculating the speed, centrifugal force and recoil nullification, she makes it look like she’s swinging a sword when pulling the trigger. So what is this for? To draw things on enemy’s ground. Huh? Eru still got a bump on her head and thinks she should sit in the sun to relax. Till she heard passing girls mentioning ultra violet rays degrades plastic parts. Then Ichiroku and Genkoku come by to tell her she’s been cleared of the misunderstanding as he apologizes for hitting her. Eru got so mad and had lots of things she really wants to say to him at the top of her voice. If she could only get those words out of her head. Genkoku will treat her to a drink and instantly she forgives and loves him! WTF?!

Funko and co meet Thompson sensei because they’ll be accompanying several elementary kids to go pick up trash. They notice among the kids, Gossan who is too big to be an elementary kid (something about her using different bullets and a small body even though is fully automatic), talkative Emten suddenly stopping dead in her tracks because she ran out of ‘bullets’ (she can fire 1090 bullets a minute!) and Empi who is Jiisuri’s little sister but the girls call her other names like mini Jiisuri and cutie instead of her real name. However the star of the group that the kids wanted to see so much, Ichiroku isn’t here because she wants to slack off. Funko tries to calm them and introduce Eru instead but the kids are grumbling. Then a kid asks why Eru is still being used by the British army despite her gun always breaking down. Now we have a short history of Eru’s L85A1. Something about the British first discovered the advantage of having shorter bullets coupled with lower calibre rifles will be the weapon of choice. They start researching on bullpup rifles but due to lack of resources and politics, other nations created better guns and the Americans ignored and made their NATO standard. Soon other nations overtook the British but they never gave up and finally came out with L85. However this gun had lots of defects. It jams frequently and magazines could even drop out. Though there were several improved models, the basic problems still remained. Even as of today, the British continue to use the gun simply because of their stubbornness. Guess what? The elementary kids got so touched and emotional by her pitiful story and felt sorry! At the end of the clean up, Funko and the rest as usual bath and clean themselves but she notices Ichiroku who didn’t participate in the clean up, cleaning herself more thoroughly than others.

Episode 4
Ichiroku is doing a photo shoot for a magazine cover. Ichihachi explains that she and Ichiroku are related but it’s her family that fell from grace when Ichiroku became the official American rifle. Shigu cheekily says she thought Ichiroku was popular because she’s cheap! While Funko and friends have lunch, Shigu wonders if Funko wants to do a model shoot too. I guess she does. Shigu demonstrates on how to introduce herself (sexy maiden in snow clothes “I’ll pierce your heart from 500 metres away. Bang!”). So Funko starts hers by explaining her origins from Belgium. Not that she could beat Shigu anyway. But the person they’re concern with is Eru. Yeah, she’s panicking and narrating that history of hers again. Since they mock her not being useful, Eru is going to pull her trigger on them but as we know how defective her model is. Her hand snaps. Ichiroku returns from her shoot but blows her top when Eru didn’t keep her end of the bargain when she failed to take important notes that will be in the test. Shigu and Funko offer theirs but she can’t read German or Dutch. She is so pissed off with Eru that she calls her a dud. This hurt Eru’s feeling as she runs away. There is a tournament coming up so Funko accompanies Ichiroku to the ammunition shop run by Curly (he’s got an afro. Don’t ask) to get dot sight optical device. Then comes in Israeli’s Galil AR and Sako RK95. These newly transferred students have a bone to pick with Ichiroku and will also take part in the tournament. The duo can’t make their move since they realize Shigu is targeting them from behind. However Sako couldn’t tell if she’s bluffing or not with the seemingly empty chamber bullet but decides to back off since she knows her skills are not to be messed with. Curly mentions that there is history between Ichiroku and Galil and it dates back to the war between the Americans and Soviets whereby M16 was created due to its lighter calibre even though one needs to clean it frequently and avoid mixing the wrong powder. However it was withdrawn in 1969 since it was unable to bring victory to the Americans in the Vietnam War. Funko gets a call from Faaru and seems she has picked Eru up and will be living at her place for the time being. Faaru tells her to do what she thinks is the best. Funko realizes she loves Ichiroku and Eru equally and doesn’t want them to fight. Come tournament day and it seems the battlefield will be a jungle rainforest, the reason why Sako and Galil were acting confident. However Ichiroku’s relationship with Eru is still strained and the latter didn’t show up but Ichiroku couldn’t care and will win it on her own. Shigu peddles all the way to pick Eru up on her bicycle. The tournament of 2-to-a-team begins as Ichihachi hopes Funko not to worry too much and to concentrate on the battle. The match gets underway and despite just being a one (wo)man show, Ichiroku manages to trick her opponent and advance to the next round. Oh, Shigu and Eru are still pushing their bikes through the thick swamp. How the heck did they end up here?

Episode 5
During the break, Funko tries to talk to Ichiroku but she’s serious in getting through the next round. Funko fears if Eru arrives she won’t be much help because as far as she could remember, she never makes it in every match as she always breaks. Ichiroku accidentally ate spicy chicken nuggets Funko made but no serious damage was done. Ichiroku’s next opponents are Australia’s Steyr Aug and Taiwan’s Tei AKA T91. They are supposedly improved versions of Ichiroku but she asserts they are just copycats. The first semi-finals take place in a jungle village. The enemy’s flag is hidden behind a thick tree so one needs to enter enemy’s territory to get it. Aug and Tei make their aggressive advance since they now Ichiroku is alone. She is trapped behind her true and wishes Eru was here. But then again, thinking back how much that dud often breaks down, she’d be more trouble than help. Ichiroku fights back but her gun suddenly jams. Then she remembers the chicken nuggets. Though M16 guns require thorough cleaning, bad mix or poor powder quality can cause such problems. But this doesn’t deter her as she’s going to show how she fights back. Aug and Tei give the signal to attack simultaneously when Ichiroku suddenly jumps out and pumps bullets into them! As explained, she did fanning. It’s like you see in old Western cowboy flicks how gunslingers shoot and reload rapidly with their pistol. Only thing is Ichiroku is doing it with her rifle. With that, she advances to the finals. Meanwhile Shigu and Eru are still lost in the swamp. Eru is about to give up but Shigu must bring her there. Eru says she’ll be useless and hates Ichiroku. Really? Yes. Really, really? Uh huh. Truly really for real? No. There you go.

The second semi-final match pits Funko-Ichihachi and Sako-Galil and there will be a giant lake and only a bridge in between. Funko and Ichihachi plan their move so as Ichihachi takes the bridge, Funko flanks on the side of the lake but comes straight into Sako’s resistance and hides behind a tree. Wondering where Galil is, suddenly Ichihachi is taken down. Galil snipes her from the far side of the lake. In a panic, Funko tries to shoot back but the bridge is in the way. Then she gets an idea and fires on the surface of the water. The bullets ricochet and hit Galil! Awesome! Sako is so thrilled with what she saw that she’s going to come (was she masturbating?!). She continues firing at Funko when the latter notices some metal fragments. Suddenly little fragments hit and blind her right eye! Sako pins her down and explains about fragmentation. She purposely used low quality bullets to scrape the trees and shatter them to fragments. Funko is in no position to fight with her eye in this condition as Sako brags now she can bring down Ichiroku. Funko still believes and cares in her friends when Sako shoots her, ending and winning the match. However Sako continues to coldly fire repeatedly into Funko feigning she didn’t hear the end signal from her gunshots. Ichihachi is willing to risk penalty to fire back (because she’s already ‘dead’) when Galil jumps out of the water like a zombie to attack! However she is shot away and subsequently Sako takes several bullets herself from the sniper. She only knows one person who can effectively snipe from such a distance. And yes, it’s Shigu using Jiisuri’s embarrassing tactic. The match is over and Galil become good friends with Ichihachi. Funko is being treated and though dented in some parts, she’s okay. Ichiroku is still arrogant she doesn’t need a partner but Shigu tells her off who knows what tricks Sako may have. It’s better for her to have at least have someone on her side. She warns if Sako wins, this won’t just be someone’s problem anymore as it is believed Sako wants to control Seishou. Eru joins Ichiroku in the final match in the swamplands against Sako and Galil. Ichiroku continues to mock Eru over her durability. The other girls are watching from the high tower as Funko is puzzled to see Sako seemingly knowing Ichiroku and Eru’s plan. Then she realizes the girls next to her are spies for Sako as they were pointing her friends’ location. Shigu tells them off but it seems Sako isn’t aiming for her opponents. She won’t forget when one humiliates her and fires at Shigu’s head! OMG!!!

Episode 6
Eru is so mad that she starts firing at where she thinks Sako is. She has already moved her position and fires at her. Though she missed, it made Eru tripped and got herself all muddy. Now she can’t fire her gun. Because if she does, the barrel will explode and kill herself. Sako mocks this useless piece of junk and beats her up in the mud. So much so that she doesn’t even take her out as she knows she can’t fire back. Poor Eru is left to cry alone. Meanwhile Shigu is very much alive. It’s just her hair is messed up. She’s never going to forgive that b*tch. Ichiroku faces off with Galil and remembers Shigu’s words how Sako transferred schools to subjugate its leaders and she thinks Ichiroku is Seishou’s leader. Ichiroku thinks something has happened to Eru since she is also now facing off with Sako. But there is no official announcement that Eru is out yet so where is that girl? Ichiroku thinks the duo are trying to corner her so she charges forward. That’s what Sako wants her to think as she’s waiting for her there and fires at her. Though missed, Ichiroku’s gun barrel is now stuck in the mud. Sako mocks her and proclaims the weak leader she is to everyone. However Ichiroku brushes off her theory and that she is no leader and just a dud like Eru. M16 had its history of defectiveness. But with improvements, it slowly gained the soldiers’ trust once more. In short, if Ichiroku doesn’t try, she’s not going anywhere. She’s not going to give up. Then popping up behind Sako is Eru. But Sako is confident she can’t fire and fires her gun at Eru without even looking back. Safe to say she got hit. Sako is taken by surprise when Ichiroku pulls her gun out of the mud and her barrel was covered in plastic. This means it’s still operational! Ichiroku fires back but barely misses Sako so Sako shoots and takes her down. Thinking she has attained victory, the announcer declares Ichiroku’s team the winner. It seems Ichiroku’s single shot had taken out Sako’s flag. How did it get here? Eru brought it here despite being heavy. Regret not taking her out? Even if she can’t fire, at least she didn’t give up. Ichiroku saw this and knew she just had to wait for her chance to shoot it. Sako is not amused and is going to shoot Ichiroku but gets her pigtails shot off. Shigu warns the next one will not miss her ear.

Ichiroku and Eru make up as Funko tells Sako how they believed in each other. She still thinks Ichiroku is the leader even if she herself denies it. Sako admits defeat and will leave school. Oh, she needs to apologize to Funko. How? She kisses her lips! FFFUUUUUU!!! Her first kiss! Nobody saw that coming, eh? Looks like she is the only thing that Sako won’t give up on. But it does make Funko feel better. In the aftermath, Sako transferred out but Galil was left behind and is good friends with Ichihachi. And for some reason Funko can’t understand, Shigu is pouting and won’t speak to her. Let me guess. She likes her too, right? Looks like Aug too has developed some feelings for Funko. She is too embarrassed to talk to her face to face despite Tei encouraging her. She wants to get close to her and talk. Comparing herself similar to Eru as they’re both bullpups, how come that dud is closer to her? Why the different treatment? She laments how unlucky she is. I’m not sure if she’s joking or for real. Tei suggests if she can’t talk directly to her, maybe she can to her friends. First she tries Shigu who is at the firing range. Note the accuracy of her shots because she’s still annoyed with that kissing scene. So when Aug asks her about Funko, the firing just became intense. Let’s try someone else. Trying Ichihachi, however she is too preoccupied with Galil and the clumsy latter eventually spilled her drink all over everyone. Next they try Eru since they’re both bullpups and should understand better. However she’s broken again and absent. So all that’s left is Ichiroku but she’s being too aggressive in wanting to make them meet. Suddenly Funko in person shows up. Wish come true? But Aug froze up and her tongue tied. She overheats herself and collapses! Eru returns and makes scones for her friends. Aug observes this and notes how she wished she was a dud too. Tei then takes Aug’s hands and will teach her how to make scones.

Episode 7
On a freezing New Year’s Day, the girls are talking about Genkoku. Ichiroku wonders why a clueless person like him is at their school so Funko mentions about meeting him at the summer festival. She ponders if they ever thought of the person they’ll end up being held with. Probably Funko thought too much and nearly climaxed! They’re supposed to write New Year greeting cards for him and Funko is at a lost on what to write. Her buddies just wrote something short and sweet. “Let’s have another good year”. Too short. Funko and Shigu are playing outside in the snow as Shigu convinces Ichiroku to get out into the snow via snowball challenge. They’ll be fighting in teams and it seems when the snowball fight begins, it hit passing Genkoku. I don’t know how Ichiroku roped him to her side to make ammunitions but Eru has already long bailed out to go make giant snowballs. Ichiroku even used Genkoku as a shield with an excuse the teacher sacrificing himself to protect his student. In the end all those snowballs Eru had rolled, rolled down crashing into them. So the girls are huddling together underneath the warm kotatsu while lamenting how cold it’s really getting. Except for Shigu. How can she stand the cold? Remember, she’s from Switzerland and is made to fire in icy temperatures of minus 20 Celsius! Since she’s the only one who can move, she makes food for them and soon Ichihachi joins them. But Ichiroku wasn’t amused when she made a Belgian flag via pot using Belgian chocolate, cheese and tomatoes. I hope it tastes as good.

Genkoku gets sick (from taking in too many snowball hits) so Ichiroku decides that they visit him. It’s her devilish plan to kill time. However they realize they never know his real name. I think it’ll stay that way. Since they can’t go empty handed, they stop by the convenience store to buy stuffs. Broke Eru already bailed. Ichiroku messes around and picks up too much stuff. Shigu chances upon Jiisuri and leaves with her. This means Ichiroku is left to pay the big bulk of the items. Because of that, she’s thinking of getting back her ‘investment’. Read: Search of Genkoku’s porn magazines and blackmail him. Oh brother. Along the way they meet Professor the dog. Who? Not that I know it has anything to do academically but as explained, it was around ever since Seishou was founded. Like 30 years ago. Woah! How old is it? Professor then used some telepathy thingy to stall and play with Ichiroku so Funko could go see Genkoku. At his doorstep, Genkoku knows they’re coming because, well, Ichiroku is being noisy playing with Professor outside. Anyway they invite themselves in and air the stuffy place. Ichiroku starts searching and hits the pot of gold (read: Porn magazine) at first go. Then she goes rummage his place and from what we can hear, she made a big mess of things and they got kicked out. Back in their dorm, the girls read their New Year greeting cards. Yeah, Genkoku’s card to them is short and sweet. “Keep it up this year”. Too short. Deja vu, eh? Funko realizes she has not received one from him and panics. Ichiroku teases her that it may be because of that incident that she left her out. Funko storms out and to his place, wanting to give that teacher a piece of her mind. Sure, she may be wrong for shooting at him but such discrimination is wrong. Nobody answers the doorbell and the door is unlocked. Making her way in, she sees Genkoku sleeping on the table and halfway writing his greeting card to Funko. She felt bad and her heart was becoming soft when suddenly Genkoku yells in his sleep, “Don’t shoot me!”. Haha! I guess the trauma is still there. Funko cleans up the place and cooks for him. He thought guns like her are afraid of moisture but she mentions if they were, they wouldn’t be military standard. Funko gives him a little Santa doll as present since in Belgium, Belgians are still in the mood celebrating Christmas. And she cares for him as she believes it’ll be lonely for him to spend Christmas and New Year’s Day alone. Funko leaves so Genkoku hands her the card. At least his well wishes are longer. He hopes he would take care of her health since she wears a thong. Oh no. OH NO! Not that taboo word. Well… Lock and load! Fire away!!! NOT AGAIN!!! I think his apartment got decimated. And yeah, she got suspended again despite Genkoku jumped out the window himself. Whose fault?

Episode 8
Genkoku gets to witness firsthand the preparations of Seishou’s cultural festival. Military style. So it’s okay to go ramming down the walls with the tanks?! Thompson thinks it’s the spirit of the festival! Genkoku has his own fantasy on how his class will turn out with the maid cafe but it seems they’re a long way off from finishing. Speaking of which, the girls are at Curly’s booth as he is setting up sales of rare items. It’s too tempting for Ichiroku to resist so how can she buy them all with limited funds? Use the war funds! Isn’t that supposed to be reserved for items for their class? If Genkoku hadn’t been there to reprimand them, I guess she would’ve blown it all. Heading back to the classroom, Genkoku is surprised there is a camel farm! The room is filled with sand and Galil brought in a camel from Israel! Was the room this big? Heck no! Galil wrecked down the walls! Oh, the realism of the heat must be getting to Genkoku’s head too. Genkoku sees a class exhibiting some camouflage device. He didn’t count on one that could see through clothes! He thought he saw the undies of a girl when that ‘girl’ is the Principal. Messed with your visions too, eh? Genkoku is disheartened that the maid cafe isn’t anywhere near its completion on how it looks like (no, not a jungle theme or art exhibit) but the girls have him and Thompson do food tasting on their menu. This pineapple dish…  Looks like a real grenade! Thank God it’s not. Then they throw a dart at the spinning board to determine the kind of food they get. While Thompson gets nice beef steak, Genkoku got military rations. But wait! Don’t be too quick to judge. In fact, it tastes good! Tei shows off Aug in their maid outfit. This is so that Aug can get into Funko’s good books. However Aug got embarrassed and is close to experiencing another overheating. Ichiroku flaunts the design combo between a maid and army uniform. Even the underwear is the same design so it’ll be harder to spot! Funko and Eru dressed as traditional maids but Eru wins simply because of her bigger boobs…

The festival seems to feel like a battlefield because Genkoku gets another shock seeing Garland as a pirate-in-the-box! I guess any students with grudges on him can take their frustrations out by stabbing him! So when Genkoku returns to the other teachers wondering what kind of festival this is, they mention everyone’s doing great as this year’s casualty has been very few. Oh sh*t! The maid cafe is completed as Funko and friends celebrate with Faaru and hers. Because Ichiyon makes another lame joke, Ichiroku isn’t amused and both sisters start pointing their rifles at each other. War could’ve erupted if Funko and Faaru didn’t step in. Learning Faaru’s class is doing a haunted house and that their make-up as zombies is so freaking scary, Ichiroku thinks she’ll get to shoot them. That’s what you do with zombies in video games, right? Or maybe she just wants to shoot Ichiyon as much as she wants. I guess that’s the last straw. Both sisters start shooting each other. So much so the place is decimated. How now? Surprisingly Genkoku didn’t blow his top. Instead, he tells them there is still time and he believes in them that they can pull this one off! After getting permission to stay overnight, Genkoku delegates the jobs to everyone and they work hard. Maybe they can really pull this one off in time. With the sign left to go, Genkoku ropes in Aug to do them by spraying her bullets. However she sprayed “Funko love for life!” and has to redo it again. And so the miracle happened and everyone makes it in time to enjoy the festival.

Episode 9
It’s the practice field trip for the middle school girls. As usual Genkoku lays down the usual rules of the trip but since the first day is free day, Fujiko rallies the girls to have fun as today will be the longest day! For fanservice obligations, you get your gun girls in bikinis and Shigu meets Jiisuri’s younger sister in middle school, HK33E. You can tell they both don’t like each other. Since Shigu mocks her by calling her Chuusuri, HK threatens to make her regret it and fires a warning shot. Unfortunately it made a hole in the book Shigu is reading and since that is school’s property, wow, look how many times she apologized to the teacher. Unknown to them all, a group of masked girls are watching them from afar. Funko and friends take the cable car up the mountain to sightsee before regrouping with the rest. Then it’s the hotsprings and since Shigu is making a lot noise fondling Funko, HK didn’t really like it and is going to blow a hole in her till Ichihachi settles things. She convinces everyone to get a drink from this green tea from mugs made out of real squids because legend has it that they’ll get good grades for their practice. On the way back to the room, Ichiroku sees Galil on the phone and teases her she’s talking to her boyfriend. That night, Ichihachi, Galil and HK manage to give Fujiko the slip to sneak out to get those mugs. However all of them were gunned down by snipers! Genkoku went to search for them and is shocked to see all 3 out. They are taken home to be repaired and though the wounds won’t kill them, it hit their vital points. Fujiko notes this is going to be troublesome because the bullets do not come from their school and that they are pretty good shooters since a single bullet could’ve inflicted a fatal wound. Funko heard that Ichihachi and co got shot so she rushed out to that spot. Ichiroku and Shigu must be having fun untying Eru’s robe when Ichiroku receives a call from Ichihachi about their attack. Though she doesn’t know who attacked them, she knows this: She was only shot once but the rest 3 times. A minus 2 difference. Ichiroku immediately realized she is their target and declaring war on her because 8 (hachi) minus 2 is six (roku).

Genkoku tries to stop Funko but she wants him to return as he is human unlike them who are guns. Suddenly somebody takes a shot at them but missed. Taking refuge, Funko deduces one is sniping from far away but will be able to see her location from the muzzle flash since it’s dark. Then another shot is fired but this time it’s from the ocean. Noting this one is on a boat and must be one very good sniper to shoot straight while rocking with the waves. The sniper in the woods snipe at Funko but Genkoku saves her by pushing her away. He hurt his leg in the process. That sniper backs off when Shigu snipes back at her location. Ichiroku and co reunite with Funko when they see a little doll next to them. It leaves a message to those guns that have lost their true form. At midnight, they will commence their attack and this entire city will turn into a battlefield. Ichiroku thinks it’s those from the east and wants them to bring them on. Shortly, several simultaneous explosions rock the place and the electricity out. Genkoku doesn’t want them to get involved but they can’t sit back knowing that the enemy has hurt their friends. Meanwhile the masked girls won’t kill those western counterparts as they know they will try to save the wounded and this will keep them busy.

Episode 10
The battle begins as Funko and co try to follow and rein in a couple of their escaping enemies. Though they got away, they know it’s their plan to lure them in and fight at the shopping district. They split into groups and will flank them from both sides. Ichiroku and Shigu meet resistance from an enemy using shotgun with magazines. A powerful gun they know as Saiga. Meanwhile Eru’s magazine holder breaks and she’s almost like a sitting duck. She could’ve been done for if Funko had not been fast enough to cover her. But they have a plan too. The enemy thinks Eru is making fun of her when she tries facing her off without any magazines. Leading her to a blind corner, Eru surprises the enemy when she sits down and uses her knees to hold the magazine and lands a clean shot on her. Ichiroku and Shigu are trapped from both sides. However the enemies from one side suddenly fall. It is Sako joining in. She has heard things from Galil (that ‘boyfriend’ telephone call) because she could smell scents of AK around. Sako also knew something was happening that’s why she left Galil behind but didn’t think they’d make a big event out of it. She lets them know they are not after anything but just looking for a good fight. Shigu thought she heard Funko in trouble and rushes off on her on and leaving the rest to handle things. However it’s just a trap to get the brain out of the way as they trap her in a freezer. Funko makes her way to the shopping district and knows the enemy is expecting her. Instead of walking straight in, she climbs onto the frosted glass roof and counts 5 of them waiting. She surprises them by taking out 4 of them. The fifth one fires through the roof and sends her crashing down and they engage in close range battle. However the AK leader tells her to stop and orders her to meet up with Saiga to fight Ichiroku. Meanwhile Eru makes her way to the freezer. She also pulls off a surprise move to knock out the enemy and malfunction the freezer door. Shigu is freed and takes out the last guard before heading off to Funko’s location.

Funko faces off with AK leader and the latter didn’t like the look in her eyes. To ‘improve’ it, she fires at Eru who is coming from behind. Then setting off several explosives to destroy the place. Funko gets mad and this is the look she has been waiting for. As they fire away, Genkoku gets in between them and got shot. He knows better, right? But something mindboggling happened. His blood absorbs back into his body?! WTF?! As explained as long as he’s not shot by another human, he won’t die from their bullets. Huh? WTF?! AK leader isn’t happy about this crap and fires several shots into Genkoku. Funko is really mad. AK leader loves that look and dares her to finish her off. She was going to but Genkoku stops her. He wants them to stop this game. AK leader chides him off if he has the right to tell them to do so since humans are the ones who made them. But even so, they won’t change the way they live because humans wished for this. With both sides reuniting, AK leader mentions their paradise will come and to retreat for now. In the aftermath, Funko and friends show serious focus and commitment in gun practice as Principal and Garland note how they’ve changed since that incident. They have felt what is most important for them guns and have matured a little. Thus Principal thinks his effort to bring Genkoku here has hugely paid off. So back in class, Genkoku takes a roll call and reminds them about their high school entrance exam soon. However Funko says they don’t have anything like that because they’re assault rifles and can’t turn into battle rifles. No chance for upgrade?

OVA
Just a filler… No fun shooting galore. But fanservice galore! You get to see tits in some scenes. Guns with tits? Anyway this OVA is mainly about the quartet taking a holiday by camping by a riverbed. We see Ichiroku challenging the rest to throwing stones on the water but the rest outdo her. Knowing that she is sulking, Eru cheers her up by asking her to teach her how to throw it. While the rest fish, Ichiroku got fed up of trying to catch and corner one with her hands so she uses her rifle! Oh sh*t! Be careful of deflections by the water. When a bait was too strong for Eru to reel it in and causes her to be pulled into the water, Ichiroku dives in but hits her head on the rocks. Don’t worry. She’s okay. And so is Eru. She caught the fish. After cooking the fish and eating it, Ichiroku wants to split the watermelon. Thinking that Eru the klutz will take too long and the skilful Shigu will be too fast and no fun, she hands it to Funko to do the honours. However Ichiroku messes with her by giving opposing directions and to a point lead her to the ‘watermelon’ which is Eru’s head! Good news no casualties were reported and everybody had their watermelon fill. Because Funko forgot to spit the seeds out, Shigu teases her that it will grow inside her. Funko believes she’ll give birth to a watermelon baby! And Eru is rubbing her stomach in a stimulating way. After having fun in the river the entire day, Ichiroku is made to look for firewood if she wants dinner. Along the way, she comes into a baby boar and decides this will be their dinner! Don’t let the protein get away! But I guess after soaking in the mini hotspring and feeling good about it that Ichiroku decides to let the piglet go. Then they play with sparklers before hitting the sack. The beautiful night sky is like a natural planetarium. Suddenly Eru starts reprimanding everyone loudly (especially Ichiroku). Turns out that she is sleep talking. Is she always like this? Who is to blame? Shigu and Funko couldn’t sleep so they talk about things and make a promise to always be together. Next morning, the girls pack up and make their long way back home. Throughout the series we see short snippets of the other guns too but it doesn’t amount to anything much. For example, Ichiyon and Faaru visiting Jiisuri as we see her having lots of little sisters. Lots of them! Clones?! Tei and Aug trying to bake cookies (over burnt), Ichihachi and Galil riding in a train while Sako watches the fireworks in the background from her room.

Load It! Shoot It! Hit It!
I admit that it was pretty enjoyable especially the gun battles. Though I am not a gun freak nor do I display any serious interest in guns (from the country I come from, unless you are a uniformed personnel, having a gun in possession is a serious criminal offence), at least the action part kept me well entertained. As I said I am not a gun enthusiast, there were some parts which I literally didn’t understand but that’s okay since all I wanted to see was girls with guns :). And shooting them ;p. In some scenes, the tactics, the usage and the history of the development of a certain gun model is explained and though they seem interesting enough, I feel that you should only pursue to learn more if you are only interested in this field and area. Thus sometimes I feel that this series is made for budding military enthusiasts. I mean, we see the kind of assault rifles used and not just mere handguns or pistols so that’s why in a subtle way, it is trying to cultivate an interest to join the military should your fascination with rifles hit top gear. But you definitely won’t see cute school girls in uniforms if you ever get drafted. That’s for sure!

The ending left lots to be desired. For one, I’m not sure why those eastern AK girls would want to pick a fight with Funko and friends. They did mention about them as guns who have lost their true form and I interpret that as guns taking on human forms acting like high school girls. Even if that is true, aren’t they the same? Except that they don’t like the kind who wants to have fun. And as Sako put it, they’re just out for a good fight so why go to great lengths turning the entire city upside down like a big battlefield? For realism? Even in earlier episodes Faaru did mention and Funko lack motivation, that’s why they did their little battle to serve as one. I’m sure those AK girls want to see more than just Funko’s angry expression. Then once it is over, they just retreated. Just like that? So simple? Didn’t feel like anything was resolved. Felt like they’ll be back the next time round. If they ever produced another season of it, that is.

Over the series, it was sometimes hard for me to try and separate the fact that they are both girls and guns together. For most of the time they act, talk and move about like normal high school girls so it’s tough to keep in mind that they are in fact guns manifesting in human form. Even when they are in the battlefield, it just looked like cute girls turned badass (for some) holding guns and running about firing or taking shelter from the enemy’s bullets. Of course it would be obviously weird to see them in their real forms and walking around. Ever seen a real gun walking by itself? How does a real gun talk anyway? Through its nozzle? Absolutely freaky. I suppose that’s why it’s better to portray them as school girls. It’s more pleasant to the eyes and easier on the mind, don’t you think? In battles when the girls get shot and don’t even bleed or break a bone like how we humans do scream father, scream mother when we get a bullet lodged underneath our skin, it gives this feel that they are superhuman girls with superhuman powers as they can withstand taking in the bullets. I wonder how they will look like when they are ‘broken’. That is the other thing that sometimes bugs me. Seeing that the girls are taking a human form, they sometimes display the quirky characteristics of the gun like whether or not being able to function in different temperatures (translated here as whether they can withstand for instance hot or cold), switchable to dual roles (as in Aug as reflected in her dual personality) and when they need water to cool themselves, they pour onto their bodies in which the water will evaporate quickly if the gun is in used frequently. You might be already guessing which part is the handle and to hold, right? Don’t press and pull the wrong part, though. And if a gun gets turned on, does it really leak? Well, don’t overheat and burn out.

But it really gets even more mind boggling because of the final scene whereby Genkoku got shot and healed. Just because guns are fighting each other, doesn’t mean that they aren’t dangerous, right? It’s like they’re trying to say, they’re shooting blanks, isn’t it? Does it really make a difference if humans hold them? Of course when humans do then it’s a different story but what I’m saying is that you’re a real gun whether personified or not, so the bullets are real, right? So the effects have to be real too. Fair enough that the girls themselves although won’t die since guns aren’t supposed to be living things. I know it’s ironic that they’re ‘alive’ as high school girls but for the sake of argument, they also feel serious pain and take serious damage when hit. Therefore I don’t really get when a gun shoots a human and the latter walks away unscathed except for some minor pain. That means to say if the guns fire themselves, we’ll still find ourselves breathing despite being in the midst of a hail of bullets. Hey wait a minute. Think about this. What about the time Funko showered Genkoku with her bullets? He shouldn’t be badly hurt, right? Well, maybe he got hospitalized due to tripping down the stairs or jumping out the window. So there was really no real harm if he got hit, right? Then do you notice where the girls keep their rifles? It’s like they can whip them out from thin air! What about the magazines? How much do they really carry? Where do they carry them? Oh, I’m sure underneath their skirt they have lots of wide spaces for them to store it all ;p.

I know that the main characters are taken after the country that their gun was manufactured in but somehow I don’t really get the feel that they are from that country. For instance, Before Shigu’s new hairstyle, I am inclined to think of her as from China because of her hair ornament. For some reason, Ichiroku doesn’t sound so American and in fact speaks like with a full Japanese Kansai-ben! I thought Sako was a demon with her long pointy ears! With Eru’s model giving so much trouble, the way they portray her as the ditzy and clumsy girl, it’s trying to tell us that the British are dumb people. Are they? And since the British and Belgians are of the Caucasian type, Eru and Funko hell they don’t look anywhere near like it. In fact, all the characters here look like your typical cute and kawaii Japanese anime girls. You can’t really pinpoint their nationality unless you know what kind of rifle model they are. Then those so called eastern AK girls, how come they all have cat ears and tail?! Just like Galil. Trying to up the moe factor? And with so many models and sister models, if you want to draw a family tree even though confined to this anime, it’ll be hard because even though for example Ichiroku and Ichiyon are sisters, they aren’t really true sisters. Get what I mean? Actually I don’t even understand it myself. Something about the difference in manufacturers or whatever that makes them related but not directly.

Genkoku may be a total noob when it comes to guns but there is a good reason why a human like him is being employed at Seishou. That’s because he treats the girls as humans and not as guns. If it looks like a girl, speaks like a girl, walks like a girl, shoots like a gun… Okay, maybe totally a real girl after all. Funko and her friends like typical friends together with Ichiroku the lively and cheeky one, Shigu the calm and brainy one and Eru the slow and dense one make their group a dynamic bunch. But are they trying to say that these guns are compatible with each other? Sometimes when the guns face off in battle, it’s like they’re trying to compare which one is superior. Although that part is for an expert to judge and in this anime it doesn’t mean that a girl wins, that gun is better. Another point to ponder about this school is, if they are going to raise these girls to become good rifles and they will end up in the hands of some person, doesn’t it show you that they’ll be killing tools in the future? I mean, they are not guns for sports so they’ll have to end up in the real battlefield, right? Or in the hands of some deluded psychopath shoot down innocent people. I hope not. So really. What’s the purpose of this school again despite the obvious to train them to be perfect guns? And since we know assault rifles will stay as assault rifles, how can Funko and co graduate to the next level as we know the school separates the guns based on certain criteria. Unless they’ll always be middle school girls till the end.

In the chemistry department, when girls as guns start to like each other, I take it as they’re compatible to be used together during battles, right? Maybe not. So in the case of Shigu having a crush on Funko, does this mean their assault rifle types go together? Well, I’m no gun expert so I won’t say much. But strictly in the love department, Shigu really does harbour feelings for Funko and if you pay attention closely to her actions you can see this is obvious. Now that Sako has come into the picture, I guess more bullets are going to fly if they ever make Funko the object of their goal. I’m sure Sako hasn’t really given up on Funko yet so Shigu has got to be very careful since Sako is quite bold and proven to be a psychotic b*tch. Don’t let your guard down. I almost forgot about Aug there. Unless she uses her aggressive mode, don’t count on her making any real advances, which I don’t think it’s possible since I get the feeling Aug doesn’t want to see her devilish side. It’s hot and cold for Funko towards Genkoku. I wonder if that military stance he first posed was a fluke because we don’t really see him do any more of them and that he hates guns (must be that trauma thanks to a certain Belgian assault rifle). I’m sure she’ll be harmless as long as you don’t say that ‘T’ word. It’s like asking for a death wish. The grim reaper is the firing squad all in one. Shoot first, ask questions later! It’s a love-hate relationship for Ichiroku and Ichiyon. Being the crude American sisters they are, sometimes the slightest thing sparks an argument and the place could very well turn into a firing range.

When you have babes and bullets, girls and guns, you can’t leave out the fanservice, right? I won’t say that this show is filled with fanservice but if you open your eyes enough, you can spot some obvious ones. Like Jiisuri’s embarrassing sniper position, the girls taking a bath and whenever Funko thinks too much about Genkoku that she is on the verge of climaxing. Heck, even the ending credits animation has such fanservice of girls in dressed sloppily and in sexy positions. All with guns in their hand so if you think of wanting to make some weird moves, they’ll fire right back. The mid-intermission doesn’t really have fanservice (just the girl posing with their represented rifle) but it mainly provides considerable information on the featured gun like its fire rate, feed system, length, weight, muzzle velocity and cartridge type. Like I said, if you’re a gun enthusiast, you’d know probably a lot more than this basic information otherwise for a guy like me, the numbers and data don’t mean a thing. Hey, there’s one episode whereby they featured Professor. But I don’t think the statistics on him are of those you see for a gun. Thank goodness, eh? Can you imagine a human using such a girl as their gun? Or putting on lingerie on your rifle and firing away. How perversely odd would that look? You thought the OVA would have more tits exposed but you’re going to be sorely disappointed because you’ll have more fingers on 1 hand than such scenes if you count.

Despite the coolness and cuteness of girls in guns being portrayed, remember that guns don’t kill people. It is people who kill people. In the wrong hands and wrong use they become a weapon for mass destruction. I thought they should have manufactured guns heavily and also when one needs to pull the trigger, one needs to have considerable strength. I learnt this from Grenadier’s Rushuna that this is to reflect the weight of life. Unless you can shoulder the responsibility of what you are going to do, then might as well you don’t easily pull the trigger like turning on your lamp. However when profits and sales are on the line and people wanting more powerful, lighter and faster guns in their hands for better ‘performance’, I guess this premise won’t likely come true. It’s such a dangerous world after all. If it’s something I learnt from this anime, guns are humans and have feelings too. They need extra care and attention just like real girls. Be extra careful not to shoot your mouth off, jump the gun or you may find shooting yourself in the foot. Some could really go blazing guns when commented on their underwear. You’ll need a miracle to survive that rapid fire.